Search Amazon.com:
Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«2 »
  • Post
  • Reply
WYA
Jan 4, 2012



My GF is a very bad alcoholic and she's going to quit. She really sucks when she's sober, is that going to be her personality when she's off it for good?

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Murphy Brownback
Mar 14, 2005



How recently did she quit? People who try to quit, especially heavy drinkers, go through a period of re-learning how to do things/have fun sober. How long this lasts will vary from case to case, but it shouldn't last forever. When you say she really sucks, what do you mean? Is she mean/irritable, or just boring?

WYA
Jan 4, 2012



Murphy Brownback posted:

How recently did she quit? People who try to quit, especially heavy drinkers, go through a period of re-learning how to do things/have fun sober. How long this lasts will vary from case to case, but it shouldn't last forever. When you say she really sucks, what do you mean? Is she mean/irritable, or just boring?

Irritable and agitated, and as soon as she starts sipping she becomes really fun to be around. She hasnt quit yet, and as selfish as this sounds, even though I support her, I don't think I could handle spending a lot of time around her if her personality is the same as her moments of soberness.

Mattavist
May 24, 2003



Don't worry she's not going to quit.

JnnyThndrs
May 29, 2001

HERE ARE THE FUCKING TOWELS

She's irritable and agitated because she's an alcoholic without alcohol, Jesus Christ, do you really need to be told this?
Her personality will probably be different after an extended period of sobriety, hopefully coupled with therapy(either 12-step or one-on-one with a therapist), but it's most likely to be different than how she acts when drinking.
Vast numbers of relationships end when one person gets sober, generally for the reasons you posted in the OP - "you're not fun anymore", and because early-stage sobriety is drat near a full-time job.
Hopefully you'll fully support her in her decision and efforts, and cut down on the whiny infantile bullshit you've shown here. Good luck to both of you.

genghis.khan
Mar 27, 2014


JnnyThndrs posted:

She's irritable and agitated because she's an alcoholic without alcohol, Jesus Christ, do you really need to be told this?
Her personality will probably be different after an extended period of sobriety, hopefully coupled with therapy(either 12-step or one-on-one with a therapist), but it's most likely to be different than how she acts when drinking.
Vast numbers of relationships end when one person gets sober, generally for the reasons you posted in the OP - "you're not fun anymore", and because early-stage sobriety is drat near a full-time job.
Hopefully you'll fully support her in her decision and efforts, and cut down on the whiny infantile bullshit you've shown here. Good luck to both of you.

What's it like having no self-worth?

Secks Cauldron
Aug 26, 2006

I thought they closed that place down!


WYA posted:

Irritable and agitated, and as soon as she starts sipping she becomes really fun to be around. She hasnt quit yet, and as selfish as this sounds, even though I support her, I don't think I could handle spending a lot of time around her if her personality is the same as her moments of soberness.
She'll probably be a lot more pleasant once she's resolved her other issues. Every heavy drinker I've known has been using it to drown out mental problems.

Warren Zevon
May 13, 2009

Enjoy Every Sandvich

genghis.khan posted:

What's it like having no self-worth?

What does that have to do with anything when it's a valid point?

Regardless, OP do you drink also/drink with her/had a lot of time together drunk or drinking/is this the summary shadow post about the movie "Smashed"?

ETA: Do you drink heavily and are worried that when she is sober she will bitch at you about drinking? (which will probably happen).


Actually, gently caress it. Your GIRLFRIEND wants to try to make a positive change and you are a whiny bitch. Get hosed. I hope she gets sober and realizes that you are a lovely boyfriend. "Oh, will I have to put up with her while she stops destroying herself? Please E/N make it better"

You sound like a treat, what's your number?

Warren Zevon fucked around with this message at Aug 15, 2014 around 02:06

natetimm
May 24, 2007
MAYBE WITH THIS SYCOPHANTIC POST,
THE JOB CREATORS WILL FINALLY LOVE ME AND TREAT ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN

Look, Daddy I'm even racist like you!


I know I get all my info about addicts from movies, too. If the dude doesn't want to stick around and deal with it he doesn't have to. Your SO isn't contractually required to put up with your bullshit while you unfuck yourself out of the hole you dug. Especially if you are a huge pain in the rear end while you do it. Also, being a recovering addict doesn't give you permission to tell your SO what they can do with their life, either. Jesus, some of you are so co-dependent it's gross.

not snarky
Jul 29, 2008


My dad has been sober for like 30 years and he is still irritable and agitated some days. It doesn't stop, but it gets better.

