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The Casualty
Sep 29, 2006
Security Clearance: Pop Secret


Whiny baby

I'm beginning to suspect my roommate is a massive goon who is also a massive pothead. I submit the following evidence:
EXHIBIT A: PERSONALITY
My roommate fits the typical "lol what a goon" stereotype. He's overweight (doughy but not obese), unclean, and socially awkward. So socially awkward that he gets visibly nervous when I say hello to him. His voice warbles in pitch, making him sound like something off a 90-year old Dictaphone. He also giggles like Mickey Doyle in Boardwalk Empire. Since he either can't, won't, or doesn't know how to cook, he subsists almost entirely on Taco Bell and Domino's, which means he destroys the toilet utterly every day. As a consequence, he goes through about two rolls of toilet paper a week (which is astonishing to me), but when he is finished with a roll, he leaves the cardboard tube on the roller and merely stacks a fresh roll on top of it. I've never seen or noticed him cleaning anything, yet he is curiously neat about not taking out the trash. When the bin gets full, he will get out a new bag, place it next to the still full can, place a pizza box in the bottom so it has a nice base, and then begin to fill the new bag. He is lazy, QED, but also only in ways that make it really obvious that he's trying hard to be lazy. It's the "full circle" school of laziness. In an effort to be lazy, he performs so many actions to avoid doing work, that he probably could have done things the right way, thereby making his laziness even more profound. Wardrobe: t-shirts, and jeans or cargo shorts, with flipflops. The only thing conspicuously absent from the traditional goon uniform is the fedora.

EXHIBIT B: WEED KING
My roommate recently became a resident of California, and like most people I've met who move here from out of state, immediately obtained his medical marijuana card. To this, I say, more power to him. I don't partake (I get drug tested all the time and I'm not curious enough to risk losing my job), and maybe for that reason, it makes it really evident to me that he is getting high literally as often as possible. Like, the complex is gonna have to strip the paint and change the carpet when he moves out. I always tell him that our shared hallway smells like ODB's Escalade, which usually summons that Mickey Doyle giggle. His routine is basically to get home from work, go into his room, spark up for a few hours, then walk down the street to Taco Bell, come back, and resume smoking.

I think he gets high to numb the pain of his job; he works in an editing house which cuts together trailers for porn movies of all varieties. Needless to say, he's seen some serious poo poo. At least this means we occasionally get some free swag. I think there's a kink.com chip clip around here somewhere.

EXHIBIT C: IDLE TIME
This guy spends all day at work on a computer and then comes back home and spends all night on a computer. I've never seen him bring a friend over. I've never seen him in the living room watching TV, or going outside for a walk that isn't straight to Taco Bell and back, or anything. He doesn't go out and socialize, that I've seen. My other roommate and I convinced him to come to the neighborhood bar with us once, and he's basically one of those comic relief drunks. The guy who doesn't really do anything cool or funny, but gets shitfaced immediately, and proceeds to run into everything and say dumb poo poo to people. He's like those movie-drunk caricatures, who aren't actually supposed to exist in real life. Yet, here we are.

CONCLUSION
The dude a goon, yo. Which one of you is it?

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Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

tl;dr, but just open his door and make sure he isnt decomposing ffs

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007


I'm the Weed King and any claim you put forth to my titles will result in war OP

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


sounds like an okay dude tbh

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


lso he probably doesn't post in tcc unless he snorts heroin with his urethra

itsgotmetoo
Oct 5, 2006

I know lots of things. People think I don't but I really do. I know more about us than any of us. That's just one of the things I know.


I'm sorry you're having issues with your boyfriend.

THE PENETRATOR
Jul 27, 2014

QUAD DAMAGE


wWeed is a CRIME.

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002



im the roommate in the op

betaraywil
Dec 30, 2006

Gather the wind
Though the wind won't help you fly at all

Are you sure the roommate isn't an extension of yourself? I'm going to be pissed if we get to like page five and the OP realizes he was the roommate all along.

gagelion
Jun 13, 2013

by XyloJW


The Casualty posted:

EXHIBIT B: WEED KING

weed lord*

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005


Fandyien posted:

sounds like an okay dude tbh

yeah im not quite sure what the problem is here

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005


also lol *weed smell ruined the house* yeah ok there mr square, why don't you put your fedora on and take a walk

FuriousGeorge
Jan 23, 2006

Ah, the simple joys of a monkey knife-fight.

when are goons gonna realize the single gooniest thing you can do is make extensive posts judging the gooniness of others?

