Calvinball Season 2: The More Rules Change The More They Stay The Same

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > Calvinball Season 2: The More Rules Change The More They Stay The Same

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Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Marshmallow Blue posted:

Hes dumb as a rock but he sure is fast. Did you watch forest gump the other night too?

It's playing in IMAX theaters until Friday. Great movie.

# ? Sep 11, 2014 02:01

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 21:34

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

I'm a bit late on my rule change but it won't really affect anyone so I'm posting it anyway.
NEW RULE!!! NEW RULE!!!
Medals of valor all around!

HC team losses are now worth 999 points.

# ? Sep 11, 2014 07:02

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Ok lineups appear to be the same as last week, so that should be easy for everyone. Please remember to police yourself and each other on the Calvinball list, and no you don't have to drop them they just can't play for you this week. Remember you do have to have a valid roster and everyone on your roster has to play at least one down. Punters have a potential exception here, I guess, but you better not be playing a backup.

Here's the exclusion list in case anyone needs it in an easier format:
QBs
Matt Ryan
Matthew Stafford
Andrew Luck
Peyton Manning
Carson Palmer
Jake Locker
Russell WIlson
Andy Dalton
Derek Anderson
Jay Cutler

RBs
Le'Veon Bell
Marshawn Lynch
Knowshon Moreno
DeMarco Murray
Mark Ingram
Matt Forte
Chris Ivory
Rashad Jennings
Isaiah Crowell
Chris Johnson

WRs
Calvin Johnson
Allen Hurns
AJ Green
Cordarrelle Patterson
Steve SMith
Antonio Brown
Jeremy Maclin
Brandin Cooks
Kelvin Benjamin
DeAndre Hopkins

TE
Julius Thomas
Vernon Davis
Greg Olsen
Zach Ertz
Martellus Bennett
Dwayne Allen
Larry Donnell
Rob Gronkowski
Delanie Walker
Anthony Fasano

K
Matt Bryant
Mike Nugent
Caleb Sturgis
Ryan Succop
Dan Carpenter
Shayne Graham
Cody Parkey
Shaun Suisham
Blair Walsh
Steven Hauschka

Def
Vikings
Texans
49ers
Titans
Eagles
Jaguars
Panthers
Bills
Dolphins
Bengals

# ? Sep 11, 2014 07:17

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

No reason to not playan awful punter this week guys. Your punters can do no wrong!

# ? Sep 11, 2014 14:08

Fight Club Sandwich: Apr 29, 2006; you want a piece of me???

Attention ITS A MAGICAL LEAGUE HOBBES please fix your lineup or else me or anubis will do something funny to your roster

edit: you too, texas transmogrifiers :argh:

Fight Club Sandwich fucked around with this message at 23:06 on Sep 12, 2014

# ? Sep 12, 2014 02:27

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Well, thanks to this week's rules, LeGarrette received a perfect score.

# ? Sep 12, 2014 11:56

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Between the rule change name and that; Burrito is my favorite poster of the week.

# ? Sep 12, 2014 13:35

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

Silly Burrito posted:

Well, thanks to this week's rules, LeGarrette received a perfect score.

Thanks for posting this I totally forgot to start the Bears D instead of Houston :shobon:

GROSS shall reign supreme!

# ? Sep 12, 2014 14:07

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

lol Dennis Pitta got 9 big points this week

# ? Sep 12, 2014 14:53

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Marshmallow Blue posted:

Between the rule change name and that; Burrito is my favorite poster of the week.

IcePhoenix posted:

Thanks for posting this I totally forgot to start the Bears D instead of Houston GROSS shall reign supreme!

The Noodle Incidents will see you.....IN HELL!

# ? Sep 12, 2014 23:02

Yoshifan823: Feb 19, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Silly Burrito posted:

Ha, using that list, I can still play Drew Brees, Nick Foles, and Jimmy Graham this week. Good luck finding a kicker and DEF when you knock 10 of them out.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 19:16

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Yoshifan823 posted:

Yeah, Tannehill has 3000+ points on my bench.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 19:39

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

Silly Burrito posted:

Yeah, Cam Newton has 3000+ points on my bench.

e: 4620 now :smithicide:

e2: 5660 yaay.

gardenald fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Sep 14, 2014

# ? Sep 14, 2014 20:04

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Ok so two teams seem to have gone off the reservation and played complete rosters. I'll be score adjusting them in the standard way after the monday games (hint: it never ends well) but I just wanted to check in and see if there was some confusion over how this works.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 06:37

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

gardenald posted:

e: 4620 now

e2: 5660 yaay.

