|
Thanks in advance for reading and providing thoughtful responses. Summary: I live way below my means, my in law's live above their means, I shudder at having to take care of them in the future because of their poor decisions in the present. About Me: -late 20's, married for 7+ years, no kids yet. -Two income family, combined income 140k. Own a forever type house with 20%+ equity. -no debt other than a 10,000 student loan at 2% and a 180,000 mortgage at 3.125%. -Monthly after-tax income: 7,600. Monthly expenses: 3,000. Invest the rest. Life Goals: We have been saving 60-70% of our combined income and have saved just shy of $200,000. We plan to save up around two million and then punch out of the rat race and move into a lower stress job sometime in our 40's. We consciously live WAY below our means for a better tomorrow. I figure having too much money saved up can only be a good thing later. Either we can dial back our savings once we have a kid and be plenty set for a normal retirement or we can go childless and retire early. Either way having a war chest of cash gives me a tremendous sense of security. We both made a solid effort to go to school (at our own cost), save a ton of money, and work hard so that we do not have to stress about money. This is very important to me. About my In-laws: Mid 50's empty nesters. FIL works a low six figures job, MIL does not work. They haven't always had good income, and consequently do not have a healthy retirement portfolio. Here is their estimated financial details. Income: I estimate between 100-150,000 Retirement Portfolio: 100,000 Property: house in the country, needs major renovations. Debt: Mortgage + HELOC on their property. Car loan (I estimated 20,000 left on the balance). Student loan Estimated at 25,000. As I mentioned, my wife's family was extremely poor, and my in law family has only been members of the upper middle class for the last 12 years or so. I give them a pass on having nothing saved up by age 42 when my FIL finally got a decent paying blue collar job. He has since worked his way up to where he is now in a management role. However, they are NOT savers and if they sold everything they own to pay off debts and keep the rest I'd estimate their net worth to be their 401k balance (100,000). The Problem: These two spend a ridiculous amount of money. They constantly gift their adult children gifts worth hundreds of dollars that we don't need. They make no effort to bargain shop and will just buy whatever without regard to price. They have expensive hobbies (golfing = lessons, top tier clubs etc.) Horseback riding = multiple horses owned on property and the expenses that entails. Gardening with a very high use of water, hosting parties/family reunions entirely at their expense, ski trips, new cars/trucks leased with bad terms turned into a purchase with worse terms. Dozens of monthly subscriptions they rarely use, constant shopping out of catalogs. The list goes on. Despite my words above, they do not lead a particularly lavish lifestyle. They mostly just are careless with their money. I think part of the problem is they never really understood money. They literally were paycheck to paycheck one bad day away from bankruptcy (and would have lost everything if not for a generous charity after a medical emergency). Since they have been making money they continued their paycheck-paycheck lifestyle, but at a much larger scale. MIL in particular is very sensitive about people judging her for lack of class/wealth. I think this led to them spending to keep up appearances rather than ultra save to make up for lost time. The Elephant in the Room My in-laws own a house in the country on a large plot of land. The land is big with multiple structures in various states of repair. They have always intended to fix up the structures and turn the property into some kind of business. When my wife and I were dating they talked about plan A for their property, now I think we're on plan H. The plans all share one thing in common: fix up the property and use it as people focused business. (b&b, hunting lodge, marriage retreat, equine therapy etc.) The property itself was cheap, but fixing it up is very, very expensive. They have done most of the work themselves, but spend most of their time/money on supplies. They've probably spent over 60,000 on that place so far, with a lot more to go. In addition to the business idea they have been fixing up their house. They are basically building their dream home. Completely renovating the existing structure adding on additional rooms for guests the whole deal. The property is so far out of town, with no work opportunities nearby (FIL works ten hours away on one week on/one week off schedule) that I'm convinced they are throwing money down a black hole. No one will buy their property for anywhere close to the amount of cash they are throwing at it. Additionally, I'm fairly convinced no business they could open will ever be terribly profitable. My best case estimate has them making 1,000 a month from their business, if it ever happens. This is after a 70,000 investment in fixing the property. They have been working on their "business" for ten years now and nothing has materialized. They have been working on fixing the house for the last four years and are no where close to being done. (They had to stop when they ran out of money). The Problem I feel they should be prioritizing their retirement savings above all else. The good news is FIL still makes good money. If I had my way they would completely abandon the business idea, it's a sunk cost