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Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


Hey guys, I posted a thread in here last year about how I thought I was a monster/horrible person. Well I got on the medication and turns out I do have OCD, been seeing a new therapist and things are generally going really well. I even have a girlfriend who is both happy to put up with me, who I love and who loves me back, and whose been helping me get over a lot of sex problems I have been having prior to this point. My job is okay at least and, whilst I am still looking for a house, things are generally on the up and up.

The only problem is that my therapist has mentioned that I have an "inflated sense of personal responsibility". Now I am sure she knows what she is talking about, but taking responsibility for ones actions and trying to limit the damaging effects that others actions can have on themselves is something that has been part of me and my self image for a very long time and I am slightly worried how much of that is going to change. I mean taking responsibility, making things "right" and being as good a person as possible are things I really feel very strongly about. I suppose I am making this thread because I was wondering at what level you think I should actually disagree with my therapist and continue on this, potentially ill advised, course of action, or whether I should alter myself based on her recommendations.

Thanks for your time guys, I do appreciate it.

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Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.

Guys my therapist thinks I try too hard to be good. What do you think?

(at the very least give us some examples)

Tibor
Apr 29, 2009


Stop caring about everything. It'd probably feel great.

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


Well I tend to check and recheck any pornography I watch/view. Making sure that it is "okay" by standards of law and common decency and all the rest. I give a lot of money to charity and I spend a lot of time worrying that I am a horrible person, based either on things like "I am eating biscuits and shouldn't because there are starving people out there" or "I need to stop having these intrusive thoughts because they are as bad as doing things" or "I need to make recompense in some way for any wrong actions I have committed even if the other person I have affected is unaware of it being wrong action".

That kind of thing really.

Sol Invictus
Nov 29, 2005

suspended in the infinite darkness
a waning lantern--
guide me to my fate:
our Chariot does touch the ground


What kind of porn is ok by the standards of law and common decency?

What if you combined eating biscuits while watching porn?

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


I have a thing for being made stupid/being seduced by ladies with big boobs. I just get worried in case it is somehow creepy or weird. I get nervous about a lot of things like this. My therapist suggests that this is both 1) completely normal and 2) Really silly to be fretting over. I also spend a lot of time thinking over how to try and be a good person to others, and she says that whilst that is admirable I also have to consider my own feelings and my own mental health alongside that. I also occasionally find cartoon ladies attractive, Jessica rabbit that kind of thing, and get worried in case that means I am somehow a creep.

I also spend a lot of time mentally reviewing past actions to make sure that there was no harm being done by me on anyone at the time.

My therapist has also suggested that I buy a copy of FHM or Nuts or one of those awful trashy "pwhoaaar" mags to proves that I both can and that I do not have to be beholden to the internet. I do not want to buy soft core stuff because I fear it may play into the dehumanising affect of pornography on women, but she has suggested I do something like that to make sure that I actually can.

Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?


Every man should have a proper ink and paper porn mag stashed somewhere in reserve. You never know when a power cut might hit.

Once every year or two I'll buy a porn mag. I still get that "ooh im buying a porn mag am i being judged what will the cashier say what if someone sees me" worry. It's part of the fun of it. You don't get that when you log in to http://www.myfavouritepornsite.com

If you feel bad, buy readers wives or something so you know they are up for it amateurs rather than porn actresses.

Jeffrey
Dec 22, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 3 days!


I like big boobs and their owners as well.

Best Friends
Nov 4, 2011



Son, your mother and I had a talk and we think you should know: it's okay to like boobs. It's fine. Boobs are in fact really good.

Davincie
Jul 7, 2008

The last thing Killstealing sees before his mustache ride.

~*~Straight Balling~*~


Josef bugman posted:

I have a thing for being made stupid/being seduced by ladies with big boobs. I just get worried in case it is somehow creepy or weird. I get nervous about a lot of things like this. My therapist suggests that this is both 1) completely normal and 2) Really silly to be fretting over. I also spend a lot of time thinking over how to try and be a good person to others, and she says that whilst that is admirable I also have to consider my own feelings and my own mental health alongside that. I also occasionally find cartoon ladies attractive, Jessica rabbit that kind of thing, and get worried in case that means I am somehow a creep.

I also spend a lot of time mentally reviewing past actions to make sure that there was no harm being done by me on anyone at the time.

