Is this an acceptable way to decline a job offer?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Is this an acceptable way to decline a job offer?

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

adorai posted:

Assuming you aren't trolling, the reality is that a masters degree and professional certificate without any experience puts you in the "paper qualifications" zone and you are probably worse off than if you did not have these have things. Recruiters know you will expect more pay, and hiring managers know you will likely not be as productive as someone with real experience.

Yup. Take the job, prove you're an awesome employee, and don't stop looking for another job. An employed person is a thousand times more likely to get a job offer.

Plus you might learn that uneducated poor people can actually be good friends, too, you arrogant rear end.

# ¿ Aug 15, 2014 21:50

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 21:21

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

LoreOfSerpents posted:

Why didn't those people help you get a job?

If I had to guess, I'd say because he's a giant douche and nobody wants to help a giant douche get a job.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 03:44

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

I'm a douche for wanting to be satisfied with my career?

No, you're a douche for saying this:

quote:

The county in which it's located has one of the lowest median incomes, and one of the highest percentages of people below the poverty line for the entire state. As such, I don't see myself forming too many friendships or worthwhile relationships simply because I don't feel that I have much in common with the folks in a poor small southern town.

Because only narcissistic douches feel like they can't be friends with people who aren't on their educational or income level. And you're an idiot for saying this:

quote:

I would say that's beneath me. It would essentially put all of my graduate-level studies to little or no use.

Because only idiots think that a master's degree means they get a wonderful job handed to them out of school. You're also an idiot for not networking in college and for passing up an opportunity to network now, and for negotiating stupidly. And I personally think you're a jackass because this:

quote:

My interests include multimodal transportation and sustainability, two things that this particular small town doesn't factor much into their daily doings ...

seems like the perfect opportunity to step up and do some better work beyond your job description for people in a place that sorely needs it while also not mooching off of your parents and exposing yourself to a culture you yourself admit you're unfamiliar with. You're a pessimist. Take the job, work hard and be a great worker while you're there, and if you get a better job, the people you work with will be happy for you to move up.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 03:56

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

Suddenly, I'm the only person who is a shitbag for not wanting to live and work in a town with no growth and that has offered nothing to the area which surrounds it? Say, how high is that horse you're up on?

No, you're a shitbag for thinking a $39k job is beneath you when the other option is a $0 job living with your parents. You are in a well and somebody is offering you a step, and you're spitting on them because you can't see the the top of the well yet.

You are a pessimist for thinking that this step will not help you. How high is my horse? I got a job out of one of the top engineering schools in the country teaching at an inner city high school. It paid $45k and most of my class was making $60-80k, but I took it because I wanted to be in education. It was a great and a terrible experience, and it taught me a deep respect for teaching, because I couldn't hack it. It taught me a lot.

quote:

I'm plenty exposed to the culture. I'm from here. But the people who I've connected with are not the people who are from here, it's the people that I met in school. Why is it unreasonable to be concerned with an inability to fit in socially? I mean that in all seriousness.

You fit in socially when you were in school because you were all studying exactly the same high-concept topics and so of course you can talk about that easily. If you wanted to stay in academia, go back for your PhD. A masters won't cut it. But this:

quote:

I don't see myself forming too many friendships or worthwhile relationships simply because I don't feel that I have much in common

sounds like you have a very narrow and narcissistic view of friendship. You really don't need to have that much in common with someone to be great friends. It sounds again like you're being overly pessimistic and it's holding you back. Why not go in with the attitude that you'll do your damndest to find some awesome buddies? Worst case, you leave after you realize it's not working. Best case, you stop being a tremendous douchehead. Think positive!

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 04:13

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

It's not loving over your employer if you're a great employee while you're there, you work drat hard, and you give 2 weeks notice like you're supposed to. Most coworkers will be happy for you as long as you're a good guy to work with in the first place. Especially since you've said that this doesn't require a ton of training so it's not like they're investing a ton into you.

