Football Recipe Thread: Finger Food for Fat Football Fans

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BBQ?
	Yes
	No
	Texas!
	Carolina!
	Tennessee!
	Missouri!
	California!
	Hawaii!
	other
	Who cares as long as it is in front of me?

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Welcome to the Football Food Thread! In here we will demonstrate and discuss our favorite appetizers, finger food, snacks, beverages, beers, and of course, BBQ, to consume while we watch perfectly sculpted ubermensch burn tens of thousands of calories. Feel free to pop in and namedrop the cool craft beer you're drinking, or even better, to share a cool new recipe and add your own spin on it.

Stuffed Cheese Buns

I'm partial to a finger food that I can make the day before and then reheat during a commercial break and these cheese buns do the job perfectly. So far I've tried them with mozzarella, New Zealander cheese, Havarti, and my personal favorite, gorgonzola. All of these cheeses work pretty well, but I prefer the gorgonzola because I love the really strong flavor it adds to the bun. When you bite into a gorgonzola bun, you know you bit a gorgonzola bun. When my girlfriend and I prepare these we usually use a variety of cheeses at the same time, so to differentiate between them we add food coloring to the dough of each different variety, in order to identify them more easily.

quote:

1 cup warm water (probably somewhere between 105� and 115�. I just get it hot from the tap. Don't get it too hot or it will kill the yeast.)
2 tablespoons yeast
2 tablespoons sugar
2 teaspoons garlic powder
1/4 cup melted butter
1/4 cup olive oil
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons salt

-At least 8 oz. of cheese, the more the merrier (I used chunks of mozzarella for the inside and a mixture of shredded colby and swiss for the top. I was just trying to use up all the forgotten chunks in the hidden corners of the fridge)
-Parmesan cheese
-A few tablespoons of melted butter mixed with a sprinkle of garlic powder and some fresh herbs if you want.

Mix together the yeast and water and let it sit for a couple minutes. Add the sugar, garlic powder, melted butter, and oil. Add the flour a little and a time, mixing in your stand mixer with a dough hook. Add the salt. Knead for 10 minutes, in the stand mixer or by hand. Let the dough rise in a greased bowl (I used the same bowl) covered with a wet cloth for about 30 minutes. Preheat the oven to 375�. Divide the dough into about 20 pieces or so (you can make them as big or small as you want). Put about a 3/4 inch chunk of cheese in each one and make sure you pinch all the edges back up tightly. Put the pinched side down on a greased baking sheet. Sprinkle the buns with more shredded cheese and some parmesan cheese. Bake at 375�F for about 11-15 minutes until the bread is golden brown and the cheese is bubbly. Brush with the melted butter and serve warm.

Read more at http://www.yammiesnoshery.com/2012/08/peetas-stuffed-cheese-buns.html#OaDcwdgIphKOVhX2.99

Piroshkis

This simple Russian pastry can be stuffed with everything from ground meats to jams. I like to buy a couple of pounds of ground beef or turkey and make a ton of piroshkis in one batch. I will have some then and freeze the rest for later. So far I have only done this with ground turkey and beef, though I do mix up the seasonings I use. I've done everything from Mexican style seasonings with lime juice and Tapatio, to Umami paste, to my personal favorite, a batch using spices such as paprika, coriander, and cumin.

Tomorrow I will be experimenting with a golden raspberry and brie stuffed piroshki. I'm hopeful that it will be interesting, if not good. If you don't hear from me by Tuesday I probably burned my apartment down.

quote:

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/taylors-piroshki/

1 1/2 pounds ground beef

1 onion, finely chopped

1 teaspoon salt

ground black pepper to taste

dried dill weed to taste

1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast

1/4 cup warm water

1 cup milk

3 eggs

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

1 teaspoon salt

4 cups all-purpose flour

3 cups oil for frying

In a medium skillet over medium heat, cook the ground beef until evenly browned; drain. Stir in the onion and cook with the beef until translucent. Sprinkle in salt, pepper and dill weed to taste. Allow to cool before using.
Dissolve the yeast in the 1/4 cup of warm water and place in a warm location until frothy, about 10 to 15 minutes. In a medium saucepan over low heat, warm the milk and gently whisk in the eggs, oil, sugar and salt. Remove from heat.
Place half the flour in a large mixing bowl and gradually stir in the milk mixture. Then add the yeast solution alternately with the remaining flour, stirring after each addition. Mix well. Knead until the dough forms a ball and does not stick to the bowl. (Note: Start with the 4 cups of flour. You may need to add more, a little at a time, as you knead the dough). Cover the bowl with a clean cloth. Set in a warm location and allow to rise until doubled in volume.
Remove dough from bowl and place on a lightly floured surface. Pinch off pieces approximately the size of golf balls. Roll the pieces into disks about 3 1/2 to 4 inches in diameter.
Fill center of each disk with a heaping tablespoon of the cooled meat mixture. Fold disks over the mixture and firmly pinch edges to seal. Arrange on a flat surface and allow to sit approximately 10 minutes.
In an large, heavy skillet or deep fryer, heat the oil to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Deep fry the piroshki in batches until golden brown on one side; gently turn and fry the other side. Remove and let drain on a plate lined with paper towels.

