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BlueChocolate
Jan 4, 2014
The Harry Potter books are full of holes but let's address the biggest hole in the entire crap series.

Voldemort grew up an orphan and led a hard life. He was shunned by people and wizards alike because he was a half blood and nobody accepted him. He hated his human side because his rear end in a top hat human father abandoned him and his mother which is understandable. All the wizards distrusted him from the beginning because he was different. He wanted to become the best wizard to prove them all wrong. He's the classic example of someone who turn evil as a product of society.

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Dragonstoned
Jan 15, 2006

MR. DOG WITH BEES IN HIS MOUTH AND WHEN HE BARKS HE SHOOTS BEES AT YOU
by Roger Hargreaves

still got his rear end kicked by a baby though

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
Agreed

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib

Dragonstoned posted:

still got his rear end kicked by a baby though

No man it wasn't Harry it was loveee

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
that dude look like a snake he evil

naem
May 29, 2011

Harry potter is a tale of class division and eugenics-

Certain special people are "magic" and superior, humanity's natural leaders, held back and forced to hide rather than assume their rightful place above all

Voldemort did nothing wrnog

Bondage
Jun 9, 2008

by Ralp
Half human, abandoned by lovely father, hated by society and eventuallt became powerful through deception so Voldemort is... Barack Obama

Rand alPaul
Feb 3, 2010

by Nyc_Tattoo
Ministry of Magic is a million times worse than the impending Deatheater takeover, which probably would have fizzled out anyways because running a government is hard and the only thing unifying them is some weak noseless man in a dress.

But the Ministry? gently caress that corrupt place; Weasleys living in poverty, lots of people can't afford poo poo. They're in a magical world, why are their shortages of basic living staples like housing, food, clothing? Also Dumbledore makes Gandalf look competent; way to use child labor to fight your battles. Again, where's the ministry here to crack down on kids dying while going to school?

Dragonstoned
Jan 15, 2006

MR. DOG WITH BEES IN HIS MOUTH AND WHEN HE BARKS HE SHOOTS BEES AT YOU
by Roger Hargreaves

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

No man it wasn't Harry it was loveee

no it was incompetence

a baby is like the easiest thing to kill and he couldn't even do that

the unabonger
Jun 21, 2009
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlQglGJSUCc

Rand alPaul
Feb 3, 2010

by Nyc_Tattoo
Harry Potter is the only teenager in human history to not try to use his fame at school to get laid. He's clearly a frustrated, sexless sociopath like Hitler and in 5-10 years he'll probably round up all the Goblins and have them gassed.

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

BlueChocolate posted:

The Harry Potter books are full of holes but let's address the biggest hole in the entire crap series.

Voldemort grew up an orphan and led a hard life. He was shunned by people and wizards alike because he was a half blood and nobody accepted him. He hated his human side because his rear end in a top hat human father abandoned him and his mother which is understandable. All the wizards distrusted him from the beginning because he was different. He wanted to become the best wizard to prove them all wrong. He's the classic example of someone who turn evil as a product of society.

Shakespeare did it first

Calvin Johnson Jr.
Dec 8, 2009
So you're saying he was an Elliot Rodgers-esque wizard baby?

Blazing Ownager
Jun 2, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

BlueChocolate posted:

The Harry Potter books are full of holes but let's address the biggest hole in the entire crap series.

Voldemort grew up an orphan and led a hard life. He was shunned by people and wizards alike because he was a half blood and nobody accepted him. He hated his human side because his rear end in a top hat human father abandoned him and his mother which is understandable. All the wizards distrusted him from the beginning because he was different. He wanted to become the best wizard to prove them all wrong. He's the classic example of someone who turn evil as a product of society.

Does this mean his attack on his former school at the end was less a war and more a magical school shooting?

Rand alPaul
Feb 3, 2010

by Nyc_Tattoo
Isn't it odd that the Sorting Hat agonized over whether to put Harry in Slytherin, and yet throughout the book Harry never felt a desire to be bad? There wasn't one cute Slytherin girl who wasn't temping him, wasn't like "Harry, come pound this vag and be evil with me, I'll let you finger my butthole while listening to Daft Punk." Not once was Harry like "gently caress this is too much pressure I am going to go smoke weed and bang Hufflepuff chicks."

Harry Potter the most unrealistic teenager in fiction.

naem
May 29, 2011

If wands are outlawed only criminals will have wands

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Rand alPaul posted:

throughout the book Harry never felt a desire to be bad? There wasn't one cute Slytherin girl who wasn't temping him, wasn't like "Harry, come pound this vag and be evil with me, I'll let you finger my butthole while listening to Daft Punk."
i guess the books really were better

flerp
Feb 25, 2014
Emma watson is pretty hot though

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Fur20
Nov 14, 2007

すご▞い!
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね!