and going no where. I'd have them do minimal work on their house to get it liveable again (they are basically living in a permanent construction site) and save the rest of the money. That means no more monthly subs, no more expensive hobbies, etc. In my opinion if they do this they can afford to retire with dignity at around 70 (if he can keep a job that long, he's a great worker, but you never know for medical issues and such). If I really had my way I'd sell their property and move them into a small house in town that is close to amenities (they have to drive two hours to get a carton of eggs). I'd also insist MIL get a basic job in town to help out. I'm convinced that if they continue on their self destructive financial path that they will need support when he stops working. I look in my crystal ball and see them ten years from now out of the workforce and with barely anything to their name with massive expenses. They are NOT the type to ask for money, but I know I'd wind up helping out somehow and basically have to support them from age 70 onward. I don't think this is fair to me. Especially because the only reason I am/will be wealthy is because I choose to live far below my means. They live above their means and are going to have problems when leave the workforce. Every time I see them buying a new truck or appliance, or spend another $1,000 toward their "business" I view it as MY money they are spending. Money is fungible and all, every dollar they don't save now is a dollar they will be short on their retirement needs later that I will have to support. What the heck should I do? I don't feel it is my business to get involved, but at the same time will become my business when they are destitute at 70 and need my help. They both read Dave Ramsay and are aware of general saving techniques. In fact, I had a good two hour conversation with FIL about index funds, and he is now invested in a reasonable diversified portfolio. I just don't think they realize how dire the situation is. Either they make drastic changes now, or even more drastic changes later. This is literally causing me to lose sleep, and it's 10+ years away. It's one thing to have to help your not financially well of parents. However, I feel it is far enough away that there is still time to right this wrong if we do something NOW. Basically, I want to kick them in the butt and have them start living below their means so they can actually retire. The problem is I have no idea how/if to tell them this. Help?
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 06:14
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:09 |
|
|
Well since they're your wife's parents, it seems like they might take a serious sitdown talk about retirement finances and expectations better if it came from her (or at least was initiated by her). How does your wife feel about their situation?
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 06:20
|
|
|
I would say this all depends on your wife. I mean really there is only one step you can optionally take - you can try and get your wife to collect up her siblings and have a group intervention about the parents spending. Either it will work or not (probably not). Whether that happens at all, and whether it works or not, you pretty much just have to say "oh well thank god for social security". Do you think your wife will want to give them money after they become poor again? If so, you could start separating your finances and make them entirely her problem. It seems weird but half the married people I know do it, so what the heck.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 06:57
|
|
|
Sooo tempted to kick this over to E/N. If you have respect for other people you don't sit them down for a talk or stage an intervention. And it helps no one for you to fantasize about how you want them to run their own loving finances. Since you have concerns about your own finances regarding something you and your wife might want to spend money on in the future, you should start talking about it with her.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 14:31
|
|
|
Nothing you do will change her parents ideas about what they should spend their money on and really it is none of your business. Why don't you worry about your finances instead. Trying to change old peoples habits is like trying to get helpful responses on BFC, unlikely but seems possible when you try.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 15:19
|
|
|
This isn't E/N and I am surprised at the crappy answers. This is a big and very common problem for a ton of people. I would guess that the demographics of SA haven't really led many people here to have the problem or be in a position where they can do anything about it yet, but as our parents generation gets older it will become a concern for a lot of people even here. More and more, people will be retiring without any pensions as they disappear from American society. People retiring face increased medical costs, inadequate savings, and a predatory financial system. Without a pension, people typically have 3 sources of money: social security, personal savings/investments, and home equity. If you see that your parents or in-laws will clearly not have enough money to retire, then being able to help them adjust their course while they still have income would be tremendously helpful if you could actually do it. You will probably never get your parents to have the light-bulb moment that you probably want them to have. But you could try and get them to make small changes that could help a lot down the