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Buschmaki
Dec 26, 2012



What's up, Imp Zone? Normally I try to stay calm and collected but I can't right now because I am loving livid. I just finished playing through Dawnguard, which has to be one of the biggest DLC scams Bethesda has pulled off since horse armor. I'm so furious that I'm going to go into a bunch of detail about why Dawnguard is loving poo poo.


What playing as a vampire is like.

The Story of Dawnguard, AKA A bunch of asinine bullshit
I load up Dawnguard thinking I'm going to have a bunch of cool Vampire adventures, but it was all a lie. First of all, being a vampire makes everyone hostile to you, even the other loving vampires. This is just the first in a long list of mistakes Dawnguard makes. Both of the questlines seem to be loving identical, which is just really lazy. So, I rushed through Dawnguard cause the Vampire's head cheese says that the Elder Scrolls will give him a way to block out the sun or some poo poo. What he really means is that you'll have to spend loving hours searching through caves to find the most mundane poo poo possible, like some bark knife so you can get some bark so moths will follow you. After these stirring adventures, you're sent off to find Akatosh's bow, which surprise surprise, is in the middle of another gigantic loving cave system. After going through miles of bland, uninspired caves you come across this Snow Elf vampire dude. This guy then tries to kill you and take your companion to get back at Akatosh somehow (???) It's then revealed that he made the whole prophecy up, a prophecy that's described on 3 seperate Elder Scrolls. I have no idea how the gently caress this even makes sense, but okay. Then you go back to your vampire castle and murder your boss and the story ends. The Sun is still in the sky, which if you're a vampire adds a lovely low-effort visual effect that makes gameplay impossible. Nothing else in the gameworld changes, and everyone will still attack you one sight if you go without feeding every 5 minutes. Please, imp zoners, do not buy or play the Dawguard expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

TL:DR
Please, imp zoners, do not buy or play the Dawguard expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. It made me feel a bunch of emotions, primarily disappointment and rage.

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Wormskull
Aug 23, 2009



Don't buy Skyrim either... unless you want to have an awesome experience lasting, literally, hundreds of hours.

Buschmaki
Dec 26, 2012



Wormskull posted:

Don't buy Skyrim either... unless you want to have an awesome experience lasting, literally, hundreds of hours.

a cop
Apr 17, 2014



Dullards love skyrin.

rocket_man38
Jan 23, 2006


Looks like I'll pass on it, I was considering getting it.

Doctor Goat
Jan 21, 2005

Where does it hurt?


i have 6x as many hours modding skyrim than i do actually playing the POS and i don't understand why

Nasgate
Jun 7, 2011


Ummm. Having armored troll followers and shooting undead with sunlight magic owns. Sorry you chose the wrong side OP.

You should've known better after how oblivion vampirism was.

Buschmaki
Dec 26, 2012



I thought that with an entire expansion focused on vampirism it would be better

Nasgate
Jun 7, 2011


Buschmaki posted:

I thought that with an entire expansion focused on vampirism it would be better

This is Bethesda, not Obsidian. All bethesda expansions focus on heavy armor side being more rewarding.

Just don't read that book on vampires, it will make you realize what they could've done.

Familiar Foreigner
Dec 29, 2012



Hog Butcher posted:

i have 6x as many hours modding skyrim than i do actually playing the POS and i don't understand why

Yeah, you and me both. I'm not sure what compels me to spend hours finding/updating/tweaking mods just to play for 30 minutes, get bored, and then a few months later do it all again.

SunAndSpring
Dec 4, 2013

If you want to learn what you got for Christmas, go ask your mum.


You should never ever let Games recommend you any game ever.

Sito
Apr 25, 2013


Hog Butcher posted:

i have 6x as many hours modding skyrim than i do actually playing the POS and i don't understand why

same.
i have just as much time modding morrowind and new vegas, but i actually play those after i finish

The Taint Reaper
Sep 4, 2012

THERE GIANT FLOATING GRANDMA ON THE FORUM PLS HELP!1

I beat all of Skyrim and just wish I could get into Morrowind just to see what all the hubub is about.

