WWE Raw will see you in court for 8/4 --- BITCH!!!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > WWE Raw will see you in court for 8/4 --- BITCH!!!

«‹›68 »

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

LAST WEEK ON RAW:

Hero and friend to all John Cena comes out to talk about Brock Lesnar and what a monster that man is. Paul Heyman comes out to interrupt and Cena and Heyman yell at each other and get hyped up for the match at SummerSlam. Cesaro comes out to interrupt for the honor of his friend Paul Heyman. Cesaro says that Cena can�t wrestle and challenges him to a match.
In a fun but sloppy match, Cena pins Cesaro after an Avalanche AA.
Paige comes out to address the situation between her and AJ Lee. AJ comes out and says that that they aren�t friends when Paige calls her crazy. This triggers AJ and she attacks Paige, who retreats up the ramp.
The Authority comes out to talk about Stephanie McMahon�s arrest last week. Chris Jericho interrupts and makes fun of Stephanie some and tries calling her that thing he called her a decade ago. Seth Rollins attacked Jericho from behind with his briefcase, and HHH made a match for later.
The Usos and Dolph Ziggler beat Rybaxel and the Miz. Miz does not get punched in the face.
The Streak ends when R-Truth pins Bo Dallas. After the loss, Bo goes nuts and beats up R-Truth and does another victory lap.
Lana and Rusev come out to talk about Russia�s superiority. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter come out to talk about how great America is instead. America has pretty girls and beer. Russia doesn�t. Swagger and Rusev fight and Rusev gets dumped out of the ring. They angrily wave flags at one another.
Damien Sandow comes out and he is an astronaut. Adam Rose beats him very quickly.
Roman Reigns makes his entrance for his match against Kane when Randy Orton interrupts and throws Reigns around the arena. Orton eventually ends up RKOing Reigns through the announce table.
Los Matadores come out for a match with new valets Summer Rae and Layla. The one matador who�s not injured betas Fandango quickly.
Naomi and Natalya beat Cameron and Alicia Fox.
Chris Jericho vs. Seth Rollins ends when the Wyatt Family interrupts the end of the match and pummel Jericho.
Stephanie McMahon comes out to apologize and confront Brie Bella. Brie keeps on saying �guess I�ll see you in court� and threatens to sue Stephanie for putting her hands on her. Brie eventually ends up dropping all charges in exchange for her job back and a match against Stephanie at SummerSlam. Stephanie slaps Brie off the apron and the two have a pull-apart brawl. The crowd chants for Jamie Noble.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH RAW TONIGHT:

1. John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar!

Why you should care: This is going to be a good match and even though neither of the participants in it will likely be on Raw tonight, Paul Heyman will talk and that will be neat!

2. Brie Bella vs. Stephanie McMahon!

Why you should care: After the first women-only main event of Raw in quite some time, Brie Bella and Stephanie McMahon will have a match at SummerSlam, with Stephanie having her first match in several years.

3. Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns!

Why you should care: Two cool dudes fightin� each other! Cool!

4. Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins!

Why you should care: I don�t know, where the gently caress even is Dean Ambrose right now?

5. AJ Lee vs. Paige!

Why you should care: These two are pretty neat I guess.

STREAMS FOR TONIGHT

http://bigevents.tv
http://thefirstrow.eu
http://wrestling-network.net/

In addition, WrasslorMonkey made a cool application that makes streams look great. Follow these instructions!

WrasslorMonkey posted:

And here's the bookmarklet that removes the extra junk from streams since it seemed to work out well for folks last time (open the page and drag the link to your bookmarks bar then click it while on a stream page).

All this and more, live on Monday Night Raw!

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:57

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

Should be fun on a bun!

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:05

Sticky Nate: Jan 9, 2012

Hyped for Brock Lesnar

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:09

TheWorstAmy: Nov 27, 2009; I'm a stupid Twitch streamer

Bard Maddox posted:

Chris Jericho interrupts and makes fun of Stephanie some and tries calling her that thing he called her a decade ago

Which was amazing, by the way, don't deny that :colbert:

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:09

Frankston: Jul 27, 2010

Is my favourite wrestler john cena going to be on Raw tonight

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:10

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009

Bitch I'll see you in COURT, bitch

Frankston posted:

Is my favourite wrestler john cena going to be on Raw tonight

I don't know why they brought him back one week to cut a promo then he's off the show next week without getting laid out or something. It's not like they are going to ruin the hype for Cena/Lesnar with a brawl because they already brought up that John Cena won their last match but I can understand why they'd want to keep them apart with the build they've done so far.

oatgan fucked around with this message at 00:13 on Aug 5, 2014

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:11

GenericMartini: Oct 22, 2012; AYYYYY PAPI

If this raw turns lovely I've got JoJo ready for some viewing. I'm hoping for a lovely Raw.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:11

Thauros: Jan 29, 2003

Bard Maddox posted:

[

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH RAW TONIGHT:

1. John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar!

Why you should care: This is going to be a good match and even though neither of the participants in it will likely be on Raw tonight, Paul Heyman will talk and that will be neat!

Don't get your hopes up:

quote:

Neither John Cena, Paul Heyman or Brock Lesnar are on the show live tonight, but there will be a lot of promotional work for their match on the show tonigtht.

quote:

Paul Heyman will be appearing on Ariel Helwani's The MMA Hour Monday around 2:05 p.m. Eastern time. He'll be live in the New York studios with Helwani, plugging his DVD. That would seem to indicate that he won't be at Raw, since it's in Austin, TX.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:13

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

oatgan posted:

Bitch I'll see you in COURT, bitch

they molested the bull

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:13

Frankston: Jul 27, 2010

I don't know if it's worth staying up now that my favourite wrestler john cena isn't on the show tonight.

I don't know if I can stand another Adam Rose squashing Sandow segment.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:18

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Chris Jericho vs. Luke Harper in singles is also comfirmed for tonight, get hype!

Mojo Rawley will (hopefully) not be making an appearance.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:20

achillesforever6: Apr 23, 2012; psst you wanna do a communism?

Frankston posted:

I don't know if it's worth staying up now that my favourite wrestler john cena isn't on the show tonight.

I don't know if I can stand another Adam Rose squashing Sandow segment.

How bout Cesaro losing to Swagger again since nobody watches Smackdown?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:21

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009

achillesforever6 posted:

How bout Cesaro losing to Swagger again since nobody watches Smackdown?

that sounds pretty cool i bet its a fun match

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:21

StarkRavingMad: Sep 27, 2001; Yams Fan

You just have to have faith that this show can overcome the odds and still be good even without PSP hero John Cena.

What I'm saying is...you just have to...BO-lieve

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:21

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

I hope that Brie is here and says bitch again, and I also hope that Bray sings that he's got the whole world in his hands too!

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:23

achillesforever6: Apr 23, 2012; psst you wanna do a communism?

oatgan posted:

that sounds pretty cool i bet its a fun match

Yeah it will be even though everyone will be pissed that the right person would be winning that match

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:23

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

StarkRavingMad posted:

What I'm saying is...you just have to...BO-lieve

WASSUP!?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:24

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

WASSUP!?

No see it's totally okay because he beat him up after the match or whatever, this is absolutely not the same thing they did to Cesaro at all, which was having him lose in hilarious fashion to a guy who rarely wins and then beating him up after the match.

achillesforever6 posted:

Yeah it will be even though everyone will be pissed that the right person would be winning that match

I wouldn't be! Swagger's vaguely a part of a hot angle while Cesaro is just Cesaro.

Shima Honnou fucked around with this message at 00:31 on Aug 5, 2014

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:28

StarkRavingMad: Sep 27, 2001; Yams Fan

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

WASSUP!?

YOU CAN GET WITH THIS
OR YOU CAN GET WITH THAT
IF YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH THIS
I'LL...hit you with a bat?

WHAT'S UP
WHAT'S UP
WHAT'S UP
WHAT'S UP

I just realized I've been listening to R-Truth rap for like 5 years and I still have no clue what he says

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:31

Big Coffin Hunter: Aug 13, 2005

Is Ambrose actually going to be on tonight?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:31

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009

achillesforever6 posted:

Yeah it will be even though everyone will be pissed that the right person would be winning that match

yeah but this happens pretty frequently around here

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:32

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009

Big Coffin Hunter posted:

Is Ambrose actually going to be on tonight?

they didn't advance his feud last week so they'll have to do SOMETHING tonight even if its just another pull apart brawl and him looking like a badass

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:33

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Big Coffin Hunter posted:

Is Ambrose actually going to be on tonight?

He will be, he'll lose to Kane or something.