I hire people and sometimes they go work other places or go back to school. It happens. If they were good workers, I'll give them a good recommendation and ask them for friends they think could fill their spot. Everybody in BFC knows that this is perfectly fine and you insist on arguing that it isn't. I don't know why you think you know better than everyone here.*

*well maybe I know why

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 04:27

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

It's like wanting a job installing windows, but getting a job installing doors.

I don't think I've ever seen a professional window installer who couldn't also install doors or vice versa, so either you really don't know how the world works or you're just bad at analogies.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 04:31

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

This forum feels that career should stand above all else -- as I expected. My request for advice elsewhere has yielded different results.

I'm glad that you are asking around so that you can pick and choose the advice you want and ignore everything else. You're thinking we're saying that you should take this job because we just like jobs. We're saying take this job because you sound like a child and it's time to grow up. Sorry it's not the advice you want, maybe go back to posting where they tell you what you want to hear.

But hey, who am I to give advice, I used to live in a singlewide so gently caress me, right?

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 05:15

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

This thread says "gently caress being happy for now, just go work there because you need a career and that's the most important thing". That's difficult for me to swallow given how I've lived my life to this point.

Not a single person is saying that in this thread. We are saying that you will be happier in the long run if you stop being a child and living like a child and start living in the real world as an adult.

You're like a fat person coming into YLLS and asking how best to quit a diet and keep eating donuts. Put down the donuts and get to lifting weights! Yeah, you'll be sore at first, but then you'll be swole. Or go ahead and keep on eating donuts until somebody offers you a magical cake that turns calories into muscle instead of fat. I'm sure that will happen real soon.

GILF Hunter posted:

This is how some of these posts should have been worded.

Maybe we wouldn't have been so harsh if your OP wasn't worded like you were an entitled jackass who hated poor people. Just sayin~

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 06:10

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Everybody here is telling me how stupid and wrong I am! They must all be angry miserable people! There's nothing wrong with me at all, it's all them being so mad mad mad! Let me post forever about how mad they are!

*back to crafting a resume which will truly showcase my brilliance for a deserving employer*

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 06:20

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

Thank you for continuing to show that you don't understand my dilemma.

Ah, the dilemma of an unemployed person with a job offer in hand. How best to turn them down, indeed...

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 06:22

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

Why should I settle for less than what my peers have obtained?

They're probably not huge douches and that's why they have jobs and you don't. You're thirty-one and living at home, and you think you're too good for a $40k job.

Story time because you're not taking any advice from this thread anyway:

I'm hiring tutors right now and this guy just sent in a resume with this as his answer to "What do you do in your free time?"

quote:

I learn. I am a polymath and I take pride in my many levels of expertise. My hobby is education, mine and others.

Now, seeing as we want our tutors to be able to engage with our students on a friendly level, we're looking for something like "I coach basketball" or "I like surfing and hiking" or "I love horror movies and reading!" Generally anyone who doesn't do anything outside of academia gets a big red flag, and somebody who calls himself a polymath? Wow, I'm sure you have a great sense of humor and can relate to high school students!

So I pass, two days later we get this email, CCed to the CEO of the company (my boss):

quote:

I sent you an application for one of your tutoring slots. Before you reject it out of hand because of my age or the thought that I might not fit in with your youth oriented business, we might have a chat. If nothing else, I am entertaining.

Mr. Douchebag Smith, MD, MBA, and now educator

ps, I interned at Stanford

My coworker sent him back an email:

quote:

Hi Mr. Douchebag!
We accept all kinds here at Tutor Place and would never reject your resume because you are more experienced. (We also greatly appreciate someone with a sense of humor.) We're still collecting resumes at this point, and will probably start calling for phone interviews late next week.
I look forward to chatting with you soon.

To which he responds:

quote:

My sense of purpose seems to be greater than your sense of curiosity.
Perhaps anther day.
Mr. Douchebag Smith

ps. What are you doing to make your students really want to learn?
D.

