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star trek
Apr 7, 2009
Hi GBS. I'm going to show you a great way to stay clean. I've been assaulted with people smelling so awful that I can't even breath. And that brings me to you.

Shower
Taking a shower everyday is vital to your health and social status. Let's take a journey through the steps of how to stay clean and smell good.

Step 1: Get a warm to hot shower going. Jump in and let the water consume your body as a pre-rinse.

Step 2: Lather some shampoo in your hair. After that, use the rest of the bubbles to clean your ears, face, and neck. Scrub deeply.

Step 3: Wash ya dong section. I mean everywhere. Get some good antibiotic body wash and go hog wild on your dick, balls, and taint. Bellybutton too.

Step 4: Wash your rear end. Get deep in there. Use all your fingers to probe your nether regions. You should have some hairs on your hand afterwards.

Step 5: Wash everywhere else on your body with the same wash. Don't forget any cracks (including your fat disgusting rolls).

Step 6: Rinse off. You've done it. You're an adult now. You can go freely into the world without smelling like dead carcass.

*Individual results may vary. If you still smell like poo poo, kill you are self.

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Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
I just took a shower, I'm not going to do it again.

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012
I like to aim the shower head at my butthole*, it feels really good & gives you that bleached anal queen look

*just for a little while, i wash myself properly too.

stevebuscemifan
Dec 24, 2013

Not bad.
Every day? Eh...

ashgromnies
Jun 19, 2004
don't use an antibiotic body wash you retard

ArtIsResistance
May 19, 2007

QUEEN OF FRANCE, SAVIOR OF LOWTAX
no one get near op and his super resistant germs he's a menace

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006

Placeholder.
You forgot to tell the goons to put clothes on before they go out. That's a really important step between bathing & going out into the world that goons may overlook.

Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp
http://health.howstuffworks.com/skin-care/daily/tips/daily-shower-skin1.htm

quote:

Lathering up with a healthy dose of soap and washing it off with a nice stream of hot water should kill any germs on your skin. Studies by medical researchers have shown quite the opposite, however. Using plain old soap (as opposed to antimicrobial or antibacterial soap) doesn't kill skin-borne bacteria. It actually disturbs microcolonies of skin flora and fauna, transferring them to the surrounding environment -- like your shower, for instance. For this reason, surgical teams and patients are generally restricted from showering immediately before entering an operating room

Bathing will kill you. Don't do it.

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006

Placeholder.
Also, step 1 should probably be buying one of those grabber sticks to hold your sponge.

star trek
Apr 7, 2009

Trixie Hardcore posted:

Also, step 1 should probably be buying one of those grabber sticks to hold your sponge.

Don't use a sponge. Use a loofah.

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012
Britnote: remember to retract ur foreskin

glowing-fish
Feb 18, 2013

Keep grinding,
I hope you level up! :)
Real cleanliness comes from having a soul that doesn't turn away from the imperative to follow your true inner light. HTH, OP.

fake edit: how often do I need to wash my sweatpants? I think I've been wearing this pair for five days now

Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp

star trek posted:

Don't use a sponge. Use a loofah.

A loofa compromises the integrity of your skin's horny layer.

star trek
Apr 7, 2009

glowing-fish posted:

Real cleanliness comes from having a soul that doesn't turn away from the imperative to follow your true inner light. HTH, OP.

fake edit: how often do I need to wash my sweatpants? I think I've been wearing this pair for five days now

Wash every 8 hours of use. If you use it 2 hours a day for 4 days, then wash.

u fink u hard Percy
Sep 14, 2007

Won't fix the forums though.

Fame Douglas
Nov 20, 2013

by Fluffdaddy

star trek posted:

Don't use a sponge. Use a loofah.

User your goddamn hands, who needs a loving sponge or loofah? That's just a place for bacteria to grow.

star trek posted:

Get some good antibiotic body wash

Get a regular, non-antibiotic body wash.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
You use shampoo to wash your face?

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
im p clean. i fill a bathtub w/ rubbing alcohol and soak for 2-3 hrs a day. then when my skins nice and pruny i take a belt sander to my ski.n and slough off the top 3 layers of dermis just in case. after that i cover my body in an antibacterial foam and i seal myself up in an airtight latex body suit to suffocate any remaining microorganisms. then i go to bed and repeat the process the next day

star trek
Apr 7, 2009

Waltzing Along posted:

You use shampoo to wash your face?

