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lol if you can't suck your own dick
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Jul 27, 2014 07:36
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:12 |
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the secret is push her head down until she gags for air and eventually pukes on ur dick also post a video that gives me a boner
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Jul 27, 2014 07:37
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lol I almost got the first post on page 2
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Jul 27, 2014 07:38
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i bet this dude gives good blowies
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Jul 27, 2014 07:40
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lol his teeth point indward like a python eating a rat, but it's your genital
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Jul 27, 2014 07:46
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It's all in the tongue. Tell your gay friend to give your gf more pointers, us gay guys give the best beejs.
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Jul 27, 2014 08:01
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Sheng-ji Yang posted:i bet this dude gives good blowies He went to Eton, so obviously.
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Jul 27, 2014 08:06
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I'm probably great at blow jobs but I'm not gay, so the world will never know. It's kind of a shame really, like if Da Vinci never picked up a brush
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Jul 27, 2014 08:17
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There's like a jillion dollar industry based around teaching women all the things they are doing wrong in and out of the bedroom and selling them things to make them do it right. Just grab a stack of cosmos the next time you are in the supermarket and leave them on her pillow. Hope you like getting your rear end fingered, OP.
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Jul 27, 2014 17:01
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Guancho posted:blowjibber
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Jul 27, 2014 19:34
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Dolphin posted:see i've tried that, but i've never blown a dick so i'm actually not that clear on technique. and i can't be like "well it felt like this before and now it doesn't" because that's not that helpful Do some basic research and blow a few dicks so you can effectively communicate technique to your GF
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Jul 27, 2014 19:37
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suck her dick to show her how its done
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Jul 27, 2014 19:39
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Dolphin posted:see i've tried that, but i've never blown a dick so i'm actually not that clear on technique. and i can't be like "well it felt like this before and now it doesn't" because that's not that helpful I don't see what's so hard to articulate about "no teeth on my dick please"  It's a pretty straightforward and understandable request.
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Jul 27, 2014 19:42
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send her this like it's some funny ha-ha link or something, so you don't offend her like "here's your homework" "lol honey check out this funny article on blowjobs! i think u could show them a thing or two!  c u tonite @ olive garden xoxo"
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Jul 27, 2014 19:48
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~*
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honestly the easiest and most straighforward thing is probably to just buy a dildo and suck it yourself. Get to know the cock and what it feels like in ur mouth learn its secrets then move on to your gay friend and ask to use his body as a training ground become a master of cock, and then make your girlfriend your disciple. Then, teach her ur secrets Zzulu fucked around with this message at 19:53 on Jul 27, 2014 |
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Jul 27, 2014 19:51
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also why do you specify that she's your rl girlfriend? is this not a problem when you cyber in your MUD?
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Jul 27, 2014 19:54
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this is sych a stupid thread jfc
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Jul 27, 2014 19:55
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OP, it's likely that you've mistaken a jar of rusty nails for a human woman and it's no surprise that jamming your clammy pud into it's opening is putting you out of commission for days. I'm not sure your gay friend can help with this issue because it's also possible that your gay friend is just a glitter paint covered vacuum cleaner.
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Jul 27, 2014 20:11
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op's girlfriend is actually just that blowjob machine and he has the settings turned up too high.
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Jul 27, 2014 20:18
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op had a wet dream about having a girlfriend once and mistook fantasy and reality and now his whole life is a lie
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Jul 27, 2014 20:19
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Kimmalah posted:op's girlfriend is actually just that blowjob machine and he has the settings turned up too high. where can I buy one of these?
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Jul 27, 2014 23:36
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Don Tacorleone posted:where can I buy one of these? There was thread about it a while back. I think it's technically in the prototype stage if you really want to stick your dick into untested machinery.
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Jul 27, 2014 23:42
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It's tested machinery. It's perfectly safe. Please buy one & post a trip report. I would if I could.
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Jul 28, 2014 00:02
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Just tell him you want him to blow you
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Jul 28, 2014 00:45
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The people who say "just tell her" are just as bad as the people that have never had sex. If you're in a casual relationship with someone who's JUST BARELY loving you as you both feel out what's going on, sliding through the door like Kramer on Seinfeld while shouting "Your head giving SUCKS!" isn't really a great idea. In other words, I've been there OP. Use it as an excuse to pull her teeth off your knob and put it in her butt. Tell her "drat you drove me so crazy I just couldn't help myself". edit: there are multiple girls out there that read this and just went "ah poo poo".
