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Philip Rivers
Mar 15, 2010

I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.


Hey y'all. I've had a gnarly past week, and I kinda just want to vomit out everything that's been swimming around in my head. Fair warning: there's self-harm/suicide stuff!

So, relevant background about me: I'm a fourth year undergrad in a top flight physics program, and I've pretty recently come out as transgender and started estrogen therapy. One of the first people I came out to back in February or so was my now girlfriend (who does feminist studies stuff), and we've basically been seeing each other since then. We're very similar people in a lot of non-trivial ways, especially our brain problems: we're both very ADHD, very low energy a lot of the time, kind of codependent, anxious/neurotic in a lot of the same ways, and as I recently learned, bipolar! We're very close to one another and informally live together, so it's been very tense and close quarters lately.

Anyway, I've been real stressed out lately. I've been interning through some Army sponsored grant in a lab on campus, and through the first six of ten weeks, things have... not been going well. Both the professor and the post-doc I'm directly working with were out of the country for the first three weeks for some conference, and didn't tell me until literally the day before they left, which was also the first day of the internship. I was kinda hung out to dry there, and when my post-doc did get back, I learned that pretty much all the work I had done up to that point was bunk. I still don't know what the problem even was, in part because he has a super duper thick accent that makes him very difficult to understand and communicate with. I've been depressed about it, and I'm getting more socially anxious about my transition, so I've also ended up just straight up missing a ton of work days because of my own personal issues. I have an abstract due this Thursday, and I have literally nothing to show so far, or even any idea what the gently caress is going on with the project. It's basically been a disaster in every way possible.

So on the issue of depression, my girlfriend has seen how it's been affecting me, and pushed me to go in and talk to my psychiatrist about an antidepressant. She recently added an SSRI to her daily pill cocktail, and since I have a lot of trouble getting up out of bed even on good days, she thought it could help me out. I've considered an SSRI in the past but never pushed to get it for whatever reasons, but decided that since it was getting bad enough that it was affecting my work (which made me even more depressed), now was the time. I went in to my psych last Monday and walked out with some Prozac in my hand.

Fast forward to last Wednesday and I am flipping. The gently caress. Out. I guess I didn't really grasp the implications of my psych mentioning that Prozac is pretty well tolerated unless you have bipolar tendencies, but after only two days of a teensy starter dose, I was having my very first manic episode and cycling very hard. The worst parts were mixed and very irritable. TW: I was burning myself with a lighter, digging my fingernails into my skin until I bled, and screaming about how I wanted to kill myself while basically throwing a literal tantrum (incl. sobbing loudly into a pillow and flailing wildly) on my bed. I also fantasized out loud about walking out into the living room while my house was watching a movie and slitting my throat in front of everyone, and trying to imagine their reactions. I don't even have a history of self-harm, and while I've been minorly suicidal in the past, it has never been anywhere near as intense as it was this last week. I was also having low-key psychotic symptoms, but that might have just been my pre-existing HPPD type stuff being exacerbated. My girlfriend dragged me to the health clinic the next day and my psych tossed some Lamictal at me. I've calmed down since, but it's still a little touch and go, and there are other new stresses in my life at the moment, too. For real though? gently caress Prozac. Never again.

Oh, did I mention that my girlfriend was having a manic episode too? That might be worth mentioning. She's been stressed about finishing up summer school (she's crazy behind and kinda blames it on me but I'll get to that), and it's really been affecting her negatively on top of having to take care of me. She was wonderfully understanding the first couple of days, but with deadlines approaching for her too, I guess she just got exhausted by my pretty constant freaking out. I guess I can't blame her for that, but she hasn't been particularly kind the last couple of days, and with both of our emotional states so up and down, it's pretty easy for one of us to say something that the other one takes the wrong way.