Heretic Shallow Grave Porter

I'm partial to really heavy, thick, beers like porters and stouts, and the Shallow Grave is my favorite. It has really strong notes of coffee and a hint of chocolate. The alcohol content is decent and if you're not used to high proof beers this one will sneak up on you pretty quickly.
http://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/25960/76377/

:siren:

Last season's thread is missing and with it all the other great recipes we had. If you find it let me know so I can add it here. :siren:

# ? Aug 11, 2014 08:08

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 23:03

cucka: Nov 4, 2009; TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS
Sorry about all
the bad posting.

I just boiled 5 brats in a mixture of 3 Goose Island beers (Honkers ale, Urban Wheat Ale, and Matilda) then broiled then with a healthy dose of hot marinade while they cooked.

loving amazing. Eager to retry my whiskey recipes by adding beer. dem short ribs. and it makes a NY strip loving god tier.

E: I think the taste would improve if you poke a hole in the brat, so the juices can get in. 2 cents in the aftermath

E2: whiskey was involved, but as any Farthouse goon will tell you, whiskey is ALWAYS involved.

E2: a personal favorite of mine is hot marinade. You can use many cuts of meat for it, and if you add some corn starch, you can make your own BBQ sauce. A bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's bbq sauce, some whiskey, beer too if feeling brave, garlic and spices. get it to boil, insert meat, 10-20 minutes, put it on a pan and put it in the oven. 10-15 minutes and you've got paradise

cucka fucked around with this message at 09:23 on Aug 11, 2014

# ? Aug 11, 2014 09:11

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

the Best Fried Chcken You Will Ever Eat You loving Dick
adapated from a recipe by thomas keller because suck my dick none of you deserve to eat this good

first you'll need some chicken. the best way is to buy 2-3 whole chickens (~3-4# each, bigger chickens are grotesque hormone pumped monstrosities that have muscles growing in wrong places and cutting them is a horror show of anatomical miscarriages) and break them down into 10 pieces. if you're too stupid to figure out a 10 piece break then watch this video and learn something you useless swine. if you had to look it up it probably means you don't make your own stock in which case you can either start doing so to make use of the leftover carcass bits + spine or you can be a lazy wasteful worthless rear end in a top hat and buy 5-10lbs of whatever pieces you want ie drumsticks, thighs, breasts. SKIN ON, BONE IN YOU PRICK. if the breasts are Too Huge, you'll have to break them into smaller pieces. there's an ideal surface area-to-volume ratio you want here. too small and your chicken will overcook,too big and it'll be undercooked and loving gross and the breading will burn before the center is warm which means i can;'t teach you anything. jesus christ.

so once you have your chicken you're gonna want to brine it, which accomplishes two goals: it flavors the chicken and it keeps it moist through the cooking process. you can do a lot of things with brine but any good chicken brine will have a few key ingredients: lemon, thyme, parsley, peppercorns, garlic, bay leaves, and a sweetener (honey or sugar). these are classics for chicken in any form for a reason, because people with better palettes than you refined it for centuries. i'll quote keller's recipe for brine here because it's foolproof and excellent. ps if you don't have a digital kitchen scale loving BUY ONE OH MY GOD VOLUMETRIC MEASUREMENT IS FOR ASSHOLES

quote:

Chicken Brine
Makes 2 gallons

5 lemons, halved

24 bay leaves

1 bunch (4 ounces) flat-leaf parsley

1 bunch (1 ounce) thyme

1/2 cup clover honey

1 head garlic, halved through the equator

3/4 cup black peppercorns

2 cups (10 ounces) kosher salt, preferably Diamond Crystal

2 gallons water

The key ingredient here is the lemon, which goes wonderfully with chicken, as do the herbs: bay leaf, parsley, and thyme. This amount of brine will be enough for 10 pounds.

Combine all the ingredients in a large pot, cover, and bring to a boil. Boil for 1 minute, stirring to dissolve the salt. Remove from the heat and cool completely, then chill before using. The brine can be refrigerated for up to 3 days.

you can vary this. i add more lemon and garlic. do what you want i don't care but probably try it as written before screwing around with it and ruining it like an idiot. make the brine and wait until it is COMPLETELY CHILLED or you'll be breaking about a billion rules of poultry safety and poison your friends and be That Guy when they're all sick. don't be That Guy. do it in advance a day if you don't have a huge amount of time to wait for chilling (i'm talking like 6 hours). if you don't have a big enough pot for 2 gallons you can do it with 1 gallon of water, and then when you get to the chilling step add the other gallon of water in a larger vessel ( a sanitized home depot bucket for $5 owns because it's big enough to brine a turkey in for thanksgiving) and the dilution will also cool it rapidly.

once your brine is :siren:

loving chilled :siren:

then pour it over all your chicken. i use huge ziploc plastic tubs and organize by cut (ie drumsticks, thighs, breasts) for organizational purposes but if you go the bucket route then just put all your chicken in, cover it, and put in the fridge covered. ziploc bags work well too but you'll probably spill all over everything and contaminate everything with raw poultry you god drat idiot. use tupperware/tubs/whatever. time this so that you're doing it as close to 12 hours before you want to be serving your chicken as possible. as much as 16 hours is okay if not ideal, by 24 your chicken will be p drat salty, under 10 and the flavor will be weak.