Pyroxene Stigma
Nov 30, 2005

Hey,Larry!! Your alibi completely collapsed !!!



Warren Zevon posted:

Actually, gently caress it. Your GIRLFRIEND wants to try to make a positive change and you are a whiny bitch. Get hosed. I hope she gets sober and realizes that you are a lovely boyfriend. "Oh, will I have to put up with her while she stops destroying herself? Please E/N make it better"

This is pretty good advice.

My sobriety has mostly involved calm, mental clarity and a sad amount of retrospection. Unfortunately for the OP, the best advice for his girlfriend is to completely sever ties that used to enable addict behavior.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned
me about it.


Warren Zevon posted:

Actually, gently caress it. Your GIRLFRIEND wants to try to make a positive change and you are a whiny bitch. Get hosed. I hope she gets sober and realizes that you are a lovely boyfriend. "Oh, will I have to put up with her while she stops destroying herself? Please E/N make it better"
Unironically this. Get hosed OP, leave the girl alone.

Tokyo Sex Whale
Oct 9, 2012

Lie back and think of Tokyo


Your sober girlfriend isn't the women you fell in love with. It's her decision to stop drinking, but it's your decision if you want to continue the relationship. Don't present it as an ultimatum but give her an ultimatum and if she refuses to continue drinking support her decision and end the relationship. I know people say "sever" a lot around here and it's usually good advice but in this case I'd stick around for awhile strictly as a friend to support her. It may be over romantically for you but the woman you once loved is transitioning into a new person and I think it would be cruel to completely abandon the old person just yet.

Ah Map
Oct 9, 2012


Tell her she can have you and the booze or neither.

xov
Nov 14, 2005

DNA Ts. Rednum or F. Raf


Yea OP, she'll be exactly like that every day for the rest of her life.

Go do some research on alcohol addiction recovery and let us know what you find out. If your relationship relies on her/is augmented by her being drunk even though she's throwing around the idea of quitting, it doesn't sound like you'll be able to really support her through thick and thin if she decides to quit.

I'm not really convinced that you're in it for both of you, so you should probably think about that.

Scenty
Feb 8, 2008




natetimm posted:

I know I get all my info about addicts from movies, too. If the dude doesn't want to stick around and deal with it he doesn't have to. Your SO isn't contractually required to put up with your bullshit while you unfuck yourself out of the hole you dug. Especially if you are a huge pain in the rear end while you do it. Also, being a recovering addict doesn't give you permission to tell your SO what they can do with their life, either. Jesus, some of you are so co-dependent it's gross.

Exactly this. Honestly I would just recommend you break up. It will allow her to focus in getting sober and you have no obligation to help her through this. I've been there, done that, and it can destroy you depending on how bad her addiction is. It's extremely toxic.

Does she plan on doing this by herself or with help? If with help, what kind of program?

WYA
Jan 4, 2012



Yeah I'm probably going to break up with her. It will have the benefit of helping her get motivated to stop drinking and also get rid of my enabling attitude of not wanting to be around a miserable person.

Warren Zevon posted:

What does that have to do with anything when it's a valid point?

Regardless, OP do you drink also/drink with her/had a lot of time together drunk or drinking/is this the summary shadow post about the movie "Smashed"?

ETA: Do you drink heavily and are worried that when she is sober she will bitch at you about drinking? (which will probably happen).


Actually, gently caress it. Your GIRLFRIEND wants to try to make a positive change and you are a whiny bitch. Get hosed. I hope she gets sober and realizes that you are a lovely boyfriend. "Oh, will I have to put up with her while she stops destroying herself? Please E/N make it better"

You sound like a treat, what's your number?

Please tell me the video game or movie you're using to picture my relationship so I can correct you

Chubba
May 30, 2011


Early sobriety sucks for everyone. My husband was a heavy drinking alcoholic for 35ish years and has been a sober alcoholic for 5. The first year he was sober was the hardest of our marriage by far. He was irritable, anxious, and a shell of a person while figuring out who he was when he wasn't drunk. He'd spent his late teenage years and all of his adult years with the bottle and had no idea who he was underneath it all. It was rough. Therapy, meds, AA...we both made it through.

