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manchego
Feb 16, 2007

MEANWHILE,
New season, new thread, and the same terrible posters!

Some interesting things happened over the summer, given the World Cup in Brazil. Spain was sent home in the group stages, providing a humiliating end to a six year period of supremacy. Since, according to this forum, tiki-taka is literally worse than rape, there has been much rejoicing at this fact. I doubt this will correlate to a weakening of the Spanish clubs, though. If any are going to suffer it’ll more than likely be Barcelona, and Real Madrid to a lesser extent, since they made up the spine of the national squad.

Here's a nice summary about last season. Or, if you prefer pretty pictures:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnLysIvDd1Q

Champions of Europe



Champions of the Spanish League



Champions of Lesser Europe



The three newly promoted for the new season are…



Deportivo La Coruna

Super Depor kicked a lot of rear end a little over a decade ago, and even won the league 5 points ahead of a Barcelona team featuring Kluivert, Guardiola, and Rivaldo. Though they have a lot of history, they've mostly made up the numbers, but were able to bounce back from relegation fairly well. They are from Galicia which is in the north of Spain. It is pretty up there, I guess.



Cordoba

Really, the most interesting thing about Cordoba are the manner in which they were promoted last season. Long story short, they were losing to Las Palmas by a goal heading into the 92nd minute. Las Palmas fans started to walk onto the field, intending to celebrate the victory and promotion. The referee put a halt on the game because of these idiot fans and eventually the game was restarted after Las Palmas’s chairman punched some glass and yelled at people. Cordoba proceed to equalize on the last kick of the game, evening the score and gaining promotion through away-goal difference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOq1kOTr7aA

The moral of the story is gently caress Las Palmas.



Eibar

I don’t know poo poo about Eibar and this is the first time in the club’s history that Eibar has earned promotion to the top-tier of Spanish futbol. They are Basque cunts and probably want to form their own lovely country.


I don’t give a poo poo if you have a soft-spot for one of the “who cares” teams. These are the teams that matter at the club level in Spain:



Atlético de Madrid

Won La Liga last year for the first time since 1996. Have a cool and good, hot headed idiot of a coach. Feel free to call them Athletico in a super funny ironic way only to have someone who’s never been to Spain correct you. Atleti play the transfer season game of, “lose our best player(s) to Barcelona/Madrid/Some English club” and somehow not completely collapse the following season. For example, this summer they shipped off 27 goal scoring striker Diego “Blame me for Fred” Costa to Chelsea, but brought in Mario Mandzukic to replace him. Will not be surprised if they implode, as that is The Atletico Way.



Barcelona

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ISU__52ALw

I'm including the above video both because it was beautiful and to remind Barcelona posters that you sold this man to Arsenal for fucks sake.

Barcelona play in pretty little triangles, which worked great for them until their circus midgets ran out of steroids and their talismanic manager went to Germany to ruin their football. People who hate Barcelona have hearts aflutter at the prospect of this being a season that could be ripe for disaster. A misfiring Messi, a $128 million oval office biter who can’t play for a few games and their only quality defensive player prone to tearing anuses, signs are hopeful. They will probably be fine and still challenge for everything because La Liga is a overwhelmingly a two-horse race with...



Real Madrid

“The team for the uncompromising oval office,” is as true a statement is anything that can be said about them. Madrid have more money than God (and sense), don’t give a gently caress about rules and think they are better than everyone else (they are). Super entitled fans, like me, think they are always terrible and never good enough and everything is lovely. Having won their 10th Champions League title (THAT’S MORE THAN ANYONE EVER. WE CALLED IT LA DECIMA BECAUSE DIEZ IN SPANISH IS 10. LA DECIMA. MORE THAN ANYONE. NEXT CLOSEST, AC MILAN, ONLY HAVE 7, AND THEY ARE GARBAGE RIGHT NOW), the goal now is naturally to win number 11. Madrid added James Rodriguez to the fold this summer because he scored lots of goals at the World Cup and is a super talented young playermerchandising. They also bought some German who will likely do well and then be sold for no good reason. Like the idiots in Barcelona, Madrid have oodles of attacking players that can score lots of goals, but a lovely defense. Casillas is poo, Sergio Ramos is poo, Marcelo is poo, Pepe is poo and a psychopath, Xabi Alonso is poo... this is loving depressing. Outside of games played against Barcelona, every win is expected and every loss or draw is THE END OF THE WORLD. Hopefully, Madrid win La Liga again, I believe they are almost there…



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWVrolNQ4RU

Thanks to Villarreal superfan, Tortilla Maker:


Villarreal Club de Fútbol S.A.D. (El Submarino Amarillo)
This will be Villarreal's second consecutive season in the top flight. Having just been promoted back last year, they weren't expected to do too well but they finished the season in a respectable 6th place and will be competing in the Europa League playoff stage for group qualification. The team is based in the city of Vila-real which has a population of just over 51,000 residents. Despite being a small club from a small city, Villareal have had relatively good success since first winning promotion to the top division in the 1998/1999 season. The club placed 3rd in the 2004/2005 season; reached the Champions League semifinals in 2005/2006; finished 5th in the 2006/2007 season, 2nd in 2007/2008, 5th in 2008/2009, and were also quarterfinalists in the 2008/2009 Champions League.