~90 minutes before you want to serve, pull chicken from the fridge and dump the brine, rinse off the chicken with cold water and get it good and clean. then pat it all dry and keep it separated by parts and set aside covered with a tea towel or w/e to let it come up to room temperature. now is a good time to prepare your cook station. you'll be making a flour coating and using buttermilk for a double coating. flour->buttermilk->flour->fryer->cooling rack will be your workflow here. again from keller:

quote:

Ingredients
(Serves 4-6)

Two 2 1/2- to 3-pound chickens (see Note on Chicken Size)
Chicken Brine (recipe follows), cold

For Dredging and Frying

Peanut or canola oil for deep-frying [ed. note: i use vegetable oil, idgaf. just know your smoke points]

1 quart buttermilk

Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Coating

6 cups all-purpose flour

1/4 cup garlic powder

1/4 cup onion powder

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon paprika

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon cayenne

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon kosher salt

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Ground fleur de sel or fine sea salt

Directions

Cut each chicken into 10 pieces: 2 legs, 2 thighs, 4 breast quarters, and 2 wings. Pour the brine into a container large enough to hold the chicken pieces, add in the chicken, and refrigerate for 12 hours (no longer, or the chicken may become too salty).

Remove the chicken from the brine (discard the brine) and rinse under cold water, removing any herbs or spices sticking to the skin. Pat dry with paper towels, or let air-dry. Let rest at room temperature for 1-1/2 hours, or until it comes to room temperature.

If you have two large pots (about 6 inches deep) and a lot of oil, you can cook the dark and white meat at the same time; if not, cook the dark meat first, then turn up the heat and cook the white meat. No matter what size pot you have, the oil should not come more than one-third of the way up the sides of the pot. Fill the pot with at least 2 inches of peanut oil and heat to 320�F. [ed. note: USE A THERMOMETER IN YOUR OIL ] Set a cooling rack over a baking sheet. Line a second baking sheet with parchment paper.

Meanwhile, combine all the coating ingredients in a large bowl. Transfer half the coating to a second large bowl. Pour the buttermilk into a third bowl and season with salt and pepper. Set up a dipping station: the chicken pieces, one bowl of coating, the bowl of buttermilk, the second bowl of coating, and the parchment-lined baking sheet.

Just before frying, dip the chicken thighs into the first bowl of coating, turning to coat and patting off the excess; dip them into the buttermilk, allowing the excess to run back into the bowl; then dip them into the second bowl of coating. Transfer to the parchment-lined pan.

Carefully lower the thighs into the hot oil. Adjust the heat as necessary to return the oil to the proper temperature. Fry for 2 minutes, then carefully move the chicken pieces around in the oil and continue to fry, monitoring the oil temperature and turning the pieces as necessary for even cooking, for 11 to 12 minutes, until the chicken is a deep golden brown, cooked through, and very crisp. Meanwhile, coat the chicken drumsticks and transfer to the parchment-lined baking sheet.

Transfer the cooked thighs to the cooling rack skin-side-up and let rest while you fry the remaining chicken. (Putting the pieces skin-side-up will allow excess fat to drain, whereas leaving them skin-side-down could trap some of the fat.) Make sure that the oil is at the correct temperature, and cook the chicken drumsticks. When the drumsticks are done, lean them meat-side-up against the thighs to drain, then sprinkle the chicken with fine sea salt.

Turn up the heat and heat the oil to 340�F. Meanwhile, coat the chicken breasts and wings. Carefully lower the chicken breasts into the hot oil and fry for 7 minutes, or until golden brown, cooked through, and crisp. Transfer to the rack, sprinkle with salt, and turn skin side up. Cook the wings for 6 minutes, or until golden brown and cooked through. Transfer the wings to the rack and turn off the heat. Arrange the chicken on a serving platter.

Note: We let the chicken rest for 7 to 10 minutes after it comes out of the fryer so that it has a chance to cool down. If the chicken has rested for longer than 10 minutes, put the tray of chicken in a 400�F oven for a minute or two to ensure that the crust is crisp and the chicken is hot. [ed. note: you can keep racks of chicken in the oven at 200�F for 15-30m without a problem to hold batches while you do the 2nd/3rd]

i've made this a million times so if you have any questions just ask and contemplate how you failed your poor mother to not be able to follow a simple god damned recipe. you can adjust the coating quite a bit obviously, i use extra paprika (piment�n picante) and some other peppers besides cayenne (ancho, de arbol) but it can be whatever you want once you know how the baseline recipe works. anyway here's some pictures from various times i made it

