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Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

I have recently been informed that I only get 10 000 squirts and then it's all over, but I wasn't told what happens to my body next.

Do I undergo a hormonal change that makes me start going to church and reading books? Do I have to start voting? Will I like the antiques roadshow?

The mansands of my hourglass are falling as time marches on.

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Big Bowie Bonanza
Dec 30, 2007

please tell me where i can date this cute boy
you become gay and dead

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry
i went on mythbusters and tested it personally

nothing happens, tho your semen does evolve and become more powerful so you will start bypassing birth control (evidence: kari byron)

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.
It'd be cool if you could just choose to have 5000 double loaded or 3333 triple loaded. Logically though that would be dangerous because you know some guys would just go 'all in' on some random gaming journalist that paid any attention to them.

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

it's also kinda crazy to think about where all those squirts go. I reckon 10 000 is a great deal. I've heard that every breath you take contains at least 1 squirt.

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

Amarcarts posted:

It'd be cool if you could just choose to have 5000 double loaded or 3333 triple loaded. Logically though that would be dangerous because you know some guys would just go 'all in' on some random gaming journalist that paid any attention to them.

if you went all in the cops would show up at the scene and it'd look like someone curb stomped a twinkie

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
if u swallow ur own cum it do t count thats why i got a straw running from my dick to my mouth and i just cum 24/7 w/o a worry in the world

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

dang you don't even have to eat then :hf:

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
im livin the cum thug life *throws up gang sign and theres cum all over hands*

Moola
Aug 16, 2006
what if put my cum back in my dick hole when I'm done cum???

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

Moola posted:

what if put my cum back in my dick hole when I'm done cum???

there was actually a goon that unironically posted on the goon doctor where he like pinched the tip to prevent from cumming because it was messy for like 5 years and ended up breaking his dick.

so yea dont do that

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

Xaris posted:

breaking his dick.

lifehacking is not breaking you just don't get it

Shirley Crabtree
Aug 8, 2012
Don't be daft op, at an average of three wanks a day that works out by my calculations at 9.13 years total. I'm pretty sure a lot of goons in this thread have been going longer than that.

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

Gypsum Fantastic posted:

Don't be daft op, at an average of three wanks a day that works out by my calculations at 9.13 years total. I'm pretty sure a lot of goons in this thread have been going longer than that.

are you sure? maybe they have been rationing with dribbles/drips

Wintermutant
Oct 2, 2009




Dinosaur Gum

Gypsum Fantastic posted:

Don't be daft op, at an average of three wanks a day that works out by my calculations at 9.13 years total. I'm pretty sure a lot of goons in this thread have been going longer than that.

Thanks to the wonder of tantra, I've had one long j/o session going for the past decade, I just take long breaks to go to work and poo poo.

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
actually i was lying guys lol. actually i just cum in my own butt and also i pee in my butt. basically my penis ids in my butt most the time so i just cum when evs i want into my own butt

occasionally i get mpreg but oh well at leadst i dont run out of cum, my fabv thing

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
Well if you did it once a day for 16 years straight thats only 5840. That's about another 16 years in ya.

Assume you started when you were 18. That puts you at 36 add another 16 that puts you at 52. I'd imagine that's around the time you start to need taking viagra and other boner pills.

SO there you have it. Still keep going just need help from a pill.

ilikedirt posted:

actually i was lying guys lol. actually i just cum in my own butt and also i pee in my butt. basically my penis ids in my butt most the time
Dickbutt


E:
That means people like whatsh is face Bob Doll musta jerked off a lot.

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

most people who died before 52 must've j/o'd like a felon, myth confirmed

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

I like antiques roadshow

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012

Al Borland posted:

Well if you did it once a day for 16 years straight thats only 5840. That's about another 16 years in ya.

Assume you started when you were 18. That puts you at 36 add another 16 that puts you at 52. I'd imagine that's around the time you start to need taking viagra and other boner pills.

SO there you have it. Still keep going just need help from a pill.

Dickbutt


E:
That means people like whatsh is face Bob Doll musta jerked off a lot.

who starts jacking it at 18? are americans so repressed they even wait until age of consent to touch themselves

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost
what the gently caress are you talking about op?

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.
http://richhillenjr.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/masturbation-world-record/ :nws:

http://believe-or-not.blogspot.com/2010/12/masanobu-sato-worlds-longest-man.html :nws:

Amarcarts fucked around with this message at 23:11 on Aug 22, 2014

Straker
Nov 10, 2005

Gypsum Fantastic posted:

Don't be daft op, at an average of three wanks a day that works out by my calculations at 9.13 years total. I'm pretty sure a lot of goons in this thread have been going longer than that.

yeah but did you see the post above about how your sperm evolves after that? cause I'm 30, explains how I accidentally knocked up multiple girls last year. timing is about right

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

not talking about cum don't be gross I'm talking about squirts

Not Today Satan
Apr 18, 2007

When you're sliding into first and you feel you got the squirts...

TeamIce
Mar 16, 2004
LET JESUS FUCK YOU


What about squarts, OP?

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

TeamIce posted:

What about squarts, OP?



Oh god. Why is he mostly red?

Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

TeamIce posted:

What about squarts, OP?



one time i bought weed from a 16 year old but it was really a bag of oegamiom

Not Today Satan
Apr 18, 2007

TeamIce posted:

What about squarts, OP?



I'm gonna pretend he's on an inversion table and all the blood has rushed to his meaty head. That's why he's all red and sweaty.

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Rad Tad
Jul 2, 2014

just noticed he has a moustache on his head so that's pretty funny

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