Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
I Before E
Jul 2, 2012

WWEWHC: Cena
Challenger: BRRRROCK LLLLLESNAR

IC: Miz
Challenger: who cares

US: Sheamus
Challenger: Rusev?

Women's: AJ
Challenger: Paige

Tag: Usos
Challenger: Wyatts, I assume

Roman Reigns vs. Kane & Randy Orton

The Legend Killer looks good early on, but a tag to THE DEMON doesn't work out as well. Reigns reverses a suplex, hits a drop clothesline and whips Kane into the steps knees first. We head to break with the Big Dog taunting Orton to check his guard dog.

Randy in control, working Reigns over like a Florida state trooper. He tags in the Big Red Pintaker again. They go to work on Roman, with Cowboy Bob's boy focusing on an ankle. Samoan drop creates some space, which would be great in a tag match, but here it just means Kane comes in to take some clotheslines. And also punches. And an apron drop kick. The forearm is cocked and loaded, but Orton distracts - allowing a big boot from Kane. The Viper refuses a tag, so THE DEMON goozles him. Kal-El Klocker connects, Spear, and the Big Red Pintaker lives up to his name.

Orton looks perplexed and frustrated, but he did walk away. He teases going back to the ring for a showdown before heelishly walking away for good.

Stephanie McMahon pumps up her evil Diva troops backstage. Eva's hair matches Steph's dress perfectly.

Cameron, Rosa Mendes, Alicia Fox and Eva Marie vs Nikki Bella

Brie is in the audience, and she may be seeing Cameron's cosmetologist. This brings out the Billion Dollar Princess to say hi to her favorite Bella, the quitter. Story recap from Steph mentions Daniel Bryan, who still gets a pop. She brings up the fact that Brie's sacrifice was for naught shince DB had to relinquish the belts anyway (it's continuity night!), and Brie calls her a b****. Steph tries to have her kicked out, but she produces a ticket and grabs the mic to call her a spiteful b****.

A little cat fight ensues after Mrs. Haitch slaps Mrs. Bryan, and Brie does get ejected this time. Steph puts on her dad's voice for "ring the bell" and a beatdown and Foxy axe kick ends the match mercifully quickly. McMahon isn't done, telling Nikki it's her sisters fault and establishing her motive to keep this up until she follows her quitter sister out of WWE.

BOLIEVE vs LeDamian James

Sandow suggests that Bo make like the Cav-Heat-Cav LeBron and Leave. I thought they were trying to make Dallas a heel? Sandow gets in some offense and riles up a "Let's Go Heat" chant before going back to rear chin locks. Bo rolls out of an Elbow of Disdain, immediately hitting a Running BO-Dog to go to 16 and BO!

HE DID IT! That deserves a victory lap.

Fozzy is plugged, and I think Michael Cole called them a "rock metal outfit". The Highlight Reel featuring a guy Chris Jericho beat clean is next!

App plug - apparently The Wyatts jumps Y2J on your phone.

Back on television...Miami...they're here.

Hello everyone, and welcome to the highlight reel. Unfortunately your scheduled host Chris Jericho is unable to make it at the moment. He's a bit indisposed. Where oh where could Chris Jericho be...

App footage of a locker room beatdown. Gosh, I hope the didn't break the obscenely expensive light up jacket. They may have broken Jericho's skull with a Sister Abigail into a locker.

Now where is Chris Jericho? Where is your savior? He ain't here for you. But you know who is? I am. Just like i have been every day since I've been around. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that since Chris Jericho had his hand raised last night that he's a better man. (sorry, he got ahead of me here, but...) wins and loses don't matter to him, because he's in it for the war. He created war. In the almost year his Family has been in WWE, they have brought heroes to their knees. Jericho will find that he's a monster and he can't measured the way other men are. He lives a hundred years a day, man. Something Abigail used to say to him has been stuck in his head - chasing vengeance means digging two graves. Unfortunately for Jericho, Bray is forever.

Follow the buzzards.

Medics check on Y2J's bleeding ear. Cole is concerned.

Emma, Dolph and all of the African-American babyfaces on the roster greet Mr. Rida backstage.

It's the new Intercontinental champ! He'll be in action...NEXT

The Miz vs. Dolph Ziggler

The champ with his signature rollout to protect the moneymaker. Dolph is PISSED and gives chase, eventually connectling with a clothesline in the ring. Pretty much all Ziggy, including nine drop elbows while Miz protects his face. Fun sequence of rope running and dodges ends when Miz dumps him off the top, but Dolph catches the top rope. They duel on the apron, but The Marine 3 & 4 drops the stand-up comedian head first on the ring post as we head to commercial.

Ziggler tries to channel the crowd's support into a comeback, but can't quite yet. Suplex gets two for Miz. Dolph dodges a crotch first leap by the champ, potentially damaging his Babymaker. Clothesline fueled comeback from the good guy leads to traded roll-up nearfalls. They counter each other several times, ending with a big DDT off a thwarted figure four that almost ends it for Ziggler.

