My mom bought Alex Jones coffee

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you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

Alex Jones now sells his own brand of coffee.

My mom is an Alex Jones fan. She bought some. Should I drink it? Will it turn me into a paranoid lunatic?

It also came with a "9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB" bumper sticker :mad:

# ¿ Jul 27, 2014 18:57

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 09:40

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

Davincie posted:

well, how is the coffee?

I haven't tried it yet. Maybe I will tomorrow!

Haverchuck posted:

if he doesn't already, he should really be selling freeze dried apocalypse survival food like jim bakker and glenn beck.

Oh, he does... he does. Patriot Pantry by My Patriot Supply.

Incidentally, my mom bought a bunch of emergency food years ago. She has a couple of pallets of freeze-dried food in the basement, stacked to the ceiling. I can't wait for it to expire in a few years.

Tubgirl Cosplay posted:

9/11 truther brand coffee the most American thing I've ever seen, what country is it made in?

OH MY GOD IT'S GROWN IN MEXICO

THEN ROASTED IN THE US BUT STILL

THEY TOOK OUR JOBS :freep:

# ¿ Jul 27, 2014 19:21

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

dontcareaboutname posted:

hawaii dumbass

One time my mom was arguing that Obama isn't really a citizen (this was in the WHERE'S THE LONG-FORM BIRTH CERTIFICATE days). She said, his dad wasn't even a citizen! I said, his mom was, but besides, anyone born on US soil is a citizen. He was born in Hawaii. She said, well, does Hawaii count? YES HAWAII IS AN ACTUAL loving STATE JESUS CHRIST

Machai posted:

the title made me think your mom bought Alex Jones a cup o joe at a starbucks or something

this is way worse

That would involve her leaving the house

# ¿ Jul 27, 2014 19:38

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

Kimmalah posted:

The description for that is huge and says almost nothing at the same time.

lmao

"Experience the benefits of next level proprietary nascent iodine, developed using our Thermodynamic Pressure Sensitive High Energy Sound Pulse Nano-Emulsion Technology that allows for a highly unique nascent iodine that is both concentrated and free of unwanted additives and genetically modified ingredients. We even pre-screen our Survival Shield X-2� iodine for radiation during our quality control phase."

Translation: "We are selling iodine."

Also they keep saying it's GMO-free. Of COURSE it's GMO-free it's A loving ELEMENT

JESUS

# ¿ Jul 27, 2014 22:10

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

jarvis cocker posted:

you gotta break up with your mom

She brought up Ron Paul during Christmas dinner once

# ¿ Jul 27, 2014 22:13

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

Moridin920 posted:

Step 1 create a fanbase of rabid fans that ignore logic by appealing to their fears and irrational emotions

Step 2 tell them everyone is lying to them or ignorant of the truth (except you)

Step 3 sell them poo poo at a huge mark up

yuuuuup.

I spotted an Alex Jones DVD called THE OBAMA DECEPTION on her shelf, and another one I can't remember, maybe TERRORSTORM. (And a DVD of Loose Change. Even recently, she said something about 9/11, then added, "if you believe the 9/11 story.") She occasionally buys weird poo poo, supplements and stuff, and I see some of them are in the Alex Jones store. She chokes down this Tangy Tangerine poo poo every morning, even though she can barely stand the taste. A tub of it is $50. It's... vitamins.

It's funny on the surface, but really, it's sad watching someone you love descend into paranoid fury. :smith:

# ¿ Jul 27, 2014 23:48

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

UPDATE: I tried the coffee today. I think I brewed it too weak, since I used one of those single-cup pour-over things and I'm bad at those, but I'm also used to dark roast, so that probably made it seem weaker too? At any rate, it was... coffee. v :geno:

v It didn't wake me up much. I don't feel any more crazy than I already was.

However, I DID find that my mom also purchased Infowars Lung Cleanse!!! I don't currently have the constitution (ha get it??) to watch 3:39 of Alex Jones telling me shocking facts about air quality. I can tell by his constipated face in the preview alone. I at least found this by skimming the page:

quote:

The convenient 1 ounce bottle can be carried during travel to protect you from toxic airplane air.

For some reason, they think this product is SO IMPORTANT that they offer the option of buying a 10-pack, for only $250. :psyduck:

One of the related items is a documentary on chemtrails. Obviously.

Thank god my parents live on well water, so AT LEAST they're safe from fluoridation.

Omi-Polari posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IFpOCy12-U

I tried to watch this, but I was so distracted by that man's giant red lower lip that I couldn't figure out what he was yammering on about.

Big Beef City posted:

How fat is moms, op?

She is fat, yes

She honestly otherwise looks really good for her age

I guess she needs the snake oil to keep looking young!

# ¿ Jul 29, 2014 06:18

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

Alan Smithee posted:

What I want to know is where is the dad in all of this

In his recliner, watching TV, trying to ignore it all, like any good dad would

# ¿ Jul 29, 2014 13:50

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 09:40

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

I forgot that I grabbed a picture of the back of the bag.

You DO want to keep the spirit of the "let's kill each other over taxes" war going, right? Right?? What kind of patriot ARE you?! :911:

Also, here's a little bit of what paranoia looks like. In among the normal stuff that goes in the basement, like holiday decorations and crutches (apparently)...

BAM! This happened around 2005. There's more than one brand in there. I don't know why there's so much AlpineAire. I think we tried some and it sucked. Big surprise.

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 17:21

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > My mom bought Alex Jones coffee