Look at my bench. Look at my bench and know my despair.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 15:31

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

I'm really bad at calvin ball. But not bad enough to actually have the calvin ball.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 15:38

Parmesan Basil: Nov 12, 2008; TIME IS THE FIRE IN WHICH WE BURN THE GAME CLOCK

Anubis posted:

Ok so two teams seem to have gone off the reservation and played complete rosters. I'll be score adjusting them in the standard way after the monday games (hint: it never ends well) but I just wanted to check in and see if there was some confusion over how this works.

I did it right, right? I sat all the dudes on the bad list, I'm pretty sure.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 18:04

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

IcePhoenix posted:

Look at my bench. Look at my bench and know my despair.

Maybe, but you're getting the Calvinball if everything stays the same.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 18:18

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

IcePhoenix posted:

Look at my bench. Look at my bench and know my despair.

Goddamn Cassel got murdered

# ? Sep 15, 2014 18:27

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Just for the record, I'm going to go adjust "It's a Magical League, Hobbes" and "Texas Transmorgrifiers" rosters to be valid, now that the games are over, using the typical "worst lineup in the fewest moves to make it valid method" that I used all last year for Calvinball rules. Remember to use the extra lineup positions ONLY IF those positions have been turned on by rule changes!

Unless a stat adjustment comes to change things pretty drastically "Get Rid Of Slimy ponderS" will have the Calvinball. Somehow even the worst score with a valid roster I can make on two different teams is still not enough to undercut the horribleness that was his week. Take solace in the fact that, chances are, this team still outscored all your other fantasy teams combined. And maybe more than they all will score all season. So pin a bottle cap on your chest and soldier on!

Anubis fucked around with this message at 05:12 on Sep 16, 2014

# ? Sep 16, 2014 05:00

Yoshifan823: Feb 19, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

gently caress Adam Vinateri for ruining my Worst to First moment.

# ? Sep 16, 2014 06:16

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

New Rule! New Rule!
Swapsies!!!

After all this week's games have been played, the first two digits of your score will be swapped. So if you get 19750 points, you'll actually get 91750 points. Get 30000 points? Enjoy your 03000 points.

# ? Sep 16, 2014 11:52

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

New Rule! New Rule!

So Quarterman, how's about you and me?

All passing scoring is randomized to be worth values from -1000 to +1000 on random.org

# ? Sep 16, 2014 12:18

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Here's the official week 2 scores:

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Sep 16, 2014 13:12

Anubis: Oct 9, 2003; It's hard to keep sand out of ears this big.; Fun Shoe

Silly Burrito posted:

New Rule! New Rule!
Swapsies!!!

After all this week's games have been played, the first two digits of your score will be swapped. So if you get 19750 points, you'll actually get 91750 points. Get 30000 points? Enjoy your 03000 points.

Quick straw poll, I like the rule but it's not implementable on ESPN's scoring system. I remember that I made some one week allowances for rules before, should I do it for this one? Yay, it only gets applies this week and doesn't carry over forever like other rules or Nay it's not an official ESPN rule change so we shouldn't allow it?

# ? Sep 16, 2014 13:19

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Anubis posted:

Quick straw poll, I like the rule but it's not implementable on ESPN's scoring system. I remember that I made some one week allowances for rules before, should I do it for this one? Yay, it only gets applies this week and doesn't carry over forever like other rules or Nay it's not an official ESPN rule change so we shouldn't allow it?

I was thinking you could do it by adjusting the scoring and adding whatever number would give the desired swapped result.

I vote yay, of course.

Edit: I only meant for this to be a one week rule.

# ? Sep 16, 2014 14:59

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

I vote Yay, it's my only shot of winning ever.

NEW RULE! NEW RULE!
It's a throwing league Hobbes

All Receiving Scoring is 999.

Receiving yards 999 per 10yds
999 PPR
Receiving TDs 999

# ? Sep 16, 2014 15:00

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!!! I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!!!
Losers whine about "their best."

No player on an undefeated team is eligible this week, as he is too busy loving the prom queen to play.

Undefeated teams: Philadelphia, Carolina, Arizona, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Houston, Denver

# ? Sep 16, 2014 15:02

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

IcePhoenix posted:

I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!!! I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!!!
Losers whine about "their best."

No player on an undefeated team is eligible this week, as he is too busy loving the prom queen to play.

Undefeated teams: Philadelphia, Carolina, Arizona, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Houston, Denver

O you fucker

Also yeah that sounds like a fun one week rule

# ? Sep 16, 2014 15:05

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

gardenald posted:

O you fucker

Also yeah that sounds like a fun one week rule

I only had to sit a Punter :smuggo:

This is the week!

# ? Sep 16, 2014 15:06

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

IcePhoenix posted:

I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!!! I HAVE THE CALVINBALL!!!
Losers whine about "their best."

No player on an undefeated team is eligible this week, as he is too busy loving the prom queen to play.