road. * Get them to max out retirement accounts - bring it up in the context of how much money in tax you save each year by contributing the full $23k (maybe 28k or something for people over 55) to 401k/IRA annually. Some people care way more about not paying taxes than they do about their own financial future. * Whenever you talk about their weird farm, talk about it in a business sense - say you have been thinking about starting a new business yourself and are just curious how they plan to operate it and the financials. Don't point out how lovely it is, but maybe they will start to realize they haven't really thought it through. * Talk to the wife's siblings now and see what they think. I had a coworker that got all his siblings to contribute like $200/month each to his mother in law's living expenses because she couldn't afford her apartment anymore and only got about $1100/mo from social security. * Try and convince them to delay social security as long as possible. Once again you can pitch it as getting more total money out of the government. * Try and keep them educated in advance with useful info without criticizing them directly - for example, a ton of people drain their retirement plans and THEN declare bankruptcy anyway. Retirement money is protected in BK so that is a horrible thing to do. Make sure they know that.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 20:53
|
|
|
I agree with Droo. The idea that it's none of your business sounds bizarre to me. Sure, legally it's none of your business if they become destitute and homeless during retirement*, but those pesky emotions will probably come into play, since they're his wife's parents and all. It's entirely possible that they just haven't thought about retirement seriously enough to realize how bad their situation is. * unless they're in a state with a filial support law, this came up on the PF subreddit recently
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 21:07
|
|
|
Elephanthead posted:really it is none of your business. This is only true if you expect him to tell them to eat dog food in the streets when they're flat broke at 68 or so.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 21:38
|
|
|
Unless the family dynamic is very unusual, this isn't the sort of thing that the son-in-law would take the lead on.Velochis posted:Every time I see them buying a new truck or appliance, or spend another $1,000 toward their "business" I view it as MY money they are spending. Money is fungible and all, every dollar they don't save now is a dollar they will be short on their retirement needs later that I will have to support. quote:Basically, I want to kick them in the butt and have them start living below their means so they can actually retire. The problem is I have no idea how/if to tell them this.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 22:27
|
|
|
Elephanthead posted:Nothing you do will change her parents ideas about what they should spend their money on and really it is none of your business. Why don't you worry about your finances instead. It's true that it's difficult to get older people, especially your parents, to change their spending habits. But at some point, their money problems will become your money problems... unless you're okay with watching them eat cat food to sustain themselves once they run out of money. And it becomes even more of an urgent issue if one of them happens to have a medical emergency of some sort. The OP could find himself supporting them financially, and that'd be a shame because the OP has planned his finances nicely. He might even find himself in a situation where the in-laws will have to move in with them. He may, or may not, be okay with that. So, I don't fault the OP for wanting to talk to his in-laws about this. To the OP: Is your wife on board with having this discussion? Because if she is, have her talk to her parents first. They'll probably respond better to having their blood-related daughter getting involved. Then, take things from there. If they're receptive to her advice, great. If not, consider the possibility of getting some outside, expert help. This a really serious matter, and you're doing the right thing by wanting to get involved. Just be tactful in how you personally get involved. A lot of these people saying "It's not your business" are flat-out wrong, and they have a foolish mindset. Maybe they're okay with watching their parents become homeless, but most people want to avoid that. Engineer Lenk posted:This is a hosed-up mindset, and you need to learn to let it go. It's their money, period. Cicero posted:It's entirely possible that they just haven't thought about retirement seriously enough to realize how bad their situation is. melon cat fucked around with this message at 22:53 on Aug 18, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 22:36
|
|
|
melon cat posted:Again, the issue isn't so cut and dry. I see where the OP's coming from, and he's right. His in-laws are spending money that he'll eventually have to replace for them. You need to wake up and realize that one person's spending habits could have far more of an impact than their own wallet. Most people, including the OP, obviously don't to see their parents fall into poverty, so he and his wife will probably end up ponying up some dough to support them. It's understandable, but it doesn't lend itself to approaching the problem in a manner that respects the autonomy of his in-laws. They are currently self-sufficient; you can't approach the problem as if they're children squandering an allowance.
|
|
#
?