ethanol
Jul 13, 2007

Eleven thousand dead birds
fly towards nothing because
they are dead
and cannot fly

This is just an e/n thread. the op is the roommate. a cry for help. you dumb fatass. get some exercise and stop smoking.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

FuriousGeorge posted:

when are goons gonna realize the single gooniest thing you can do is make extensive posts judging the gooniness of others?

ill communicate this to the goon hive mind, one sec

memy
Oct 15, 2011


THS posted:

im the roommate in the op

me too

Parallax Scroll
Nov 13, 2009

spiderman

kill you're roommat

gagelion
Jun 13, 2013

by XyloJW


imagine having a roommate whos never gotten high and every time u smoke weed he calls u the 'weed king' and makes the same ODB joke

wilfredmerriweathr
Jul 11, 2005


weed and porn (and mountains) are the only things worth living in california for anyway

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

gagelion posted:

imagine having a roommate whos never gotten high and every time u smoke weed he calls u the 'weed king' and makes the same ODB joke

a thread about that guy would be much more entertaining tbh.

which is why we have it in gbs already: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3610276

BIG BOY EXPO 2K
Jan 13, 2009

Humour is like violence. They both come to you unexpectedly, and the more unpredictable they both are, the better it gets.


wilfredmerriweathr posted:

also lol *weed smell ruined the house* yeah ok there mr square, why don't you put your fedora on and take a walk

you sound p uptight op. maybe try a lil of his weed right after yr next test and you too can just chill yrselves together

Duane Walker
Sep 10, 2010


Fandyien posted:

lso he probably doesn't post in tcc unless he snorts heroin with his urethra

Protip: Weedthread is the only part of TCC that doesn't involve injecting narcotics into one's peehole.

Kim Jong ill
Jul 28, 2010

NORTH KOREA IS ONLY KOREA.

memy posted:

me too

No I am the Weed Lord!

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007


The Weed Throne is in crisis, claimants are coming forth from all across the land.

The realm is experiencing succession wars!

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


i wish gbs had a weed crew, but every time someone tries, everyone who posts in the thread forgets about it too quickly.

THE PENETRATOR
Jul 27, 2014

QUAD DAMAGE


wilfredmerriweathr posted:

also lol *weed smell ruined the house* yeah ok there mr square, why don't you put your fedora on and take a walk

whoa...
ops loving a lame lord

Corey Plumper
Nov 22, 2008



gagelion posted:

imagine having a roommate whos never gotten high and every time u smoke weed he calls u the 'weed king' and makes the same ODB joke

Lol

uG
Apr 23, 2003



if I had a roommate id want it to be the weed king

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007


i mean it sounds like your roommate always has weed on deck OP

and no social life means no annoying friends coming over or poo poo like that

best roommate ever imo

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010


I thought y'all on the west coast had Del Taco, not Taco Bell.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007


Hector Beerlioz posted:

I thought y'all on the west coast had Del Taco, not Taco Bell.

both

living the life

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


whats del taco like

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010


Moridin920 posted:

both

living the life

gently caress. i'm legit jealous. I've never had Del Taco but I've been told it's p good

Sweet Tea
Dec 25, 2012

It's called 'English Breakfast'

it's me, i'm the one who pays part of your electric bill and poops in your toilet

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

i hope its not better than taco bell because i would be sad if there was a better taco bell out there & i wasnt eating at it

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007


People I've met seem to either really like Taco Bell and hate Del Taco, or vice versa. Idk they're both good in their own Mexican fast food way, but really it's inconsequential because there's lots of Mexicans here with taco shops and those are pretty much always better anyway.

porkchop_express
May 27, 2004


tl:dr suck his cock already. any post longer than 3 sentences means you = gay for him

Fandyien
Feb 10, 2012

Delicious


but whats the difference? obviously i'm intimately familiar with taco bell so the idea of another fast food taco intrigues me

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010


Fandyien posted:

but whats the difference? obviously i'm intimately familiar with taco bell so the idea of another fast food taco intrigues me

I am curious as well.

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Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003

Shitpost Extraordinaire Conquistador & Preeminent Good Frogger Scumlord Tacobueno Present:

Moridin920 posted:

People I've met seem to either really like Taco Bell and hate Del Taco, or vice versa. Idk they're both good in their own Mexican fast food way, but really it's inconsequential because there's lots of Mexicans here with taco shops and those are pretty much always better anyway.

taco bell isnt about eating mexican food, its about taco bell

i'm a spic & if i want latin food i'll cook it myself

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