# ? Aug 11, 2014 09:44

Sour Diesel: Jan 30, 2010

holy poo poo wheez, i'm gonna try that out for the week 1 games

# ? Aug 11, 2014 09:53

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

i just hosted a dinner with that as the main course + home fries, then miniature apple pie cookies with cinnamon ice cream and it all turned out awesome. i didn't get any pictures of the cookies because we ate them all immediately but they turned out basically identical to the photos from the recipe here: http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2011/10/apple-pie-cookies/ protip - scale the amount of dough up significantly to make a decent amount of these. like, for 10 people, at least double it and don't even bother trying to make cookies smaller than 3" because if you know how working with pie dough is you will want to hate you self in short order. other protip is do almost all of your dough working (flattening, cutting, etc) on parchment paper. cut circles, peel out the extra dough, fold parchment paper over to cover, and place dough rounds in freezer as you cut bach by batch so that 1. they stay easy to work with and 2. you can assemble your cookies on the parchment paper and put it directly in the over on a baking sheet and not need to worry about clean up or sticking. if you don't have a good base in baking skills i would steer clear of this recipe because it pretty much requires you to know a billion of the little things about working with doughs that you only get through hands on experience.

the ice cream recipe i used in my cuisinart is this one here and it turned out amazing: http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2014/04/cinnamon-ice-cream/

it's a super simple recipe so quality of ingredients is paramount here. spring for the good cinnamon at your local spice shop (vietnamese is ideal. yes, i'm aware, it's cassia and not true cinnamon, but for the purposes of this recipe vietnamese cinnamon has the best flavor profile imo.) also buy high quality vanilla beans (madagascar or mexico, doesn't really matter). don't use extract, that shitis nasty and besides even in AK you can get a 3-pack of excellent quality beans for $7 and you only use one bean to make a half gallon of ice cream so don't be a loving pennypincher

# ? Aug 11, 2014 10:17

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Wheez is like some kind of Dr. Frankenstein food austist and I want to get high as hell and go to dinner at his place and watch a Hawks game.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 10:20

Sour Diesel: Jan 30, 2010

Yea. Wheez if you somehow ever end up in Dallas I gotta see you work some magic with Texas barbecue. All the stuff I make is pretty vanilla grilling + sides. Nothing creative but still pretty good. I'll have to start :effort:

cooking more for the season.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 10:47

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

do you have a smoker? i would love to smoke the poo poo out of some meat. as it is i'm looking into buying a weber smoker and doing that rasperrypi wifi fan/airflow mod to wirelessly control ventilation + temperature so i can sleep off hangovers sat/sun before football while remotely tending to 12hr+ ribs/brisket/shoulder etc. also i make a loving awesome ultra-spicy mustard based bbq sauce that's i hybridize with a carolina vinegar chili sauce that owns (if you know speed queen in milwaukee, their hot sauce is my platonic ideal). I'll be in texas at least once in the foreseeable future if not a few times since my best friend starts grad school at UT this fall, if we have time between austin and going to mexico then dallas would be rad

# ? Aug 11, 2014 10:57

Sour Diesel: Jan 30, 2010

I do not have a smoker, unfortunately.

However if you do end up in Dallas at the very least we can hit up a bar and snag some barbecue to wolf down after a nice session of :420:

# ? Aug 11, 2014 11:04

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

I am going to try to cook all of this poo poo. At least one of these detailed recipes for every game.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 13:35

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

hell next time I make the chicken (or the next time I cook anything fitting for this thread) I could set up my gopro and make a video tutorial if y'all would be interested. Cooking With Wheezus, fridays on TFF

Chichevache posted:

Wheez is like some kind of Dr. Frankenstein food austist and I want to get high as hell and go to dinner at his place and watch a Hawks game.

putting together an elaborate multi course meal, getting high as hell with my friends, and watching SNF was essentially every sunday of senior year at wazzu

wheez the roux fucked around with this message at 14:39 on Aug 11, 2014

# ? Aug 11, 2014 13:41

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

wheez the roux posted:

hell next time I make the chicken (or the next time I cook anything fitting for this thread) I could set up my gopro and make a video tutorial if y'all would be interested. Cooking With Wheezus, fridays on TFF

Doin' the Lords work.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 14:04

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

My roommate is head chef at an awesome Irish pub.

I don't cook. I eat. And it's really loving good. Now, go wash the dishes.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 14:30

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

A Man and his dog posted:

My roommate is head chef at an awesome Irish pub.

I don't cook. I eat. And it's really loving good. Now, go wash the dishes.

telling an executive chef to wash dishes is the kitchen equivalent of telling a made man to get his fuckin shine box and if you dare say that to him even in jest he should ice you on the spot pinche pendejo de mierda

# ? Aug 11, 2014 14:40

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Yes, I also work with Spanish people so I'm sure you just called me a small dumbass woman.

Also kayetey puto piasso

Also your pollo looks very good.

A Man and his dog fucked around with this message at 15:08 on Aug 11, 2014

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:05

Thermos H Christ: Sep 6, 2007; WINNINGEST BEVO

Orange Soda and cheap brandy is weirdly delicious. I didn't believe it either until I tried it. It's also orange, so it's festive if you're rooting for Syracuse/Okie Lite/Tennessee/Texas/etc.

I guess for Texas you could use a lot of brandy or even a dash of angostura bitters to make it more burnt.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:18

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

A Man and his dog posted:

Yes, I also work with Spanish people so I'm sure you just called me a small dumbass woman.

Also kayetey puto piasso

Also your pollo looks very good.

that is not at all what i said and also please learn to spell. :colbert:

i'll post my pretzel, french fry, and cinnamon bun recipes later today, but most of my stuff (and possibly one or some of those) might have to wait until next tuesday since I'm in AK right now and all my kitchen notebooks are in pullman

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:23

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Real talk: Do you work as a chef or just a badass home cook?