We don't usually fight over much besides minor misunderstandings and we usually communicate pretty well, but we've just been at each others' throats the last few days. Especially last night, she asked me to help her get going on her work, but I guess I wasn't being the right kind of helpful because it ended up with her shutting down and accusing me of never doing anything or thinking about her needs. That was followed by a screaming match we had this morning about me not doing her laundry correctly or some other trivial bullshit, but the recurring theme from my perspective is that I can't really win a lot of the time with things like this: either I'm not helping at all, or I try and help and invariably do it wrong somehow and just make things worse. For me, it's pretty easily the most frustrating thing about our relationship, because there's just this background radiation of judgmental criticism that I do not cope well with at all. The way she nitpicks my attempts to be helpful or just do something thoughtful for her would be pretty innocuous (usually framed like, "what you did was okay, but what I would have done is...") if it didn't occur so freakin' often, y'know? It really gets under my skin and I've voiced this to her in the past over less intense circumstances but I guess it never got through, or I really am a big idiot gently caress up all the time.

But anyway, from her perspective, my dysfunction has been making things even worse for her - which I think is valid and fair, I've been a loving handful - but also that I'm being inconsiderate in how I've been treating her - which has been driving me up a wall. Like, if she asks for a little help from me, but then criticizes my attempt, I'll get in a tiff, and that will just upset her more. She took it even further and implied that I always do this to some degree and it's a reason that she's so behind on her school work. I put so much emotional effort into trying my best to help her out but either she's way too particular or I'm autistic and don't understand how to treat people even when they tell me to my face or whatever, because I never ever seem to help her in the way that she wants/needs to be helped, and she's made a point lately to emphasize how explicit she's been in asking for certain things from me. It all culminated in her basically telling me to gently caress off for the night a couple of hours ago but then being mad at me for wanting to gently caress off or I don't know gently caress aaaaaaa

The stress is really super getting to me. I want to quit my internship because I'm completely dysfunctional right now, and I feel like I need to take some time off of school to deal with my newfound mental instability - but I don't know how to approach these conversations within the framework of being a good diligent student or whatever I'm expected to be to fit into academia well, and that's stressing me out even more and I'm shutting down because I have no idea what the gently caress to say or do to not jeopardize my professional relationships with these people who have so much potential power over my physics career moving forward. On top of that, I'm not even sure if I want to continue with physics because I've become a lot more aware of the institutional issues, of the sexism, of the way my presentation influences peoples' behavior towards me, of the stigmas surrounding mental health, and how the whole 9-5 career path is a system designed to crush my will until I become a perfect little worker drone and I that will never ever fit in or be comfortable with it. Deciding to transition will so significantly impact my future earning potential and ability to get ahead in the field, and that upsets me so significantly that I just don't think I want anything to do with it anymore. I spent the last three years putting myself through massive stress and thousands of dollars into debt for a career I don't want and I don't even have a crappy piece of paper to show for it yet.

And one last thing: I need to come out to my Old White Dude of a dad this weekend. I probably would have transitioned when I was 14 if he wasn't so intimidating and conservative but here I am at 21 hating my body and the way my life has turned out!

gently caress. Everything.

So yeah. Everything in my life is tumultuous and uncertain right now. My brain is going haywire, my school/career path is getting completely derailed, and to top it off, I feel like I'm driving the only truly supportive person in my life right now running for the hills. I want to pack everything I own into a backpack and run away to Japan or something. I'm so tired of the way things have been going in my life and I just need to get away from it all somehow. I'm so, so tired.

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Utter Amnesty
Nov 7, 2009

You think you're looking at me through some window, when all you're really doing is looking in a mirror.


I think a lot of your current crisis is being whipped up by your girlfriend. It's lovely as hell for her to blame you on her poor academic performance, she is an adult and she is responsible for her own actions. You yourself describe each other as co-dependent which is almost always universally disastrous when it comes to sadbrains type issues and not terribly beneficial in the most stable of people. You say there's this background radiation of judgmental criticism. That sounds like an rear end relationship and I don't think you two get along half as well as you say you do.

