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Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

I want to go out in a funny way when I quit this place. Any posters who have chatted with me in BYOB chat know I fuckin' hate my job and the person I work for. The rub is that this place would be an excellent reference but I kind of want to go out in a blaze of glory.

My favorite "I quit" story involves a guy screaming "KIMBO SLICE, MOTHERFUCKERRR" and then breaking his keyboard on his cube wall.

I was thinking about stealing a bunch of pens...

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cruft


At one place I worked, this dude went around all the executives offices with a Nerf gun, methodically pointing at each one's head and calmly saying "bang".

Then he walked out and never came back.

Upper management was flipping out for at least a month after.

Captain No-mates


keep recycling your gbs thread ideas until they fire you

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

We had 2 salesmen quit in the space of 2 weeks in the last 30 days. One literally quit in the middle of the day, the Monday after payday (they dicked with commissions) and the other came into my office to quit and said he need to get the gently caress out of dodge because of some real poo poo in his life. Latter only had 5 days on the job, the former had about 10 years. Now my company only has one salesman and he's only halfway out-the-door

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

Captain No-mates posted:

keep recycling your gbs thread ideas until they fire you

I was hoping BYOB would be funnier and less abusive.

Captain No-mates


uhh quit the job by going into the boss office and making a really high pitch annoying noise and refuse to leave

Captain No-mates


job quit by attacking secretary with a hammer

Captain No-mates


cease your employment by replacing a random word in your vocabulary with friend of the family and dont acknowledge anything weird

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

Captain No-mates posted:

uhh quit the job by going into the boss office and making a really high pitch annoying noise and refuse to leave

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cVlTeIATBs

cruft


Bring in donuts. Don't eat any. When they're all gone send out an email saying you peed on them. 5 minutes later send a follow-up saying "just kidding guys hope you enjoyed them".

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

I was thinking of buying a cake that says "This is my 2 weeks' notice" and then emailing everyone that there is free cake in the lunchroom.

Cumt


write I QUIT on a wall with nutella

Captain No-mates


get a go kart and dress up as bowser

when your boss is leaving in his car pul up beside him in the go-kart and throw your pet turtle through his window and yell friend of the family!!!


never come back

saboten


Ben Smash posted:

I was thinking of buying a cake that says "This is my 2 weeks' notice" and then emailing everyone that there is free cake in the lunchroom.

replace cake w goatse

Bo-Pepper

Want some fright?
Course ya boo!

saboten posted:

replace cake w goatse

does goatse man do appearances

like can i hire goatse for a birthday party or cotillion

Bo-Pepper

Want some fright?
Course ya boo!

alright everyone i've invited a very special guest to entertain us all tonight

Heartbroken 2Twice

finish all the work. everybody's. nobody needs to work now. done.

Jett



Bo-Pepper posted:

alright everyone i've invited a very special guest to entertain us all tonight

daddy that guy doesn't look like a clown

Bo-Pepper

Want some fright?
Course ya boo!

and now the lemonparty dancers!

Sleepy Owl


Captain No-mates posted:

cease your employment by replacing a random word in your vocabulary with friend of the family and dont acknowledge anything weird

lol

Sleepy Owl


move all your stuff from your cubicle into a toilet stall and claim it as your own

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

My office actually used to be next to the bathroom and I could hear people poop. It was awful

Sleepy Owl


move everything from a toilet still into your cubicle

dad gay. so what

take a poo poo on your desk, eat all the poo poo (and rub it all over your face and dick while you jack off) grab a phone and run into your bosses office screaming " I have HR on the phone we are being sued!" - before you hand him the phone - vomit the poo poo that you ate on the receiver and shove it up to his face. he will start vomiting, so piss all over him while he is on the ground and then murder him. poo poo and cum on his corpse and then jump out of the window, killing yourself. (be sure to update your resume first lol!)

Angry Fish


Ok Ben this is what you do:

Find the address of your boss, the place your boss's wife works, the schools his children attend, etc up until the second cousin.

That means get all that info down up and down the family line for at least 4 generations.

I know. It's going to be hard work, but it is worth it.

Now for stage 2:
surprise sex every single one of them in the poop chute.
Post it on facebook.

Jett




*flips through dictionary*

*places finger on page with eyes closed*

the (article)

bawbzilla

Wait until a busy time of year and stop showing up without notice

Jett



bawbzilla posted:

Wait until a busy time of year and stop showing up without notice

aw poo poo man, black friday was today? my bad

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

bawbzilla posted:

Wait until a busy time of year and stop showing up without notice

Usually the first of the month is when I run network health reports. I'm the only one who does them and knows how to do them and has the time to do them. When I leave here they're never going to get done again and nobody will have any oversight, again.

dad gay. so what

Ben Smash posted:

Usually the first of the month is when I run network health reports. I'm the only one who does them and knows how to do them and has the time to do them. When I leave here they're never going to get done again and nobody will have any oversight, again.

im sure everything will be fine, no one there likes you anyway, plus your work really amounts to dog poo poo in the big scheme of things.

CAT BRUSH

He's circlin' round my ankle
He's circlin' round my ankle
He needs some pettin' and lovin' on his hide
Oh kitty won't you come inside



have you ever sold anything to your boss on PayPal?

Angry Fish


CAT BRUSH posted:

have you ever sold anything to your boss on PayPal?

too soon.

RulerSmack


Smoke a huge blunt in the center of the office. Finish the entire thing before you leave.

bawbzilla

Time it right. Let work pile up for a long time, right before you leave at the worst possible time. Nobody will be able to fill in for you let alone make up for all the poo poo you didn't do. Leave knowing you caused them a slight bit of inconvenience that'll balloon into people bitching all about the office for weeks

InterceptorV8

Would have been a shame to blow it up.

10-4 come and exchange loads with me good buddy
Pee in the coffee maker and take a dump in random desk drawers.

anime fuck pillow


Going into your boss's office with a two weeks notice letter, looking him in the eyes while you hand it to him. Let him read it in full, but before he responds you say "I know what you're going to say. It's been great working with you too." and then leave his office.

cruft


Start bringing an anime gently caress pillow to work.

Ben Smash

Beat back the darkness at the edges of the night.

Being the dog poo poo i am, I spit on a particularly foul salesman's chair a couple times, way back when.

cruft


cruft posted:

At one place I worked, this dude went around all the executives offices with a Nerf gun, methodically pointing at each one's head and calmly saying "bang".

Then he walked out and never came back.

Upper management was flipping out for at least a month after.

Same place: a guy in the documentation squad kept bringing prostitutes to his office to give him blow jobs. It took a full year before anybody mustered up the nerve to fire him.

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cruft


cruft posted:

Same place: a guy in the documentation squad kept bringing prostitutes to his office to give him blow jobs. It took a full year before anybody mustered up the nerve to fire him.

Different place: I was called in to investigate an employee emailing out pornographic photos. From her work computer. Of herself.

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