Rand alPaul posted:

Harry Potter is the only teenager in human history to not try to use his fame at school to get laid. He's clearly a frustrated, sexless sociopath like Hitler and in 5-10 years he'll probably round up all the Goblins and have them gassed.
Harry Potter wasn't actually fun famous though, he was just that kid who everyone knows his name but it's like "ya so." Boring famous.

It's also revealed in the epilogue that he's a Quiverfull

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

The White Dragon posted:

Harry Potter wasn't actually fun famous though, he was just that kid who everyone knows his name but it's like "ya so." Boring famous.

It's also revealed in the epilogue that he's a Quiverfull

a what

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

from this "google" thing:

Quiverfull is a movement among some conservative evangelical Protestant couples chiefly in the United States, but with some adherents in Canada,[1] Australia, New Zealand, Britain and elsewhere.[2] It promotes procreation, and sees children as a blessing from God,[2][3][4] eschewing all forms of birth control, including natural family planning and sterilization.[5][6] Adherents are known as "quiver full", "full quiver", "quiverfull-minded", or simply "QF" Christians. Some refer to the Quiverfull position as Providentialism,[7] while other sources have referred to it as a manifestation of natalism.[8][9] Currently, several thousand Christians worldwide identify with this movement,[5] although entire Christian sects hold many beliefs correlative to those who self-identify as Quiverfull adherents.

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
so did he have a ton of kids or what

porkchop_express
May 27, 2004
pretty sure he did a ton of kids

Black Baby Goku
Apr 2, 2011

by Nyc_Tattoo
he had 2 kids and one adopted kid (lupins) you loving dumbass

Shirley Crabtree
Aug 8, 2012
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rJAtPNYQ30

lfield
May 10, 2008
he killed shitloads of people but only harry potter's family loved each other enough to do the love spell or whatever it is

other mothers were like oh you're gonna kill my kid. ah well

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

lfield posted:

he killed shitloads of people but only harry potter's family loved each other enough to do the love spell or whatever it is

other mothers were like oh you're gonna kill my kid. ah well

harry potter is twilight w/ wands just like 50 shades of grey is twiligh w/ bdsm

BlueChocolate
Jan 4, 2014

lfield posted:

he killed shitloads of people but only harry potter's family loved each other enough to do the love spell or whatever it is

other mothers were like oh you're gonna kill my kid. ah well

that spell was only for rich, popular people like the Potters

screw all those ugly poors

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

BlueChocolate posted:

that spell was only for rich, popular people like the Potters

screw all those ugly poors

man Hairy Potter sounds like a real dick

reignonyourparade
Nov 15, 2012

naem posted:

Harry potter is a tale of class division and eugenics-

Certain special people are "magic" and superior, humanity's natural leaders, held back and forced to hide rather than assume their rightful place above all

Voldemort did nothing wrnog

Wizards are inbred morons and literally all progress they've made since the 1700s consist of stealing ideas from non-wizards

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

reignonyourparade posted:

Wizards are inbred morons and literally all progress they've made since the 1700s consist of stealing ideas from non-wizards

the one person who was tired of making GBS threads in an outhouse was laughed at by all the other wizards

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

Robo Reagan posted:

the one person who was tired of making GBS threads in an outhouse was laughed at by all the other wizards

story of my life

lfield
May 10, 2008
so you think you're just some loser idiot who nobody likes. wrong, it turns out you're actually rich & famous & can do magic & everyone in the world thinks you're amazing

we're really taking this children's book to task here

darealkooky
Sep 15, 2011

You sayin' I like dubs?!?
so how exactly did evil wizards not take over the human race

like sure in the 90's or whenever the books are set there are guns and tanks and stuff, but how did medieval/industrial era england not get completely taken over by wizards doing mind control magic and poo poo

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

darealkooky posted:

so how exactly did evil wizards not take over the human race

like sure in the 90's or whenever the books are set there are guns and tanks and stuff, but how did medieval/industrial era england not get completely taken over by wizards doing mind control magic and poo poo

wizards hid because they kept getting burnt to death in the medieval age lol

James Polk
Jun 18, 2010

I was born in a farmhouse in Pineville, North Carolina
a hogwarts graduates job choices are literally:

1. government work (ministry of magic)
2. running a weird loving shop somewhere
3. teacher at hogwarts

BlueChocolate
Jan 4, 2014

James Polk posted:

a hogwarts graduates job choices are literally:

1. government work (ministry of magic)
2. running a weird loving shop somewhere
3. teacher at hogwarts

not really that different from our lives really

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Robo Reagan posted:

wizards hid because they kept getting burnt to death in the medieval age lol

oh yeah they don't teach them anything useful like math or english or non wizard history its all about learning how to turn rats in to teacups

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Ruggan
Feb 20, 2007
WHAT THAT SMELL LIKE?!


muggles lied potters died

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