Aug 18, 2014 22:56
|
|
|
What does the wife think? And how much does she/you actually know about their finances? I'll go ahead and say that if you open up with your financial plan of entirely controlling their life you're probably going to get told to gently caress off by everyone.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 02:03
|
|
|
Harry posted:What does the wife think? And how much does she/you actually know about their finances? I'll go ahead and say that if you open up with your financial plan of entirely controlling their life you're probably going to get told to gently caress off by everyone. Yeah I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to achieve here given that they are currently self-sufficient and are free to tell him to go pound. Also seconding that he may not have a complete picture of their financial situation, plus he's into the whole Financial Independence/Money Mustache thing so he may be conflating "not interested in FI" with "fiscally irresponsible".
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 03:04
|
|
|
Dangit Ronpaul posted:Yeah I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to achieve here given that they are currently self-sufficient and are free to tell him to go pound.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 03:24
|
|
|
Minus the horse stuff, this sounds like it could be my inlaws. My in-laws spend money in strange ways, although it's mostly supporting their dirtbag mooch adult children they each brought into the marriage. They've got multiple posts from me in the "bad with money" thread (timeshare, cosigned student loans, tricked into paying for a wedding). They leased a car under advice from a friend to "write it off as a business expense" (note: they do not have a business) I work in the finance industry. My in-laws asked me to look over their budget and investments to make sure they're prepared for retirement. I refused, and told them to go find a fee-only financial planner and made them promise to not take any financial advice that any of their friends tell them. They have since done so, and their situation has improved greatly. My parents are a different story. They both work, but work as teachers and don't pull in very much and have a lot of consumer debt. My sister once went on a big kick after reading a bunch of personal finance books and fancied herself a budgeting guru. She tried to do an 'intervention' with my parents similar to what OP has in mind, and it did not go well. At all. Lots of hurt feelings all around. The most pressure I can put on them is to encourage them to save their money and minimize expenses, with the justification that I want them to be healthy, independent and comfortable in their retirement instead of working into their 70s (which is a possibility). That's all that really seems effective is just to give positive reinforcement every now and again.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 04:08
|
|
|
Not your business and if you're so worried about having to support them then you shouldn't have combined finances with your wife.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 05:33
|
|
|
How you wrote that entire post without once referring to your wife's position on all of this is very bizarre.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 05:48
|
|
|
UPDATE Thank you all for your honest responses. I wrote the OP to provide an unfiltered view, and deliberately did not overly edit it to make me appear blameless in this issue. I wanted to accurately depict the matter, and my feelings towards the issue so that you can provide advice both practical and introspective. It was therapeutic just to write the post, and re-read it with a clean mind a couple days later. Again, thanks for the responses, and I'd like to clear some things up. 1.) My wife and I are 100% on the same page in this matter. We communicate very well, and make a conscious daily effort to improve our relationship. Me asking for help online was actually her idea, because she has no idea what to do either. Admittedly, the issue stresses me our far more than her. That said, I've always been the planner and saver in the family. She is naturally frugal and we have very little friction financially, but she trusts me to invest our money wisely and is not interested in financial matters (as I suspect is common among many members here). The people urging talk to my wife are right. That was the first thing to do, and she is as lost as I am (but admittedly less bitter). -Re reading the post it seems very self centered. I will not edit it to make me look better, but please realize that we are a cohesive unit. 2.) I realize my post was full of righteous indignation towards my laws re: finance. That is honestly how I feel about this matter and was looking for thoughtful replies from those who have been there. -I realize this isn't healthy and something I need to work on. -Other than the issue in this post. I earnestly love my in laws. I consider them part of my own family and have many fond memories with them. They raised my wonderful wife, and I wish them the best. 3.) My wife has two siblings. One has very little and minimal career prospects, the other makes a decent living with lots of upward mobility. If we had to support her parents I imagine the second sibling would lend a hand. 4.) Deep down I know the answer lies somewhere in the serenity prayer, and I need to accept things I cannot change. You can imagine from reading my post that this is very hard for me to do. Cicero posted:It's entirely possible that they just haven't thought about retirement seriously enough to realize how bad their situation is. This is my thought. Velochis fucked around with this message at 15:12 on Aug 19, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 15:08
