Starting to think my roommate is a giant goon + TCC poster

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Starting to think my roommate is a giant goon + TCC poster

Which one of you is the goon? This poll is closed.
It's me. I'm the goon	3	37.50%
This is clearly autobiographical, human being!	0	0%
You fool! This fuckin guy is clearly just a Redditor.	0	0%
Goku	5	62.50%
Total:	8 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

The Casualty: Sep 29, 2006; Security Clearance: Pop Secret

Whiny baby

edit: Looks like I committed the legendary "Oops Double Thread!" mistake.

The Casualty fucked around with this message at 04:02 on Jul 31, 2014

# ? Jul 31, 2014 03:25

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 11:11

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Why did you make this thread again?

# ? Jul 31, 2014 03:28

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

in teh game of throwns u weed or u die

# ? Jul 31, 2014 03:28

Kleen_TheRacistDog: Feb 17, 2014; Can't bust the Krust fuckman
www.skullmund.com

# ? Jul 31, 2014 03:31

im pooping!: Nov 17, 2006

oh noooo im POOOOOPINGGG!!!!!!!!!!

# ? Jul 31, 2014 03:32

Fallows: Jan 20, 2005; If he waits long enough he can use his accrued interest from his savings to bring his negative checking balance back into the black.

YOU HAVE NO ROOMATE

# ? Jul 31, 2014 03:33

sluggo is mad: Jan 14, 2012; Buglord

The Casualty posted:

I'm beginning to suspect my roommate is a massive goon who is also a massive pothead. I submit the following evidence to you, the jury:

EXHIBIT A: PERSONALITY
My roommate fits the typical "lol goon" stereotype. He's overweight (doughy but not obese), unclean, and socially awkward. So socially awkward that he gets visibly nervous when I say hello to him. His voice warbles in pitch, making him sound like something off a 90-year old Dictaphone. He also giggles like Mickey Doyle in Boardwalk Empire. Since he either can't, won't, or doesn't know how to cook, he subsists almost entirely on Taco Bell and Domino's, which means he destroys the toilet utterly every day. As a consequence, he goes through about two rolls of toilet paper a week (which is astonishing to me), but when he is finished with a roll, he leaves the cardboard tube on the roller and merely stacks a fresh roll on top of it. I've never seen or noticed him cleaning anything, yet he is curiously neat about not taking out the trash. When the bin gets full, he will get out a new bag, place it next to the still full can, place a pizza box in the bottom so it has a nice base, and then begin to fill the new bag. So clearly he's pretty loving lazy, but also only in ways that make it really obvious that he's trying hard to be lazy. It's the "full circle" school of sloth. In an effort to be lazy, he performs so many actions to avoid doing work, that he probably could have done things the right way, thereby making his laziness even more profound.

Wardrobe: t-shirts, and jeans or cargo shorts, with flipflops. The only thing conspicuously absent from the traditional goon uniform is the fedora.

EXHIBIT B: WEED KING
My roommate recently became a resident of California, and like most people I've met who move here from out of state, immediately obtained his medical marijuana card. To this, I say, more power to him. I don't partake (I get drug tested all the time and I'm not about to risk losing my job over it), and maybe for that reason, it makes it really obvious to me that he is getting high literally as often as possible. Like, the landlord is gonna have to strip the paint and change the carpet when he moves out. I like to bust his balls about it, tell him something stupid like how our shared hallway smells like ODB's Escalade, which usually summons that Mickey Doyle giggle. His routine is basically to get home from work, go into his room, spark up for a few hours, then walk down the street to Taco Bell, come back, and resume smoking.

I think he gets high to numb the pain of his job; he works in an editing house which cuts together trailers for porn movies of all varieties. Needless to say, he's seen some serious poo poo. At least this means we occasionally get some free swag. I think there's a kink.com chip clip around here somewhere.

EXHIBIT C: IDLE TIME
This guy spends all day at work on a computer and then comes back home and spends all night on a computer. I've never seen him bring a friend over. I've never seen him in the living room watching TV, or going outside for a walk that isn't straight to Taco Bell and back, or anything. He doesn't go out and socialize much, that I've seen.

EXHIBIT D: THE ONE TIME HE DID SOCIALIZE
My other roommate and I convinced him to come to the neighborhood bar with us once, and he's basically one of those comic relief drunks. The guy who doesn't really say or do anything cool, but rather gets shitfaced immediately, and proceeds to run into everything and say dumb poo poo to people. I mean, in a way that's funny, but in more of a "laughing at" instead of "laughing with" way. He's like those movie-drunk caricatures, who aren't actually supposed to exist in real life. Yet, here we are.

CONCLUSION
The dude a goon, yo, QED. Which one of you is it? Also if your roommates are goony as gently caress, don't be afraid to share your stories.