There are a vast array of anti-depressants and medication out there that can be used. Did the psych give you Prozac knowing you had bi-polar and that it might cause a reaction? If so, get a new psych. The only way you're going deal with being mentally ill is mental health treatment. Keep pursuing it. There's poo poo other than SSRIs out there, don't let your girlfriend diagnose you.

I know things seems terrible right now but you don't get any points for trying and quitting. No one gives a poo poo if you wash out on your education. If you give up because it's too hard due to these totally treatable issues, you're just loving yourself over.

Also maybe you don't have to come out to your dad right now, why compound the stress you're feeling. Find the things that stress you out and eliminate as many of them as possible while focusing on school and focusing on your mental health. Good luck, citizen.

COBRARocky
Jul 28, 2013



Go and see a psychiatrist and get off the internet for a while.

Harakiri
Dec 23, 2012

Do not attempt to leave the building.


Wow, it sounds like you and your girlfriend are dealing with huge amounts of stress right now. If you were even experiencing one of those things - problems with study, transitioning, coming out to a family member, med changes etc, these are all highly stressful situations and as you are aware that you have multiple and complex issues which mean you need to take very good care of yourself, of course it would make sense that dealing with all this stuff at once would put strain on your mental health and relationship.

It sounds like you and your girlfriend are trying to support eachother while barely managing to support yourselves. Can you talk and acknowledge it's a bad time for you both, and maybe agree to take care of your own needs/access support outside the relationship for a bit, to avoid putting additional pressure on eachother? It sounds like neither of you are in a place to offer a lot of support to another person right now.

Are there avoidable stressors you can delay/reduce right now? Do you absolutely have to come out to your dad at this time or can it be delayed until you can focus on dealing with that without so much else going on? Do you have to make a decision about your studies right now? Is the depression manageable to the point you can put off any more medication experiments until things feel more stable? Basically, how can you create as much space as possible to just get through the absolutely unavoidable things?

Aside from med reviews, do you have professional support to help with picking apart what's happening right now/decision making? It sounds like way to much is going on for you to be able to think clearly right now.

Anyway, good luck, most people would have imploded it your shoes and it sounds like your relationship is a good one if you have managed to make it functional for the most part despite both having various brain issues to manage. From an outside perspective you are doing better than you probably think, despite a ton of stressors.

natetimm
May 24, 2007


Winner #3 of the 2k14 #Gamergate Shit Show
Do not talk to me if your a SJW MRA PUA fucktarded Shitlord, (PS: GJ on ruining videogame journalism twitter drama MODS).



Neither of you are in any shape to be dating someone.

Trainrides
Jun 1, 2012


Jesus Christ. I am going through a depressive episode myself and felt rather hopeless today after another night of no sleep, but this poo poo is intense. You have whatever sympathy I can muster.

Find (call, show up in person, try not to take no for an answer) a student councilor at your university, and make it clear you need a medical leave. Health is priority number one, and dealing with mental health issues in university is incredibly common. Re-evaluate the career situation later.

As for the whole girlfriend thing, that's tricky. My ex was bipolar, but I'm not, and I can't imagine the shitstorm if we were hosed up in the same way. Is there any way you can not be attached at the hip? I realize she asks for your help, but maybe you can agree that it's better if you get out of her face for a while?

Utter Amnesty
Nov 7, 2009

You think you're looking at me through some window, when all you're really doing is looking in a mirror.


You have "drugz" listed in your profile. What are you taking beyond psych meds and (I assume) weed?

Philip Rivers
Mar 15, 2010

I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.


Utter Amnesty posted:

You have "drugz" listed in your profile. What are you taking beyond psych meds and (I assume) weed?

Nothing beyond the occasional random thing, and I don't smoke or drink all that much anymore anyway. I came into university as a chemistry major because I was interested in the pharmaceutical industry but became real disillusioned with it.

Also in case anyone was wondering, my current cocktail is estradiol/spironolactone, Dexedrine, and Lamictal.

