Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





I finally hit all three tiers of lap dances.

1) Vegas/High class tier - These are your premium sluts that make lots of money and have no visible scars or defects. Will not gently caress you.
2) Local establishment tier - These are you regular run of the mill big city joints where you are bound to have a couple fatties slip in during the day and have a C section scar somewhere. May gently caress you.
3) Hole in the wall tier - This is the bottom of the barrel stuff you find at army bases and lovely towns where gross looking is the norm and a rare hottie makes it in to pay for her kids. Will likely gently caress you in the parking lot after her shift.


Share your favorite experiences and hot tips.


In conclusion

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

some music to set the mood and go with that gif

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_Kj5syp9u0

LifeSizePotato fucked around with this message at 00:55 on Jul 26, 2014

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6Y7UZbGx1Q

This is the song that was playing where I saw it

1st_Panzer_Div.
May 11, 2005
Grimey Drawer

SaltLick posted:

1) Vegas/High class tier - These are your premium sluts that make lots of money and have no visible scars or defects. Will not gently caress you.

Uhhh, they won't gently caress you? Because they certainly offer some people to for about $400/500 for a half hour. Or at least those are words I've heard, I'm poor as gently caress, can't afford that poo poo.

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

Lap dances are rape, OP

You were raped

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AI0gk2KJeho

EA Sports
Feb 10, 2007

by Azathoth
the trick is you grow up in the ghetto around black girls and they do it to u for free while ur waiting for the bus/during lunch at school or whatever. also jizzing your jorts is cool.

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





1st_Panzer_Div. posted:

Uhhh, they won't gently caress you? Because they certainly offer some people to for about $400/500 for a half hour. Or at least those are words I've heard, I'm poor as gently caress, can't afford that poo poo.

Well the price per gently caress is high and most likely won't be able to do it for free like the more hood rat bitches. I should have clarified

Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

SaltLick posted:

Well the price per gently caress is high and most likely won't be able to do it for free like the more hood rat bitches. I should have clarified

I don't understand the concept of having sex for free without any sort of monetary trade involved. How does this work? is there a tutorial online?

Harrower
Nov 30, 2002

Don Tacorleone posted:

I don't understand the concept of having sex for free without any sort of monetary trade involved. How does this work? is there a tutorial online?

Yes the MRA/redpill sections of reddit has extensively documented this phenomena you should go there right away.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002

Harrower posted:

Yes the MRA/redpill sections of reddit has extensively documented this phenomena you should go there right away.

Then when you get arrested and end up in jail you will get all the free sex you want, and lots you don't want.

NecroMonster
Jan 4, 2009

fupa dance

Harrower
Nov 30, 2002

RobattoJesus posted:

Then when you get arrested and end up in jail you will get all the free sex you want, and lots you don't want.

It's win win.

Alec Bald Snatch
Sep 12, 2012

by exmarx
any stripper will gently caress you provided you have enough cash/drugs. same goes for any hooters waitress. in fact that's where you should go for that sort of thing because they're basically strippers who haven't fallen that far yet and still have a shred of dignity left

lower tier strippers will gently caress you for free but expect you to be their support network afterward

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

quote:

anyone will gently caress you provided you have enough cash/drugs.




e: i feel like I've seen this exact thread before...

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

This thread got racist fast.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
also lap dances suck you get a boner and then what, you get to jack off later cool

you spent like $40+ (hopefully, you loving loser) so a cute girl would rub herself on you for a couple minutes

ChairmanMeow
Mar 1, 2008

Fire up the grill everyone eats tonight!
Lipstick Apathy
many people cum in their pants, it's like a sticky performance review for the stripper

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
even worse

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
that's a belly dance OP.

Action Tortoise
Feb 18, 2012

A wolf howls.
I know how he feels.

Moridin920 posted:

also lap dances suck you get a boner and then what, you get to jack off later cool

you spent like $40+ (hopefully, you loving loser) so a cute girl would rub herself on you for a couple minutes

$15 and i got the cutest one who didn't have any glaring physical flaws.

Oh and someone else bought it for me so what up.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
she couldn't have been that cute for $15 is what's up

ChairmanMeow
Mar 1, 2008

Fire up the grill everyone eats tonight!
Lipstick Apathy

Moridin920 posted:

she couldn't have been that cute for $15 is what's up

you are negative, a negative person
You should like have a nice nap or steam

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?
Tip: If you are gay you get free lap dances at strip clubs and the strippers like hang out with you and stuff even though you aren't giving them any money but they can probably figure out if you are lying about it pretty easily from the lap dance.

Action Tortoise
Feb 18, 2012

A wolf howls.
I know how he feels.

Moridin920 posted:

she couldn't have been that cute for $15 is what's up

Considering where I got it it's a goddamn Christmas miracle she looked good period.

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011

comes along bort posted:

any stripper will gently caress you provided you have enough cash/drugs. same goes for any hooters waitress. in fact that's where you should go for that sort of thing because they're basically strippers who haven't fallen that far yet and still have a shred of dignity left

lower tier strippers will gently caress you for free but expect you to be their support network afterward

jokes on them. im gone in the morning with their kidneys.

:slick:

SirDan3k
Jan 6, 2001

Trust me, you are taking this a lot more seriously then I am.

Kombotron posted:

jokes on them. im gone in the morning with their kidneys.

:slick:

I what magical land do you find strippers without the hep?

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011

SirDan3k posted:

I what magical land do you find strippers without the hep?

nice try. i am not spilling info on my meal ticket

2nd rate kidneys mean no questions asked period, bud.

plus they got them fancy pills now to fix the hep.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
look do you want no hep or do you want no kidney

Cosmik Slop
Oct 9, 2007

What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?


Moridin920 posted:

also lap dances suck you get a boner and then what, you get to jack off later cool

you spent like $40+ (hopefully, you loving loser) so a cute girl would rub herself on you for a couple minutes

There's also the lap dances you get from your hot friends when they've had a few and feel like showing off their moves. Cheap but slightly risky.

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011

Moridin920 posted:

look do you want no hep or do you want no kidney

exactly

Sekkira
Apr 11, 2008

I Don't Get It,
I Don't Get It,

comes along bort posted:

any stripper will gently caress you provided you have enough cash/drugs.

Incorrect.

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011

Sekkira posted:

Incorrect.

how small is your baby dick and how ugly are you?

Sekkira
Apr 11, 2008

I Don't Get It,
I Don't Get It,

Kombotron posted:

how small is your baby dick and how ugly are you?

Strippers can be hookers, but they're not the same thing. Keep making assumptions.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum
the landing strip near DTW is p good

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011

Sekkira posted:

Strippers can be hookers, but they're not the same thing. Keep making assumptions.

true. you just have to find thatt special girl and have an incentive to make her come home with you.

Dont tell them their beautiful. Try to make the conversation about them and then see what they like and try to make it happen.

the payoff is wonderful.

especilly if you get a healthy liver.

Alec Bald Snatch
Sep 12, 2012

by exmarx

Sekkira posted:

Incorrect.

so you didn't have enough cash and/or drugs on your person

better luck next time

Sekkira
Apr 11, 2008

I Don't Get It,
I Don't Get It,

comes along bort posted:

so you didn't have enough cash and/or drugs on your person

better luck next time

Assumptions.

naem
May 29, 2011

Yeah it's great paying women not to have sex with you

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Sekkira posted:

Assumptions.

you're saying if I walk in and say "I will give $5 million dollars cash to you if you'll sleep with me, plus any drugs you want" they'll say no?

  • Locked thread