Undefeated teams: Philadelphia, Carolina, Arizona, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Houston, Denver

This is the only way I'm getting anything good out of the Saints being 0-2.

# ? Sep 16, 2014 15:12

Silly Burrito: Nov 27, 2007; SET A COURSE FOR
THE FLAVOR QUADRANT

Marshmallow Blue posted:

I vote Yay, it's my only shot of winning ever.

NEW RULE! NEW RULE!
It's a throwing league Hobbes

All Receiving Scoring is 999.

Receiving yards 999 per 10yds
999 PPR
Receiving TDs 999

Dammit I was gonna use that later and call it the Herman Cain Fantasy Rule.

# ? Sep 16, 2014 15:14

Fight Club Sandwich: Apr 29, 2006; you want a piece of me???

gardenald posted:

New Rule! New Rule!

So Quarterman, how's about you and me?

All passing scoring is randomized to be worth values from -1000 to +1000 on random.org

Anyone go ahead and do this and post the results 12x and i'll apply the rulechange. It's going to be a rollercoaster of fantasy emotion getting 300 pts for a 40 YD TD and then -900 pts for a 50 YD TD

Anubis posted:

Quick straw poll, I like the rule but it's not implementable on ESPN's scoring system. I remember that I made some one week allowances for rules before, should I do it for this one? Yay, it only gets applies this week and doesn't carry over forever like other rules or Nay it's not an official ESPN rule change so we shouldn't allow it?

# ? Sep 16, 2014 16:08

Fight Club Sandwich: Apr 29, 2006; you want a piece of me???

Marshmallow Blue posted:

I vote Yay, it's my only shot of winning ever.

NEW RULE! NEW RULE!
It's a throwing league Hobbes

All Receiving Scoring is 999.

Receiving yards 999 per 10yds
999 PPR
Receiving TDs 999

NEW RULE! NEW RULE!
More throws for the throw god

The third WR roster slot is now open (additive)

# ? Sep 16, 2014 16:20

gardenald: Jul 23, 2007; In the end, it comes down to throwing one pitch after another, and seeing what happens. With each new consequence, the game begins to take shape.

Ahahaha these new rules are magical according to them Jordy Nelson put up 218,000 points last week

# ? Sep 16, 2014 17:14

Marshmallow Blue: Apr 25, 2010

Who's breaking a million this week?

# ? Sep 16, 2014 17:16

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

Fight Club Sandwich posted:

Anyone go ahead and do this and post the results 12x and i'll apply the rulechange. It's going to be a rollercoaster of fantasy emotion getting 300 pts for a 40 YD TD and then -900 pts for a 50 YD TD

welp

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Sep 16, 2014 17:40

Yoshifan823: Feb 19, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

NEW RULE!! NEW RULE!!
The Funslingers

Everyone can play 2 QBs now!

# ? Sep 16, 2014 18:06

Fight Club Sandwich: Apr 29, 2006; you want a piece of me???

IcePhoenix posted:

welp

lol

code:

Passing Yards (PY)		-214		Each Pass Completed (PC)	-848
Each Incomplete Pass (INC)	-454		TD Pass (PTD)			224
40+ yard TD pass bonus (PTD40)	256		50+ yard TD pass bonus (PTD50)	860
Interceptions Thrown (INT)	-886		2pt Passing Conversion (2PC)	-73
300-399 yard passing game (P300)290		400+ yard passing game (P400)	-292
Each Pass Attempted (PA)	-953		Sacked (SK)			971

Yoshifan823 posted:

NEW RULE!! NEW RULE!!
The Funslingers

Everyone can play 2 QBs now!

reminder that every player in your lineup needs to play a snap (but we are lazy and probably won't enforce this rule if it hurts you)

# ? Sep 16, 2014 18:35

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 21:34

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

Fight Club Sandwich posted:

lol

code:

Passing Yards (PY)		-214		Each Pass Completed (PC)	-848
Each Incomplete Pass (INC)	-454		TD Pass (PTD)			224
40+ yard TD pass bonus (PTD40)	256		50+ yard TD pass bonus (PTD50)	860
Interceptions Thrown (INT)	-886		2pt Passing Conversion (2PC)	-73
300-399 yard passing game (P300)290		400+ yard passing game (P400)	-292
Each Pass Attempted (PA)	-953		Sacked (SK)			971

reminder that every player in your lineup needs to play a snap (but we are lazy and probably won't enforce this rule if it hurts you)

e: I'm pretty sure enforcing this rule especially if it hurts someone is what makes the league so great

IcePhoenix fucked around with this message at 18:49 on Sep 16, 2014

# ? Sep 16, 2014 18:44

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Armchair Quarterback > Calvinball Season 2: The More Rules Change The More They Stay The Same

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