But the controls for MW are awful, the UI is terrible, the keyboard commands suck, and the windows always seem to refuse to close properly or they stick around blocking 80% of the screen.

Titty Warlord
Apr 28, 2013


The Taint Reaper posted:

I beat all of Skyrim and just wish I could get into Morrowind just to see what all the hubub is about.

But the controls for MW are awful, the UI is terrible, the keyboard commands suck, and the windows always seem to refuse to close properly or they stick around blocking 80% of the screen.

*the "please vacate the premises" frog meme*

Wormskull
Aug 23, 2009



Morrowind is diarrhea and worse as a game than Skyrim.

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006


Buschmaki posted:

What's up, Imp Zone? Normally I try to stay calm and collected but I can't right now because I am loving livid. I just finished playing through Dawnguard, which has to be one of the biggest DLC scams Bethesda has pulled off since horse armor. I'm so furious that I'm going to go into a bunch of detail about why Dawnguard is loving poo poo.


What playing as a vampire is like.

The Story of Dawnguard, AKA A bunch of asinine bullshit
I load up Dawnguard thinking I'm going to have a bunch of cool Vampire adventures, but it was all a lie. First of all, being a vampire makes everyone hostile to you, even the other loving vampires. This is just the first in a long list of mistakes Dawnguard makes. Both of the questlines seem to be loving identical, which is just really lazy. So, I rushed through Dawnguard cause the Vampire's head cheese says that the Elder Scrolls will give him a way to block out the sun or some poo poo. What he really means is that you'll have to spend loving hours searching through caves to find the most mundane poo poo possible, like some bark knife so you can get some bark so moths will follow you. After these stirring adventures, you're sent off to find Akatosh's bow, which surprise surprise, is in the middle of another gigantic loving cave system. After going through miles of bland, uninspired caves you come across this Snow Elf vampire dude. This guy then tries to kill you and take your companion to get back at Akatosh somehow (???) It's then revealed that he made the whole prophecy up, a prophecy that's described on 3 seperate Elder Scrolls. I have no idea how the gently caress this even makes sense, but okay. Then you go back to your vampire castle and murder your boss and the story ends. The Sun is still in the sky, which if you're a vampire adds a lovely low-effort visual effect that makes gameplay impossible. Nothing else in the gameworld changes, and everyone will still attack you one sight if you go without feeding every 5 minutes. Please, imp zoners, do not buy or play the Dawguard expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

TL:DR
Please, imp zoners, do not buy or play the Dawguard expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. It made me feel a bunch of emotions, primarily disappointment and rage.

i see what you did there

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006


dawn guard is a helpful demonstration that big nonlinear dungeons that the morrowind fans clamoured for arent fun and are in fact, gay

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006


hurr lets run backwards and forwards along some bullshit coridors like its the early 90s
lets wander around and frolic in an empty purple shithole

No Such Thing
Oct 12, 2012

self-destructive


I liked the crossbows even if they were tooo powerful

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006


the crossbow was cool what wasnt cool was you couldnt shoot that whining slut vampire with it
like im a vampire hunter why cant i hunt the worst vampire ever. shes stsnding right there complainging about the weather.

i liked the robot summon rod also

No Such Thing
Oct 12, 2012

self-destructive


vampirelady:

'boy it'll be nice to get out of this cave'
'it's too cold'
'it's too cloudy'
'it's too bright'
'I wish I was back in the cave'

JIZZ DENOUEMENT
Oct 3, 2012
Probation
Can't post for 4 hours!


Abandon posted:

dawn guard is a helpful demonstration that big nonlinear dungeons that the morrowind fans clamoured for arent fun and are in fact, gay



I think it can be done well in moderation, but making giant rear end dungeons super non-linear is super non-good.

Schnedwob
Feb 28, 2014

I am DRACULA.


SunAndSpring posted:

You should never ever let Games recommend you any game ever.