Either way that chicken looks delicious.

I can't home cook for football. The house gets trashed, beers everywhere, random women on the couch, etc etc.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:31

GonadTheBallbarian: Jul 23, 2007

Chichevache posted:

Dr. Frankenstein food autist

Sounds like a great TV personality for a cooking show. I'd watch it.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:38

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

i was never a /chef/ but i was a cook for a while in a variety of places, so now it's more of just a home food enthusiast with a lot of friends left in the industry

also you're missing out because cooking at home for football (or any occasion) is one of the best ways to end up with a trashed house, beers everywhere, and random women in your bed :q:

# ? Aug 11, 2014 15:40

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

True dat.

I'm just always at a sports bar on football Sundays. So I do lovely fried sports bar food(no I'm not fat).

I also don't have cable television. I do have a digital antenna that gives me FOX, CBS, and NBC somehow

I'm just a homer to the sports bar. The crowd/fans are also poo poo.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 16:35

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

A Man and his dog posted:

True dat.

I'm just always at a sports bar on football Sundays. So I do lovely fried sports bar food(no I'm not fat).

I also don't have cable television. I do have a digital antenna that gives me FOX, CBS, and NBC somehow

I'm just a homer to the sports bar. The crowd/fans are also poo poo.

What's wrong with eating lovely friend sports bar food and being fat?

# ? Aug 11, 2014 16:45

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

A lot of things besides your general health.

*waitress can I have the double chili cheese fries with extra cheese and a side of sour cream. Also 16 wings for the table with extra blue cheese

:stare:

# ? Aug 11, 2014 16:51

Chilichimp: Oct 24, 2006; TIE Adv xWampa

It wamp, and it stomp; Grimey Drawer

A Man and his dog posted:

A lot of things besides your general health.

*waitress can I have the double chili cheese fries with extra cheese and a side of sour cream. Also 16 wings for the table with extra blue cheese

"Yeah, you, dingbat! Lemme get uh, fried jalapeno's, the nacho's grande, and uh... 50 wings extra-hot, and keep the ranch comin'."

"Heh, you hear what I ordered? I'm gonna be fartin' blood here."

# ? Aug 11, 2014 16:59

Blitz of 404 Error: Sep 19, 2007; Joe Biden is a top 15 president

Franks Red hot buffalo chicken dip

Stolen directly from the website, but it's fantastic and a hit at every party. Suuuper easy

:siren:

Low carb for all my keto bros :siren:

quote:

INGREDIENTS:
1 (8 oz.)pkg. PHILADELPHIA Cream Cheese, softened
1/2 cup FRANK'S RedHot Original Cayenne Pepper Sauce or FRANK'S RedHot Buffalo Wings Sauce
1/2 cup Bleu cheese or ranch dressing
2 cups Shredded cooked chicken.
1/2 cup Crumbled bleu cheese or your favorite shredded cheese

quote:

DIRECTIONS:
PREHEAT oven to 350�F.
COMBINE all ingredients in a 1-quart baking dish.
BAKE 20 min. or until mixture is heated through; stir. Serve with ~~crackers and/or vegetables.~~tortilla chips or whatever you want

http://www.franksredhot.com/recipes/franks-redhot-buffalo-chicken-dip-RE1242

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:00

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

WugLyfe posted:

Sounds like a great TV personality for a cooking show. I'd watch it.

Morimoto is already on Iron Chef.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 17:27

A Man and his dog: Oct 24, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Also man up on your pizza game if you go down that route.

For me it's BYOB but I usually buy 2 nice twelve packs of dank beers for the crew.

Back to pizza don't be that guy who orders from the poo poo three corporations. Spend a little extra money and get that good pizza from the shop down the street.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:30

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

Well drat, after Wheez�s show this seems a bit more paltry, but a few recipes have served me well:

Cajun Potato Salad, adopted from Chef Paul Prudhomme

-1 tbs salt
-1 tsp paprika
-1/2 tsp cayenne
-1/2 tsp onion powder
-1/2 tsp garlic powder
-1/2 tsp ground black pepper
-1/2 tsp dried thyme
-1/2 tsp dried oregano
-1/2 tsp rubbed sage
-1/4 tsp cumin
-Green onion salad dressing (recipe follows)
-4 medium white potatoes, cooked, peeled, and diced into � inch cubes
-6 hard boiled eggs, peeled and finely chopped
-1/2 C diced onion
-1/2 C diced green bell pepper
-1/2 C diced celery

Mix all ingredients together, this is not rocket science.

The Green Onion Salad Dressing is basically mayo with a bit more stuff, so you can mix it as such if you�re lazy, but homemade is really simple and tastes better.

-2 eggs
-2 egg yolks
-2 � C vegetable oil
-1 C green onions, diced
-2 � tbs brown mustard
-2 tbs cane vinegar
-2 tsp seasoning salt

Whip egg and yolks in a food processor until frothy. Add oil in a slow stream, until combined into a mayo-like consistency. Add remaining ingredients and process.

