Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Horniest Manticore
Nov 23, 2013

Hello, you!
Lipstick Apathy
Everyone knows that the first two weeks of college are the most important time in your life. During that time, you forge friendships that will last a lifetime. And you might even...find true love? The four best years of your life begin NOW, so make the most of them!

Since Something Awful is so popular with the young people, it's important for us elders to pass on the little nuggets of wisdom we've accumulated over the years. I'll start!

*That dorm room door -- it better be open!
*You're in college now, friend, so you've got to look smart. And you know what makes you look smart? Why, books! Make sure you have titles by intellectuals like Ayn Rand and Chuck Palahniuk prominently displayed in your room.
*But you want to show you're fun, too! Nothing says "I've got a sense of humor" and "I like to get down" like a poster of Mr. Animal House himself, John Belushi, in his signature College sweatshirt.
*When you declare your major, listen to your heart, not your dad. If Anthropology is your passion, well, we walk this earth but once, right? It's your life. Declare away!

That should get us off to a good start. Please, elders, feel free to contribute more!

And good luck to you freshmen! Enjoy college. It will be over before you know it. And when it's over you'll miss it so much. So much.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
gently caress class play xbox

Death By Yogurt
Apr 3, 2007

don't go

Iseeyouseemeseeyou
Jan 3, 2011

The Hissing Butt posted:

Everyone knows that the first two weeks of college are the most important time in your life. During that time, you forge friendships that will last a lifetime. And you might even...find true love? The four best years of your life begin NOW, so make the most of them!

Since Something Awful is so popular with the young people, it's important for us elders to pass on the little nuggets of wisdom we've accumulated over the years. I'll start!

*That dorm room door -- it better be open!
*You're in college now, friend, so you've got to look smart. And you know what makes you look smart? Why, books! Make sure you have titles by intellectuals like Ayn Rand and Chuck Palahniuk prominently displayed in your room.
*But you want to show you're fun, too! Nothing says "I've got a sense of humor" and "I like to get down" like a poster of Mr. Animal House himself, John Belushi, in his signature College sweatshirt.
*When you declare your major, listen to your heart, not your dad. If Anthropology is your passion, well, we walk this earth but once, right? It's your life. Declare away!

That should get us off to a good start. Please, elders, feel free to contribute more!

And good luck to you freshmen! Enjoy college. It will be over before you know it. And when it's over you'll miss it so much. So much.

haha i'm so fuckin glad gbs is now just reposting theonion articles

Affe mk2
Mar 9, 2004

Chicks dig giant robots
don't loving do it

Horniest Manticore
Nov 23, 2013

Hello, you!
Lipstick Apathy

Iseeyouseemeseeyou posted:

haha i'm so fuckin glad gbs is now just reposting theonion articles

Excuse me?? This is original content, Chester.

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
Just get used to the upperclassman fingering your rear end in a top hat. It's for the best and in two years you'll get to do the same to others.

My Imaginary GF
Jul 17, 2005

by R. Guyovich
MAX OUT YOUR SUBSIDIZED LOANS EVERY YEAR ANY YEAR YOU IN UNDERGRAD.

Stash any that poo poo you dont use in a money market account/3,3,2,1yr bonds. Go to grad school right after, get funded or pay with subsidized loans. Long ad you in school, gov pay that interest rate. You get in grad school right after, get a 5 yr bond with a higher rate.

Free loving money if you don't be stupid and drink it all.

O wai....

Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.
Literally just saw a beta lookin guy in a 'COLLEGE' t-shirt on campus yesterday.

Woof Blitzer
Dec 29, 2012

[-]
Smoke weed.

aegof
Mar 2, 2011

people will never be as horny thirsty as they are now. grab tindr or grindr or both and have sex with as many people as possible. There's probably a university doctor, they've seen and treated literally every sti so don't even worry too much about protection

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle
use this first week to get to know who you really are. suck a couple dicks, see if you like it, don't wanna waste your time if it's sometgin youre into

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

remove your door, so as to prevent any temptation to close it

Woof Blitzer
Dec 29, 2012

[-]

scalded schlong posted:

remove your door, so as to prevent any temptation to close it

hehehe

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
kill your roommate and make it look like a suicide so you get all A's

shiksa
Nov 9, 2009

i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle
learn to jerk off really quietly

Dr. Snuggles
Dec 3, 2012

Tbh some of us (Pick) use this website more than others and I feel that I am unfairly subsidizing picks posting. Unless some kind of fee by post usage is enabled were basically instituting a forced welfare state of posting.
Tell girls that ur using a condom and then dont.