Hailing from the province of Castelló within the Valencian Community, the club's main provincial rival is CD Castellón (they play the Castellón Derby or Derby de la Plana). Another top rival is Valencia CF as both clubs are based within the same autonomous community. The club plays its home matches at "El Madrigal" stadium which has a capacity of just under 25,000. The club is know as the "Yellow Submarine" due to their bright yellow home kit and their ugly mascot is known as "Groguet" which means 'submarine' in Valencia. Seriously, check it out, it is ugly.

Major signing last season was Giovani dos Santos who finished the season with 11 goals in 31 appearances. Ikechukwu Uche had a good season as well having scored 14 goals in 35 appearances. The biggest signing this season thus far has been Barcelona's Jonathan dos Santos. This will be the first time two Mexican brothers play on the same club in La Liga.

If one of you particularly dedicated posters want to make an effort post on your favorite team that I made a unilateral decision to exclude, post it and I will modify this post.

General stuff to know about the league and Spain

If you are new to the game and this league because you thought the World Cup was fun and exciting (which none of you reading this post will likely be), I have some advice. 90% of the posts in this thread address the happenings of Real Madrid and Barcelona. Although Atletico bucked the trend, it is a rare thing. If Real Madrid or Barcelona had an ounce of guts, one of them should have easily won the league last season to retain the status quo: La Liga is a two team league.

A further 9% of posts in this threads will be a snarky or insulting comment made by a poster who prefers the Premier League followed by a page of replies complaining about lovely English posters.

Spanish football streams are relatively easy to find and if you have a VPN than it's no issue at all to stream the vast majority of games for the important clubs.

manchego fucked around with this message at 19:58 on Jul 29, 2014

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mila kunis
Jun 10, 2011
In a just world Barcelona wouldn't have been allowed to make all the transfers they did this season.

euroboy
Mar 24, 2004

Why are Barcelona so incredibly bad at transfers? One of the biggest clubs in the world, yet they overspend vast sums on marquee signings or outright bad players and sell off their good players to fund it. Not to mention the time they waste chasing players who are doomed to fail, like Hleb, Song and Fabregas.

Thanks for Sanchez though :cool:

It's also a bit strange living in a world where Real Madrid is a far more likable team than Barcelona.

Modus Trollens
Sep 12, 2010

euroboy posted:

Why are Barcelona so incredibly bad at transfers? One of the biggest clubs in the world, yet they overspend vast sums on marquee signings or outright bad players and sell off their good players to fund it. Not to mention the time they waste chasing players who are doomed to fail, like Hleb, Song and Fabregas.

Thanks for Sanchez though :cool:

It's also a bit strange living in a world where Real Madrid is a far more likable team than Barcelona.

I am doing a lol because RM has beat them in galatico signings by a long shot two seasons in a row and also manager signings

RIP cream suits and reputations in south america

Jose
Jul 24, 2007

Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer
lol guess who's available on the day of the first classico

Jose fucked around with this message at 12:17 on Jul 24, 2014

The Mash
Feb 17, 2007

You have to say I can open my presents

Jose posted:

lol guess who's available on the day of the first classico

Have Suarez and Pepe ever played against eachother before?

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

Barca is stupid enough to play him lol

BWV
Feb 24, 2005


No one has written about racism in La Liga yet, so I will:

La Liga is full of racist fans, players, teams, and media members. People throw bananas, make monkey noises, and the media disportionately blames non Spanish players for everything. Around 2-3 times a year some Spanish posters will justify some of these chants/slurs by saying they are terms of endearment. We then argue about the nuance of certain languages.

If Madrid or Barcelona lose it is never the fault of Spanish players. In reality though, it is always Sergio Ramos's fault.

That said, if we ranked the ills of La Liga, racism comes a distant third after the rampant steroid use and the unfair sharing of TV revenue. (someone will probably write about this later)

Dont worry though, it's all worth it for the Barcelona triangles and the Madrid machismo.

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

BWV posted:

No one has written about racism in La Liga yet, so I will:

La Liga is full of racist fans, players, teams, and media members. People throw bananas, make monkey noises, and the media disportionately blames non Spanish players for everything. Around 2-3 times a year some Spanish posters will justify some of these chants/slurs by saying they are terms of endearment. We then argue about the nuance of certain languages.

