A male friend of my wife acted like a cunt towards me at our wedding

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > A male friend of my wife acted like a cunt towards me at our wedding

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Meg From Family Guy: Feb 4, 2012

You're a mentally hosed retard who needs to get therapy instead of posting tons of fake topics for attention on GBS

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:51

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# ? Apr 20, 2024 01:18

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; "There are fair questions about shooting non-lethally at retreating civilian combatants."

Neurosis posted:

yeah punching someone on his wedding day (or at all) sounds like a great idea that won't have any negative effects and will solve all issues

also telling your wife 'this guy has nothing to do with us anymore' sounds very dictatorial and domineering

The groom shouldn't have to punch a guy on his wedding day, no, but he should have a Nick Offerman-like friend on standby in case anybody need to be punched.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyDvii2k_so

Also, you're right, OP does sound super insecure about the whole incident like a domineering rear end in a top hat-- I'm worried he actually might hurt her.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:52

Buck Turgidson: Feb 6, 2011; 𓀬𓀠𓀟𓀡𓀢𓀣𓀤𓀥𓀞𓀬

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

I recommend sending him a lovely basket of pineapples so his cum is more pleasant for you to eat out of your wife's pussy

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:52

turdriver: May 31, 2014; by XyloJW

lol u and ur wife will now be murdered

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:52

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

well he might not have been if you'd manned up and powerbombed him into the wedding cake, but since you pussied out the cuck is gonna run amok.

I recommend sending him a lovely basket of pineapples so his cum is more pleasant for you to eat out of your wife's pussy

ahahahaha

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:53

Meg From Family Guy: Feb 4, 2012

Spanish Manlove posted:

ahahahaha

is this laughter ironic

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:54

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Make and model of the juicer please.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:54

Wooten: Oct 4, 2004

I'm a wedding photographer and this poo poo happens every loving wedding. There is always one male friend of the bride that never got to bang her and once he gets drunk he ruins everything. Sometimes it's even her cousin. I've also seen this in reverse with a female friend of the groom, but that's not as common (brides are smart enough to weed that bitch out of the invitations).

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:54

ethanol: Jul 13, 2007

Meg From Family Guy posted:

is this laughter ironic

Spanish manlove is almost certainly a psychopath irl

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:55

Miltank: Dec 27, 2009; by XyloJW

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

well he might not have been if you'd manned up and powerbombed him into the wedding cake, but since you pussied out the cuck is gonna run amok.

I recommend sending him a lovely basket of pineapples so his cum is more pleasant for you to eat out of your wife's pussy

yeah

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:55

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

op give us some pics so we can judge who is the beta

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:56

rezatahs: Jun 9, 2001; by Smythe

Meg From Family Guy posted:

is this laughter ironic

nah he actually lols at the most retarded stuff all the time

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:58

Jimby Nougats: May 6, 2009

id rather read juicerman's version of the events as the OP

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:58

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; "There are fair questions about shooting non-lethally at retreating civilian combatants."

Michael Scott: "If you ever lay a finger on her, I'll kill you."
Bob Vance: "If you ever lay a finger on her, I'll kill you"
Michael Scott: "Agreed... no fingers shall be laid on Phyllis."

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:58

old bean factory: Nov 18, 2006; Will ya close the fucking doors?!

You are the ONLY MAN in her life now. Dominate and collar that bitch.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 15:59

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

ethanol posted:

Pretty good story. Thanks for sharing. Love, the man cucking you

How did it take this long for someone to say that

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:00

Punished Chuck: Dec 27, 2010

Hogge Wild posted:

op, do you understand that hes cucking you

He's not, but he definitely wants to be.

Anyway, OP, you should definitely kill this guy. I'm not being ironic nu-GBS here, you should literally end this man's life for putting his hands on you at your wedding. Challenge him to holmgang and spill his guts on the ice.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:00

a cat irl: Feb 13, 2010

gagelion posted:

he got us a juicer as our present

which is going pretty hard out for a young person as far as money goes since it's pretty expensive

but anyway I met him for the first time there and got a weird vibe from him

but I was nice and welcoming etc

but towards the end of the night he came over and he said "you might be her husband now, but I have known her for over twenty years and im telling you that you have to take care of her"

and I told him thanks for the concern, but at the end of the day regardless of length of time known, I'm the only man in her life now and he doesn't need to worry about keeping an eye on me

and he reiterates that he's known her for twenty years

and then says "if you ever hurt her, I will kill you"

and I just laugh in a "um, wtf" sort of way

and he goes "im not joking" and puts his hand round the back of my head and grasps it and goes "I will KILL you"

and at that point, I say "Dude, do you want to take your hand off my head?"