Dolph kicks out of a high impact DDT, too, and Miz goes to drop elbows on the thigh to set up his submission. Dolph rolls him up for two, but Miz catches a kick and locks in the Figure Four! Dolph scratches...and crawls...and gets the botrom rope. Miz went for it again, but Dolph lands the Fame-asser! One-two-NO!

Miz thwarts a Zig-Zag by grabbing the ropes, but Dolph rolls him up when he tries for a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz rolls away from a kick, but gets caught from behing with Ziggler's finisher! Surprise, the IC champ loses a non-title match! Justin Roberts is heelishly made to announce that Miz is still the champ after the match.

The Game is counseling Seth Rollins to not ask for Cena at SummerSlam because he has all the cards. Cesaro comes in to tell us that he has parted ways with Paul Heyman...so that was really useless. The Swiss wants a title shot in LA, but Hunter has a better plan. If he can take care of their Dean Ambrose problem, that would impress The Authority.

AJ Lee is skipping the hallways. She has a tag team match after the break.

AJ Lee & Paige vs. Natalya & Emma

Paige eyes the belt, Emma is here! AJ shrugs off the "CM Punk" chants, so the crowd goes back to sleep. Lee work over Emma, skipping her by the hair into the corner for a tag. Paige misses a charge and gets caught in a Dil-Emma to bring in Mrs. Kidd.

Big release suplex leads to the Sharpshooter, and AJ tags herself in while Paige is reaching for the ropes. She puts Natty in the Black Widow and the Canadian taps. Paige applauds while AJ skips, and then encourages her to come into the ring.

And then FINALLY grabs AJ by the hair and head butts her to the ground, screams in her face and throws her to the floor. She whips her into the barricade, taunts the crowd by saying "you're going to love this" before sending the champ face first into the ring post. Over the announce table of Paige's HOUSE!

The Anti-DIva skips away to the biggest heat she's ever received.

That was almost worth the wait.

I like that the "Triple H Decides" graphic includes Zack Ryder and Heath Slater. I hope he picks them.

Fandango thinks it's gonna be him, but her comes my pick!

Fandango vs. Zack Ryder

Summer & Layla are now hanging with Iced Z. They will be known as S-lay-er-s, apparently.

'Dango in control early, but with motivation from his cheerleaders, Ryder gets in some offense. A Ruff Ryder gets two, but Fandango gets his leg on the ropes...but Layla knocked it off! Zack Ryder won on Raw!

Renee Young interviews Flo back stage. He stole Miz's glasses. He's gonna impress Triple H so that he'll give him a shot at Cena. Heath Slater brings up their run-in at WrestleMania 28 (continuity night!), tries to slap the Rida and gets thrown down.

Main Event will feature Sheamus vs Rusev. Steph is back to introduce the man who is named after his home state, but, you know, creatively. He does the only songs of his that WWE knows. Coincidentally, they are also the only songs of his I know.

And then one more, which I guess is the one he's promoting. Will it be the theme of SummerSlam? I wouldn't be surprised, and then I'll know/be sick of it.

The Miami police are here to discuss Ms. McMahon's assault of a paying customer earlier in the night. Steph's mix of fear and indignation sells the segment, and the crowd is really into it. They cuff her, which seems excessive, but it sells the angle. Brie is back to gloat, and Steph promises to make her pay as she is marched out by the "detectives". She promises to take their badges.

Hunter confronts the cops backstage, but he respects the badges. McMahon is crying about not wanting to go to jail, and this has probably gone on too long. The Game has Jerry on the phone to get her out in five minutes, and he promises to be right behind her.

BUT WHO WILL MAKE THE DECISION!?!?!

Oh my, I just realized they're doing a segment called the "Decision" in Miami. I'm slow, and tired.

Family always comes first for The Game, but it will take her a long time to get processed, so...Joey Mercury will have the car on standby while he makes his decision. Renee Young has been "dispatched" to Police HQ, presumably, to cover the story.

Rybaxel vs. Big E & Kofi Kingston

Mr. 'back and E square off at first...HOSS STUFF! Big knocks Axel off the apron, but he gets tagged in and the they work over the former IC in the corner. Kofi got in somehow, I admit, my attention drifted. He hits SOS on Ryback, before Axel breaks up the pin. Big clears him out, and Kofi hits the crossbody, but Ryback rolls throw for the pin!

Xavier Woods is in the ring with a suit and some glasses and a microphone. Dr. Woods preaches to his brothers, and the new Nation will most likely not be babyfaces. Oh, and Woods' glasses are horn-rimmed Farrakhan jobs. I'm worried.