Philip Rivers fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2014 around 07:54

Lolie
Jun 4, 2010


Philip Rivers posted:

Nothing beyond the occasional random thing, and I don't smoke or drink all that much anymore anyway. I came into university as a chemistry major because I was interested in the pharmaceutical industry but became real disillusioned with it.

Also in case anyone was wondering, my current cocktail is estradiol/spironolactone, Dexedrine, and Lamictal.

So neither your bipolar disorder nor your girlfriend's is currently well managed. That's a disaster waiting to happen and you both need to take responsibility for getting your disorder well managed. You're not on an anti-psychotic and you are on Dexedrine. Even without risking adding an SSRI to the mix you should definitely have been carefully monitored.

You mentioned that your own diagnosis is recent. Although medication is the mainstay of managing bipolar disorder, you also need to learn "social scheduling". You're going to need a professional to help you put in place strategies to lessen behaviour which is likely to precipitate an episode.

You sound like you're in an unhealthy situation which you don't recognise as unhealthy and which you probably can't really address adequately until your mental health is stabilised. Is bipolar disorder a tentative diagnosis based solely on your reaction to Prozac? What other conditions was your psych already treating you for?

You need to make sorting out your mental health a priority, even if that means taking leave from school. You're not going to get bipolar disorder (or any other major mental health episode) under control unless you can reduce the stress in your life and keep it reduced. There are no magic pills which can make you mentally healthy without you making significant changes in your life and it's going to take time for you to identify what changes are necessary and make them.

In addition to your psychiatrist (who should be monitoring you extremely closely at this point), you also need to hook up with a clinical psychologist (preferably one who specialises in mood disorders). You have a lot to learn about your disorder and how to manage it and generalist mental health professionals don't usually have the additional training necessary to treat major mental health disorders. It's a different skill-set than counselling psychology so it's important that the professionals you seek out are qualified to treat your disorder.

It's not uncommon for people with bipolar disorder to fixate on things/goals/causes people while hypo/manic only to become disinterested in them when the episode passes. Your mental health professionals are likely to be looking at whether your mental instability has been present but unrecognised prior to now. Prior assumptions about your diagnosis now need to be reviewed. Life's going to look very different once you're stable and it's impossible to predict what will and won't survive that stabilisation. No matter how much you and your girlfriend might want to support each other emotionally, neither of you is mentally stable enough to do that at the moment. You each need to get your own mental health in order before you can help someone else with theirs. For what it's worth, mania can manifest as irritability or aggression - now might be a good time for your girlfriend to check in with her own provider as stress is notorious for precipitating episodes.

Unicorncupcake
Sep 13, 2011



I know it seems romantic to date someone with your exact issues, but in a lot of cases rather than being the loving and nourishing environment of perfect understanding that you hope for, it can become a feedback loop of the worst parts of you as you guys feed into each others triggers and weak spots. If you are making each other miserable or negatively impacting each other's lives and abilities to get your work done, it's better for everyone to go your separate ways or take a break until the end of the semester or whatever seems sensible to you both. Get a handle on your own academics, health, and personal life and let your girlfriend do the same. It sounds like you're just hurting each other right now.

You're going through a lot of changes right now and you're very close to the end of your degree. Now is not the time to make massive and "course of your entire future" altering decisions. It's easier to finish out your degree now than go back and try to change your course of study now. Few people have suffered from having a hard science degree, especially if your interest is to go on to a graduate degree in almost any field.

If you are having serious problems with your internship, or your degree program, or a particular class, go to your professor or advisor or your department chair or the dean or the head of undergraduate studies and be honest about your situation-your internship isn't giving you clear directions or feedback, your recent diagnosis and medication haven't been going smoothly and you've been having problems related to it, that your personal life is difficult and you're dealing with family and personal issues that are affecting your performance, and I promise they will help you in some manner or another. Universities don't want you to fail and they want to support people with legitimate problems (not for altruistic reasons, but because the more people they graduate, and the more diverse their graduates the better it looks for them.) Go talk to someone now, as soon as possible. The longer you wait the less they can do and the less sympathetic they will be. You can recover from almost anything in college if you just get in touch with the right people and are willing to actually follow the agreements you end up making.

