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Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008


Once, I ate some onions at Sanford's and got the farts once I got home. My roommate was sitting three feet away when I let a big one seep out. For a moment, I was afraid I sharted, but luckily I didn't.

Anyway, my roommate started gagging and retching a few seconds later. Apparently they could feel the texture of my fart as it slipped down their throat. Long story short, my roommate was not happy.

But I still love farting and enjoy the sport at all times. I bet you have a story about crop dusting old ladies at Walmart. I do.

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big duck equals goose
Nov 7, 2006

by XyloJW


Hey, that's great. Good stuff, OP.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


one time I thought I was gonna fart but instead a huge turd came out and everyone ran away. the end.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


I see you are gay. when did you begin farting comfortably with your life partner?

ReptileChillock
Jan 7, 2014

by Lowtax


ate a hoagie once, had a mad fart after

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


at what point in your life did you realize you were "different"? was your homosexuality caused by abuse? surprise sex?

porkchop_express
May 27, 2004


a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



one time I let out 2 farts 1 squirt into the sleeping OP's left nostril one into the right but the 2nd squirt was wet oops well thats my story thanks and bye

ReptileChillock
Jan 7, 2014

by Lowtax


dad gay. so what posted:

at what point in your life did you realize you were "different"? was your homosexuality caused by abuse? surprise sex?

read your posts, now I'm gay

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


did "fart-play" ever play a part in your early sexual encounters with your family?

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


at what age were you raped?

porkchop_express
May 27, 2004


here i sit broken hearted
came to shitpost but only farted

Dexters Secret
Jun 19, 2014




hey lois i fahted

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


do you feel overcome with guilt from your deviant fart-centric homosexuality or have you been able to find community with others who share your values?

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


when you and your lover fart on each other do you snuggle afterwards or run away in disgust? when I accidently crapped in my pants, no one wanted to be around me so I was very upset. do you experience sadness or are you immune to emotions because of your disease?

Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008


dad gay. so what posted:

at what age were you raped?
Ask your mom.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


your homosexuality obviously defines you, do you have a hard time defining your "fart-version" kink homo persona to others? are you out about it?

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


was your family brought up farting on each other sexually? is incest a part of your farting ritual?

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003


what role do your genitals play in your fart ritual? do you mutilate them?

Zippy the Bummer
Dec 14, 2008

pro hobo


i'm glad you are posting in gbs again, dad gay. so what

Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008


Gays don't fart, everyone knows that. They teach that in school along with evolution. I have no interest in your anti-fart propaganda.

Also, I just farted and it smelled.

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

You must torment people with your artistic delight, scaring mother and grandmother in the middle of the night.


I fart, therefore I queef.

Toad Tunnel
Sep 26, 2004



my dad... gay

*fart*

apathypuff
Jan 27, 2005

as we leave this existence
looking for another


lol *lets out a little laugh like gorge 2. bush.*

Y-Hat
Feb 10, 2007

I'll get you, I'll burn you, I'll crush you, I'll flush you down, down
The toilet where you'll spiral around, round
Awwww tick... tick tick tick


this thread is begging for the "poo poo post" tag

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

Premium apes for the discerning customer.


its pretty lovely when you get all wound up for a decent poo poo and you do your pre-poo poo rituals and then you sit down only to have a gigantic fart instead

Bad Titty Puker
Nov 3, 2007


it's heartbreaking, really

Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008


Bad Titty Puker posted:

it's heartbreaking, really
fartbreaking

Starting the day with a fart is a good way to start the day.

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010



when i fart it seems like someone always walks past a few minutes later like every time. before i was watching tv and i thought "oh no one will come into the loungeroom for at least 10 minutes" so i farted then sure enough a housemate came and walked past

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010



i have been huffing my farts and foreskin heavily, for hours

i was cupping my balls to harvest the smell and didnt even notice

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010



thats my favourite fart story

Rapman the Cook
Aug 24, 2013

waste of space

I cowarded-punched a guy once and while he was unconcious on the ground I put my rear end right close to his face to fart straight into his face and along with the fart a wasp came out and stung his eye.

Rapman the Cook
Aug 24, 2013

waste of space

lonesomedwarf posted:

when i fart it seems like someone always walks past a few minutes later like every time. before i was watching tv and i thought "oh no one will come into the loungeroom for at least 10 minutes" so i farted then sure enough a housemate came and walked past

You are The Fart Whisperer

Prawned
Oct 25, 2010



Business Gorillas posted:

its pretty lovely when you get all wound up for a decent poo poo and you do your pre-poo poo rituals and then you sit down only to have a gigantic fart instead

I dunno it often echoes nicely and is quite satisfying and then you have a lil' giggle. ALthough agreed it's no fun if you still feel like you need a poo poo after.

Clamps McGraw
May 6, 2009

Alberta Crab Sands

I once had gastric flu and shat myself seven times in one day. Once at work, once on the bus on the way home, and then shat the bed so many times I was lying naked on newspaper as I'd run out of bedding

It was like my arsehole had just completely stopped working for a few days

Egbert Souse
Nov 6, 2008

You must torment people with your artistic delight, scaring mother and grandmother in the middle of the night.


Clamps McGraw posted:

I once had gastric flu and shat myself seven times in one day. Once at work, once on the bus on the way home, and then shat the bed so many times I was lying naked on newspaper as I'd run out of bedding

It was like my arsehole had just completely stopped working for a few days

GBS 1.4 - I once had gastric flu and shat myself seven times in one day

Alan Smithee
Jan 3, 2005
"Sunset found her squatting in the grass, groaning. Every stool was looser than the one before, and smelled fouler.

By the time the moon came up she was shitting brown water. The more she drank, the more she shat, but the more she shat, the thirstier she grew."

by GRRM;
the American Tolkien.



Gas OP

Kill his family

Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008


Alan Smithee posted:

Gas OP

Kill his family
lol

I've already gassed my family.

Another time, I walked down the cooking aisle in Walmart but little did I know something was cooking in me. As I sauntered past the condensed milk, I dropped a poot which smelled strongly of rotting garbage. Moments later, a blue hair with a walker stopped near the drop zone. As I glanced over my shoulder for confirmation, I laughed, knowing she was breathing my noxious fumes.

Farts are a universal human experience that should be embraced, not shamed.

Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008


Old lady white knighters itt obviously.

Not quite fart related, but I just took a dump and the smell offended people enough that they went outside for fresh air.

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Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

May your eyes be opened by the wonderful


one time i needed to make the poop so i went to the poo poo place
the toilet seat was up so i moved it down.
as i did this i farted.
i then turned around and sat down.
my face was right in the spot in which i had farted
i farted in my own face
i learned not to fart before sitting down again

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