Rusev machka. Rusev still selling his ankle, unless Swagger really broke it. Lana is saying something in Russian (probably "we're sorry if you misunderstood") when Great Khali's music hits. Joy.

Rusev vs. The Great Khali

The Bulgarian really selling the bad wheel, and takes a couple of chops as a result. They just make him angry, though, and brings punches and kicks in the corner. Khlai gets his leg up on a charge after a ref break. Shoulder kick from the apron knocks Khali down, head kick lowers him and he stomps him with his bad foot, but still gets The Accolade on and the Punjabi Playboy is forced to tap. He holds it until Lana tells him to release it.

The flag unfurls with a bang, so I guess someone found some pennies in the couch.

Stardust drops some astronomy facts, Goldust with weird motivational speech and they hear the cosmic key. "They" currently have it, but the Brothers are coming for it.

Dean Ambrose vs. Cesaro

Dean's music is great. I hope this is an actual match and not just an angle.

Did you guys hear that Brie was here? And Steph got arrested?

RY is outside a door with The Authority logo on it, which is where you get information from the Miami PD, apparently. Steph is also being charged with resisting arrest.

Back to action!

Quickly to the floor, Ambrose with punches and toss into the barricade. Back in the ring, Dean ends up soldier first into the ring post, and then a sick Cesaro suplex to the floor while Ambrose was draped out of the ropes. The former Heyman Guy goes to work on Dean's bum shoulder with a chicken wing.

Hunter, Rollins and Orton watch from Big E position backstage.

The Lunatic Fringe crazied out of the hold, but gets quickly cold-cocked. He lands some punches of his own, asks Cesaro if he wants to get nuts and propels himself over the top rope...only to meet a European uppercut on the way down.

Insanity power gets Dean free again, but his bounce off the ropes puts him right into a big German suplex that gets a two count via a bridge. Cesaro sets up for a superplex, but Ambrose gets his fingers in Cesaro's mouth and knock him down. He comes down with a big drop kick, and follows with a cross body and punches. Shoulder block with the good one, and plants the Swiss with a Tornado DDT for two.

After some tussling, Ambrose flies to the floor and connects this time. The rope bounce clothesline works off a boot this time, but can't finish the match. Cesaro has a much bigger clothesline, but still only a two count.

Cesaro charges into a kick, but racks Dean on the ropes when he heads up top. Ambrose responds by throwing his opponent shoulder first into the ringpost. After the third, he gets a chair and takes that to Cesaro's shoulder. Dean Ambrose has been disqualified. Cesaro escaped while Dean gets another chair.

Renee grabs Hunter as he's leaving the Authority cave, and he tells her that he's headed to the ring to announce his DECISION. She asks if he should be with his wife, and gets a nasty scowl.

Roman Reigns vs. Alberto Del Rio is on Smackdown. That'll put butts in seats.

DECISION TIME

Let me introduce you to the challenger for John Cena's title at SummerSlam...

I hear voices in my head...it's Randall Ortman!

But no, Roman Reigns is on the attack. He kicks the Viper's rear end throw the crowd and backstage. Hunter is not happy, but the crowd is when Paul Heyman appears.

He respects Mr. COO, but it's clear that Plan A, Randy Orton, is not working because Roman Reigns will stop him. Seth Rollins is great, but Dean Ambrose won't let that happen. He needs to make the dangerous choice, and go with Plan C.

BROCKLESNAR!

Is this really the first time we've seen him since Mania? King brings up Hunter's history with Lesnar (continuity night!)...will he execute Plan C?

He and Heyman shake hands, then he and Brock shake hands!

The Game leaves. "Ladies and Gentlemen..." you know the rest.

Which is why, his client hereby announces his intention to conquer John Cena and take the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at SummerSlam.

Heyman addresses the Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks debate as only he can. It doesn't matter which side of the fence you reside on, his client is going to deliver the beating of the lifetime to the malpracticing Doctor of Thuganomics. Uncle Paulie gives us a history lesson in the form of a video package...about WrestleMania 30.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

KingThrax
Jul 7, 2011
https://twitter.com/ZackRyder/status/491412543852662787

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit

College Slice


Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE

Dexo
Aug 15, 2009

A city that was to live by night after the wilderness had passed. A city that was to forge out of steel and blood-red neon its own peculiar wilderness.

I Before E posted:



Heyman addresses the Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks debate as only he can. It doesn't matter which side of the fence you reside on, his client is going to deliver the beating of the lifetime to the malpracticing Doctor of Thuganomics. Uncle Paulie gives us a history lesson in the form of a video package...about WrestleMania 30.

Wait what happened at Wrestlemania 30?

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

https://twitter.com/ItsJoseann/status/491402192901767169

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


NienNunb
Feb 15, 2012

Florida

kdrudy
Sep 19, 2009

That was the Raw we needed after Battleground

Desumaytah
Apr 23, 2005

Intensity, .mpeg gritty, Intelligence
Brock Lesnar is like if a tomato and a Moai statue had a baby and that baby thought it was a tornado.