When was the last time Ambrose won a match? I want to say he won a match against Cesaro on Smackdown but it feels like he's lost every match he's been in for a long while.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:33

Daniel Bryan: May 23, 2006; GOAT

oatgan posted:

they didn't advance his feud last week so they'll have to do SOMETHING tonight even if its just another pull apart brawl and him looking like a badass

oatgan

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:34

Rand McNally: May 20, 2007

Big Coffin Hunter posted:

Is Ambrose actually going to be on tonight?

In his interview, he says he's in a 6-man tag with Roman, against Seth and Bray.. and I forget who else tonight.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:34

Chris James 2: Aug 9, 2012

GenericMartini posted:

If this raw turns lovely I've got JoJo ready for some viewing. I'm hoping for a lovely Raw.

That's a great backup plan

StarkRavingMad posted:

You just have to have faith that this show can overcome the odds and still be good even without PSP hero John Cena.

What I'm saying is...you just have to...BO-lieve

Hey Stark

I'll see you in court

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:34

Shima Honnou: Dec 1, 2010; The Once And Future King Of Dicetroit; College Slice

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

He will be, he'll lose to Kane or something.

When was the last time Ambrose won a match? I want to say he won a match against Cesaro on Smackdown but it feels like he's lost every match he's been in for a long while.

Even then, winning a match against Cesaro isn't really that impressive. Ambrose needs to beat someone who actually wins, like Kofi.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:35

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

No, don't make her your bit!

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:35

oatgan: Jan 15, 2009

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

He will be, he'll lose to Kane or something.

When was the last time Ambrose won a match? I want to say he won a match against Cesaro on Smackdown but it feels like he's lost every match he's been in for a long while.

he wins by DQ a lot when The Authority runs in to beat him up

Daniel Bryan posted:

oatgan

yes, forums poster daniel bryan?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:35

SamuraiFoochs: Jan 16, 2007; Grimey Drawer

Shima Honnou posted:

No see it's totally okay because he beat him up after the match or whatever, this is absolutely not the same thing they did to Cesaro at all, which was having him lose in hilarious fashion to a guy who rarely wins and then beating him up after the match.

Bo's ceiling is comedy heel geek, WHO loving CARES

Also I unironically wanna see Steph/Brie.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:36

SyntheticPolygon: Dec 20, 2013

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

He will be, he'll lose to Kane or something.

When was the last time Ambrose won a match? I want to say he won a match against Cesaro on Smackdown but it feels like he's lost every match he's been in for a long while.

He beat Cesaro on a Smackdown a few weeks ago, and a bunch of his latest losses have been disqualifications because he just starts hitting people with steel chairs since he's crazy.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:36

StarkRavingMad: Sep 27, 2001; Yams Fan

Chris James 2 posted:

I'll see you in court

Bitch! You're my bitch, bitch! Bitch

I like that this is the one curse word they've decided is okay. Except when they bleep it.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:37

SamuraiFoochs: Jan 16, 2007; Grimey Drawer

StarkRavingMad posted:

Bitch! You're my bitch, bitch! Bitch

I like that this is the one curse word they've decided is okay. Except when they bleep it.

Really they've been easing in drat, rear end, and hell too. Just not the big ones.

None have gotten as much use as B-EEEEAHHHYAHHHYAHHHYAHHYAHH though, granted

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:39

Asmodai_00: Nov 26, 2007

b****

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:41

Writer Cath: Apr 1, 2007; Box. Flipped.; Plaster Town Cop

I hope Seth Rollins is a dick to people and then he gets punched by Dean Ambrose.

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:42

StarkRavingMad: Sep 27, 2001; Yams Fan

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Really they've been easing in drat, rear end, and hell too. Just not the big ones.

None have gotten as much use as B-EEEEAHHHYAHHHYAHHHYAHHYAHH though, granted

I guess you've kind of always had hell and drat in play because of Kane and :drat:

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:44

Panamaniac: Jun 18, 2007; HEROES NEVER DIE

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:46

CobiWann: Oct 21, 2009; Have fun!

Paul Heyman has a Blu-Ray?!?

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:47

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

All proceeds going to pay CW Anderson's back pay 15 years later

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:48

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 23:57

WrasslorMonkey: Mar 5, 2012

Ron Paul Hype Man posted:

# ? Aug 5, 2014 00:52

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > WWE Raw will see you in court for 8/4 --- BITCH!!!

«‹›68 »