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GEExCEE

movie opens with a wide shot of adam jerking off in a field. he passes out and takes a nap and wakes up and theres this chick. and he sits up and he's like "aroo?"" and she cocks her eyebrow and wraps her finger around her toe and the camera zooms in on it

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Blue's Clues


I wonder if the actresses in his films ever read the scripts and are like "uhhh, yeah, so why is the camera zooming in on my feet during this beheading scene?"

DinosaurDavid

Froody

I heard he'll pay a woman $100 dollars to go back to his house and let him masturbate on her naked feet.

Quickscope420dad

I can drink 40 cups of tea in 1 second

Tarantino cameos as the roman soldier who nails Jesus' feet into the cross

ChairmanMeow

a kitty, in space

HoffaSaurusX posted:

I heard he'll pay a woman $100 dollars to go back to his house and let him masturbate on her naked feet.

i bet they are pretty beat feet for $100

Angry Fish


I wonder how he's going to properly adapt the Psalms to the big screen?

Salmiakki

christmas is coming the goose is getting fat


Quickscope420dad posted:

Tarantino cameos as the roman soldier who nails Jesus' feet into the cross

jesus is inexplicably a woman in his interpretation

Quickscope420dad

I can drink 40 cups of tea in 1 second

Salmiakki posted:

jesus is inexplicably a woman in his interpretation

I guess this means we have to make a "Jesus was trans" tumblr

ChairmanMeow

a kitty, in space

Quickscope420dad posted:

I guess this means we have to make a "Jesus was trans" tumblr

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iu1ItXdcJc
illuminati transgender jesus (it was all weird talking)

Gross Dude

Gross Dude
God doesn't tell Abraham not to sacrifice Isaac.

Book of Job remains completely unchanged.

GEExCEE

"Pigs sleep and root in poo poo. That's a filthy animal" - g*d

Gross Dude

Gross Dude
Samson's ears give him strength instead of his hair.

GEExCEE

Abraham: I just ain't sacrificing my first born son, man. I got a problem with filicide.

God: well I got a problem with leading ungrateful, peanut-head niggas to triumph over the Caananites, but I did it!

bacalou



he will find a way to get Jesus to say friend of the family

i am he


instead of hitting the greedy dudes with a whip jesus upturns the table and uses it as cover while spraying bullets with an uzi at them

GEExCEE

jesus is back, and he's PISSED

precision

You usually only see hair like that in a video game.


bacalou posted:

he will find a way to get Jesus to say friend of the family

he will find a way to have romans call jesus a friend of the family

get it right

WetNightmare


Samuel Jackson plays Ezekial but looks exactly like his role in Pulp Fiction and he packs heat and says the same quote from Pulp Fiction a whole lot even when nobody is doing anything

i am he


Elijah or elisha gets called a penis head lookin muthafucka (because he's bald) so he sends the bears down to kill hte kids but the bears are the human kind and they're huge and hairy packing tommy guns and switchblades and they kill the kids without mercy

Jett



"What country are you from?"

"Err..."

"Ur ain't no country I've ever heard of! They speak English in Ur?"

"Sumerian, actually."

precision

You usually only see hair like that in a video game.


pilate: i hear you're some kind of bad motherfucker
jesus: hey man, i never said that
pilate: i've got your wallet here. it says "bad motherfucker on it"
jesus: hey man, that's not even mine!
pilate: (to guard) look at dis nigga. (to jesus) think you're king of the niggas?
jesus: yo, look, i ain't even said that
pilate: oh, you are though. you the king of ALL THEM NIGGAS
jesus: that's not the truth
pilate: gently caress you [shoots gun]

WetNightmare


Kill Jesus Vol.1

Angry Fish


precision posted:

pilate: i hear you're some kind of bad motherfucker
jesus: hey man, i never said that
pilate: i've got your wallet here. it says "bad motherfucker on it"
jesus: hey man, that's not even mine!
pilate: (to guard) look at dis nigga. (to jesus) think you're king of the niggas?
jesus: yo, look, i ain't even said that
pilate: oh, you are though. you the king of ALL THEM NIGGAS
jesus: that's not the truth
pilate: gently caress you [shoots gun]

Jett



precision posted:

pilate: i hear you're some kind of bad motherfucker
jesus: hey man, i never said that
pilate: i've got your wallet here. it says "bad motherfucker on it"
jesus: hey man, that's not even mine!
pilate: (to guard) look at dis nigga. (to jesus) think you're king of the niggas?
jesus: yo, look, i ain't even said that
pilate: oh, you are though. you the king of ALL THEM NIGGAS
jesus: that's not the truth
pilate: gently caress you [shoots gun]

ulvir

Jeg estimerer deg ikke.

Roman officer: Describe Pontius Pilate.
Jesus: What?
Roman officer: What does Pontius Pilate look like?
Jesus: What?
(...)
Roman officer: DOES HE LOOK. LIKE A BITCH?!

ulvir

Jeg estimerer deg ikke.

did you notice a sign outside golgotha that said "dead kike storage"?

D PimpJedi

There is no unconscious except for the speaking being.
Tarantino cameos as the talking Donkey.

Read Eddie Murphy's angry response on Twitter

GEExCEE

thats just a rumor, i thought tarantino didnt want to do shrek 4 because the licencing with the church was such a hassle

Quickscope420dad

I can drink 40 cups of tea in 1 second

GEExCEE posted:

thats just a rumor, i thought tarantino didnt want to do shrek 4 because the licencing with the church was such a hassle

I also heard this true thing, GEExCEE is tellign the truth everyone

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Classicist


jesus doesn't have to wait three days to be resurrected because mary magdalene injects adrenaline into his heart right away.

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