I Before E
Jul 2, 2012

his client brock lesnar broke the streak x1000000

Somebody fucked around with this message at 04:30 on Jul 22, 2014

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Shard
Jul 30, 2005

Can someone get me a screen grab of the Miz looking his most Johnny Cage-esk?

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

doin thangs

still requesting that someone make me an avatar of this guy freaking out

Shima Honnou
Dec 1, 2010

The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit

College Slice

I Before E posted:

HIS CLIENT BROCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK

Post of the year candidate.

Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE

I Before E posted:

HIS CLIENT BROCK LESNAR CONQUERED THE STREAK

Really?

primaltrash
Feb 11, 2008

(Thought-ful Croak)
Paul Heyman is still in the ring repeating "My client, Brock Lesnar, conquered the Undertaker's undefeated streak at Wrestlemania!" and he'll only stop to take a drink of water sometime mid-Saturday.

I Before E
Jul 2, 2012


At Wrestlemania 30, only on the WWE Network, yes.

Maxwell Lord
Dec 12, 2008

I am drowning.
There is no sign of land.
You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand.

And I hope you die.

I hope we both die.


:smith:

Grimey Drawer
It's like clockwork- weak PPV = Good RAW.

Liar Lyre
Jun 3, 2011

Here to deliver
~Bad Opinions~

Good Raw, much better than Battleground.

Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE
Someone should tell Booker T that an Agg Bag isn't a "minor charge."

Cardboard Box
Jul 14, 2009


jesus they almost look like teenagers

kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

NickRoweFillea posted:

still requesting that someone make me an avatar of this guy freaking out

Gimme a bit

Sticky Nate
Jan 9, 2012

sandwich

Chris James 2
Aug 9, 2012


Spikeguy posted:

Can someone get me a screen grab of the Miz looking his most Johnny Cage-esk?

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

WE ALL KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN
That wasn't just a good Raw, that was an AMAZING Raw. Maybe the best of the year.

Angular Landbury
Oct 24, 2011

MAGGLE.
Montel Xavius Porter
Big E Lashley
Kenny Kingston

SamuraiFoochs
Jan 16, 2007




Grimey Drawer
If Summerslam is going to own half as much as it should on paper, WWE might just get some of those renewals yet, because seriously:

Cena/Lesnar
Reigns/Orton
Rollins/Ambrose
Paige/AJ
Bray/Jericho II
Some manner of tag title match with the awesome Usos

That's a card, right there.

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

doin thangs

thanks. you can make the title text

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

Spikeguy posted:

Can someone get me a screen grab of the Miz looking his most Johnny Cage-esk?

he's more Dan Hibiki

kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

Raw was good but "amazing" and "best of the year" seem a bit hyperbolic to me.

TEGGS
Nov 21, 2004

Spoony Bard!

I really hope this means Ryder gets used again (and shaves).

Professor Funk
Aug 4, 2008

WE ALL KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN

kidcoelacanth posted:

Raw was good but "amazing" and "best of the year" seem a bit hyperbolic to me.

Zach Ryder won a match in 2014. It was amazing. Sorry pal.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

TEGGS posted:

I really hope this means Ryder gets used again (and shaves).

I think the idea is that they are going to keep finding losers (Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder, etc...) to beat Fandango

Psychlone
Sep 3, 2004

It's never straight up and down!
We're missing the bigger picture folks. Zack Ryder won clean on Raw. In 2014.

keevo
Jun 16, 2011

:burger:WAKE UP:burger:

Psychlone posted:

We're missing the bigger picture folks. Zack Ryder won clean on Raw. In 2014.

I don't think it's clean if Layla is pushing Fandango's feet off the ropes.

I Before E
Jul 2, 2012

love too watch Brock Lesnar F5 John Cena to literal death this Summerslam

primaltrash
Feb 11, 2008

(Thought-ful Croak)

SamuraiFoochs posted:

If Summerslam is going to own half as much as it should on paper, WWE might just get some of those renewals yet, because seriously:

Cena/Lesnar
Reigns/Orton
Rollins/Ambrose
Paige/AJ
Bray/Jericho II
Some manner of tag title match with the awesome Usos

That's a card, right there.

Have the Wyatts win the tag titles on a Raw and feud with the Dust Brothers.

Capsaicin
Nov 17, 2004

broof roof roof
WWE.com, what is the saddest thing?

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

RacistGuidingLight
Apr 5, 2009

by FactsAreUseless

oatgan posted:

I think the idea is that they are going to keep finding losers (Dolph Ziggler, Zack Ryder, etc...) to beat Fandango

I hope it culminates in Layla and Summer coming down to the ring with a hobbled old man who doesn't know why he's there. Or a dog!

  • Locked thread