Silver Striker
May 21, 2013

I'm really feelin' it


No Such Thing posted:

I liked the crossbows even if they were tooo powerful


No Such Thing posted:

vampirelady:

'boy it'll be nice to get out of this cave'
'it's too cold'
'it's too cloudy'
'it's too bright'
'I wish I was back in the cave'

Heavy Lobster
Oct 24, 2010




Crossbows and the Dawnguard armor set are literally the only reason to own the DLC outside of mods that depend on it (a lot, surprisingly), and if you bought it outside of the legendary edition I am LOL (laughing out loud) at you, right now.

Jimbo Jaggins
Jul 19, 2013


theres worse bethesda dlc than dawnguard, like operation anchorage or mothership zeta in fo3

SunAndSpring
Dec 4, 2013

If you want to learn what you got for Christmas, go ask your mum.


Wormskull posted:

Morrowind is diarrhea and worse as a game than Skyrim.

Kill your're self.

The Taint Reaper
Sep 4, 2012

THERE GIANT FLOATING GRANDMA ON THE FORUM PLS HELP!1

No Such Thing posted:

vampirelady:

'boy it'll be nice to get out of this cave'
'it's too cold'
'it's too cloudy'
'it's too bright'
'I wish I was back in the cave'

I was pissed when I couldn't marry her.

I wound up marrying the huntress and taking in one orphan and the one feral child.

Soral
May 30, 2009




The Taint Reaper posted:

I was pissed when I couldn't marry her.

I wound up marrying the huntress and taking in one orphan and the one feral child.

the fact that people (you) actually married npcs in skyrim and adopted children npcs is probably the second gayest thing on earth

the most gayest thing on earth is you, internet comedy website something awful dot com's forums poster The Taint Reaper

Putty
Mar 21, 2013



dawnguard sounds like a stupid piece of poo poo dlc i'd never want and i'm going to buy it eventually

1upclock
Sep 25, 2009

GANBARE

TELL MY WIFE I LOVED HER



Apparently if you own Dawnguard, vampires can randomly kill quest NPCs at any point in time.

Great loving game, Bethesda.

Wormskull
Aug 23, 2009



1upclock posted:

Apparently if you own Dawnguard, vampires can randomly kill quest NPCs at any point in time.

Great loving game, Bethesda.

Why can't they give me that power.

Orcs and Ostriches
Aug 26, 2010


I ignored all of dawnguard until the vamp assholes killed the friendly bum in windhelm that always said hello. At that point i made it my mission to kill all vampires. Too bad you can't kill the npc or her mother because I'm sure at the very least she has to go out and feed on people too. I was kinda hoping the dawnguard leader would say gently caress all vampires at the end of the chain and deal with her.

Flavahbeast
Jul 21, 2001

dont touch me frodo

Abandon posted:

dawn guard is a helpful demonstration that big nonlinear dungeons that the morrowind fans clamoured for arent fun and are in fact, gay

that sounds cool, daggerfall had cool hosed up dungeons with skeletons shooting magic from the tops of pillars in huge rooms and you could fly around and clip out of the world all the time

Nasgate
Jun 7, 2011


Abandon posted:

dawn guard is a helpful demonstration that big nonlinear dungeons that the morrowind fans clamoured for arent fun and are in fact, gay

The best part is that the dwemer ruins quest added with Dawnguard is an amazingly fun, linear dungeon.

Schnedwob
Feb 28, 2014

I am DRACULA.


The Taint Reaper posted:

I wound up marrying the... feral child.

Taint Reaped Again

Knuc U Kinte
Aug 17, 2004




This thread inspired me to reinstall Skyrim and finally play Dragonborn.

Buschmaki
Dec 26, 2012



What little I played of Dragonborn was very cool, cause you get to go around getting hosed up on flin and sujamma.

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006


one thing i never did in skyrim was to try to get all morrowind native and walk around in bonemold armour the whole game and suchlike

my one skyrim dark elf was pretty un-dark elf-like because i wasn't hip to all the morrowind lore at the time

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Pumprag
Jan 29, 2013


Dragonborn is better but still not great in my opinion.

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