My therapist has also suggested that I buy a copy of FHM or Nuts or one of those awful trashy "pwhoaaar" mags to proves that I both can and that I do not have to be beholden to the internet. I do not want to buy soft core stuff because I fear it may play into the dehumanising affect of pornography on women, but she has suggested I do something like that to make sure that I actually can.

Its weirder and creepier to worry about liking such a basic thing as boobs then liking them, which is in fact not weird or creepy and something 90% of men do

Synonamess Botch
Jun 5, 2006

dicks are for my cat


Ladies? With big boobs? Seducing you? You're a monster

Jisei
Dec 22, 2004

A tiny bundle of supressed instincts held together by spit and caffeine.

Josef bugman posted:

The only problem is that my therapist has mentioned that I have an "inflated sense of personal responsibility". Now I am sure she knows what she is talking about, but taking responsibility for ones actions and trying to limit the damaging effects that others actions can have on themselves is something that has been part of me and my self image for a very long time and I am slightly worried how much of that is going to change. I mean taking responsibility, making things "right" and being as good a person as possible are things I really feel very strongly about. I suppose I am making this thread because I was wondering at what level you think I should actually disagree with my therapist and continue on this, potentially ill advised, course of action, or whether I should alter myself based on her recommendations.

What she is telling you is that you are overcompensating for feelings of worthlessness by trying to take the world onto your shoulders in order to capture worth. You think that by doing everything "perfectly", you can counter your fundamental insecurities and/or past sins with Right Action. This is a pretty common response to low self-esteem (one of my best friends is also in this situation), but it's an unhealthy response and will never ultimately give you the sense of self-worth you're seeking by doing it, because you're working backwards.

While it's logical (and not wrong) to think that you become worthy by doing worthy things, your therapist is basically saying that you're choosing the wrong worthy things to do. You need to adjust your moral compass to find self-worth in the things that directly source from/affect you. Working through your sexual issues is a great start. Your therapist can point you to other sources. Listen to her. Good luck.

Simoom
Nov 30, 2009


Wicked, i too have crippling OCD and weird fantasies about big boob girls making me into a drooling lobotomized idiot/taking my money, so maybe the two are related somehow. This is 100% serious too and not just E/N shitposting.

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


I appreciate that you are not just shitposting. Anyway I think it might be somewhat twinned with the idea of being constantly in control of your actions and the reactions of others, the ability to suspend that for a while is always appealing.

And yeah I do know what you guys are getting at, but I am more just concerned to lose a fairly major part of myself, now I know that I am probably approaching it from the wrong direction, as Jisei mentioned, but I am still very reticent about letting go of it. It is a fairly big way of how I define myself but that probably needs to alter.

Liquid Communism
Mar 9, 2004

Congratulations on not getting fit in 2011!

And for shitting up the Shadowrun 5E thread in 2014!


Sometimes you have to recognize that you have made mental illness a part of your self-identity, and need to let that go in order for it to stop being intrusive into your life. It's change, and change is scary, but it's for the better.

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013

the stars come out
or they don't


No one's asking you to give up being generous or caring, but from what you've posted, it seems like you're caring too much about things that don't matter. Porn is one of those things where preferences can be entirely arbitrary, so it's silly to feel guilt over liking a specific kind of porn. World hunger is an issue, but it's not one that's going to be solved by starving yourself. Likewise, it's great that you want to help other people, but other people don't want to see you neglecting yourself just to help them.

You're seeing a therapist though, which is great. Keep talking to her. I guarantee that she doesn't want to see you lose your caring side entirely either. But she can see that right now, it's hurting you to care so much, especially about things that are trivial or irrelevant.

If it helps, think about it like this: she's going to help you focus your desire to be caring, so you won't be fretting over fifty different things and spreading yourself so thin that you can't actually do anything to help.

STONE OF MADNESS
Dec 28, 2012

PVTREFACTIO


'Jessica Rabbit that kind of thing'

Meg From Family Guy
Feb 4, 2012

by Ralp


Dude, you've made big booby girls enslaving you and making you do their bidding a big part of your personality? Or am I reading that wrong

4th Asclepiadean
Feb 17, 2012


Meg From Family Guy posted:

Dude, you've made big booby girls enslaving you and making you do their bidding a big part of your personality? Or am I reading that wrong

Well, the fact that he checks and re-checks porn was the first example he gave, so that should tell you something.

tsa
Feb 3, 2014


Josef bugman posted:

I appreciate that you are not just shitposting. Anyway I think it might be somewhat twinned with the idea of being constantly in control of your actions and the reactions of others, the ability to suspend that for a while is always appealing.