He's a different person. Still goes to AA but is more relaxed than I've ever known him. He has a real personality and not just a drunk one. Life is good.

If you only want a drunk, party girlfriend, there are plenty out there. If you can't be supportive, leave. If your gf keeps drinking it will, eventually, kill her.

Warren Zevon
May 13, 2009

Enjoy Every Sandvich

WYA posted:


Please tell me the video game or movie you're using to picture my relationship so I can correct you

Hmmm....lets see. Multiple scenarios from real life where one party quits a vice and the other, non-vice dropper bows out of the relationship. You didn't give any details so I filled in the blanks.

And yes I saw a movie that was similar to those examples. Good movie, it's on Netflix. Good luck OP!

Sierra Nevadan
Nov 1, 2010

Here, have some hantavirus


She can't stand to be around you either when she isn't drunk.

not snarky
Jul 29, 2008


Sierra Nevadan posted:

She can't stand to be around you either when she isn't drunk.

haha, oh gently caress.

KierkegaardsHo
Mar 21, 2004

Three, six, nine; damn she fine,
Let me see ya sock it to me one more time

Thug Lyfe


The relationships that make it through early sobriety are few and far between. It is possible, but the chances are not in your favor.

If you've only been with your girlfriend while she's been drinking, like others have said, you can pretty well expect a different person to emerge once she really gets sober. This stranger may not be someone you particularly want to be in a relationship with.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's OK. You two aren't married, you don't have to stick around. My girlfriend left me when I got sober. It was lovely, but really, it allowed me to stop saying, "Well she likes me, so I can't be that bad!" Once I didn't have that last little bit of self-delusion to hang onto, I was forced to take an honest look at myself. I don't think I'd be sober today if it hadn't been for that.

And eventually, we ran into one another again. I had been sober for a while so I wasn't a whiny little bitch anymore, and we got back together and we're still together today. But that's the exception rather than the rule.

Generally, that person that emerges from long-term sobriety is going to be a better person. So, no, the way someone is in early sobriety is generally nothing like how they'll be in long-term sobriety.

If you do stick around, encourage her to find some support in people that have been through what she's going through. It's going to be pretty well impossible for you to 100% relate to what's going on in her head, and she's going to need people that can.

WYA
Jan 4, 2012



Sierra Nevadan posted:

She can't stand to be around you either when she isn't drunk.

I know you are trying to 'burn' me, but bad alcoholics cant stand to be around anyone when they airn't drunk. She's been fired from 2 jobs in the last year for bad manners and mouthing off.

Musket
Mar 19, 2008


WYA posted:

My GF is a very bad alcoholic and she's going to quit. She really sucks when she's sober, is that going to be her personality when she's off it for good?

Check your sober privilege.

Ocean Book
Sep 27, 2010

- hi

Right now when she's not drunk she's thinking about how she wishes she was drunk and/or scheming up ways to get drunk. If she gets to the point where she can be sober without running these thought processes on repeat, you will enjoy her company more.

joat mon
Oct 15, 2009

I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.


Pyroxene Stigma posted:

Unfortunately for the OP, the best advice for his girlfriend is to completely sever ties that used to enable addict behavior.

WYA posted:

Irritable and agitated, and as soon as she starts sipping she becomes really fun to be around.
Re: enabling, this popped a red flag.

WYA posted:

Please tell me the video game or movie you're using to picture my relationship so I can correct you

I was thinking Charles Bukowski, but 20 years earlier than the time he would have written about. And a little bit of Somerset Maugham, but I can't pin down exactly why.

Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


I had a very bad near-death thing with booze and quit cold turkey for two years. While I was sober, I hated everyone and everything and abandoned all my friends. Every little thing made me angry and I started picking fights with strangers, usually for no good reason. Got my rear end kicked and ended up in jail a couple times, then I started drinking again and suddenly my life is looking up. I've got a steady job, a few good friends, and now when someone pisses me off to the point I want to slug 'em I just hold off and have a beer that night.

Alcohol saved my life. It can save your girl's too, if only you let it.

Axeman Jim
Nov 20, 2010

The Canadians replied that they would rather ride a moose.

I was an alcoholic for the best part of seven years. When I quit, I was a nightmare for about four weeks as the withdrawal symptoms kicked in. This is what you are seeing in your girlfriend when she is sober - withdrawal symptoms. And when she's drunk, she's drunk. You've probably never seen a "sober" her, ever, because she hasn't ever quit for long enough to get over withdrawal and become human again. Who knows whether you'll like the "real" her that you've never seen.

