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les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

bitterandtwisted posted:

The ability to bend spoons with your mind except in scientifically controlled environments.

The ability to see the future in totally inconsequential ways; e.g. you can see events 10,000 years into the future but no sooner or later

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Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Palpek posted:

bullied_kid's_fucked_up_fantasy.txt

Why would that be a fantasy? Are you thinking of murdering them over and over again?

The ability to untangle a slinky no matter how tangled in under a minute flat.

bitterandtwisted
Sep 4, 2006




You can do card tricks with real magic

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
The ability to teleport small coins from your pocket to behind people's ears.

The ability to have perfect aim with any NERF gun.

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
ur skin can turn pruny whenev u want

invisibility from dogs

can fold deadly sharp paper airplanes

perfect sitting posture

can take shell off hard boiled eggs in 1 piece w/one hand

metal hair

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
your cum is made of wood

Minorkos
Feb 20, 2010

the power to play video games really well but none of the ones that are esports

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
the power to seduce anyone but only up until the point of physical contact

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


amazing twerking only when nobody's looking

bitterandtwisted
Sep 4, 2006




unreliable invisibility. your clothes don't become invisible.

Motherfucker
Jul 16, 2011

I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.
You have prehensile hair but you cannot control it and it hurts when you cut it


also it moves when it is cut


also it is worms


your hair is worms!

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

Motherfucker posted:

You have prehensile hair but you cannot control it and it hurts when you cut it


also it moves when it is cut


also it is worms


your hair is worms!

The power to control the pattern (but not the rate) of your own male pattern baldness

fuck off Batman
Oct 14, 2013

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!


Ability to fly, but backwards only.

Murray Mantoinette
Jun 11, 2005

THE  POSTS  MUST  FLOW
Clapping Larry
You have the strength of 1.5 men, but only if 100% of your calories come from Gogurt.

Murray Mantoinette
Jun 11, 2005

THE  POSTS  MUST  FLOW
Clapping Larry
"Oh Yeah" by Yello plays whenever you take your shirt off.

e: this one

Murray Mantoinette fucked around with this message at 14:25 on Aug 2, 2014

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

st1LL_51ngl3 posted:

"Oh Yeah" by Yello plays whenever you take your shirt off.

e: this one

and only you can hear it

kumba
Nov 8, 2003

I posted my food for USPOL Thanksgiving!

enjoy the ride

Lipstick Apathy
you have an 11 inch dick, but only while you're asleep

Nubian Sasquatch
May 3, 2007

back dat ass up
Nap Ghost
nobody can stop you from eating poison

Murray Mantoinette
Jun 11, 2005

THE  POSTS  MUST  FLOW
Clapping Larry

Quickscope420dad posted:

st1ll_51ngl3 posted:

"Oh Yeah" by Yello plays whenever you take your shirt off.
and only you can hear it

Everybody else just hears Yakety Sax instead.

Pot Smoke Phoenix
Aug 15, 2007



Smoke 'em if you gottem!
Dinosaur Gum
A prehensile penis that is also sentient, and racist.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
Microvision - the ability to see microscopic things. But you can't turn it off.

e: At least you can always see your penis.

Nubian Sasquatch
May 3, 2007

back dat ass up
Nap Ghost

Splatmaster posted:

A prehensile penis that is also sentient, and racist.

yeah but you can still name your dick Grand Wizard so its not a complete waste

Carnival of Shrews
Mar 27, 2013

You're not David Attenborough

Splatmaster posted:

A prehensile penis that is also sentient, and racist.

Vampire Hunter P

Kwanzaa Quickie
Nov 4, 2009
Every time you wake up you become a different person, but you're identical to the person who you were when you went to sleep, body, memories, personality, everything is exactly the same.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
The ability to look like anyone who's currently on the Most Wanted list of the country you currently reside in.

Fister Roboto
Feb 21, 2008

You can shrink yourself really tiny but you suffocate if you do because oxygen molecules are now too large for your lungs to process.

Sion
Oct 16, 2004

"I'm the boss of space. That's plenty."
MEat vision - the ability to fire meat out of eyes

fuck off Batman
Oct 14, 2013

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!


The ability to become a child again (with all your adult wisdom), but only when a certain ex-mod is around.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Dez Orwell posted:

Every time you wake up you become a different person, but you're identical to the person who you were when you went to sleep, body, memories, personality, everything is exactly the same.
that's loving retarded

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
the power to turn your whole body into foreskin

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
Willed spontaneous human combustion (your own)

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

Zzulu posted:

the power to turn your whole body into foreskin

the power to turn your whole foreskin into snakes

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


the power to perfectly read lips over any distance but only for languages you don't speak

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
The power to make people laugh, but only at your expense.

e: The ability to act in any and all roles in the musical "The Ugliest Weenie."

Zanzibar Ham fucked around with this message at 19:38 on Aug 2, 2014

Sokoban
Feb 16, 2011

THUNDERDOME
LOSER
The power to run faster than sound, but you can't stop.

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.


Grimey Drawer
Psychokinesis, but you can only use it to masturbate.

Actually that'd be a pretty cool ability.

Sokoban
Feb 16, 2011

THUNDERDOME
LOSER
The power to fart in morse code.

Iriquois
Jun 6, 2013
Once every hour you can teleport two inches in any direction.

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
Coming into physical contact with your dick is as pleasurable as the purest hit of heroin, but your dick naturally stinks so badly that noone can even bear to go near you / it

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Fister Roboto
Feb 21, 2008

You can shapeshift to look like Ernest Borgnine.

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