Thai Mango Soup

-2 tsp olive oil
-1 onion, diced
-2 tsp Thai red curry paste
-2 large mangoes, peeled and quartered
-1 tbsp light brown sugar
-2 tsp grated ginger
-� tsp salt
-1 can unsweetened coconut milk
-1� cups water
-� cup plain yogurt
-2 tbsp freshly squeezed lime juice

Mango Relish:

-1 large mango, diced
-2 tbsp light brown sugar
-2 tbsp chopped fresh basil

In a skillet, heat oil over medium heat. Add onion and saut� until
softened, about 6 minutes. Add curry paste and saut� for 1 minute.

In a food processor or blender, pure� onion mixture, mangos, brown
sugar, ginger and salt until smooth. Add coconut milk, water, yogurt
and lime juice; process to combine. Transfer to a bowl, cover and
refrigerate until cold, about 3 hours, or overnight. Taste and adjust
seasoning with salt, if necessary.

Prepare the relish: In a small bowl, combine mango, brown sugar and
basil. Let stand for 15 minutes.

Ladle soup into chilled bowls and top each with a dollop of mango relish.

Chili

I�ve posted this in multiple iterations of this thread, because gently caress you it�s good.

-2 tablespoons olive oil
-3 pounds sirloin steak, cut into 1-inch cubes
-12 ounces chorizo sausage, casing removed, cut into 1/2 cubes
-1 large yellow onion, coarsely chopped
-1/4 cup chili powder
-1 tablespoon garlic salt
-2 teaspoons cumin
-1 teaspoon dried basil
-2 (14.5 oz) cans beef broth
-2 (14.5 oz) cans whole tomatoes, drained
-1 (12 oz) can beer (your choice here, doesn't have a huge impact what you use, just make sure it's not too lovely)
-1 cup cilantro, chopped
-1 cinnamon stick
-3 bay leaves
-2-4 green jalapenos, slit lengthwise 3 times each (alternately, 1 habanero and 1 jalapeno)
-1 tablespoon yellow cornmeal
-Salt and pepper, to taste

Place oil in a large, heavy pot over medium heat. Brown the sirloin in
batches. Remove to a bowl with a slotted spoon.

Add chorizo and onions to the pot and brown. Make sure to break up the meat.

Return sirloin to the pot and stir in remaining ingredients, except for garnishes.

Bring to a boil, reduce heat, simmer for 3-5 hours (longer is better). Stir occasionally, breaking up tomatoes.

Before serving, discard cinnamon stick and bay leaves (and habanero if you didn't dice them, unless you like playing the �who�s accidentally gonna bite that poo poo� lottery, which is always hilarious after a few beers). Garnish with cheese and sour cream, if desired.

Some notes:
You can tailor the meat to your budget. I always get nice sirloins cut up at my butcher, but any old stew meat will work (round, etc). I prefer spicy pork chorizo (again, my butcher makes it) because the chicken stuff doesn't taste right to me.

You can tailor the recipe to your level. You can make your own chili powder for instance. Or make your own beef stock.

I usually make it with a brown ale, something Newcastle-y. Up to your tastes. I wouldn't use a stout personally, but a porter might be interesting.

This is a very mild recipe. I usually use 2 habaneros (seeded, diced) and 3-4 jalapenos (sliced). I like my chili hot.

Never add beans to chili, unless you're a goddamn pinko commie.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 18:41

Mardragon: Mar 4, 2004; Cinderella boy... Out of nowhere...; Yam Slacker

This is a pretzel recipie I use all the time. I get asked to bring them to almost every event. Go well with cheese (Dubliner is my favorite) or almost anything

quote:

Ingrediants for 1 batch:
4 cups flour
2 table spoons or one packet yeast
1/3 cup brown sugar
1 2/3 cup warm water
coarse salt
5-6 table spoons baking soda

Preheat the over to 365-375 depending on the overn and how evenly it cooks
Boil a pot of hot water while adding the baking soda to make a baking soda bath
Line a cooking pan or two with crisco or use some non-stick tinfoil (Crisco tastes better)

- Mix brown sugar with warm water and add yeast, let it sit for 3-4 minutes
- Pour 4 cups of flour into food processor, add the mixture and let it mix for 20 revolutions
- After twenty revolutions you should have a ball of dough that has the consistency of play-do, depending on the flour it may be too soft and you'll need to add pinches of flour to get the right consistency, if the dough is ready before 20 revolutions the ball will be heavy enough to stop the food processer
- Knead the dough a bit to make sure it all has the same consistency
- Cut dough into smaller portions, usually you can make 12 large sized pretzels or 16 good sized ones
- Roll each piece out and fold into pretzel shape
- Add each pretzel into the baking soda bath for 30 seconds each
- Remove pretzels and place on crisco sheet sprinkle salt, a little salt goes a long way but it's personal preference
- Place sheet in the oven for 7-10 min until pretzels are a golden brown
- remove and serve with cautionary tales about hotness

I've done some other versions as well:
1) Replace one cup of flour with wheat flour and add honey during the food processor part to make honey wheat pretzels
2) Use a cheese whiz/steak/onions mixture and fold the dough like a hotpocket for cheese steak pretzels
3) Add garlic salt for garlic pretzels
4) Don't put salt on them and when they get out of the oven bathe the pretzels in butter and put them in a cinnamon and sugar mix

# ? Aug 11, 2014 21:47

turbomoose: Nov 29, 2008; Playing the banjo can be a relaxing activity and create lifelong friendships!
\

Blitz7x posted:

Franks Red hot buffalo chicken dip

I make something like this all the time. I hate bleu cheese however.

