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Steampunk iPhone
Sep 2, 2009
Probation
Can't post for 20 hours!


I don't know why I haven't killed myself yet. Life is so unfulfilled without my foreskin. In the same way a Christian might have a daily moment of silence to reflect upon the teachings of Jesus Christ, I take time every day to mourn the loss of a body part responsible for a significant portion of what defines who I am.

I've attempted suicide several times, but just like I can't have competent sex due to my emasculated mutilated half-penis, I fail at being masculine enough to carry it through to completion. Foreskin restoration is just a lie to tell yourself that you're going to be as good as the uncut man next to you. It's depressing to note that all of my relationships have ended with my significant other cheating on me as a direct result of my lack of Foreskin. The lack of confidence by missing this essential piece of my human puzzle extends its ugly influence into every facet of my life, even professionally. I was given the chance to do an amazing presentation for work, but ten minutes before the meeting I had to go pee. I was confident until I saw the thick, uncut gila monster attached to my co-worker Bill in the bathroom. The realization that a pencil-pusher like that is having mind-blowing orgasms I can only ever be told that I won't have filled me with such hatred and self-loathing that I stuttered and stumbled through my speech, my mind constantly fixated on my incomplete package and what a perfect metaphor it is for the rest of my sorry, pitiful existence.

Every time I see a cut dick in porn, I laugh aloud. "What a joke," I think. How can any woman enjoy an incomplete penis? That's like eating only Pizza crust without any toppings, sauce or cheese and insisting it tastes the same - at least, I imagine that's how it is. I've never had a complete penis past just after my birth, so I will sadly, never ever know the joys of complete, full orgasms, satisfying my partner with my complete penis, or having my masculinity unaffected by the quality of my member.

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Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


CHOPP OFF YO COCK

brizna
Oct 18, 2001


I'm a fan, OP. Subscribed.

edit: how do you subscribe?

black1abel
Aug 27, 2003
<img alt="" border="0" src="http://fi.somethingawful.com/customtitles/title-banned.png" />


Im laughing at your weird tiny dick op.

A misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

CAT DRUGS


i dont like anything thats happening here

The Science of Suck
Mar 17, 2009


You're a real piece of work op

Pumpy Muffinz
Aug 11, 2008

Banned?

A misanthrope posted:

i dont like anything thats happening here

BKPR
Nov 11, 2007

i'm the motherfuckin trapezoid

how do all you dweebs write so much about foreskin. do you have buyer's remorse with your dick? just roll with whatever you got and stop arguing.

Nation
May 8, 2003
Enjoy

BKPR posted:

how do all you dweebs write so much about foreskin. do you have buyer's remorse with your dick? just roll with whatever you got and stop arguing.

they cant roll it

the foreskin

back and forth it feels great

Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I wish I could cheer you up, but I'm way too busy enjoying my awesome foreskin. Thank God my parents loved me! Try not to land on my car when you jump, stumpy.

Alejandro Sanchez
Apr 24, 2010



grood flour

MondayHotDog
Feb 18, 2006

Worked-up silent dork without sex ability seeks oblivion and demise.

Circumcision isn't the reason your penis is inadequate.

Momohime Katsumi
Feb 16, 2012



Just put a finger up your butt dude , for real

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008



BUTT CONSPIRACY posted:

Just put a finger up your butt dude , for real

This unironically

SpeedGem
Sep 19, 2012

by Lowtax


Steampunk iPhone posted:

I don't know why I haven't killed myself yet. Life is so unfulfilled without my foreskin. In the same way a Christian might have a daily moment of silence to reflect upon the teachings of Jesus Christ, I take time every day to mourn the loss of a body part responsible for a significant portion of what defines who I am.

I've attempted suicide several times, but just like I can't have competent sex due to my emasculated mutilated half-penis, I fail at being masculine enough to carry it through to completion. Foreskin restoration is just a lie to tell yourself that you're going to be as good as the uncut man next to you. It's depressing to note that all of my relationships have ended with my significant other cheating on me as a direct result of my lack of Foreskin. The lack of confidence by missing this essential piece of my human puzzle extends its ugly influence into every facet of my life, even professionally. I was given the chance to do an amazing presentation for work, but ten minutes before the meeting I had to go pee. I was confident until I saw the thick, uncut gila monster attached to my co-worker Bill in the bathroom. The realization that a pencil-pusher like that is having mind-blowing orgasms I can only ever be told that I won't have filled me with such hatred and self-loathing that I stuttered and stumbled through my speech, my mind constantly fixated on my incomplete package and what a perfect metaphor it is for the rest of my sorry, pitiful existence.

Every time I see a cut dick in porn, I laugh aloud. "What a joke," I think. How can any woman enjoy an incomplete penis? That's like eating only Pizza crust without any toppings, sauce or cheese and insisting it tastes the same - at least, I imagine that's how it is. I've never had a complete penis past just after my birth, so I will sadly, never ever know the joys of complete, full orgasms, satisfying my partner with my complete penis, or having my masculinity unaffected by the quality of my member.

I'm sleep till 5 p.m. again, and still get praise.


find a tree in a glen and rest,

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010





keep on huffing your farts and foreskin op

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010



p.s. metzitzah b'peh

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011

The Master's Art is indeed not made for plebeians.


http://www.reddit.com/r/naturalpenis

Nation
May 8, 2003
Enjoy


I have an inkling you can opt out 'natural' for basically anything and still get a successful bustling sub reddit

MeLKoR
Dec 23, 2004
I, Racist

At this point you might as well go all the way and transition to a woman, at least no one will make fun of your mauled penis again.

maker
Jun 1, 2010


Op have you even tried sucking an uncut dick theyre not that great get over urself

A misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

CAT DRUGS


you know people used to have legitimate worries about things getting cut off



you have it easy op

BKPR
Nov 11, 2007

i'm the motherfuckin trapezoid

my foreskin hangs down off the head like a jacket hood. i pin it up at the lady's request.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010



Waltzing Along posted:

CHOPP OFF YO COCK

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012


My dick, built like a castle
Your dick flap in the wind like a tassel

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Dubious
Mar 7, 2006

Don't make me Ponder this pick, Ricky

kill you are self OP

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