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SmokaDustbowl
Feb 12, 2001

by vyelkin
Fun Shoe
cut everyone in half like king soloman said or something whatever

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SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Honey badgers are pretty rad, but anyone who touches wild boar, whether dead or alive, is unclean ... piggifying the middle east would make them all move out of the area, because of their racism against Porcines

rcman50166
Mar 23, 2010

by XyloJW
cats+cameras+internet

the final solution for peace

Emmideer
Oct 20, 2011

Lovely night, no?
Grimey Drawer
Break down every middle eastern country into multiple, smaller counties.

Phil Niekro
Jun 4, 2005

Legalize gay.

rcman50166
Mar 23, 2010

by XyloJW

SirEvelynTremble posted:

Honey badgers are pretty rad, but anyone who touches wild boar, whether dead or alive, is unclean ... piggifying the middle east would make them all move out of the area, because of their racism against Porcines

there is nothing to say you cant release both species

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

SirEvelynTremble posted:

Honey badgers are pretty rad, but anyone who touches wild boar, whether dead or alive, is unclean ... piggifying the middle east would make them all move out of the area, because of their racism against Porcines

yeah no poo poo, Hindus and Muslims blew the gently caress out of the british once because they thought the cartridges for their muskets was oiled with pig grease when it was actually vegetable oil. they gently caress up the british so much they had to back the gently caress off lol

a bunch of whiteys releasing pigs in the middle east would probably make them go berserk and kill us all

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Robo Reagan posted:

yeah no poo poo, Hindus and Muslims blew the gently caress out of the british once because they thought the cartridges for their muskets was oiled with pig grease when it was actually vegetable oil. they gently caress up the british so much they had to back the gently caress off lol

a bunch of whiteys releasing pigs in the middle east would probably make them go berserk and kill us all

So we could just chemtrail them with pig lard, warning them 6 months beforehand and the m/e would be empty I guess

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

SirEvelynTremble posted:

So we could just chemtrail them with pig lard, warning them 6 months beforehand and the m/e would be empty I guess

yeah but just emptying it out doesn't solve the problem does it?

Weaponized Autism
Mar 26, 2006

All aboard the Gravy train!
Hair Elf
Serious: Invade with education. Schools and educational policies there are based on religious law or heavily influenced by it. This will take generations of work and change, but if you truly want to have a peaceful middle east the key to opening that door is a massive change in education.

Miltank
Dec 27, 2009

by XyloJW

Tailored Sauce posted:

Serious: Invade with education. Schools and educational policies there are based on religious law or heavily influenced by it. This will take generations of work and change, but if you truly want to have a peaceful middle east the key to opening that door is a massive change in education.

yeah just hit them with a dose of westernization they won't mind.

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Robo Reagan posted:

yeah but just emptying it out doesn't solve the problem does it?

Make the North Pole an International Pork-Product-Free Zone

They can swap bombs for fur coats on the way up :)

Steadiman
Jan 31, 2006

Hey...what kind of party is this? there's no booze and only one hooker!

silly sevens
Send them all to Texas

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

SirEvelynTremble posted:

Make the North Pole an International Pork-Product-Free Zone

They can swap bombs for fur coats on the way up :)

eh, assuming it doesn't gently caress up the ice caps more than they already will be, i'm not against countries fighting in antarctica or something

actually no wait there's a lot of important research going on there. uhh, yeah north pole it is then i guess

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Robo Reagan posted:

eh, assuming it doesn't gently caress up the ice caps more than they already will be, i'm not against countries fighting in antarctica or something

The Goldbergs and the Icebergs have a long family history - they can share stories around a burning seal

welcome 2 Clown Town
Aug 1, 2006

GALAXY'S #2 SCULL*!

*scrunt skull
leave boxes of gay porn, dildos, lube, and bondage gear everywhere and soon the population will sort itself out

Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE

Network Pesci posted:

Clearly the solution is to create a new Israel that's not in the Middle East. America should create a New Israel from one third of Alaska. True, this fucks up all kinds of fundamentalist religious beliefs, but gently caress those people. I'm not here to make your thousand-year-old prophecies come true, I'm here to solve the Middle East. If America is no longer sending Israel billions of dollars to buy white phosphorous to launch at Palestinian children, we won't be the "Great Satan" anymore, probably just a Halfassed Satan or Mediocre Satan. Any Israelis who are willing to deal with pissed off polar bears and snow instead of pissed off towelheads and sand, get a free trip to New Israel.

Bam, middle east solved, next question please.

Why Alaska? Israel is Britain's fault.

Catgirl Al Capone
Dec 15, 2007

unleash the gay agenda all over their faces imo

suburban virgin
Jul 26, 2007
Highly qualified lurker.
The cool thing about the middle east is that all the solutions somehow manage to be worse than the status quo. It's like fractal shittiness.

Vastarien
Dec 20, 2012

Where I live is nightmare, thus a certain nonchalance.



Buglord
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRV00L90Sck

:black101:

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth
Sending all the Israelis to Alaska is a bit excessive when mainland America has a few shithole states like North Dakota that are virtually empty.

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark

texaholic posted:

The Israelis will eventually start loving with and subjugating the Native Americans and Inuits. They are loving Israelis for gods sakes.