Just don't add any of the bleu cheese, and instead add 16oz shredded sharp cheddar cheese. Rest of the instructions are the same

I love spicy food so i also add in 1-3 finely diced habanero peppers. (The recipe isn't really very spicy otherwise)

This is the easiest, tastiest recipe ever, and people will love you for bringing it.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 21:49

SneakySneaks: Feb 11, 2006

wheez the roux posted:

the Best Fried Chcken You Will Ever Eat You loving Dick
adapated from a recipe by thomas keller because suck my dick none of you deserve to eat this good

first you'll need some chicken. the best way is to buy 2-3 whole chickens (~3-4# each, bigger chickens are grotesque hormone pumped monstrosities that have muscles growing in wrong places and cutting them is a horror show of anatomical miscarriages) and break them down into 10 pieces. if you're too stupid to figure out a 10 piece break then watch this video and learn something you useless swine. if you had to look it up it probably means you don't make your own stock in which case you can either start doing so to make use of the leftover carcass bits + spine or you can be a lazy wasteful worthless rear end in a top hat and buy 5-10lbs of whatever pieces you want ie drumsticks, thighs, breasts. SKIN ON, BONE IN YOU PRICK. if the breasts are Too Huge, you'll have to break them into smaller pieces. there's an ideal surface area-to-volume ratio you want here. too small and your chicken will overcook,too big and it'll be undercooked and loving gross and the breading will burn before the center is warm which means i can;'t teach you anything. jesus christ.

so once you have your chicken you're gonna want to brine it, which accomplishes two goals: it flavors the chicken and it keeps it moist through the cooking process. you can do a lot of things with brine but any good chicken brine will have a few key ingredients: lemon, thyme, parsley, peppercorns, garlic, bay leaves, and a sweetener (honey or sugar). these are classics for chicken in any form for a reason, because people with better palettes than you refined it for centuries. i'll quote keller's recipe for brine here because it's foolproof and excellent. ps if you don't have a digital kitchen scale loving BUY ONE OH MY GOD VOLUMETRIC MEASUREMENT IS FOR ASSHOLES

you can vary this. i add more lemon and garlic. do what you want i don't care but probably try it as written before screwing around with it and ruining it like an idiot. make the brine and wait until it is COMPLETELY CHILLED or you'll be breaking about a billion rules of poultry safety and poison your friends and be That Guy when they're all sick. don't be That Guy. do it in advance a day if you don't have a huge amount of time to wait for chilling (i'm talking like 6 hours). if you don't have a big enough pot for 2 gallons you can do it with 1 gallon of water, and then when you get to the chilling step add the other gallon of water in a larger vessel ( a sanitized home depot bucket for $5 owns because it's big enough to brine a turkey in for thanksgiving) and the dilution will also cool it rapidly.

once your brine is loving chilled then pour it over all your chicken. i use huge ziploc plastic tubs and organize by cut (ie drumsticks, thighs, breasts) for organizational purposes but if you go the bucket route then just put all your chicken in, cover it, and put in the fridge covered. ziploc bags work well too but you'll probably spill all over everything and contaminate everything with raw poultry you god drat idiot. use tupperware/tubs/whatever. time this so that you're doing it as close to 12 hours before you want to be serving your chicken as possible. as much as 16 hours is okay if not ideal, by 24 your chicken will be p drat salty, under 10 and the flavor will be weak.

~90 minutes before you want to serve, pull chicken from the fridge and dump the brine, rinse off the chicken with cold water and get it good and clean. then pat it all dry and keep it separated by parts and set aside covered with a tea towel or w/e to let it come up to room temperature. now is a good time to prepare your cook station. you'll be making a flour coating and using buttermilk for a double coating. flour->buttermilk->flour->fryer->cooling rack will be your workflow here. again from keller:

i've made this a million times so if you have any questions just ask and contemplate how you failed your poor mother to not be able to follow a simple god damned recipe. you can adjust the coating quite a bit obviously, i use extra paprika (piment�n picante) and some other peppers besides cayenne (ancho, de arbol) but it can be whatever you want once you know how the baseline recipe works. anyway here's some pictures from various times i made it

Also here's a little hint for people who like it extra crispy. Change out a cup or two of flour for Bisquick.

EDIT: Also szeged paprika is the best paprika, try that if you can find it somewhere.

SneakySneaks fucked around with this message at 21:54 on Aug 11, 2014

# ? Aug 11, 2014 21:51

bushisms.txt: May 26, 2004; Scroll, then. There are other posts than these.

SneakySneaks posted:

EDIT: Also szeged paprika is the best paprika, try that if you can find it somewhere.

