Fix Your Sport

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Fix Your Sport

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

Everblight posted:

Basketball
Problem: The last four minutes of the game taking 35 minutes to play
Fix: When the team that is ahead is fouled, instead of taking their free-throws, they can elect to roll 10 seconds off the game clock. This will prevent Hack-a-Shaq style play of fouling players with poor free-throw skills just to get the ball back.

The commercial revenue will be sorely missed.

If I was emperor-king I'd try these ideas out to see what would happen.

Table Tennis
Problem: Balls reach very high velocities.
Fix: Increase ball diameter to 44+ millimeters.

WNBA
Problem: Rim is too high.
Fix: Lower rim to 8-9 feet.

NFL
Problem: Too many players leaving the field and too many breaks.
Fix: Combine offense/defense/special teams into one unified group.

MLB
Problem: Bats break too much and cause danger.
Fix: Introduce a one-size-fits-all metal bat.

NHL
Problem: Hockey puck is hard to see on small TVs.
Fix: Make hockey puck a bright color.

MLS
Problem: Low scoring games.
Fix: Remove goalies.

Boxing/MMA
Problem: Athletes avoiding other athletes.
Fix: Disallow that.

Racing sports
Problem: Artificial constraints/restrictions on accessories and machinery.
Fix: No restrictions.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2014 00:49

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# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 20:35

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

Cycling
Problem: Rampant EPO usage.
Fix: Allow cyclists to retrofit cycles with oxygen tanks at their discretion.

Everblight posted:

I'm curious why you think the occasional bits of splinter or an errant bat going into the stands would be less dangerous that 150mph+ comebackers that would surely decapitate at least 1 pitcher.

I was talking primarily fan safety. I suppose tethering the bat on a 10-15 foot leash would also be helpful as they seem to hit fans in the head with regularity. If pitcher decapitation and serious head injuries increased inordinately an amendment would be in order to solve that problem.

Detroit_Dogg posted:

MMA
Problem: Judges are completely incompetent and have no idea what is going on
Fix: Run over them with monster trucks

Now we're talking. :hfive:

Sour Grapes posted:

The ice and boards are white, the puck is black. How much more contrast could there possibly be?

The contrast is fine but it it needs more tint and brightness. Some kind of luminescence.

# ¿ Jul 23, 2014 05:07

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

Sour Grapes posted:

So basically the fox trax which, as pointed out, was already done and sucked.

I kind of get the feeling that hockey isn't really 'your sport' if the issue you have is the puck colour.

Yea, I was aware of FoxTrax. I meant something else that wasn't as tacky and didn't look like special effects from an 80s music video. You're right though it's not my #1 sport but I'm emperor-king.

Alan Trammell posted:

MLB
Problem: Offense levels are down to their lowest point in 30 years. Home runs are down, hits are down, walks are down, and strikeouts keep rising every year.
Solution: Blindfold all pitchers.

I'd actually be interested to see what the MLB would look like if pitchers had to throw tennis balls and just how far those balls would go.

# ¿ Jul 24, 2014 04:21

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

Laderhan posted:

Question: As empire-king can I just eliminate any sport/league I don't like so that the sports/leagues that I do like can get more coverage and attention?

If you're asking permission to do things as emperor-king you're doing it wrong. Emperors can carry out mass executions of athletes on a whim. Emperors answer only to deities.

Obama Yo Mama posted:

Golf balls. And aluminum bats.

I've read that titanium would be better.

Abel Wingnut posted:

Sort of related, but I always thought it'd be cool if all the teams from a city had the same mascot. Yes, I know it's impossible in like five different senses, but it'd be a fun way to unite the city and keep things simple. No, I don't know how you'd deal with cities having multiple teams in the same sport. But I do like the simplicity of rooting for one mascot to represent my entire city.

I wouldn't mind seeing some kind of logical taxonomy for each sport.

# ¿ Jul 26, 2014 01:03

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

MLB
Problem: Each year I'm less interested in watching the game.
Fix: World series played in the snow and 1 in 100 balls has a C-4 explosive core.

Peanut President posted:

Oh come on. Every single league in America is doing the exact poo poo. Do you see anyone else saying "get kids to play baseball more" no because that isn't what the thread is about.

Problem: Euros are big babies
Solution: Nuke Europe

All sports
Problem: People don't like money.
Solution: Remove it from sports.

All sports
Problem: Expensive tickets.
Solution: Free festival seating.

# ¿ Jul 26, 2014 01:15

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

All sports
Problem: Commercials/ads trying to make a quick buck and hoodwink the general public.
Fix: Ban commercials from TV forevermore.

DOOMocrat posted:

Make everybody shoot like this - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zGnxeSbb3g

# ¿ Jul 29, 2014 03:04

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# ¿ Apr 18, 2024 20:35

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

ElwoodCuse posted:

MLB loves that crapshoot effect of the playoffs, it allows them to gloss over the realities of competitive imbalance due to financial inequity.

Due to the nature of the game the MLB playoffs are a microcosm of the MLB regular season so it's basically a crapshoot of a crapshoot some seasons.

As an example the 2012 Giants had an SRS of .2 and swept the world series. The Rays has the second highest SRS at .9 and weren't even in the playoffs.

If this was the NBA it'd be like the Clippers missing the playoffs due to being in a tough division and the Bulls winning the title.

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 02:15

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