Not that it will matter. If she's serious about giving up the booze, she will dump your rear end, and you will deserve it. In order to help myself quit, I had to sever my relationships with everyone who enabled my drinking or was a risk to my recovery. In my case that didn't include my girlfriend, but it did include a large number of my friends, many of whom were heavy drinkers/alcoholics themselves. Some people just don't "get" what you're trying to do and assume you're only giving up for a bit. Even if you tell them to their faces that you're giving up for good, they'll still try to invite you out to get drunk anyway. I don't want to get into their psychology, but a lot of it has to do with wanting to hide their own issues and insecurities around alcohol.

How much do you drink, OP?

If she is in control of her path to sobriety, she will leave you. Your attitude is appalling and she will feel that you are pressuring her to drink, because all you care about is how much her suffering during withdrawal (and take it from me, it's a living hell) is inconveniencing you. Your OP wasn't "how can I help her through the drying-out process and cope with the mood swings and other problems that arise from it" but "is she going to be this annoying all the time? Because that inconveniences me." That's why this thread is deservedly tearing you a new rear end in a top hat. At best, you are a self-centred jerk. At worst, you are enabling her addiction, preventing her recovery, and contributing to her slowly killing herself.

Either break up with her so that she can recover without you pouting about how she's no fun anymore, or become a better, more empathic and supportive human being, fast.

cent0r
Feb 19, 2007


This is actually a legit case of "It's not you, it's me."

serious norman
Dec 13, 2007



WYA posted:

My GF is a very bad alcoholic and she's going to quit. She really sucks when she's sober, is that going to be her personality when she's off it for good?

Yes OP

Aggressive pricing
Feb 25, 2008


You should have kids, it fixes everything.

joxxuh
May 20, 2011


It's a bad idea to break up with her as she's sobering up. It's basically using negative reinforcement to make her drink more, in fact. What you should do instead is make her fall off the wagon and then break up with her so she makes the association drinking = bad. You can probably think of some things that would prompt her to drink, like stocking her fav booze around the house, maybe throwing a party etc.

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010


When my friend quit drinking he said the best part was being able to take solid shits again.

His personality stayed the same, the only real difference is he goes to bed earlier now.

EightBit
Jan 7, 2006
I spent money on this line of text just to make the "Stupid Newbie" go away.

1. Don't let her go to Alcoholics Anonymous, that poo poo has a worse rate than trying to quit on your own, and it's loving proselytizing disguised as therapy

2. You suck and I really hope she ditches you when she sobers up

Fried Watermelon
Dec 29, 2008



I drank a lot because I was getting abused at home.

Now I smoke weed instead and got a decent job and moved away from the abusers.

I can enjoy having a beer now and again without wanting to kill myself.

Tweet Me Balls
Apr 14, 2009



You're pinning a lot of the responsibility on your girlfriend when you are supposed to be partners in this relationship. That means sharing in the work. I think it would mean a lot to her if you would help her out and do more of the drinking yourself.

RazorDX
Nov 7, 2008


She'll be like that for a while, then she won't.

It's called withdrawal. There's not a predetermined amount of time it will take for her body to get over, everyone is different. Eventually though her body will re-establish equilibrium and then you can find out if you actually like her or not.

Marmalade Marinade
Feb 20, 2013

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Dating Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema, and May Complicate Pregnancy.


Fried Watermelon posted:

I drank a lot because I was getting abused at home.

Now I smoke weed instead and got a decent job and moved away from the abusers.

I can enjoy having a beer now and again without wanting to kill myself.

Yeah, this probably isn't the healthiest route, but if she can replace drinking with smoking weed, that might help. Alternatively look into getting her benzos, which are used for alcoholics coming withdrawing. There's a lot of ways to help people weaning themselves from alcohol without turning their life into an absolute nightmare.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

THUNDERDOME LOSER

genghis.khan posted:

What's it like having no self-worth?

I found this to be a bizarre response to a really wise post.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

down with slavery
Dec 23, 2013
STOP QUOTING MY POSTS SO PEOPLE THAT AREN'T IDIOTS DON'T HAVE TO READ MY FUCKING TERRIBLE OPINIONS THANKS

as usual, the answer is

op kinda sounds like a bitch tho

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«2 »