And yeah I do know what you guys are getting at, but I am more just concerned to lose a fairly major part of myself, now I know that I am probably approaching it from the wrong direction, as Jisei mentioned, but I am still very reticent about letting go of it. It is a fairly big way of how I define myself but that probably needs to alter.

It seems people who are super into social justice often really don't have other things going on in their lives to form their identity around. So instead of simply trying to be a good person whenever possible, they need to be correct on every little issue they can find. I really can't see how someone working up the career ladder and raising kids or whatever would have the time to constantly focus on any little thing that might be slightly problematic; they'd go insane. Just my opinion op but you picked a very strange thing to use as a core identity.

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


Meg From Family Guy posted:

Dude, you've made big booby girls enslaving you and making you do their bidding a big part of your personality? Or am I reading that wrong

Just a little. Whilst this is true the big part of my personality that I am worried about losing is being very concerned and feeling like I should both take responsibility for all of my actions, going back quite a way, and should check and recheck all current actions to make sure I am not causing harm to anyone.

The later bit is what I am worried about, because I do not want to be a doucehnozzle, but my therapist has said it is not my job to be this concerned about everything. I still feel like it is and wanted to ask for advise here and/or to just have a chat about changing aspects of yourself during therapy.

And very much agreed on the whole "problematic" thing, that phrase can burn in hell, but I feel a need to make sure I am not a bad person and to do that I feel like I need to keep a constant check on myself. However my therapist suggests that I am not a horrible person but simply believe myself to be, with the rechecking inevitably helping that belief along.

Josef bugman fucked around with this message at Aug 17, 2014 around 19:12

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


Personal responsibility to what end? Who are you holding yourself accountable to - society? conscience? What would you do if you found porn that didn't conform to standards of decency??

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


Jeza posted:

Personal responsibility to what end? Who are you holding yourself accountable to - society? conscience? What would you do if you found porn that didn't conform to standards of decency??

Well first things first, stop looking at it. And as to who I am accountable to, ultimately myself, society and the law.

natetimm
May 24, 2007


Winner #3 of the 2k14 #Gamergate Shit Show
Do not talk to me if your a SJW MRA PUA fucktarded Shitlord, (PS: GJ on ruining videogame journalism twitter drama MODS).



All this thread made me want to do is look at porn.

Synonamess Botch
Jun 5, 2006

dicks are for my cat


OP who are your favorite big titted porn stars and DON'T say Jessica Rabbit

Robbie Fowler
May 31, 2011


love me a big pair of jugs.

Meg From Family Guy
Feb 4, 2012

by Ralp


I can't believe that your mental image of big breasted women keeping you bound in chains while laughing at your tiny hosed up balls is so strong that it's causing you this much trouble. I really cannot.

Josef bugman
Nov 17, 2011


I do not know, for the most part my favorite "adult model" style of people would be Jordan Carver and Kate Upton. I do not like looking at "porn" porn because I get very nervous about it being degrading/bad. That and the people in it do not look happy about it, they all look very tired and upset from what I have seen.

That's because it isn't? Not a big fan of humiliation really. And that is not what is causing the trouble, it is more the fact that I get nervous even thinking about porn and other things, and I get especially nervous in case anything I may see might be considered "extreme pornography" or if any of the cartoon ladies I see happen to be under 18 because both of those are criminal offenses in my country. I do not want to get into trouble by looking at porn so I keep checking any image I see as a way to make sure that its okay to be looking at.

ChairMaster
Aug 22, 2009



That's stupid. Stop being stupid. Nobody gives a poo poo about any of that because it's pointless garbage.

Jeza
Feb 13, 2011

The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.


welp anyway, you have a bad case of the brain crazies and I only hope you get to look back on this time as weird as heck


the suffering of others doesnt require you to suffer with them. by all means try and do something to help if it really bothers you, but there's no need to feel an obligation to temper your own happiness just because others don't have it. not eating biscuits because others are starving make no sense at all, rationally. it isn't freeing up more biscuits for kids in africa my man.