"I will KILL you"

"seriously, take your hands off me"

"I will KILL you if you ever hurt her"

"George, get your loving hands off me right now"

at that point, my wife comes over and asks whats going on

he goes back to normal and I decide to try and defuse it by telling her everything is fine and that he is just leaving

I shake his hand and leave it at that, pretend im not loving disgusted, and then as soon as we leave the reception, I tell her what happened, i say to her "he is now 100% gone and he has nothing to do with either of our lives ever again" and I tell her to message him expressing her disapproval

so she messaged him saying "George, next time someone invites you to a wedding and you are eating and drinking on their dollar and their time, please refrain from threatening and being hostile to the groom."

and he replies "You must be kidding, right? Threatening? I was just giving him a friendly warning. I can't help it if he cries about it on your shoulder at home, all I know is that I've known you for a million years and I'm worried about you "

to which she goes "YOU must be kidding, right? You act like that, and now you go ahead after what I just said and actually still have the gall to insult my husband? Not cool."

the thing is though that she gets kind of upset when I've brought it up with her, which she says isn't about this friend in particular but simply that it's a negative memory of the wedding day and she doesn't want it to be the one bad thing that taints everything else that was perfect

and the other day she said "would it settle everything if I just deleted him off Facebook?"

to which I said "yeah that sounds pretty good"

so she did, and he doesn't seem to have noticed yet because he hasn't said anything to her

but a couple of people have said to me that I have her too much under my thumb and that I shouldn't be making unilateral decisions about who she can be friends with and who she should have on facebook and be involved in our lives

and obviously i have my own views about that lol

same

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:02

A Buttery Pastry: Sep 4, 2011; Delicious and Informative!

i'm the childhood friend of the bride who didn't feel the need to confront the OP since i'm already loving his wife.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:02

Sephiroth_IRA: Mar 31, 2010

Minimalist Program posted:

prepare to be cucked, dude.

Anyway you live in the states right? If so you should have killed him right there He got into your personal space and threatened to kill you that's more than enough to get away with it.

Sephiroth_IRA fucked around with this message at 16:06 on Aug 6, 2014

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:04

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

A Buttery Pastry posted:

i'm the childhood friend of the bride who didn't feel the need to confront the OP since i'm already loving his wife.

Carefully, or he will have her delete you from facebook 4ever

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:04

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

A Buttery Pastry posted:

i'm the childhood friend of the bride who didn't feel the need to confront the OP since i'm already loving his wife.

so how would you compare ops and aggro guys looks, which one of them is more beta

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:04

les fleurs du mall: Jun 30, 2014; by LadyAmbien

Gas OP
Gas OP's wife
Gas OP'S cuckbull
goldmine thread

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:05

Roki B: Jul 25, 2004; Medical Industrial Complex; Biscuit Hider

tl;dr

gagelion posted:

he got

which is

but anyway

but I

but towards

and I

and he

and then

and I

and he

and at

"I will

"seriously, take

"I will

"George, get

at that

he goes

I shake

so she

and he

to which

the thing

and the

to which

so she

but a

and obviously

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:06

i must compose: Jul 4, 2010; Until the lions have their own historians, the history of the hunt will always glorify the hunter.

wtf i thought this was a joke topic.

you better not hurt your wife op or you will regret it

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:07

Cesar Cedeno: May 9, 2011; Can't post for 641 days!

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

the cuck is gonna run amok.

yessss.

This dude is a loving lunatic btw OP. He wants to gently caress your wife, and anyone unstable enough to lay a hand on you and threaten you on your wedding day is probably going to have a meltdown when he realizes him doing this caused you to have your wife cut him out of her life.

Which she should btw.

Just be prepared for some crazy poo poo to go down.

Edit: Bookmarked thread so I can try and match it to any double murder-suicide headlines I might see.

Cesar Cedeno fucked around with this message at 16:10 on Aug 6, 2014

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:08

Trixie Hardcore: Jul 1, 2006; Placeholder.

gagelion posted:

he got us a juicer as our present

which is going pretty hard out for a young person as far as money goes since it's pretty expensive

but anyway I met him for the first time there and got a weird vibe from him

but I was nice and welcoming etc

but towards the end of the night he came over and he said "you might be her husband now, but I have known her for over twenty years and im telling you that you have to take care of her"

and I told him thanks for the concern, but at the end of the day regardless of length of time known, I'm the only man in her life now and he doesn't need to worry about keeping an eye on me

and he reiterates that he's known her for twenty years

and then says "if you ever hurt her, I will kill you"

and I just laugh in a "um, wtf" sort of way

and he goes "im not joking" and puts his hand round the back of my head and grasps it and goes "I will KILL you"

and at that point, I say "Dude, do you want to take your hand off my head?"

