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Everblight
Jan 2, 2005

For the Legion!
@npcdel on twitter


Congratulations! Due to a series of unexplained deaths and a clerical error in the order of succession, you have been named Emperor-King of your favorite sport. This also means you now outrank the sport's commissioner and ownership committee and can institute sweeping changes of any type you'd like.

Please include the following in your Papal Bulls:

Your Sport.
What the problem is.
How you intend to fix it.


This way other Emperor-Kings who may not be familiar with your particular sport can understand your fix.

My fix:

Basketball
Problem: The last four minutes of the game taking 35 minutes to play
Fix: When the team that is ahead is fouled, instead of taking their free-throws, they can elect to roll 10 seconds off the game clock. This will prevent Hack-a-Shaq style play of fouling players with poor free-throw skills just to get the ball back.

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Zogo
Jul 29, 2003



Everblight posted:

Basketball
Problem: The last four minutes of the game taking 35 minutes to play
Fix: When the team that is ahead is fouled, instead of taking their free-throws, they can elect to roll 10 seconds off the game clock. This will prevent Hack-a-Shaq style play of fouling players with poor free-throw skills just to get the ball back.

The commercial revenue will be sorely missed.


If I was emperor-king I'd try these ideas out to see what would happen.


Table Tennis
Problem: Balls reach very high velocities.
Fix: Increase ball diameter to 44+ millimeters.


WNBA
Problem: Rim is too high.
Fix: Lower rim to 8-9 feet.


NFL
Problem: Too many players leaving the field and too many breaks.
Fix: Combine offense/defense/special teams into one unified group.


MLB
Problem: Bats break too much and cause danger.
Fix: Introduce a one-size-fits-all metal bat.


NHL
Problem: Hockey puck is hard to see on small TVs.
Fix: Make hockey puck a bright color.


MLS
Problem: Low scoring games.
Fix: Remove goalies.


Boxing/MMA
Problem: Athletes avoiding other athletes.
Fix: Disallow that.


Racing sports
Problem: Artificial constraints/restrictions on accessories and machinery.
Fix: No restrictions.

Everblight
Jan 2, 2005

For the Legion!
@npcdel on twitter


Zogo posted:

MLB
Problem: Bats break too much and cause danger.
Fix: Introduce a one-size-fits-all metal bat.
I'm curious why you think the occasional bits of splinter or an errant bat going into the stands would be less dangerous that 150mph+ comebackers that would surely decapitate at least 1 pitcher.

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004


Baseball

Problem: Bats cold
Solution: Hats. For bats.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


MLB
Problem:Umpires
Fix:Robot umpires.

It's a sarcastic way to put it, but it would be easy to set up a system where the four umps were on the field to call plays that they are suited for: out/safe. Um..yeah, that's it.

Use pitch f/x in order to get a consistent strike zone. This benefits everyone and evens the playing field. Have a buzzer in the umps ear that dings for strikes. He raises his hand if it goes off. Not hard.

Fair foul would be extremely easy with the same tech that tennis uses. You put a 5th ump in a booth to review every play and immediately call down for reversals.

The umps would be appeased by having 15 extra jobs open up. The stupid "human element" is removed from the game. What is the human element anyway other than a way to allow human non-players to effect the game. It's stupid and antiquated and needs to be resolved tomorrow.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


NFL:
Problem:
Refs
Fix:Hire refs full time. Have the refs actually enforce the rules. Put a ref in the replay booth to review every play and penalty. Get the right result every time. Everyone would be happier about this and teams would no longer get hosed over by bad calls.

Note: I'm a bitter 49ers fan at this time because they have been hosed over three years in a row by bad ref calls or non calls.

2012 NFCCG. Giants fumble overturned by bad refs calls.
2013 Super Bowl. The entire game pretty much. And the non calls of penalties on the last goal line stand on the final three plays.
2013 @NO where Brooks was penalized for a clean hit on Brees which handed the game to NO and then the 49ers lost home field advantage and had to go to SEA for the NFCCG. Had the refs got that call right, which replay showed was clean, the season ends differently.

Yeah, go ahead and post the crying emote.

Alain Post
Oct 7, 2007

unban longavs


Tennis:
Problem: Everyone in tennis is doping.
Fix: Ban the nation of Spain from playing tennis.

Detroit_Dogg
Feb 2, 2008



Slamball
Problem: The NBA has colluded with television stations to keep Slamball off the air and out of our hearts.
Fix: Either incorporate trampolines into the NBA or shut down the NBA and let Slamball reign supreme.


MMA
Problem: Judges are completely incompetent and have no idea what is going on
Fix: Run over them with monster trucks

CBJSprague24
Dec 5, 2010

Jeff's watching...