January
Jul 5, 2009


Some of the things you're worrying about seem a bit overboard, but here are some good things you're doing:

- Supporting causes you believe in by contributing to charity

- Trying to make amends for wrongs you've done

- Trying not to support degradation of women (yes, a lot of goons will disagree with this, but much porn is degrading to and exploitative of women... they wouldn't want their mother, sister, or daughter to be treated that way). I'm not an expert, but it should be fairly easy to avoid those types of porn, such as going with an extremely mainstream source.

All in all, it sounds like you're genuinely trying to be a good person, and I personally wouldn't want to discourage someone from that. Now, getting nervous because you accidentally thought about something - and compulsively checking images you've looked at - that's where it sounds like you could use help.

Aggressive pricing
Feb 25, 2008


Josef bugman posted:

I do not want to get into trouble by looking at porn so I keep checking any image I see as a way to make sure that its okay to be looking at.

Sounds to me like your setting up an excuse for when you get a knock on the door, "No Officer, I wasn't jerking it to 13 year old anime girls 6 times a day, I was just rechecking the images to be sure they weren't illegal!".

Wayne Gretzky
Aug 4, 2007


I dont know about your per se specific question per se exactly, but you seem kind of hosed up mentally in the way you are saying and so forth, so, I would just do what the therapist said.

Bloody Mayhem
Jan 25, 2007

Victimology is all over the place!



You sound like a secular version of a God-fearing person, who only worries about sin inasmuch as you risk going to Hell because of it. Except your Hell is social blame.

All in all it makes your whole worrying appear very insincere and self-serving. You can't be content with being a good person and acting accordingly, you have to make sure other people see you as such.

Listen to your therapist.

Simoom
Nov 30, 2009


Bloody Mayhem posted:

You sound like a secular version of a God-fearing person, who only worries about sin inasmuch as you risk going to Hell because of it. Except your Hell is social blame.

All in all it makes your whole worrying appear very insincere and self-serving. You can't be content with being a good person and acting accordingly, you have to make sure other people see you as such.

Listen to your therapist.

he has OCD ya jerk!

Rhymenoserous
May 23, 2008

I can also sing.


Josef bugman posted:

Just a little. Whilst this is true the big part of my personality that I am worried about losing is being very concerned and feeling like I should both take responsibility for all of my actions, going back quite a way, and should check and recheck all current actions to make sure I am not causing harm to anyone.

Yeah you sound like a nut. When you fart in the grocery store do you hunt down all the people who might have smelled it to apologize or do you just hop on the PA and do it en masse?

Meg From Family Guy
Feb 4, 2012

by Ralp


Please further explain the meaning of being made stupid by big boobed women

cunt raja
Nov 28, 2006


meow


Have you considered doing activities that help the people you're worrying about? You can donate to places that help in Africa, you can also call up your nearest homeless shelter/open kitchen and volunteer. You don't have to do it often if your busy/it causes you social anxiety.

You can report any porn you find that is illegal, you can get some types of non-illegal things removed by contacting the site hosting the pictures (Imgur, for example). You could volunteer for Perverted Justice's site, you could start a site where you list porn links/sites that are not degrading. 'Stick to mainstream stuff' unfortunately isn't very good advice, the degradation thing is a big part of mainstream porn right now. Helping others find links would honestly effect a larger change than anything besides volunteering for PJ or similar.

It doesn't sound like your therapist is wanting you to just lose the 'cares a lot, feels a lot of responsibility' portion of yourself as much as she wants you to find healthier ways to express it. Make sure you mention your concerns about losing a part of yourself to her.

Simoom
Nov 30, 2009


Meg From Family Guy posted:

Please further explain the meaning of being made stupid by big boobed women

I too would like an explanation, and if our fantasies match up, would like to PM you to discuss it further maybe.

edit: also, I don't think you should volunteer for perverted justice or begin your own ethical porn listings. Maybe just take some medication, it'll kill your sex drive a bit too.

Simoom fucked around with this message at Aug 18, 2014 around 18:31

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January
Jul 5, 2009


stinkyhole raja posted:

'Stick to mainstream stuff' unfortunately isn't very good advice, the degradation thing is a big part of mainstream porn right now. Helping others find links would honestly effect a larger change than anything besides volunteering for PJ or similar.

Oops... shows how much I know! That is pretty sad, though, what it says about our culture if degradation is now mainstream.

Making a page of safe links (free of degradation, free of underage stuff, etc.) is a really good idea.

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