Dicere
Oct 31, 2005
Non plaudite modo pecuniam jacite.

Get loving vaccinated!

America Inc.
Nov 22, 2013

I plan to live forever, of course, but barring that I'd settle for a couple thousand years. Even 500 would be pretty nice.

Dicere posted:

Get loving vaccinated!
I don't want 2 get autism tho

Skeleton Ape
Dec 21, 2008



Jerk off in the shower until it clogs

Shuffle
Feb 3, 2011

DEA Sloth!
No Fast Movements!
have gay sex with your roommate(s)

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
major in a worthless degree and spend the rest of your life paying off your debt

Puppy Galaxy
Aug 1, 2004

kill yourself with your loving DOOR OPEN

Bulgogi Hoagie
Jun 1, 2012

We
be born into a family surviving off your country's nepotist work culture and graduate in what you love with absolutely no debt whatsoever and excellent job prospects in your family's company

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.
leave your door open and jack it loudly so that everyone knows you're a cool guy without any prudish hangups

if someone walks by make sure to ask if they want to join you

Costello Jello
Oct 24, 2003

It had to start somewhere
If your college dorm's shower drains are clogged with cum and on occasion there is poop smeared on the wall, relax, and enjoy the college experience.

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
become a brony and STD's will never be a problem in your immediate future

Bulgogi Hoagie
Jun 1, 2012

We

Costello Jello posted:

If your college dorm's shower drains are clogged with cum and on occasion there is poop smeared on the wall, relax, and enjoy the college experience.

alternatively, dettol

or bleach

remember mixing bleach with ammonia makes the drug all cool freshers use
don't loving do this, for real

bigzak
Aug 15, 2003
join a fraternity.. if you can't do that join any other group. super easy way to make friends. also talk to people in your classes - for some reason this seems to escape most goons.

wane tendo
Mar 19, 2005

Buglord
that door open is only half the game, three things should be visible with door open:

SNES w/ Secret of Mana cart + 2 controllers
MArs Volta 'Francis the Mute' poster
Acoustic Guitar

Hot Dog Day #91
Jun 19, 2003

Laughing at the idea that this forum attracts college freshmen who aren't deranged ex military types who are going to school after 6 years in the desert and a divorce.

bigzak
Aug 15, 2003
also a great way to impress girls is with your hacky sack skills. maybe get a group together on the quad and have a friend playing some phish songs on the guitar.

My Imaginary GF
Jul 17, 2005

by R. Guyovich
Hey dudes i heard someone with a fake on this floor got a 30 of natty light. COLLEGE RULES!!!

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

aegof posted:

people will never be as horny thirsty as they are now. grab tindr or grindr or both and have sex with as many people as possible. There's probably a university doctor, they've seen and treated literally every sti so don't even worry too much about protection

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
smoke pcp and devour your roommate

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

dont go to class much, gently caress a lot, string it out as long as possible, take out a shitload of loans (free money) and do drugs

chocolateTHUNDER
Jul 19, 2008

GIVE ME ALL YOUR FREE AGENTS

ALL OF THEM
don't join any clubs, they are worhtless lol

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





serious advice here. talk to your classmates and become not weird. take any invite to go out instead of staying in jerking off and play league of legends. get drunk, have fun also drink your water before going to bed after going out

and the sage advice my mom told me as i left for college. "if you never listen to anything i ever have to say at least listen to this. watch her swallow the pill"

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
join vemma and start selling verve while trying to recruit your friends into a MLM as they slowly become alienated by your guillible rear end

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

bigzak
Aug 15, 2003
make sure to put extra money into your university meal plan - $14 per meal is a great deal for a student on the go

  • Locked thread