"I will KILL you"

"seriously, take your hands off me"

"I will KILL you if you ever hurt her"

"George, get your loving hands off me right now"

at that point, my wife comes over and asks whats going on

he goes back to normal and I decide to try and defuse it by telling her everything is fine and that he is just leaving

I shake his hand and leave it at that, pretend im not loving disgusted, and then as soon as we leave the reception, I tell her what happened, i say to her "he is now 100% gone and he has nothing to do with either of our lives ever again" and I tell her to message him expressing her disapproval

so she messaged him saying "George, next time someone invites you to a wedding and you are eating and drinking on their dollar and their time, please refrain from threatening and being hostile to the groom."

and he replies "You must be kidding, right? Threatening? I was just giving him a friendly warning. I can't help it if he cries about it on your shoulder at home, all I know is that I've known you for a million years and I'm worried about you "

to which she goes "YOU must be kidding, right? You act like that, and now you go ahead after what I just said and actually still have the gall to insult my husband? Not cool."

the thing is though that she gets kind of upset when I've brought it up with her, which she says isn't about this friend in particular but simply that it's a negative memory of the wedding day and she doesn't want it to be the one bad thing that taints everything else that was perfect

and the other day she said "would it settle everything if I just deleted him off Facebook?"

to which I said "yeah that sounds pretty good"

so she did, and he doesn't seem to have noticed yet because he hasn't said anything to her

but a couple of people have said to me that I have her too much under my thumb and that I shouldn't be making unilateral decisions about who she can be friends with and who she should have on facebook and be involved in our lives

and obviously i have my own views about that lol

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:13

Meg From Family Guy: Feb 4, 2012

i must compose posted:

wtf i thought this was a joke topic.

you better not hurt your wife op or you will regret it

its a retarded fake topic by a retarded hosed babydicked man

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:13

pop fly to McGillicutty: Feb 2, 2004; A peckish little mouse!

I will gently caress and KILL you

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:14

Drunk & Ugly: Feb 10, 2003; GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR

cuck running amok, "cuckbull" , lol

there are some quite funny usages of cuck in this thread!

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:14

Torka: Jan 5, 2008

OP how many hours of the day do you spend thinking about what you'll write for your next gbs fake post

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:14

Cesar Cedeno: May 9, 2011; Can't post for 641 days!

OP actually wrote his post on an 1800's telegram machine he hardwired into the matrix.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:16

Spanish Manlove: Aug 31, 2008; HAILGAYSATAN

Torka posted:

OP how many hours of the day do you spend thinking about what you'll write for your next gbs fake post

i was googling random phrases from the OP to see if it's a copy/paste and found this because my google search results are really loving skewed now

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10255012/1/Then-There-Was-Rose

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:18

Drunk & Ugly: Feb 10, 2003; GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR

Spanish Manlove posted:

i was googling random phrases from the OP to see if it's a copy/paste and found this because my google search results are really loving skewed now

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10255012/1/Then-There-Was-Rose

is this a fan story about a character from Teen Wolf

not even the teen wolf, just a co star

what the hell

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:22

Extra Large Marge: Jan 21, 2004; Fun Shoe

Death threats are pretty common at weddings

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:24

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

you shoudl have just punched this guy in the face and then spit on him at the wedding. then everything would take care of itself without having to talk to your wife about who she is friends with on facebook, which is extremely undignified for both of you. he's trying to break up your marriage and it's working.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:27

Drunk & Ugly: Feb 10, 2003; GIMME GIMME GIMME, DON'T ASK WHAT FOR

next up, a harrowing fan fiction tale starring "that guy in the stands" from an Angel's In the Outfield game (Disney, 1994)

or, if you're feeling like a laugh, try "A fan fiction day in the life of Woman #2 on the bus from Speed (FOX, 1994)"

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:29

IRQ: Sep 9, 2001; SUCK A DICK, DUMBSHITS!

Is OP dead yet?

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:31

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Kill your wife, then kill Jeff, or Steve, or Dave, or whatever the gently caress is name is, then slit your wrists and in your dying moments upload a picture of yourself holding up a picture of Dickbutt.

Then ascend to Goon Vahlhalla.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:31

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# ? Apr 20, 2024 01:18

Nameless_Steve: Oct 18, 2010; "There are fair questions about shooting non-lethally at retreating civilian combatants."

Flash forward one year.
OP's wife is 3 months pregnant and bearing twin black eyes. She is getting up from the kitchen floor, crying her eyes out.
OP lies in front of her, his head in a growing puddle of blood.
Male friend stands over him, triumphant. He is wearing a sweat-stained sleeveless white tshirt like John loving McClane. In one hand, he holds the expensive juicer he bludgeoned OP with, which is now covered in brains and blood. He tosses it aside.

OP's wife rushes to passionately kiss her rescuer.
Male friend pulls away and says, gruffly, "I told him I wouldn't let him hurt you. I loving told him."
"I'm sorry I unfriended you on Facebook," she whispers sincerely, "I had no choice. This baby... is yours."
They passionately kiss again, moving to another room, and lean down together out of shot. The camera pans away to a fireplace.

# ? Aug 6, 2014 16:31

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > A male friend of my wife acted like a cunt towards me at our wedding

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