The Grumpy Snail
Feb 15, 2012


Is it possible her nitpicking at how you do things is part of her disorder? It may not be anything in particular you are doing. It would still be a good idea to consider separating for a bit while you both get yourselves under control.

Sol Invictus
Nov 29, 2005

suspended in the infinite darkness
a waning lantern--
guide me to my fate:
our Chariot does touch the ground


natetimm posted:

Neither of you are in any shape to be dating someone.

This is the correct answer. You ESPECIALLY shouldn't be living together.

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011



Can you wait to come out to your dad until the rest of your life is more under control? If he reacts badly I don't see that helping your mental state.

Rubycutter
Oct 26, 2006

Lets go
And get away to somewhere quiet
Where we can be in private away from prying eyes


I know you don't seem excited about a 9-5 day that crushes your will to live, but one thing that is very important with bipolar disorder -is- a schedule and a routine that you follow very closely, so keep that in mind. Sometimes predictability can be very helpful.

You need to start monitoring your sleep. Making sure you get a healthy number of hours of sleep at night EVERY night, even if this means moving out and away from your girlfriend.

You should see if there are any therapists that specialize in bipolar in your area. They can help you understand your thoughts and actions more than just a generalized therapist, at least in my opinion.

You should -definitely- find a psychiatrist who doesn't just 'throw' drugs at you. SSRIs can trigger bipolar episodes so dosage is key. Anti-psychotics can have a lot of nasty side effects. You need a doctor who can work with you and take your calls if things aren't working out on a Saturday night and you need medicine advice right then.

Also research inpatient/outpatient programs at local hospitals. Some of my bipolar friends have had wonderful experiences in psychiatric hospitals, some haven't. Do your research!

If you have any questions, I've been diagnosed for four years, go to therapy at least twice a week and have tried a whole range of brain drugs, so I might be able to give you some insight.

Spanish Manlove
Aug 31, 2008

LAMIERDAROJA



COBRARocky posted:

Go and see a psychiatrist and get off the internet for a while.

Arch Stanton
Nov 23, 2003
EYEBALLS AND TONGUES DON'T MIX EW EW EW EW EW

Utter Amnesty posted:

You have "drugz" listed in your profile. What are you taking beyond psych meds and (I assume) weed?

Philip Rivers recreational drug use post history:

Acid
Adderall
Alcohol
Benedryl
Benzos
Marijuana
MDMA
Nitrous oxide
Opiates
Robitussin
Shrooms


It's almost like spending the tail end of your adolescence in a cloud using every drug you can get your hands on including several with proven long term mental health consequences for the developing brain is a bad idea.

It's pretty common to string together a few years rationalized as "an occasional random thing" without realizing you're actually just on a bender doing permanent damage.

If you're not 100% clean, make that priority #1. This includes "occasional random things". You are not stable enough to be treating your brain like My First Chemistry Set.

Saeku
Sep 22, 2010


All of Lolie's advice is very solid. Some quick hits from somebody who was in a similar place a while back.

Things not recommended for bipolar people:
- dexedrine
- dating bipolar people
If you are distrusting your psychiatrist for putting you on Prozac it might be time to get a second opinion.

Philip Rivers posted:

I want to quit my internship because I'm completely dysfunctional right now, and I feel like I need to take some time off of school to deal with my newfound mental instability - but I don't know how to approach these conversations within the framework of being a good diligent student or whatever I'm expected to be to fit into academia well, and that's stressing me out even more and I'm shutting down because I have no idea what the gently caress to say or do to not jeopardize my professional relationships with these people who have so much potential power over my physics career moving forward.
What to say: "I'd like to take a year off for financial reasons/to find myself/to sort out my future plans" or whatever else. It's totally fine to take some time off if you need it. I've been on leave for the past two years to transition, learn to manage stress, and save up money, and it's totally saved my life from being an endless E/N thread. Transitioning and dealing with mental health stuff are both much easier when you're not doing them in front of people whose opinions will matter for the rest of your work life.