NASCAR
Problem: Brian France
Fix: Kill Brian France

NHL
Problem: The Worst Penalty (puck over glass by defensive team in defensive zone=minor penalty).
Fix: Make it like an icing. Offending team gets no line change + faceoff in the defensive zone.

OR

Problem: Awful, inconsistent refs from the NHL office down.
Fix: Lasik surgery.

Jota
May 6, 2003

uga-booga uga-booga

My fix

This Thread
Problem: It's loving retarded
Fix: Gas it like a Spurs fan

Alain Post
Oct 7, 2007

unban longavs


Spaniards should really just be banned from all sports. They are awful drug cheats.

DJExile
Jun 27, 2007

Ha ha! Pain is hilarious!


Detroit_Dogg posted:

Slamball
Problem: The NBA has colluded with television stations to keep Slamball off the air and out of our hearts.
Fix: Either incorporate trampolines into the NBA or shut down the NBA and let Slamball reign supreme.

this please


NHL
Problem: The trapezoid is 100% pointless and has eliminated chaos plays possible when the goalie leaves the crease.
Fix: Remove trapezoid.

Sports Television Broadcasts
Problem: The on-field/court intermission interview is never interesting and constantly answered with the same cliches.
Fix: No coach interviews until after the game.

fat greasy puto
Dec 30, 2001

Ralp tiene mis cojones


MLS

Problem: I cant see the loving game
Solution: Face my chair towards the game, and go see a doctor who can hopefully cure my blindness

Sour Grapes
Dec 29, 2002

All you kids out there...


Zogo posted:


NHL
Problem: Hockey puck is hard to see on small TVs.
Fix: Make hockey puck a bright color.



This was already tried and abandoned in the form of the Fox Trax brought in for all of the sun belt-tards.



The ice and boards are white, the puck is black. How much more contrast could there possibly be?

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


Water Polo
Problem:
No one gives a poo poo.
Fix:Teach horses to swim.

Human Grand Prix
Jan 24, 2013
j

Fag Boy Jim posted:

Spaniards should really just be banned from all sports. They are awful drug cheats.

Not Alonso.

Alain Post
Oct 7, 2007

unban longavs


Alonso is an honorary Italian.

Abel Wingnut
Dec 23, 2002



My biggest problem with sports is how obscenely monied owners coo municipalities into spending billions of dollars on stadiums that actively hurt those municipalities. Second would be the NCAA but it looks like it could be getting fixed.

There's no point in arguing about rules and replays because we all love arguing about those things.

Grittybeard
Mar 29, 2010


Abel Wingnut posted:

Second would be the NCAA but it looks like it could be getting fixed.

I wouldn't hold your breath here.

I started doing this but ended up with about 10 entries for Boxing and I ran out of interesting ways to say I wanted organizations/promoters/judges/organized crime to die horribly.

oldskool
Aug 9, 2010


NASCAR
Problem: Nobody gives a poo poo about the first 95% of the race unless there's a wreck.
Fix: (1 x # of miles in a lap) point(s) for the leader per lap, 1 point minimum (so 1 point for leading a lap at Martinsville or Bristol, 2.5 for leading a lap at Daytona, and so on). Bonus points for fastest pit time. Finish scoring the same as now (43 for first down to 1 for 43rd).

No longer is it beneficial to cruise around in third the whole way and only race for the lead in the last few laps. No longer beneficial for a teammate in the lead to drop off for a lap and let his teammate get ahead for the one-lap point as it actively costs him points.

Problem: Rain causing red flags that last for hours, and races scheduled for Sunday not getting run until Monday or Tuesday as a result of delays.
Fix: Every team brings a junker car that's capped at 75mph or whatever, and in the event of a lengthy rain delay all 43 racers get in their junkers and drives a demolition derby. Last car running wins all remaining lap points (so 200 laps left @ 1 mile, demo derby is for 200 points), no pit stops.

Zogo
Jul 29, 2003



Cycling
Problem: Rampant EPO usage.
Fix: Allow cyclists to retrofit cycles with oxygen tanks at their discretion.


Everblight posted:

I'm curious why you think the occasional bits of splinter or an errant bat going into the stands would be less dangerous that 150mph+ comebackers that would surely decapitate at least 1 pitcher.

I was talking primarily fan safety. I suppose tethering the bat on a 10-15 foot leash would also be helpful as they seem to hit fans in the head with regularity. If pitcher decapitation and serious head injuries increased inordinately an amendment would be in order to solve that problem.

Detroit_Dogg posted:

MMA
Problem: Judges are completely incompetent and have no idea what is going on
Fix: Run over them with monster trucks

Now we're talking.

Sour Grapes posted:

The ice and boards are white, the puck is black. How much more contrast could there possibly be?

The contrast is fine but it it needs more tint and brightness. Some kind of luminescence.