Yeah why not

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
I just set my oven to clean then turn up the :gas:

Fog Tripper
Mar 3, 2008

by Smythe

star trek posted:

Hi GBS. I'm going to show you a great way to stay clean. I've been assaulted with people smelling so awful that I can't even breath. And that brings me to you.

Shower
Taking a shower everyday is vital to your health and social status. Let's take a journey through the steps of how to stay clean and smell good.

Step 1: Get a warm to hot shower going. Jump in and let the water consume your body as a pre-rinse.

Step 2: Lather some shampoo in your hair. After that, use the rest of the bubbles to clean your ears, face, and neck. Scrub deeply.

Step 3: Wash ya dong section. I mean everywhere. Get some good antibiotic body wash and go hog wild on your dick, balls, and taint. Bellybutton too.

Step 4: Wash your rear end. Get deep in there. Use all your fingers to probe your nether regions. You should have some hairs on your hand afterwards.

Step 5: Wash everywhere else on your body with the same wash. Don't forget any cracks (including your fat disgusting rolls).

Step 6: Rinse off. You've done it. You're an adult now. You can go freely into the world without smelling like dead carcass.

*Individual results may vary. If you still smell like poo poo, kill you are self.

my clothes are now all wet and soapy

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW
Did you just tell me to wash my dick and rear end before the rest of my body?

Also about to shower so timing is perfect. But tell you what I'll wash my rear end last. :tutbutt:


Also clothes are why people usually smell bad. They don't wash those.

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



Remember kids, don't wipe your rear end before you wipe your face.


For your health.

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



Al Borland posted:

Also about to shower so timing is perfect. But tell you what I'll wash my rear end last. :tutbutt:

al borland knows how to properly wash his body :radcat:

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



op maybe you should wash the forums by putting all of your bad posts down the drain

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
I must not shower nor clean myself. I am in the process of cultivating a potent musk that'll attract many females to my lair

Fog Tripper
Mar 3, 2008

by Smythe

vyst posted:

Remember kids, don't wipe your rear end before you wipe your face.


For your health.

do you use a new bar of soap each shower?

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



Fog Tripper posted:

do you use a new bar of soap each shower?

lmao who uses bar soap in tyool 2014?

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



Business Gorillas posted:

lmao who uses bar soap in tyool 2014?

lol right? What are you some kind of caveman?

Fog Tripper
Mar 3, 2008

by Smythe
soap on a rope or die

Throwdini
Aug 2, 2006
Thanks this is the Good poo poo. Hopefully you can grow the OP over time with more stuff like this. Maybe a section about dental hygiene.

imandyyo
Mar 19, 2012
Thanks OP, but what am I supposed to do about my stinky yellow teeth?

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
btw dr bronners magic soap is the most ownage doap

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
i mispelled soap but bronners is such a dope brand of soap its actually called doap

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012
lmfao @ al borland washing his rear end last, sure just let the rear end water run down your legs and get microscopic poo poo particles stuck to the leg hair

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



jalopybrown posted:

lmfao @ al borland washing his rear end last, sure just let the rear end water run down your legs and get microscopic poo poo particles stuck to the leg hair

yo dog if you do this your rear end probably legit smells all the time

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Business Gorillas posted:

al borland knows how to properly wash his body :radcat:

I just got back from the shower.

Trip Report:

I kept op's list in mind and accidentally washed my rear end first then wiped the wash cloth all over my face while smiling. I feel cleaner than ever before! Wow op was onto something everyone should try washing their butts first you feel younger and cleaner than ever!

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012

vyst posted:

yo dog if you do this your rear end probably legit smells all the time

im not talking about a big stream of filthy brown water but the small poop molecules that are in the anal creases

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



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Comfy Fleece Sweater
Apr 2, 2013

You see, but you do not observe.

fashion a bubble out of plastic and avoid germs floating in the air, stay inside bubble at all times to protect yourself

it's a wonder anyone has lived more than a few years without these bubbles that I live in, the filthy humans

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