|
|
|
cowofwar posted:Not your business and if you're so worried about having to support them then you shouldn't have combined finances with your wife. This is stupid as hell. Having separate bank accounts won't make you insulated from your spouse going into debt to keep their destitute parents eating, clothed, housed, and healthy. And it would be a rare person to tell their parents "tough luck." It's absolutely your business when parents in their fifties that you will 100% for certain be supporting are being irresponsible. Nail Rat fucked around with this message at 15:50 on Aug 19, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 15:41
|
|
|
I honestly don't know what you can do. It seems like it's deep-rooted habbits that are extremely hard to break. I'm fortunately enough that my deep-rooted habbits centered around being somewhat frugal and a saver (though nothing compared to you and your wife - nice job!). It sounds like they genuinely nice people that are just dumb with money. Keeping up with the joneses (aka trying to not look poor) when the next joneses are 2 hours away by car. Where is the land located? How many acres do they have? Is there any possiblity of harvesting lumber or anything on the property? Is it in northern PA or upstate NY? Might be some gas money coming along at some point. IF you and your wife and her siblings could somehow convince them to do a financial about face, the best course of action would probably be moving closer to where he works and rent an apartment or something and try and stockpile money / dig out of their debts, maybe the MIL could find a part-time gig doing something she enjoys, or at least not completely soul-sucking. It sounds like the "ranch" is a non-starter and if they could offload it or just not dump extra money into it they could start to turn things around. It's going to be a hard habbit to break, they now have some money and are desperately trying to renounce their prior poorness. The generosity is a great thing, but they need to take care of themselves first and they need to know that.
|
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 15:53
|
|
|
Nail Rat posted:This is stupid as hell. Having separate bank accounts won't make you insulated from your spouse going into debt to keep their destitute parents eating, clothed, housed, and healthy. And it would be a rare person to tell their parents "tough luck." It's absolutely your business when parents in their fifties that you will 100% for certain be supporting are being irresponsible. Velochis posted:[snip snip] So, here's my take on it. Have your wife approach them about the matter. You said that you don't have kids "yet", which means that you might be planning to have some in the near future. Have your wife tell your in-laws that you're at the stage in life where you're planning for the long term- kids, maybe up-sizing your home, YOUR eventual retirement, etc. Once she has told them about your long term plans, ask them about theirs. Because their long-term planning (ie. retirement) will absolutely have an impact on yours. For example, can they be counted on to help with watching your kids? Are they planning on staying in the workforce well into their retirement age? Frame the conversation so it isn't focused only on, "What are your retirement plans", but instead, "Here are our long terms plans. What are yours?" It's a give-and-take approach that I think would be much easier to bring up. Again, have your wife approach them first, and take things from there. Maybe she can treat them to dinner (which she will pay for, of course!), and bring up the topic then. I can't emphasize enough how important this conversation is. It needs to happen. melon cat fucked around with this message at 16:34 on Aug 19, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 16:10
|
|
|
melon cat posted:I really feel like the people saying "none of your business" are either really young, immature people who can't yet grasp how much of a financial burden aging, cash-poor parents can be. Or, they simply have unrealistic thoughts about "financial independence" and think that having broke parents won't affect them in some way. Heck, maybe they're just selfish people who have no problem telling their parents "tough luck!" when they end up eating cat food for dinner. They're living in a dreamworld. The worst of it is, parents who are living an unsustainable lifestyle are eventually going to hit a point where this lifestyle becomes truly unsustainable from a cash-flow perspective. And since these types of people thought that this lifestyle was so important that they were willing to ignore all signs of future doom, they're not going to be happy when the future doom comes to fruition. At that point they have to downgrade their lifestyle, and probably still need to be supported by their kids. The rational ones will see the error of their ways and hopefully just be thankful their kids can bail them out, but the irrational folks will blame their kids for not being able to help them sustain their unsustainable lifestyle. It's easier to have a course-correction now than a complete demolition later. Rick Rickshaw fucked around with this message at 17:15 on Aug 19, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 19, 2014 17:13
