Xumtosis posted:

I'm still a bit confused about everything. Why does Naruto have a 7 tailed demon dog inside him? Why does the gnome man have de-atomizing cube based powers?

dancingbears posted:

TL;DR Everyone hates Naruto

Mico posted:

TwoPair posted:

This game/anime would be much better if Terry Crews were around to yell at everyone.

dancingbears posted:

TL;DR Everyone hates Naruto

Mico posted:

A great thing

Archenteron posted:

The Omnislug

RotationSurgeon posted:

Did I find the hentai yet?

Mico posted:

dancingbears posted:

So! Let's talk about poo poo The Game Assumes You Already Know About Sasuke Uchiha. Y'know, that guy? The dark one everyone rips on for being an enormous emo dick? He's the second main character, and a lot more complicated than Naruto (who can be summed as "Everyone hates me for containing a monster that killed a bunch of people, but if I'm super awesome, they'll like me anyway!) so I'ma out and tell his story.

First off, the sharingan (lit. "copy wheel eye") is the bloodline gift of the Uchiha and it's completely broken. It develops from emotional stress, and gives you red eyes that let you see magic and gives you magically sharper vision and a photographic memory. Further development adds comma-shaped pupils that spin around the main pupil and let you predict movement and attacks, copy and reproduce physical and magical attacks, and greatly strengthens ninja illusions. Sasuke gets that.

So Sasuke was basically born with a silver shuriken in his mouth. He's the second son of the Uchiha family head, a large clan that's basically ninja nobility due to being a major founding member of the Hidden Leaf ninja nation, plus their status as the military police and being famed as being warriors down to the last man. And the sharingan. He's got talent as a fighter, but he's not as gifted as his older brother, Itachi, who is a genius prodigy. Itachi gets all that, plus he's heir apparent to the Uchiha, plus he's so precociously badass that he's a ninja by the time he's six and he skyrockets up the ranks. Sasuke admires the hell out of Itachi and wants to be half as cool as him. Itachi is generally too busy to give him the time of day, but sometimes helps Sasuke learn how to be a better child soldier.

One day, Sasuke comes home from ninja school to the Uchiha clan district and finds everyone else in his clan is dead. When he gets to his house, he finds Itachi finishing off their parents. Itachi beats the poo poo out of Sasuke and explains to him that he's upgraded his sharingan. By creating a deep, powerful emotional bond with someone, and then deliberately murdering them, the sharingan mutates into the mangekyou sharingan, becoming even more powerful and granting broken attacks to the wielder. Itachi did that a few days ago, a cousin of theirs. He murdered everyone else to prove to himself he could do it. Then he uses his newly upgraded eyes to put Sasuke in an unbreakable illusion that lasts for three full days. For the entire duration, Itachi replays his rampage through the Uchiha, ending on their parents. Then he changes how time passes in the illusion, so he's able to cram the full effect in just a few seconds. Sasuke watches his cool older brother murder everyone he knows and loves for what feels like months.

When Sasuke gets out of his coma, he's lost and confused and burning for revenge. He throws himself into his ninja training like a man possessed. Go to ninja school, train until you drop, keep training until you feel like you're gonna die, nightmare-plagued sleep, repeat. Downtime is dedicated to fantasizing about getting vengeance on his brother. He quickly outstrips his classmates by a longshot and establishes himself as cold, arrogant, and proud lone wolf, with an overwhelming competitive streak. The guys all hate him and the girls all want him. He can't stand the girls, they're a distraction and none of them are any good in a fight, which is the only way cares to interact with another human being. He can't risk himself getting too close to someone. He might murder them for his eyes.

Sasuke becomes a ninja at twelve and is put on a team under Kakashi (who barely trains them and doesn't explain a thing about himself, including that he has a sharingan and is the only one who can train Sasuke in its use), alongside Naruto (annoying idiot who absolutely should have failed out of ninja school and never become a ninja) and Sakura (helpless girl with no combat capabilities and a annoying crush on him). Sasuke is beyond frustrated with this, but works with them and even manages to get a little attached. He almost dies to save Naruto on a mission, even. Naruto repays him by always believing that Sasuke is a good guy at heart, even much later on, when Sasuke is very clearly not. Sasuke manifests his sharingan around here, too. Itachi manifested his before he was even a ninja. He's never going to catch up.

Then the ninja promotion exams come up. Kakashi throws his team in headfirst. Things are going great until the second third, a survival exercise in a deadly forest, where Sasuke's team is ambushed by sadistic mad scientist and infamous criminal ninja Orochimaru. Orochimaru is obsessed with obtaining immortality and mastering every ninja technique in existence. To that end, he's created a technique that lets him steal bodies, and the cornerstone of achieving his plans is stealing Sasuke's body and obtaining his own sharingan, the best and most efficient way of learning every skill ever. Orochimaru kicks the poo poo out of the kids for a while before putting a seal on Sasuke that will make body theft easier. It also gives Sasuke a power boost and allows him to turn his hatred into magic. Sasuke has a lot of hate.

The promotion exams end when Orochimaru loving invades Hidden Leaf with his own armies from Hidden Sound (which he established and leads) and Hidden Sand (which he murdered the ninja president of and tricked into attacking their old allies, Leaf) and kills his old teacher, The Third Ninja President. That's barely settled when Itachi decides to come home for a bit to kidnap Naruto; since the massacre, he's joined a cult (Akatsuki) that wants to capture and kill all nine demon vessels to build a nation-destroying superweapon. Itachi puts Kakashi in a coma before Sasuke can find him, and when he does, he's easily defeated and Itachi does the three days of Uchiha massacre highlights illusion again. His kidnapping attempt is thwarted, though, and he leaves.