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Jul 28, 2014 01:18
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Big Beef City posted:sliding through the door like Kramer on Seinfeld while shouting "Your head giving SUCKS!" isn't really a great idea. oh yeah because that's totally what I said, you loving goon
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Jul 28, 2014 01:36
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Big Beef City posted:The people who say "just tell her" are just as bad as the people that have never had sex. Nobody's saying to sit down and have a serious, solemn conversation about blowjobs or to bust out "You're terrible at blowjobs!" I just don't see what's so mindblowing or unreasonable to be like "that's good but could you be careful with the teeth" if she's doing a bad job at the time. But I guess you think she's going to shriek and her head will explode or something.
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Jul 28, 2014 01:42
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Big Beef City posted:In other words, I've been there OP. Use it as an excuse to pull her teeth off your knob and put it in her butt. Tell her "drat you drove me so crazy I just couldn't help myself". OMG PM me. Kimmalah posted:I just don't see what's so mindblowing or unreasonable to be like "that's good but could you be careful with the teeth" if she's doing a bad job at the time. But I guess you think she's going to shriek and her head will explode or something. lolz okay *nods sagely*
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Jul 28, 2014 01:47
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just tell her to open her mouth wide then gently caress her throat. what's the problem?
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Jul 28, 2014 01:51
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jack johnson big black dildo gamecube
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Jul 28, 2014 01:54
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it would be helpful if you posted your dick op
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Jul 28, 2014 01:57
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Trixie Hardcore posted:OMG PM me. so sage and condescending  But seriously just get the blowjob machine since none of you can handle basic communication
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Jul 28, 2014 02:01
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Kimmalah posted:But seriously just get the blowjob machine since none of you can handle basic communication That's boring though. New plan for requesting better blowjobs without actually talking about it. First, pull up the webpage for the autoblow 2 and then scroll down to the .gif of all the features that are meant to make you forgot you're getting blown by a fleshlight. Keep it open as a tab and then find some plausible content to draw her attention to your computer, like a buzzfeed listicle because you're both probably into those. OP: "Hey lady (in this case lady is the woman who gives your foreskin a good scrapin' with her teeth) check out the eighth entry in this list of my little ponies that are cooler than me." When she starts looking, get her attention with your eyes (not penis) and then quickly, and accidentally (but not accidentally) bring up the tab with the autoblow going at it hardcore. She's going to freak out for a second but you need to get her attention again and make it clear that you're really getting into it. Like that autoblow is blowing you right at the moment and it's the best sex you've had. Say that she's giving pretty good head but also make it clear that she's John Henry and just can't really compete. Mention that you've been thinking about it but recently but lost your debit card like last week. Then she buys you an autoblow and you two can slowly drift your separate ways but when the next lady comes along you'll be better able to articulate exactly what you like when someone (something) is blowing you.
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Jul 28, 2014 02:30
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A man ain’t nothin’ but a man, And before I’ll let your autoblow beat me down, I’ll die with the dick in my hand.
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Jul 28, 2014 02:32
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AE-35 Unit posted:slob on my knob lmao, good poo poo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTWgjg2ZQeY
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Jul 28, 2014 03:00
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you have to at least do something about the teeth, that's not so hard. The first girl to ever give me a blowjob, first blowjob I ever had, was all teeth. And I just said, "whoa, teeth" and she adjusted and we were both much happier for it.
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Jul 28, 2014 03:10
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lol if you don't carry soft silicone retainers with you to put in the mouths of women who give you suckjobs.
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Jul 28, 2014 03:21
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If you can't bring yourself to talk like a grow up you could always get her a subscription to Cosmo I guess. They have blowjob tips like every issue
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Jul 28, 2014 04:10
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Shithouse Dave posted:If you can't bring yourself to talk like a grow up you could always get her a subscription to Cosmo I guess. They have blowjob tips like every issue Cosmo is probably the reason she gives toothy blowjobs.
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Jul 28, 2014 04:11
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 00:12 |
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Cosmo says don't be afraid to use teeth. That's true, for an experienced blow jobber. If you're totally new don't do that. It's like advanced techniques.
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Jul 28, 2014 04:12
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