|
|
|
Nail Rat posted:This is stupid as hell. Having separate bank accounts won't make you insulated from your spouse going into debt to keep their destitute parents eating, clothed, housed, and healthy. And it would be a rare person to tell their parents "tough luck." It's absolutely your business when parents in their fifties that you will 100% for certain be supporting are being irresponsible. melon cat posted:I really feel like the people saying "none of your business" are either really young, immature people who can't yet grasp how much of a financial burden aging, cash-poor parents can be. Or, they simply have unrealistic thoughts about "financial independence" and think that having broke parents won't affect them in some way. Heck, maybe they're just selfish people who have no problem telling their parents "tough luck!" when they end up eating cat food for dinner. They're living in a dreamworld. cowofwar fucked around with this message at 02:11 on Aug 22, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 02:08
|
|
|
cowofwar posted:Yes it would protect you. And not everyone is an enabler, it's my job to love my parents, not enable their terrible life decisions at my expense. Keeping your marital assets "separate" doesn't mean much to a divorce court. So let's hypothetically say you live in Arizona, and you and your wife kept all your marital assets in separate accounts. You each have 100k saved. Your wife drains her complete 100k funding her parents retirement home costs. She then decides to divorce you (because apparently your stance is "welp screw you honey where's my rent check?"). She gets half of your 100k.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 02:28
|
|
|
cowofwar posted:Yes it would protect you. quote:And not everyone is an enabler, it's my job to love my parents, not enable their terrible life decisions at my expense. melon cat fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Aug 22, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 06:05
|
|
|
So, some parents can have a hard time taking advice or direction from their kids. They will eternally think of them as kids. My advice would be to get your in-laws to a financial planner. That way, it's a third party telling them "hey, your finances are all hosed up." They could probably pay for retirement for what they're spending on the horses; loving horses are as bad as a boat.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 18:15
|
|
|
This isn't directly related but I am curious about two things. - You have $200,000 of savings and $190,000 of debt. Why not pay off the debt? Are your investments making that much more than the interest rate + inflation? - The two of you have worked for ~ten years, and you've saved a total of $10,000 + house. How are you getting from there to $2,000,000 + house?
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 22:06
|
|
i like nice words
|
Anne Whateley posted:This isn't directly related but I am curious about two things. They're currently saving $36,000 a year while paying those off, and as you pointed out, could pay off their house and student loans now if they (foolishly) chose to do so. Assuming they keep making the same amount of money, keep saving the same amount of money, and they pull a 4% interest rate (compounded annually, which is, again, conservative), that's only 25 years. Ham Equity fucked around with this message at 22:38 on Aug 22, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 22:35
|
|
|
Thanatosian posted:They're currently saving $36,000 a year while paying those off, and as you pointed out, could pay off their house and student loans now if they (foolishly) chose to do so. I generally agree with what you said but wanted to add some things: 1. Because of how the standard deduction works, you may not really be getting the full benefit of the mortgage interest deduction. You basically have a $12,400 buffer (as a couple) for free, and you have to be above that with a combination of (state income OR sales tax, property tax, charity, mortgage interest) in order to benefit. So in my case, I pay about 11k in mortgage interest this year but I'll only get an extra 5k or so deduction for it on my federal taxes. 2. It can be REALLY hard to not make stupid decisions during a big market crash. Once you get somewhere in the 1-2x mortgage amount in investable assets, I would suggest starting to pay down the mortgage at least a little faster. It might not be the most likely decision to come out ahead, but (depending on market moves) you certainly CAN end up better off, and you will feel a lot better if you lose 50% of your invested assets if you don't still have a giant mortgage. 3. Paying your mortgage down early can protect your assets from bankruptcy depending on the state. For example in Nevada home equity is protected up to 550k, but non-retirement investments would not be. If I were the OP, I would probably start throwing an extra $1k/month at the mortgage at some point in the next couple years.
