Picking up people at the bar

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Picking up people at the bar

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

thinking about picking up a lady tomorrow at the bar and repeatedly putting my penis in her. hopefully she won't be ugly or my hand

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 03:15

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# ¿ Apr 16, 2024 12:56

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Wicker Man posted:

The only single women who go to a bar alone for the sole purpose of getting some D are usually fat chain smoking middle aged women trying to get away from the husband and kids.

there's only like one good bar where i'm at and everyone usually doesn't go outside the group they know. might have to go to a dive bar if I get really drunk/horny

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 03:22

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

tinder is prejudice against people who don't have facebooks

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 03:23

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

thanks guys for reminding me i'm too ugly to have women fling themselves at me dick and balls. i guess i need to go take a pua course so i know how to neg and kino and all that jazz

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 03:31

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

mookface posted:

Just say hi and then speak naturally and make them laugh but don't try too hard and also be sexually desirable

do i have to wear gaudy clothes too?

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 04:01

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

getting drunk enough to be charismatic but not want more alcohol is like walking a tightrope between two skyscrapers

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 07:19

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

VendaGoat posted:

now let's not be hasty. How big are her tits?

it's summer man. it's all about that rear end

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 07:23

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

VendaGoat posted:

Dude, you can showcase a great rear end in the winter. No woman, in her right mind....

Well, let's just say women really only show off the girls in the summer time.

whaa? summer's all about short shorts more than showing off the girls

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 07:37

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

should i buy the ladies drinks so they feel obligated to talk to me?

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 18:06

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

dontcareaboutname posted:

I'm assuming op is ugly or fat.

i like to wear a mask when i go out so i don't frighten women and children

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 18:23

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

Xaris posted:

Don't worry virgoons, the doctor is here to teach you a 20 step process to getting laid at a bar that PUA's HATE

1 - Buy clothes that women will like. Try and have a hot girl go with you so you don't buy clothes that make you look nerdy or like you are at work. Select the right clothes for the right type of girl. If you want bad girls you have to look bad. Image is key more than looks. Also try to smell good.

2 - Drink a little before you go out. It may help you get over your fear of approaching women. But don't get too drunk, this hurt and not help you.

3 - Call pals with a lot of lady friends: They might bring a future prospect. Or go solo but go to bars that have other guys who are solo. Crowded places are the best. MAKE SURE YOU GO TO BARS THAT HAVE GIRLS PRESENT.

4 - Have a drink in your hand, so you don't fidget too much. If you don't want to drink, get a ginger ale or 7UP but have the bartender use a highball glass, so it will look like a mixed drink.

5 - Look for a group of three girls or a girl alone. Girls alone are normally looking to meet people, if she is with two other girls they will leave her friends behind. When two girls are together they rarely split up.

6 - Introduce yourself. Guys brag about their intro but the best intro is saying 'Hello my name is...' If she thinks you are cute she won't care what comes next. Just be polite and funny if you can.

7 - Ask her to dance. If you don't dance, your chances will be limited. Dancing is helpful to build up a rapport, even if you make a joke of it. If you're in a hot sweaty club, get close and dance with your hands on her. DON'T BE SCARED! Women like when a guy takes control a little. Just be sure to pay attention to her signals and not go too far too fast.

8 - Buy her drinks, but not too many or she will get sick or sleepy. Order fun drinks like car bombs and drink together. Remember, it depends on her style. If she's a booze-hound, pour away! If the night is not proceeding your way, you might want to slip a little enhancement in her drink.

9 - Be affectionate with her hands and body but make sure everything looks and feels natural. DON'T BE PUSHY!

10 - Invite her to another bar near your house for a special martini or whatever. Make sure she is close enough to walk.

11 - NEVER SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE. Keep it light.

12 - When at the bar, mention something great about your place like a painting or whatever. Something that cues her to ask to go there. If she doesn't, relax. Remember that she will when she leaves the bar near your web.

13 - If you drive her home, ask to use the bathroom when at her place.

14 - If she goes to your place, invite her in and promise you won't make any moves. She will blush at your forwardness but for whatever reason she will believe you...

15 - Once home, ignore her for a bit by talking about other things. Be distracted and don't hit on her right away unless she attacks you. Most girls like to get adjusted. Make sure the place is clean and dark and has cool music. Rock and roll or electronic music is the stuff that says "at my place we party." Romantic music is sappy and too obvious.

16 - Kiss her!

17 - If she says no at any point, back off and don't push. If you used the enhancements earlier, just buy time.

18 - Ask for a back rub or give her a back rub.

19 - Observe her body language. If she sits close to you and gives away hints, don't be shy; take a chance and see what happens.

20 - If it happens, it happens. If not, let her sleep over or call her a cab and try with someone else . If it does then buy her a nice breakfast and give her a ride home.

Now go forth virgoons, become the man you want to be. Bars are loving great and everyone there is looking for a nice dicking or pussy so everyone knows whats up anyways.

when do i start negging her?

# ¿ Aug 8, 2014 18:28

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

poo poo gonna try and get some coke instead of pussy

# ¿ Aug 9, 2014 05:28

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

i've had a change of heart. having premarital sex is a sin and you shouldn't do it.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 04:23

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

the lord forgives all child

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 04:45

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

MotherFuckingT-REX posted:

what about what i did to children

unfortunately yes as long as you don't do it again

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 05:25

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

honestly i've never seen anyone peacocking before

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 06:16

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

nope. i've never seen anyone smugly cross their arms at the bar.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 06:19

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

peacocks aren't usually in bars unless you go to some decadent saudi arabian bar

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 06:25

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

i went out last night with goal of having sex but i ended up learning something about myself. i'm an rear end in a top hat that binges on drugs and alcohol who hates his life.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2014 06:48

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# ¿ Apr 16, 2024 12:56

Gaunab: Feb 13, 2012; LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL

drink when picking up ladies

# ¿ Aug 12, 2014 14:21

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Picking up people at the bar