If you died right now, what would happen?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > If you died right now, what would happen?

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ajheretic666: Sep 8, 2008

It would really ruin this picnic.

# ? Jul 19, 2014 21:03

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 22:54

DeepQantas: Jan 13, 2008; Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

Juanito posted:

good idea, I should set something up to post for me.. things like "not really dead. i'll be in touch"

Something about gambling debts.

You know... to go with that room locked from the inside, burned cigarette butts with clean filters and bullet lodged to the wrong side of the statue.

# ? Jul 19, 2014 21:14

ZombieParts: Jul 18, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.

I'm at a restaurant and it'd pretty much ruin the atmosphere. Because I ate a lot and if I kick it right now there will be a death fart

# ? Jul 20, 2014 12:57

massive spider: Dec 6, 2006

I'd try to close my browser windows with my dying breath.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 13:07

roboshit: Apr 4, 2009

my death would go unnoticed for weeks until police get called to my apartment for a wellness check because of strange odors

# ? Jul 20, 2014 13:27

Minorkos: Feb 20, 2010

i'd respawn at the nearest bonfire (a little video game humor for you guys)

# ? Jul 20, 2014 14:07

roboshit: Apr 4, 2009

Minorkos posted:

i'd respawn at the nearest bonfire (a little video game humor for you guys)

Bahahahah. I would totally get resurrection sickness because I'd opt to respawn at the graveyard instead of walking to my corpse (World of Warcraft reference).

# ? Jul 20, 2014 14:08

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

roboshit posted:

wellness check

are you a cop? i feel like a lot of non-cops wouldn't use that term or even know it's the one cops use

you 5-0 :siren:

# ? Jul 20, 2014 14:35

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

A misanthrope posted:

are you a cop? i feel like a lot of non-cops wouldn't use that term or even know it's the one cops use

you 5-0

Ironically, 911 dispatch. You should know that!

# ? Jul 20, 2014 14:36

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

redshirt posted:

Ironically, 911 dispatch. You should know that!

i didn't know that.

i'm not a cop either btw, i just spend 50 hours a week in a newsroom listening to police scanners.

back on topic: when i die i hope i'm not reincarnated as another white person.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 15:04

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

roboshit posted:

Bahahahah. I would totally get resurrection sickness because I'd opt to respawn at the graveyard instead of walking to my corpse (World of Warcraft reference).

Oh you cad. :allears:

# ? Jul 20, 2014 17:59

r u ready to WALK: Sep 29, 2001

I'd be one of those stories you hear about where they eventually find a skeleton sitting on the couch five years later because nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary.

I'd feel bad about my dog starving to death though.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:11

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

error1 posted:

I'd be one of those stories you hear about where they eventually find a skeleton sitting on the couch five years later because nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary.

I'd feel bad about my dog starving to death though.

i'm serious man everyone with animals should have a setup where someone checks on you if they don't see you in a certain number of days

rent an apartment? ask your landlord. otherwise talk to your boss or something.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:25

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

A misanthrope posted:

i'm serious man everyone with animals should have a setup where someone checks on you if they don't see you in a certain number of days

rent an apartment? ask your landlord. otherwise talk to your boss or something.

You're more concerned for the pets than the dead goons, right?

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:27

a misanthrope: Jun 21, 2010

redshirt posted:

You're more concerned for the pets than the dead goons, right?

of course i am

admit it you are too

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:28

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

A misanthrope posted:

of course i am

admit it you are too

gently caress yeah. Who isn't? Goons are gross and hosed up and deserve their miserable, lonely deaths.

Wheres a kitty or puppy is innocence personified and all efforts should be made to save them.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:33

100 degrees Calcium: Jan 23, 2011

I'd be found dead on my keyboard and on my monitor would be a thread about what would happen if I died right now. It would be the stuff of FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW chain e-mails for years to come.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:36

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Kenzie posted:

Maybe like three or four people would show up to my funeral.

i'm pretty sure my parents would show up, and i've got three underage siblings who'd then be forced to come along. so at least five for me

# ? Jul 20, 2014 18:45

90s Solo Cup: Feb 22, 2011; To understand the cup
He must become the cup

roboshit posted:

my death would go unnoticed for weeks until police get called to my apartment for a wellness check because of strange odors

only fitting scenario for goons everywhere.

# ? Jul 20, 2014 22:57

LurkBot: Jan 4, 2007; Something has gone horribly wrong.

I'd haunt the gently caress out of Pet Island with a combinations of posts from your dead childhood pets and spiritual revelations about who will have the biggest deal this week on discount pet food.

Eventually I'll be outed as a coupons plant and finally exercised in the great forums crash of 2031 (the one where lowtax loses his second non-bionic arm to a cuban server fan).

# ? Jul 20, 2014 23:30

I.C.: Jun 10, 2008

I think about death a lot!

I wrote an epitaph last night, but it's on my phone...and the batteries died (coincidence?), and even through it's short I'm too stupid to remember it.

If I died now...definitely by Tuesday someone would notice, but since it's Texas and hot, I'd be even grosser than I am currently alive.

People with cats, myself included, all say we don't want our cats to eat us, but if I'm already dead and the cat is hungry...I mean, one dead body is enough, right?

I have a will and my next of kin are aware of its presence and location. I think it'd be a bummer if I died because I'd be leaving behind a lot of clutter and junk (clothes, books, papers, tapes) to go through, plus a small offsite storage unit filled with the same.

On the plus side I have money in different banks, so that'd probably make them feel better. Probably not enough to buy anyone a house around here, but elsewhere, sure.

BUT

I don't know will happen when I die, and I'm scared about it...because it's coming soon for me.

e: I got so excited talking about DEATH I made some errors :witch:

I.C. fucked around with this message at 23:53 on Jul 20, 2014

# ? Jul 20, 2014 23:51

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

I.C. posted:

I think about death a lot!

I wrote an epitaph last night, but it's on my phone...and the batteries died (coincidence?), and even through it's short I'm too stupid to remember it.

If I died now...definitely by Tuesday someone would notice, but since it's Texas and hot, I'd be even grosser than I am currently alive.

People with cats, myself included, all say we don't want our cats to eat us, but if I'm already dead and the cat is hungry...I mean, one dead body is enough, right?

I have a will and my next of kin are aware of its presence and location. I think it'd be a bummer if I died because I'd be leaving behind a lot of clutter and junk (clothes, books, papers, tapes) to go through, plus a small offsite storage unit filled with the same.

On the plus side I have money in different banks, so that'd probably make them feel better. Probably not enough to buy anyone a house around here, but elsewhere, sure.

BUT

I don't know will happen when I die, and I'm scared about it...because it's coming soon for me.

e: I got so excited talking about DEATH I made some errors

I'd like to see your epitaph

# ? Jul 21, 2014 00:36

I.C.: Jun 10, 2008

My phone is still charging. I'm going to take a shower and assuming I don't fall and die in there, after you'll see.

Here lies poster I.C.
She meant something, but not to me
Now she's gone and doesn't know
We sold her stuff fer a ton a blow.

(There were other rhymes in the first 2 lines, but you get it.)

I.C. fucked around with this message at 01:18 on Jul 21, 2014

# ? Jul 21, 2014 00:48

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

i hope I.C. doesnt die they are the only SA poster who truly cares about me

# ? Jul 21, 2014 01:17

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

I.C. posted:

My phone is still charging. I'm going to take a shower and assuming I don't fall and die in there, after you'll see.

Here lies poster I.C.
She meant something, but not to me
Now she's gone and doesn't know
We sold her stuff fer a ton a blow.

(There were other rhymes in the first 2 lines, but you get it.)