|
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 23:16
|
|
|
Droo posted:I generally agree with what you said but wanted to add some things: Yeah, I think you can make an argument for paying down the mortgage a little faster just to secure the equity, or as a hedge against bankruptcy; I think dropping your savings by 90% in order to pay down what is pretty good debt (make minimum payments on that student loan until the end of time) is loving crazy. I think $1k a month is high. I think maxing out a Roth IRA should be the priority over paying down that much more of the mortgage. Maybe start making an extra payment a year or something. Ham Equity fucked around with this message at 23:44 on Aug 22, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 22, 2014 23:27
|
|
|
melon cat posted:Which jurisdiction do you live in where your spouse wouldn't have a 50% claim to your assets just because you held it in your name only? You don't seem to understand how the divorce process works. The only way you can "protect" yourself from losing 50% of your assets in a divorce to draw up and sign a prenuptial agreement. Droo posted:Keeping your marital assets "separate" doesn't mean much to a divorce court. So let's hypothetically say you live in Arizona, and you and your wife kept all your marital assets in separate accounts. You each have 100k saved. I'm not talking about divorce, I'm talking about having at least partial control over your finances. If you separate your finances and both pay in to shared expenses then if one party has a financial problem (drugs, gambling, enabling) then at least half of the household finances are protected. I've seen this happen with a family member (cocaine), it put a huge financial strain on the relationship but didn't end in divorce, and gaining control over a certain amount of the finances to ensure it could not be liquidated for drug money was difficult. And I still don't think it's the OP's business. I would never have the audacity to lecture my in-laws about their finances. That is a dicey situation, even for their children. The OP can discuss his concerns with his wife and they can establish some sort of plan, but it's up to the wife to then discuss the situation with her parents. Absolutely no place for the son-in-law to be sticking their nose even if they are a financial consultant. cowofwar fucked around with this message at 00:05 on Aug 23, 2014 |
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2014 00:01
|
|
|
cowofwar posted:Divorce? And then when your wife is out of money, the in-laws are about to lose their house/cars/can't eat, your wife calls you a selfish rear end in a top hat, divorces you, takes half the cash you are sitting on smugly and keeps her parents from starving for a few more months.
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2014 00:04
|
|
|
Keep in mind that something like half of the states in the U.S. have filial responsibility laws now. Which means if your in laws ever go to the retirement home chances are good you'll be responsible for the bill. For people who say they aren't responsible for their parents financial well being just check this out. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filial_responsibility_laws#States_with_filial_responsibility_laws
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2014 00:04
|
|
|
Spermy Smurf posted:And then when your wife is out of money, the in-laws are about to lose their house/cars/can't eat, your wife calls you a selfish rear end in a top hat, divorces you, takes half the cash you are sitting on smugly and keeps her parents from starving for a few more months.
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2014 00:06
|
|
|
Haha, I love it. Have you read the thread? The in-laws losing their house and not having two pennies to rub together is a very real possibility in this scenario. Think the wife will let her parents lose everything without loaning them some cash?
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2014 00:14
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:09 |
|
|
Modus Operandi posted:Keep in mind that something like half of the states in the U.S. have filial responsibility laws now. Which means if your in laws ever go to the retirement home chances are good you'll be responsible for the bill. For people who say they aren't responsible for their parents financial well being just check this out. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/04/26/are-you-legally-responsible-for-your-elderly-parents.html posted:Though more than a dozen states have so-called filial laws on the books requiring adult children to care for indigent parents, Prof. Katherine Pearson said only a handful occasionally enforce them. Those states are North and South Dakota, and Pennsylvania, where Pearson teaches and previously served as director of Pennsylvania State University’s Elder Law and Elder Protection Clinic. Most people aren't going to leave their parents living in a cardboard box and eating cat food, because most people care at least that much about their parents' well-being. But they're also not facing a looming spectre of financial ruin if they don't want to/can't pay for a nursing home.
|
|
#
?
Aug 23, 2014 01:26
|
|