So what's the problem here? Are we afraid that they'll make us look bad because they're so much better at subjugation and oppression? Goddamn, I hate to be number two at anything as much as the next ignorant American, but I think it's worth the price. Come to think of it, we can find a new homeland for the Native Americans and Inuits. Polar bears too for that matter. Maybe if there's any recently abandoned land somewhere, we can create a new state.

scuba school sucks fucked around with this message at 20:41 on Jul 25, 2014

Baby the Birdman
Jul 14, 2005


Every real nigga fuck they main girl in the ass.

NihilismNow posted:

Declare a crusade and reconquer the area for catholicism.

This would be my solution, a third stronger power must brutally take over the place and rule both Jews and Palestinians with an iron fist, that's the only way to control them. Like Ancient Babylonia, the Roman empire, or the Third Reich did

Linux Pirate
Apr 21, 2012


Fly a jumbo jet packed to the brim with pigs and severed feet into mecca, then when they start to bitch and whine nuke them all into submission.

think about it, Japan was p extreme and sexually repressed and nukes worked for them. Just imagine all the disgusting sex poo poo and anime the middle east will pump out after they get nuked.


:patriot:

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.
Sep 29, 2001

Fargo Fukes posted:

The cool thing about the middle east is that all the solutions somehow manage to be worse than the status quo. It's like fractal shittiness.

Like the guy who has ants in his garden so he gets some other insects and then needs to get snakes when those insects become a proble mand now he has to find a mongoose store and well the mongooses aren't much funwhen theyre in charge and now he needs like a dog or something and then the dog wants a donut and if you give him a donut hes just going to beg you for some milk but you dont have any milk and try to go to the store but the dog wants to go with so now you have to buy a special harness for the car and then theres a NO DOGS ALLOWED sign at the store so you strap some C4 to the dog and send him anyway with a note that looks liek a shopping list but is really a list of demands and since the dog can't read, he just sits at teh door step and licks his balls a little bit and then BOOM no more dog

Hmm I geuss that did take care of the original problem

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-to-give-every-iraqi-354491-let-freemarket-capit,1039/

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.
Sep 29, 2001

i mean,

quote:

gently caress the Middle East
There's too many problems
They just get in the way
We could sure live without them
They hijack our planes
They raise our oil prices
We'll kill em all and have a ball
And end their fuckin crisis

BEIRUT, LEBANON, won't exist once we're done
LIBYA, IRAN, we'll flush those bastards down the can
SYRIANS and SHIITES, we'll crush their faces with our might
Then Israel and Egypt can live in peace without these dicks.

Mameluke
Aug 2, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
paint the palestinians white (ethiopian jews, too) and they'll assimilate rightaway

Network Pesci posted:

Actually Yaldabaoth's right, North Dakota sounds great.

do you want to give them more nukes ?

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
duh :rolleyes:

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

rcman50166 posted:

build over the middle east and make current middle east a subterranean world

Linux Pirate
Apr 21, 2012


oh oh we should get all the goons who converted to islam for internet cred to go in and do the work for us!

Hingehead
Nov 24, 2013
Destroy ALL religious artifacts, then tell every single extremist religious pricks that they are all wrong and none of them are special.


Alternatively, call up Dr. Manhattan.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon

Nap Ghost
Move the Jews to Canada and the Browns to Australia and like nuke or glass the area. Or at least let it be run by Amsterdam and turn it into an Amusement park. Moses Red Sea race through, Jesus cave of wonder and Muhammed hall of mirrors where your face is out if reflecrion. poo poo like that.

That region has been killing themselves or others for millenia it's all they know.

FogHelmut
Dec 18, 2003

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io3LjftP6YQ&t=153s

David Copperfield
Mar 14, 2004


im david copperfield
ShadowGovernment.gif

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
Replace all their guns with nerf guns, swords and other melee weapons with foam bats. Heavy artillery with water balloon catapults.

Turn middle east into biggest bouncy castle water park in the world.

Maoist Pussy
Feb 12, 2014

by Lowtax
Give US passports to all the attractive women. Glass the rest.

Mustang
Jun 18, 2006

“We don’t really know where this goes — and I’m not sure we really care.”

Linux Pirate posted:

oh oh we should get all the goons who converted to islam for internet cred to go in and do the work for us!

anyone else remember that Islam thread where a bunch of non-muslim goons decided to fast during Ramadan because....reasons?

Maoist Pussy posted:

Give US passports to all the attractive women. Glass the rest.

I would be ok with this

Chris Awful
Oct 2, 2005

Tell your friends they don't have to be scared or hungry anymore comrades.
We are already solving it with global warming. By the year 2100 the average daily temperature will be 120F in the middle east. Religious people will look back and claim that god punished the Jews/Muslims by making their religious holy lands a literal hell or Earth.

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celeron 300a
Jan 23, 2005

by exmarx
Yam Slacker

Tailored Sauce posted:

Serious: Invade with education. Schools and educational policies there are based on religious law or heavily influenced by it. This will take generations of work and change, but if you truly want to have a peaceful middle east the key to opening that door is a massive change in education.

Seriousposting. Isn't this what we're actually doing right now?

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