Laderhan
Oct 2, 2013


Detroit_Dogg posted:

Slamball
Problem: The NBA has colluded with television stations to keep Slamball off the air and out of our hearts.
Fix: Either incorporate trampolines into the NBA or shut down the NBA and let Slamball reign supreme.


MMA
Problem: Judges are completely incompetent and have no idea what is going on
Fix: Run over them with monster trucks

This would make the MMA and the NBA like 1000% more watchable, please do this.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


Golf
Problem:
It's slow and/or boring
Fix:Limit golfers to 120 minutes to finish a round. Also, no caddies or golf carts or golf bags.

MassaShowtime
Aug 16, 2012

Saviour, thy name is Knuckle


Waltzing Along posted:

MLB
Problem:Umpires
Fix:Robot umpires.

It's a sarcastic way to put it, but it would be easy to set up a system where the four umps were on the field to call plays that they are suited for: out/safe. Um..yeah, that's it.

Use pitch f/x in order to get a consistent strike zone. This benefits everyone and evens the playing field. Have a buzzer in the umps ear that dings for strikes. He raises his hand if it goes off. Not hard.

Fair foul would be extremely easy with the same tech that tennis uses. You put a 5th ump in a booth to review every play and immediately call down for reversals.

The umps would be appeased by having 15 extra jobs open up. The stupid "human element" is removed from the game. What is the human element anyway other than a way to allow human non-players to effect the game. It's stupid and antiquated and needs to be resolved tomorrow.

Pitch f/x isn't any more accurate.

Alain Post
Oct 7, 2007

unban longavs


Consistency in officiating is much more important than accuracy anyways, which is why I sometimes think the mission to get every single call right is a bit misplaced sometimes.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


Fag Boy Jim posted:

Consistency in officiating is much more important than accuracy anyways, which is why I sometimes think the mission to get every single call right is a bit misplaced sometimes.

MLB strike zones aren't consistent at all. The same ump will often have a different zone for different pitchers.

Bob James
Nov 15, 2005


NCAA
Problem: Student athletes earn compensation for their labor, but are unable to negotiate the terms of compensation or working conditions.
Solution: Proletarian revolution lead by roided out athletes.

vegeta dentata
Jun 16, 2011


NFL

Problem: The NFL is considered a nonprofit franchise despite being a multibillion dollar industry.

Solution: Lawyers. Nukes.

Sour Grapes
Dec 29, 2002

All you kids out there...


[quote="Zogo" post="432570043"

The contrast is fine but it it needs more tint and brightness. Some kind of luminescence.
[/quote]

So basically the fox trax which, as pointed out, was already done and sucked.

I kind of get the feeling that hockey isn't really 'your sport' if the issue you have is the puck colour.

DOOMocrat
Oct 2, 2003

J'aime le capitaine


NHL
Problem-ish: Shot blocking is eliminating a lot of scoring chances, going against the post-lockout philosophy of a higher scoring game.
Fix: If the puck goes out of play off of a defending player in a clear shot block attempt, the defending team cannot change players.

I don't necessarily mind shot blocking but with the way NHL likes to amend its rules like a Street Fighter game, it's coming.

Sour Grapes posted:

So basically the fox trax which, as pointed out, was already done and sucked.

I kind of get the feeling that hockey isn't really 'your sport' if the issue you have is the puck colour.

The HD era has made it simpler but a black puck on white ice washes out and a different colored puck would help more than hurt, nobody's talking about laserbeam shots and Fox robots. Those were dark times.

DJExile posted:

NHL
Problem: The trapezoid is 100% pointless and has eliminated chaos plays possible when the goalie leaves the crease.
Fix: Remove trapezoid.

The Marty's are gone. 100% agreed, outlet passes (and the picks of those passes) are good times, especially with the two-line rule gone.

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008



R.D. Mangles posted:

Baseball

Problem: Bats cold
Solution: Hats. For bats.

Didn't know Gabe Newell posted here.

Problem: Soccer games end 0-0 way too much not because of good defense but because of the offside trap. Imagine offsides in a game like Basketball "oh no the team was too lazy to defend therefore that sick nasty slam dunk doesn't count"
Solution: get rid of offsides

NBA
Problem: The NBA is rigged.
Solution: Make the NBA not rigged OR rig it so a team I like wins once in a while.

Peanut President fucked around with this message at Jul 23, 2014 around 16:36

Furnaceface
Oct 21, 2004

Bonne nuit, doux prince.