Sasuke wakes from his coma with a message from Orochimaru, offering to let Sasuke be his apprentice. Sasuke is 100% down for this, even knowing that Orochimaru is planning on Grand Theft Uchiha. His only real comparisons for his own strength are Itachi and Naruto, and Naruto is growing in strength so rapidly that Sasuke feels like he's standing still. Here's a man who's strong enough to kill a ninja president, famed for his ruthlessness and desire for results, offering one-on-one tutoring in murder and revenge. Sasuke abandons Hidden Leaf to go study under Orochimaru. Traitors are a huge deal to ninja national security, so Hidden Leaf sends Naruto and some others out to stop him, but he escapes to Hidden Sound. On his way out, Naruto and Sasuke get in a fight that ends when Sasuke puts his hand through Naruto's lung. Naruto survives only because he's a demon vessel.

Three years later, Sasuke is much stronger, colder, and deadlier. He feels he's learned all he can from Orochimaru, he's ready to take on his brother. So he waits until Orochimaru is weak and needs to steal another body, then attacks and kills him (only not really, because apparently absolutely loving nothing can kill Orochimaru), then leaves. He grabs two test subjects and a researcher (these are the only two types of people in Hidden Sound) that he knows are useful, then sets out to finally kill his brother. Somewhere around here, he encounters his old teammate Sakura and some Hidden Leaf ninja and tries to kill them.

Finally, it's time for his final fight with Itachi. Sasuke finds him, and they fight. It's a long, confusing battle mostly consisting of repeated and overlapping ninja illusions. During the fight, Itachi explains why he left Sasuke alive. The mangekyou sharingan has a weakness, you see. Using its awesome power damages the eyes, causing gradual blindness. There's a way around that. If a pair of brothers have mangekyo eyes, and one of the brothers takes the other's and surgically implants them into himself, his eyes mutate again, regaining their superhuman vision and getting another power boost. Sasuke hasn't gotten his, though, so Itachi announces that he'll just have to die. After even more confusing fighting, Itachi traps Sasuke, and is about to kill him when he abruptly apologizes and then keels over and dies. Itachi had a terminal lung disease he kept secret. Having finally killed his beloved older brother, Sasuke gains the mangekyo sharingan.

Story over, right? Nope! The Masked Man, Tobi, shows up and helps Sasuke recover. Tobi tells Sasuke that he's actually Madara Uchiha, Sasuke's great-grandfather, and that it's time Sasuke knew the Truth about the Uchiha massacre: the Uchiha were planning a coup. They had been long oppressed by the Hidden Leaf (thanks largely in part to rumors and subtle influence by Tobi, but he doesn't say that), and had they gone through with it, it would have left the Hidden Leaf too weak to survive the inevitable war that would start when their enemies found out. The Third was trying for negotiations, but one of his advisers, Danzo, recruited Itachi to kill his own family before the poo poo hit the fan. Itachi didn't want to, but went through with it for several reasons. First, if he didn't do it, someone else will, and doing it himself lets him spare the life of his beloved younger brother. Second, Itachi hated violence. Becoming a ninja so young was traumatizing and he hated that his war-loving clan wouldn't let him not kill people for a living. He couldn't bear the thought of so much death if the coup went through. But he can't kill everyone by himself, no matter how skilled he is. That's solved when Tobi reveals himself to him, and agrees to help kill the clan. Tobi doesn't mention that part, either. Itachi wasn't a sociopath who lived to torture Sasuke. He was a hero who loved Sasuke more than anybody else.

Sasuke doesn't handle this well. Danzo's next on his newly expanded revenge list, doubly so since Tobi mentions that Danzo's now the Sixth Ninja President. Then the rest of Hidden Leaf, for the peace they enjoyed, bought with his family's blood. After that is probably everyone else. He's mad with guilt and hate and he wants the whole world to suffer for it. That's where the game starts off.

What an emo dick, amirite?

TL;DR Sasuke's life is a loving train wreck zombie made out of train wrecks out to genocide the world.

Xumtosis posted:

I'm still a bit confused about everything. Why does Naruto have a 7 tailed demon dog inside him?

EntranceJew posted:

This thread is my favorite honeypot.

dancingbears posted:

Linkin park: The anime character

Zoig posted:

What I find really weird is how often the word gangsta shows up in relation to the show. It makes sense with killer bee, I can see how it happens, but then I see This and everything is confusing again.

Great Joe posted:

please tell me why i cant stop reading it

Flytrap posted:

Oh hey, finally got rid of that ugly baby! I assume it was because of this thread, so thanks whoever is responsible!

Zoig posted:

What I find really weird is how often the word gangsta shows up in relation to the show. It makes sense with killer bee, I can see how it happens, but then I see This and everything is confusing again.

Great Joe posted:

so is no one super psyched that the next ep might apparently involve a five-man kage match?

Great Joe posted:

if it involves ninjas hitting each other with deck chairs then im super up for that!!!

Forgall posted:

TwoPair posted:

edit: forgot this is a Goonhouse thread.

Cheez posted:

This is the most important LP thread about a game with a pretty important story though. There's some guy, don't know his name but there's a thing inside him right and it's evil. So he does a thing and that's about all you need to know to get up to speed.