This is probably the truest thing I've ever read in TFF. It will completely change your brine by itself. That plus flour, salt and pepper is all you need for the perfect breading. Also the SF Bay area has the worst barbecue I've ever had, it's downright deplorable.

bushisms.txt fucked around with this message at 22:04 on Aug 11, 2014

# ? Aug 11, 2014 22:00

Ribsauce: Jul 29, 2006; Blacks in the back.

wheez the roux posted:

do you have a smoker? i would love to smoke the poo poo out of some meat. as it is i'm looking into buying a weber smoker and doing that rasperrypi wifi fan/airflow mod to wirelessly control ventilation + temperature so i can sleep off hangovers sat/sun before football while remotely tending to 12hr+ ribs/brisket/shoulder etc. also i make a loving awesome ultra-spicy mustard based bbq sauce that's i hybridize with a carolina vinegar chili sauce that owns (if you know speed queen in milwaukee, their hot sauce is my platonic ideal).

What is this smoker mod? I got a 120 dollar Gas Smoker I bought a couple of months ago which I have been tearing up. I love it. The best 120 dollars you can spend. I have done an entire pork shoulder but it takes so drat long. I do chicken thighs like every week because it takes less than 2 hours.

How do you make your mustard sauce? I made a basic South Carolina Sauce using yellow mustard, brown sugar, some hot sauce, pepper flakes, honey..and some other stuff I do not have the recipe nearby. I am from North Carolina so I usually go vinegar obviously.

I am still learning my smoker skills, but I will post something in this thread once I master it. Once hunting season starts up my buddy was telling me you can smoke some deer steaks for a bit, then make them into jerky, and it will be the best drat thing you have ever had. This guy has a side business smoking whole hogs for weddings and enters contests all the time, so I think he knows good meat.

PS this is what I look like when I am cooking on the smoker (except white and 200 pounds lighter). http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2014/5/26/5753140/we-cant-stop-watching-vince-wilfork-shaking-his-butt-and-cooking-ribs

# ? Aug 11, 2014 22:46

wheez the roux: Aug 2, 2004; THEY SHOULD'VE GIVEN IT TO LYNCH

Death to the Seahawks. Death to Seahawks posters.

SneakySneaks posted:

Also here's a little hint for people who like it extra crispy. Change out a cup or two of flour for Bisquick.

EDIT: Also szeged paprika is the best paprika, try that if you can find it somewhere.

please do not use bisquick in this recipe , it has leaveners in it and it will react with the buttermilk and hiss at you

Szeged is okay for hungarian sweet paprika but im a spanish paprika/pimentÃ³n de la vera fan personally because Reasons

# ? Aug 11, 2014 22:55

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

bushisms.txt posted:

Also the SF Bay area has the worst barbecue I've ever had, it's downright deplorable.

I made the list based on Wikipedia and they included tritip and poo poo under California BBQ. Since tritip owns California BBQ must own.

# ? Aug 11, 2014 23:58

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Chichevache posted:

I made the list based on Wikipedia and they included tritip and poo poo under California BBQ. Since tritip owns California BBQ must own.

Tritip is loving delicious

# ? Aug 12, 2014 00:05

Blitz of 404 Error: Sep 19, 2007; Joe Biden is a top 15 president

Delicious, but not bbq

# ? Aug 12, 2014 00:09

Chichevache: Feb 17, 2010; One of the funniest posters in GIP.

Just not intentionally.

Blitz7x posted:

Delicious, but not bbq

Who am I supposed to believe, some random guy on the internet with no qualifications? Sorry, I'm going with Wikipedia on this one?

# ? Aug 12, 2014 00:12

a neat cape: Feb 22, 2007; Aw hunny, these came out GREAT!

Chichevache posted:

Who am I supposed to believe, some random guy on the internet with no qualifications? Sorry, I'm going with Wikipedia on this one?

New Yorkers and Chicago-ans don't consider what the other has as "Pizza".

It's the same thing

# ? Aug 12, 2014 00:15

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 23:03

Thaddius the Large: Jul 5, 2006; It's in the five-hole!

Ribsauce posted:

What is this smoker mod? I got a 120 dollar Gas Smoker I bought a couple of months ago which I have been tearing up. I love it. The best 120 dollars you can spend. I have done an entire pork shoulder but it takes so drat long. I do chicken thighs like every week because it takes less than 2 hours.

How do you make your mustard sauce? I made a basic South Carolina Sauce using yellow mustard, brown sugar, some hot sauce, pepper flakes, honey..and some other stuff I do not have the recipe nearby. I am from North Carolina so I usually go vinegar obviously.

I am still learning my smoker skills, but I will post something in this thread once I master it. Once hunting season starts up my buddy was telling me you can smoke some deer steaks for a bit, then make them into jerky, and it will be the best drat thing you have ever had. This guy has a side business smoking whole hogs for weddings and enters contests all the time, so I think he knows good meat.

PS this is what I look like when I am cooking on the smoker (except white and 200 pounds lighter). http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2014/5/26/5753140/we-cant-stop-watching-vince-wilfork-shaking-his-butt-and-cooking-ribs

Check the smoking meat thread in GWS, they have posted some excellent instructions to put together a Raspberry Pi based temperature modulator, to monitor the temperature and change airflow accordingly. Apparently great if you don't like waking up every 2 hours to check your meat, but I'm too lazy to put it together.

# ? Aug 12, 2014 00:19

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > Football Recipe Thread: Finger Food for Fat Football Fans

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