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Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can cook chicken breast with your mind but only medium rare.

Your fists can shoot off and explode but only once and they don't regrow.

You have the power to give anyone mild depression by just touching them.

You can cause someone's rear end to become your face but your face become's their rear end. After the first time though you can only swap asses with your assface.

Your rear end is bulletproof.

You can see through porcelain.

Your mouth has a strong naturally minty flavor within it but at all times, including when you eat or drink other foods.

You have molecular acid for piss. While you are not injured by it, your clothing will burn even if an infinitesimal amount remains post-piss.

You have the ability to drink an unlimited amount of Natural Ice without becoming drunk.

You are ultra-magnetic but you cannot control it in any fashion.

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Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

If you concentrate enough, your ejaculate comes out as soft-serve.

MS Paint
Sep 21, 2007

Boring Ass Troll


I know when my cellphone is going to ring 5 seconds before it does.

It is...not an ideal superpower.

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can turn any book your touch into the bible, but only as many words that will fit into the original book's pages in extremely large font.

rootphreak
May 16, 2008

HO HO HO
SPREAD EM FOR SANTA


You can tell someone is lying








but only when the person is lying about what he or she masturbated to last

Cinematic
Feb 26, 2006


The power of sweating uncontrollably every time a woman speaks to you.

You can change your face but only into Mitch McConnell's face.

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can read someone's mind as long as they are thinking about Sonic the Hedgehog Erotic Fan-fiction at that moment.

fuck trophy 2k14
Jun 8, 2012



making zippers on things

turning your body to string

being able to summon the sun

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007



ability to morph into hair gel

Harald
Jul 9, 2009

LINKIN PARK

you can stretch your body - but not your skeleton

you can telepathically communicate with Welshmen

photographic memory, i.e you remember every photograph you ever see

you have a metal skeleton - 100% gallium alloy

Iseeyouseemeseeyou
Jan 3, 2011


ability to morph into tampons

fuck trophy 2k14
Jun 8, 2012



your house is indestructable

being able to control your hair

you explode if people look at your back

everyone near you gets somewhat more aggressive

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



the ability to swallow and eat peanuts through your urethra but it still hurts as much as normal

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can give yourself extra chromosomes at will.

Fister Roboto
Feb 21, 2008

I am programed in multiple techniques. A broad variety of pleasuring.



Sgt. Shaved Balls posted:

If you concentrate enough, your ejaculate comes out as soft-serve.

i dont know that sounds pretty awesome??

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.


you can make your dick fall off but not reattach it, also it bleeds a whole lot.

fuck trophy 2k14
Jun 8, 2012



gravity doesnt work near you

all water you touch instantly boils

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007



ability to shut down all wi-fi within a mile radius at will

fuck trophy 2k14
Jun 8, 2012



you can skip time

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can tell the official name of any scented candle but only by eating the entire candle.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



your dick grows 2x bigger when you die

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Fister Roboto posted:

i dont know that sounds pretty awesome??

You get really bad blue balls afterwards.

PlantRobot
Feb 13, 2010


the ability to move all your toes independently of each other

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007



every neighborhood you pass through is instantly gentrified

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



you have the ability to convert powerful alternating current electricity into high pitched screams and smoke

fuck trophy 2k14
Jun 8, 2012



you can steal concepts

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

Sorry guys, I'm just a donut.


you can steal concepts

fuck trophy 2k14
Jun 8, 2012



flashing brightly

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007



you can turn a carls jr into a hardees and vice versa

Kumbamontu
Nov 8, 2003

Hello. My name is Elliot Moore. I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes. We're just here to use the bathroom, and we're just going to leave. I hope that's okay.


Every person you encounter appears as a naked Angela Lansbury

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can make a dead male's testicles explode with the force of small firecrackers with your mind.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



when your flesh gets burned it makes weedsmoke

Harald
Jul 9, 2009

LINKIN PARK

you can fly but only on Malaysian air

you can turn invisible but everyone will see the poop in your intestines and stuff

Pochoclo
Feb 4, 2008
I like bread

Sgt. Shaved Balls posted:

You can cause someone's rear end to become your face but your face become's their rear end. After the first time though you can only swap asses with your assface.

Your rear end is bulletproof.

That's a really good combination if you happen to get shot in the face a lot.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



you have a sense for danger that causes you hours of debilitating pain every time something bad is going to happen

Subliminal Sauce
Apr 6, 2010

Spreading freedom and spreading it thick; that's just a thing us right-wing nutjobs do!


The ability to annoy people from a distance. Been workin on this one myself, but thre are others in this very town who have it mastered.

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

You can remove a woman's uterus instantly with your mind but it's replaced with a bottle of mountain dew.

Sgt. Shaved Balls
Sep 6, 2006

UNBEARABLE AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

a hole-y ghost posted:

when your flesh gets burned it makes weedsmoke

lol this owns

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



the ability to put a copy of Home Alone 2 VHS on hold in each applicable video stores across the world instantly

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jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007



ability to telepathically convert VHS to laserdisc

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