NBA
Problem: Average height of players is like 6'5" and its making even dunking boring
Solution: Set the ball on fire

PGA
Problem: Its boring to watch since golfers are all emotionless robots
Solution: Let them all be like John Daly so they can smoke and drink while they play and mic them up for our amusement

NHL
Problem: The shootout is a lovely skills competition and doesnt add anything to the game
Solution: Add an additional puck into play for each 5 minutes into OT the game goes; call it Multipuck

the culminator
Oct 29, 2012


Is this the dumb ideas thread? I've got plenty:


NBA
Problem: Games becoming a stop-start free throw fest when a team reaches the foul limit.
Solution: Power plays! Every foul over the limit results in 40 seconds where the fouling team has to play with four men.

Problem: Tanking
Solution: That tournament idea that was floated around, but instead of doing it for the 8th seed do it for draft seeding. Have a week between the regular season and the playoffs. The two teams with the worst record get a bye for the first round (a guaranteed top six pick). Winner of the tourney gets the first pick, runner up the second and then you keep going down each round with worst record being the tie breaker (so out of the two semi-finalists, the one with the worst record gets the third pick).

Alan Trammell
Mar 4, 2007


MLB
Problem: Offense levels are down to their lowest point in 30 years. Home runs are down, hits are down, walks are down, and strikeouts keep rising every year.
Solution: Blindfold all pitchers.

Everblight
Jan 2, 2005

For the Legion!
@npcdel on twitter


Peanut President posted:

Problem: Soccer games end 0-0 way too much not because of good defense but because of the offside trap. Imagine offsides in a game like Basketball "oh no the team was too lazy to defend therefore that sick nasty slam dunk doesn't count"
Solution: get rid of offsides
I've heard this idea floated before, but the general response is "then Team A will just camp a guy next to Team B's net and just lauch bombs to him all day for him to try and tip in."

How does eliminating offsides prevent this 'best strategy' from destroying soccer?

Also I'm now sorry I tried to be funny in the OP. I seriously want to know what people think are the real problems in their sport that are just intractably unsolvable for whatever reason, rather than joke response.

Also basketball power plays sound awesome.

Furnaceface
Oct 21, 2004

Bonne nuit, doux prince.


Everblight posted:

I've heard this idea floated before, but the general response is "then Team A will just camp a guy next to Team B's net and just lauch bombs to him all day for him to try and tip in."

How does eliminating offsides prevent this 'best strategy' from destroying soccer?

Also I'm now sorry I tried to be funny in the OP. I seriously want to know what people think are the real problems in their sport that are just intractably unsolvable for whatever reason, rather than joke response.

Also basketball power plays sound awesome.

Most of the problems being posted are legitimate ones people have, its just that most leagues have tried to fix them at some point and its always gone wrong and none of us have any better ideas. Like, I dont know how to make basketball fun to watch (for me) again. We will never see another Muggsy Bogues again because the skill needed to compete with the giants that now dominate the game is just too high.

e: My golf and hockey solutions are legitimate answers that could work.

Obama Yo Mama
Jun 19, 2004

PENGUINS
CAN'T FLY


CBJSprague24 posted:

NHL
Problem: The Worst Penalty (puck over glass by defensive team in defensive zone=minor penalty).
Fix: Make it like an icing. Offending team gets no line change + faceoff in the defensive zone.

DJExile posted:

NHL
Problem: The trapezoid is 100% pointless and has eliminated chaos plays possible when the goalie leaves the crease.
Fix: Remove trapezoid.

Sports Television Broadcasts
Problem: The on-field/court intermission interview is never interesting and constantly answered with the same cliches.
Fix: No coach interviews until after the game.

Realtalk all of these.

NHL
Problem: The new playoff format is dumb as gently caress all
Fix: If you really want to keep divisional playoffs, at least make the bottom 4 spots wildcards instead of just the bottom two.

Problem: Shootouts
Fix: Adopt 3 point system with a loser point only happening in the shootout, 10 minutes of 5-on-5 hockey for OT period; just play a little bit more of the actual sport you're meant to be playing instead of resorting to more stupid gimmicks



Also, with regards to tanking for draft picks, I've heard a suggestion where the draft order would be determined by average record over the last 3 years rather than just the year in question so as to get a better representation of which teams are really so bad that they need the first overall pick.

Harlock
Jan 15, 2006

Tap "A" to drink!!!



NFL
Problem: Concussions

Solution: An 18 game schedule

Everblight
Jan 2, 2005

For the Legion!
@npcdel on twitter


Harlock posted:

NFL
Problem: Concussions

Solution: An 18 game schedule

I would actually be OK with an 18 game schedule if it also meant only two weeks of Preseason. Having to buy 10 home game tickets, when two of them are completely meaningless in August, is ridiculous. Even the players and coaches know four games is too long for a preseason. Make 18 game seasons but don't screw season ticket holders. More games that 'count' are fine by me.

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gleep gloop
Aug 16, 2005

GROSS SHIT

MLB
Problem offense down, fans bored.
Solution Make all stadiums at least a mile high.

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