If Madrid or Barcelona lose it is never the fault of Spanish players. In reality though, it is always Sergio Ramos's fault.

That said, if we ranked the ills of La Liga, racism comes a distant third after the rampant steroid use and the unfair sharing of TV revenue.

Dont worry though, it's all worth it for the Barcelona triangles and the Madrid machismo.

stfu

Hegay
Jun 29, 2012

Jesus christ what a poo poo post

Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

and then the car turned in to fire

BWV posted:

No one has written about racism in La Liga yet, so I will:

La Liga is full of racist fans, players, teams, and media members. People throw bananas, make monkey noises, and the media disportionately blames non Spanish players for everything. Around 2-3 times a year some Spanish posters will justify some of these chants/slurs by saying they are terms of endearment. We then argue about the nuance of certain languages.

If Madrid or Barcelona lose it is never the fault of Spanish players. In reality though, it is always Sergio Ramos's fault.

That said, if we ranked the ills of La Liga, racism comes a distant third after the rampant steroid use and the unfair sharing of TV revenue. (someone will probably write about this later)

Dont worry though, it's all worth it for the Barcelona triangles and the Madrid machismo.

Hi I'd like to commission you to write a similar post for the next Serie A thread to see what happens.

Chris de Sperg
Aug 14, 2009


Are Rayo Vallecano gonna be good again this season, where's that one Rayo Vallecano fan

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'
It's quite the coincidence but I don't think Suarez is going to play that first Clasico, he would have if it was on November 15 or something but considering he can't even train with the team until that day...

Unless Barca builds a closed stadium where the players secretly train with Suarez...

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012


UEFA SUPREMACY

BWV posted:


That said, if we ranked the ills of La Liga, racism comes a distant third after the rampant steroid use and the unfair sharing of TV revenue. (someone will probably write about this later)

Sepp is that you?!?!?!?!

BWV
Feb 24, 2005


Gigi Galli posted:

Hi I'd like to commission you to write a similar post for the next Serie A thread to see what happens.

Yea I'm sure it's common in other leagues, maybe even more so. But having watched La Liga pretty closely over the last few years it's undeniably a big part of the league and it's something we talked about quite a bit in the previous threads.

Since we were posting generally about La Liga I just thought I'd mention one of the topics that seems to attract discussions. Just as I assume someone will talk more about doping or TV revenue.

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012


UEFA SUPREMACY

BWV posted:

Yea I'm sure it's common in other leagues, maybe even more so. But having watched La Liga pretty closely over the last few years it's undeniably a big part of the league and it's something we talked about quite a bit in the previous threads.

Since we were posting generally about La Liga I just thought I'd mention one of the topics that seems to attract discussions. Just as I assume someone will talk more about doping or TV revenue.

Would you say that racism is better or worse than wearing underwear sponsored by an online betting company?

BWV
Feb 24, 2005


blue footed boobie posted:

Would you say that racism is better or worse than wearing underwear sponsored by an online betting company?

I would say it doesn't matter what's on the outside as long as you got a Unicef label on the inside.

Ewar Woowar
Feb 25, 2007

Chris de Sperg posted:

Are Rayo Vallecano gonna be good again this season, where's that one Rayo Vallecano fan

I like Rayo :unsmith:

Weaponized Cum
Aug 31, 2004


This post brought to you by the finest Miami cocaine money can buy ----->
Shite league

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Such trolling in 2014?

Ugh

manchego
Feb 16, 2007

MEANWHILE,

I disagree Mr. Cum.

BWV
Feb 24, 2005


Here are some current betting odds for this year: They explain everything. (taken from WilliamHill)

To win the league:

Madrid 4/5
Barcelona: even
Atletico Madrid: 10/1
Valencia: 150/1
Bilbao 250/1
Sociodad: 250/1
Sevilla: 250/1
Villareal: 300/1
Celta: 500/1
Malaga: 500/1
Everyone else 1000/1 except Cordoba and Eibar at 3000/1

Top Goal Scorer:

Ronaldo: 8/11
Messi: 5/4
Suarez: 25/1
Manzukic: 25/1
Bale: 33/1
Benzema (lol) 33/1
Neymar 33/1
JAMES 66/1
a bunch at 100/1

Someone needs to make a pie graph to express the parity...

Smeef
Aug 15, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!



Pillbug
Rayo is a realer club than all the bitch rear end op clubs you weak plastic beyotches support, holla

Simone Poodoin
Jun 26, 2003

Che storia figata, ragazzo!



I'm still officially a Levante plastic unless Navas moves

vyelkin
Jan 2, 2011
Top, top thread title imo.