We had a good laugh over it and hired a guy who didn't have his head shoved up his rear end.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 19:24

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Not quite as glorious as the dude who emailed a 3-page resume that had a photograph of his face quad-tiled as the background to every page, including the last page which was blank except for the four huge copies of his face.

Hiring people is the funnest, most horrible thing ever.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2014 20:49

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

Suppose I work there, and get another offer in a month, thus bailing on Doublewide City. Isn't this likely to induce the same effect? Yet people are screaming at me here that I don't owe my employer anything and to just accept and keeping looking while actively employed. My earlier posts cite somewhat of a moral issue with this.

Every person in here has told you that as long as you do good work for the time you're there and give proper notice, it's fine to quit a job. Many of the people telling you this are people who employ other people for them and understand that sometimes employees don't last long, and IT'S OKAY. You're not the pretty special snowflake you think you are and it's embarrassing to read your ideas of "moral issues" when it's obvious you don't know a thing about the real world and how it functions.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2014 04:47

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

GILF Hunter posted:

Good thing I came here for some advice then, yeah?

Apparently not, since you're insistent on taking none of the advice in this thread unless it conforms with your preconceived notions.

# ¿ Aug 17, 2014 05:07

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

The hope for all of the dumbass threads is that other people reading will listen and learn.

edit: also, hilarious to read

# ¿ Aug 17, 2014 05:11

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

If you haven't tried meds for your depression, I highly recommend it, they definitely helped kick my brain out of depression mode.

More storytime since this is hilariously relevant to the thread:

In February we're hiring candidates for SAT prep. This guy writes back asking if he might be able to teach math in May when he graduates:

February email from job candidate posted:

Cordial greetings.

How much work is there for someone with several years of experience tutoring undergraduate math? I am finishing up my PhD right now, and it's very possible I'll need some extra work to supplement my income, particularly if I find myself working as an adjunct professor.

I've taught calculus labs (all levels) on several occasions, so I'm confident I can handle the material. Starting in 2010, I spent four to ten hours tutoring undergrads one-on-one every week, in addition to teaching and grading for other classes (always at least one calculus course). I'll almost certainly be available for evenings and weekends, starting in May, and if I don't find anything else, I might be able to work extremely long hours. After all, I need to make ends meet somehow, and teaching math is what I do best.

Thank you for your consideration. I've attached my resume, if that matters.

Well, as you could guess if you took two seconds to think about it, we're not hiring academic tutors in May since students finish classes in May. You know, like he'll be finishing classes in May. So I tell him we don't hire academic tutors until the fall.

May email from job candidate posted:

Cordial greetings, Moana.

I email you about tutoring work a few months ago, so I am checking in now to make sure everything is still fine.

I did, indeed, finish my PhD, but I have not managed to find a job yet. As things stand, I will likely still need work as soon as I can find it. I am in San Diego now, too, so I can go about finding a library for reference books, since there are a few subjects that would be unpleasant to try to tutor without a reference. Right now, I am living next door to SDSU, and it turns out I can use their library.

Thank you for your consideration, and if I don't get a really good offer soon, I'll look forward to working at your company.

Hahahahaha well, not gonna hire him ever. What a great closing line, though, huh?

Today's email from job candidate posted:

Cordial greetings.

You said to contact you around this time if I needed work, and I am still looking around. Does your company have a bit more business at this time of year? (I assume so.) I've been doing some part-time tutoring in the evening lately, but it isn't enough to pay the bills, and I desperately need more if I am to make ends meet.

Please let me know if there are are work opportunities for me with your company. I've attached another copy of my resume. Thank you.

Incredible.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 03:03

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 21:21

moana: Jun 18, 2005; one of the more intellectual satire communities on the web

Yeah, I'm hiring math and science tutors, I gotta be a little lenient on that front.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2014 03:19

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > Business, Finance, and Careers > Is this an acceptable way to decline a job offer?