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A small side hobby of mine is working with a group of people to make short films. Normally I don't post anything about it because they're mediocre or don't go anywhere but this one turned out pretty good. So good in fact that it won the Greensboro 48 Hour Film Project, taking Best Film, Best Editing, Best Writing, and the Audience Choice award for group C. Our film is being sent to Filmapalooza in 2015 but I really have no hopes of winning that, considering the films I've seen from last year. Still, simply going is reward enough. It's called Clocking Out and you can see it here: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JRtEKgphj-0 The prompt we got for this film was the following: Genre: Dark Comedy Character: Paul Percival (retired athlete) Prop: A hairbrush Line of Dialogue: "I'm not into that kind of thing" Now, I'm posting this not because I want to show off, which I do, but because I want to know what people think were problems that we needed to correct. So far my own criticisms are: The first joke fell flat. We thought it was really funny when filming, but we were also dead tired by that time. It shouldn't have been included. There is an editing mistake in the scene where death drops off the file. We were wanting the cut where he was turning away to start sooner and our file project had it as such but when we rendered it came out differently for some reason. We're still trying to figure that one out. We didn't get any recorded sound in our exterior shots. We had two ac units to either side of us and the sound we did get sounded like crap. But thinking back we may have quit too soon. I should have still tried to get the sobbing sounds and had our shot be framed closer so I could get the mic in closer. The lighting... Was all jacked up. The person put in charge of directing wanted to go with an etherial look to the film which I think is completely lost. It doesn't really look etherial at all, just washed out. Anyways, thoughts? How could we have done it better?
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Jul 24, 2014 21:15
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 17:30 |
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Thoughts: - Acting by people who were not the main guy or death was pretty meh - The quality of the sound was good (to me at least, but I'm no sound enthusiast), but I just didn't like the sound design. I'm trying to be more constructive here but I can't think of anything more. Sorry for this point being mostly useless - The first joke falls veeeeery flat - Should have really pushed it with the different ways he could try to get rid of the file - Not very funny for a comedy - Good props work/costumes (mostly) - Editing was very good - Lighting was defs washed out, but I didn't have any problems with that. Made it seem more purgatory Overall, good-not-great. I don't think you lost anything with the missing sound for the exterior shots. I did not enjoy anything in the waiting room scene (acting, framing, jokes, anything).
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Jul 24, 2014 22:07
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Number 36 posted:Thoughts: Thanks. The number of ways we could get rid of the file was limited by our time constraints. The film couldn't be any longer than it currently is due to the rules. The actors we had were all volunteers. So we had to take what we could get.
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Jul 26, 2014 22:49
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Sorry to hear about the volunteers. I definitely noticed that their voices came across as forced. I dabble a wee bit in audio recording and that was the only negative thing that struck my ear, so I think you're all right with regard to the sound effects. The musical numbers were highly enjoyable; good job on those. It also felt to me like the whole thing ran a little long. The main montage could've been tightened up. Seeing as it was mostly repetition of the same joke (him failing to destroy the documents), anything that wasn't a demonstration of his attempt and its failure felt like dead air to me. I didn't time it specifically, but it felt like he sat around too long in each scene after I'd stopped being amused. I don't think this would've even hit my radar were it not a montage, but those have a higher tempo. The cleverest bit, comedically, was definitely the third DONG sound. The setup was subtle, and the punch line hit me before I realized there was a joke. (The fourth DONG, while consistent, did not particularly amuse me, since at that point I was in on the joke.) Overall I liked it. You probably could've cut the return to the waiting room and tightened a few other areas, but I was entertained.
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Aug 2, 2014 05:48
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