How bad have Atletico been picked apart? They've lost a bunch of players but some people say they were all poo poo. Obviously Costa, Courtois and Felipe are big losses (Costa less thanks to Mandzukic), but what about the rest?

Earthy Ape Unit
Jun 17, 2014

by XyloJW

vyelkin posted:

Top, top thread title imo.

How bad have Atletico been picked apart? They've lost a bunch of players but some people say they were all poo poo. Obviously Costa, Courtois and Felipe are big losses (Costa less thanks to Mandzukic), but what about the rest?

That's it so far, so its not even close to Southampton levels. Supposedly the Torres deal is off, but the hot rumor is they are in for Cattthhhorla.

Courtois will hurt the most. Costa isn't as good as Mandzukic and while Felipe's good they can handle him leaving. I can't wait to watch Mandzukic against LA liga defences lmao.

Monday Bandele
Apr 26, 2008
I have a feeling that Simeone's Atletico are one of those teams where the players can never reach the same level again once they leave (Courtrois excepted)

Eau de MacGowan
May 12, 2009

BRASIL HEXA
2026 tá logo aí
I don't think anyone ever called tiki-taka worse than rape, but in rape's defence no-one ever wrote a 5000 word blog post that quoted Brideshead Revisited about it

manchego
Feb 16, 2007

MEANWHILE,

Eau de MacGowan posted:

I don't think anyone ever called tiki-taka worse than rape, but in rape's defence no-one ever wrote a 5000 word blog post that quoted Brideshead Revisited about it

Listen, we all shouldn't have to suffer for the sins of Suqit.

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:

Eau de MacGowan posted:

I don't think anyone ever called tiki-taka worse than rape, but in rape's defence no-one ever wrote a 5000 word blog post that quoted Brideshead Revisited about it
this is a post i like

Suqit
Apr 25, 2005

Stars Stripes Freedom Jozy
(Jozy not pictured here)
Nice OP. Big Barcelona Plastic checking in here.

Also Smeef you're just a big a plastic as the rest of us so don't even start.

Earthy Ape Unit
Jun 17, 2014

by XyloJW
Barcelona is almost fail enough to root for again, thinking of pulling out the old Ronaldinho shirt and practicing my elasticos

Weaponized Cum
Aug 31, 2004


This post brought to you by the finest Miami cocaine money can buy ----->
practice your plasticos

Tortilla Maker
Dec 13, 2005
Un Desmadre A Toda Madre
As the newest (only) Villarreal plastic, I'll volunteer to draft their write-up this weekend.

So plastic I just printed their crest and it's now hanging in my cubicle.

KoldPT
Oct 9, 2012
I like Valencia because when I was a kid they had good players like Albelda and Kily González, and also because I played as them in FM once.

Thanks for listening, also I will be an Atletico plastic this season because I really like Paulo Futre.

manchego
Feb 16, 2007

MEANWHILE,

Tortilla Maker posted:

As the newest (only) Villarreal plastic, I'll volunteer to draft their write-up this weekend.

So plastic I just printed their crest and it's now hanging in my cubicle.

I will add it to the OP.

NattyBo
Sep 20, 2004

Football Team.

Monday Bandele posted:

I have a feeling that Simeone's Atletico are one of those teams where the players can never reach the same level again once they leave (Courtrois excepted)

I'm going to be very interested to see what happens with Costa, especially. I think Courtois would succeed at any top club, really.

Atleti are rumored to be in for Griezmann but they probably cant afford him, and the other more likely rumor is that he's on his way to Monaco to replace James. Sad to see Real Sociedad lose a talent like that, but he was always going to move on to a bigger club I guess

NattyBo fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Jul 25, 2014

R. Guyovich
Dec 25, 1991

Getting in on the ground floor of Sevilla plasticdom before they wallop Real Madrid in the Super Duper Cup.

BWV
Feb 24, 2005


Still pissed that Barca sold Alexis. The guy was deadly out wide and was really versatile. They'll probably come in 2nd and not win any trophies.


P.S For the official TRP record I'm a Bartha Boy aka Barca Plastic. However I've been watching all their games for the last 3 years and when I was there in June I watched a youth team play and all they did was pass it out from the back. So basically I'm the most legit fan ITT.

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Earthy Ape Unit
Jun 17, 2014

by XyloJW

BWV posted:

Still pissed that Barca sold Alexis. The guy was deadly out wide and was really versatile. They'll probably come in 2nd and not win any trophies.


P.S For the official TRP record I'm a Bartha Boy aka Barca Plastic. However I've been watching all their games for the last 3 years and when I was there in June I watched a youth team play and all they did was pass it out from the back. So basically I'm the most legit fan ITT.

If you still care about justifying your following of the team you're still a tool.

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