Philip Rivers posted:

On top of that, I'm not even sure if I want to continue with physics because I've become a lot more aware of the institutional issues, of the sexism, of the way my presentation influences peoples' behavior towards me, of the stigmas surrounding mental health, and how the whole 9-5 career path is a system designed to crush my will until I become a perfect little worker drone and I that will never ever fit in or be comfortable with it. Deciding to transition will so significantly impact my future earning potential and ability to get ahead in the field, and that upsets me so significantly that I just don't think I want anything to do with it anymore. I spent the last three years putting myself through massive stress and thousands of dollars into debt for a career I don't want and I don't even have a crappy piece of paper to show for it yet.
That's sudden when you're 4 years into a degree. Does this have anything to do with your codependent relationship with a mentally ill feminist studies person?

Lolie
Jun 4, 2010


Saeku posted:

If you are distrusting your psychiatrist for putting you on Prozac it might be time to get a second opinion.

From what I can piece together, the OP's existing diagnosis was HPPD. While that diagnosis now needs urgent review (because some people with bipolar disorder experience distorted visual perception), if there was no reason to suspect bipolar disorder at the time the Prozac was prescribed then the doctor didn't actually gently caress up.

Bipolar disorder often gets misdiagnosed because people don't go to the doctor when they're feeling fantastic and the symptoms of mania can manifest in behaviours which are seen as good and valued (being extremely focused, being energetic, being more driven, putting in more effort, etc). Dexedrine can also promote those behaviours (and precipitate actual mania), and because they're often seen as "desirable" their presence can be viewed as amphetamines "working" as they should. Other symptoms of mania (racing thoughts, pressured speech) could easily have been put down to the Dexedrine.

Right now it's a work in progress. There is so much more to managing bipolar disorder than just meds, but meds are both necessary and insufficient. Medication changes almost certainly lie ahead as the quest to end this episode and prevent others begins. None of us can predict what combination of meds will work for the OP, but finding that combination will almost certainly entail some degree of trial and error. OP won't even be at a full dose of Lamictal right now. It's titrated up slowly because of the SJS risk. It's not possible to know yet whether it will be an effective mood stabiliser for the OP or whether a mood stabiliser alone will be sufficient to prevent further episodes.

Preventing further episodes is a priority not only because mania is inevitably followed by a crash and episodes can cause devastating disruption to people's live, but also because there's increasing evidence that there's a kindling effect with bipolar disorder and that each episode increases the likelihood of more frequent and more severe future episodes.

If the diagnosis of bipolar disorder is confirmed, you need to take it seriously OP. It's manageable disorder but you need to make a commitment to managing it even when you're feeling OK. You may have long periods of stability between episodes when you think that you no longer need meds and routine to manage your disorder, but not actively managing it will eventually bite you in the rear end. This isn't a "take some meds and get some counselling for a few months and you'll be fine" disorder. Bipolar disorder has one of the highest rates of disability of all the major mental health disorders and one of the highest rates of completed suicide. How much it disrupts your life depends largely on how well you manage it. Your mental health professionals can give you the tools to do that but you're the one who has to use them.

On a tangential note, what works for your girlfriend will be different to what works for you. She might be able to take SSRIs. She might be able to have a week of sleepless nights without decompensating. She might be able to forget her meds occasionally without immediately triggering an episode. Having the same disorder doesn't mean what works for her will work for you. What works for her could exacerbate your condition, so be careful about trying things just because they work for her (and it sounds like what she's doing isn't actually working for her anyway).

Lolie fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2014 around 20:42

Filippo Corridoni
Jun 12, 2014

I'm the fuckin' man
You don't get it, do ya?


Arch Stanton posted:

Philip Rivers recreational drug use post history:

Acid
Adderall
Alcohol
Benedryl
Benzos
Marijuana
MDMA
Nitrous oxide
Opiates
Robitussin
Shrooms
look how pubbie tier this list of drugs is. Either slam a fat one in your veins or gtfo

e:benadryl dear christ I guess i'm irvine welsh

Steampunk iPhone
Sep 2, 2009


OP, I see that you've done LSD before, but have you ever used it at heroic doses? I took a massive dose last summer, over 1000ug. Cured me of being a weekend binge drinking till I puke rear end in a top hat. I don't know why but it just turned me off booze. And I'm so thankful. It's poison and I was dumping tons of that into me for over a decade. Eww. Haven't been drunk in a year, haven't had a sip in 5months and I don't miss it at all. No beer no liquor no wine. Nothing but water for me

In feb I took another massive dose with the intention to focus my journey on "re wiring" my brain to being a healthy person. I was always a fatty. In 5 months I went from 240lbs to 180lbs which I weigh now.I tripped hard and just tried to meditate and create will power to begin a lifestyle change once sober. And I did just that. I'm now the changed person I always wished I was. Happiest ever in my life. Healthy. Found a gf. Had sex! Was a 30yr old virgin before all this. I'm killing it right now, gently caress yes about god drat time!

So if you're looking for a source of inspiration, motivation and self-esteem, I'd suggest a very large dose of LSD. Depending on your experience, something in the range of 800-1500ug should be effective.

BUG JUG
Feb 17, 2005



Steampunk iPhone posted:

OP, I see that you've done LSD before, but have you ever used it at heroic doses? I took a massive dose last summer, over 1000ug. Cured me of being a weekend binge drinking till I puke rear end in a top hat. I don't know why but it just turned me off booze. And I'm so thankful. It's poison and I was dumping tons of that into me for over a decade. Eww. Haven't been drunk in a year, haven't had a sip in 5months and I don't miss it at all. No beer no liquor no wine. Nothing but water for me

In feb I took another massive dose with the intention to focus my journey on "re wiring" my brain to being a healthy person. I was always a fatty. In 5 months I went from 240lbs to 180lbs which I weigh now.I tripped hard and just tried to meditate and create will power to begin a lifestyle change once sober. And I did just that. I'm now the changed person I always wished I was. Happiest ever in my life. Healthy. Found a gf. Had sex! Was a 30yr old virgin before all this. I'm killing it right now, gently caress yes about god drat time!

So if you're looking for a source of inspiration, motivation and self-esteem, I'd suggest a very large dose of LSD. Depending on your experience, something in the range of 800-1500ug should be effective.

OP do this.

Don't loving do this

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007
Probation
Can't post for 40 hours!


Wow sounds like a real mess

Utnayan
Sep 26, 2002


Where is your mom in all this?

Musket
Mar 19, 2008


Neither of you should be dating, you are too hosed up to barely take care of yourself, let alone, another. Shes just as hosed up as you and you are as she. The circle of goony life is complete.

Not a Children
Oct 9, 2012

Worship the ever turning wheel of Fortuna


This thread, more than most I've read, perfectly exemplifies the hell that young people will put themselves and others through if it means they'll keep getting laid.

Magnus Gallant
Mar 9, 2010

Waoh, it's like, a thing

You dont need to transition, you've got enough pussy in you for fifty women

Lindsay LoHan solo
Apr 17, 2014

This makes no sense, I know.

Have you tried starting a poly-amorous relationship?

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Musket
Mar 19, 2008


Gotta wonder how transitioning and those drugs will gently caress with your body/mental state and make you goonier when combined with all your other mental fuckups you got. I am pretty sure you need to be with someone not as hosed up as you are. No matter how much love there is between you, this is one doomy trainwreck about to go off.

Have you thought about being gay?

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