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Everyone knows that the first two weeks of college are the most important time in your life. During that time, you forge friendships that will last a lifetime. And you might even...find true love? The four best years of your life begin NOW, so make the most of them! Since Something Awful is so popular with the young people, it's important for us elders to pass on the little nuggets of wisdom we've accumulated over the years. I'll start! *That dorm room door -- it better be open! *You're in college now, friend, so you've got to look smart. And you know what makes you look smart? Why, books! Make sure you have titles by intellectuals like Ayn Rand and Chuck Palahniuk prominently displayed in your room. *But you want to show you're fun, too! Nothing says "I've got a sense of humor" and "I like to get down" like a poster of Mr. Animal House himself, John Belushi, in his signature College sweatshirt. *When you declare your major, listen to your heart, not your dad. If Anthropology is your passion, well, we walk this earth but once, right? It's your life. Declare away! That should get us off to a good start. Please, elders, feel free to contribute more! And good luck to you freshmen! Enjoy college. It will be over before you know it. And when it's over you'll miss it so much. So much.
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:45 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:30 |
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gently caress class play xbox
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:46 |
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don't go
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:46 |
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The Hissing Butt posted:Everyone knows that the first two weeks of college are the most important time in your life. During that time, you forge friendships that will last a lifetime. And you might even...find true love? The four best years of your life begin NOW, so make the most of them! haha i'm so fuckin glad gbs is now just reposting theonion articles
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:47 |
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don't loving do it
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:47 |
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Iseeyouseemeseeyou posted:haha i'm so fuckin glad gbs is now just reposting theonion articles Excuse me?? This is original content, Chester.
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:48 |
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Just get used to the upperclassman fingering your rear end in a top hat. It's for the best and in two years you'll get to do the same to others.
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:50 |
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MAX OUT YOUR SUBSIDIZED LOANS EVERY YEAR ANY YEAR YOU IN UNDERGRAD. Stash any that poo poo you dont use in a money market account/3,3,2,1yr bonds. Go to grad school right after, get funded or pay with subsidized loans. Long ad you in school, gov pay that interest rate. You get in grad school right after, get a 5 yr bond with a higher rate. Free loving money if you don't be stupid and drink it all. O wai....
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:50 |
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Literally just saw a beta lookin guy in a 'COLLEGE' t-shirt on campus yesterday.
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:50 |
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Smoke weed.
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:51 |
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people will never be as
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:51 |
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use this first week to get to know who you really are. suck a couple dicks, see if you like it, don't wanna waste your time if it's sometgin youre into
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:52 |
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remove your door, so as to prevent any temptation to close it
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:52 |
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scalded schlong posted:remove your door, so as to prevent any temptation to close it hehehe
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:53 |
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kill your roommate and make it look like a suicide so you get all A's
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:55 |
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learn to jerk off really quietly
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# ? Aug 29, 2014 23:57 |
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Tell girls that ur using a condom and then dont.
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:14 |
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Get loving vaccinated!
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:19 |
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Dicere posted:Get loving vaccinated!
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:23 |
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Jerk off in the shower until it clogs
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:26 |
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have gay sex with your roommate(s)
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:28 |
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major in a worthless degree and spend the rest of your life paying off your debt
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:29 |
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kill yourself with your loving DOOR OPEN
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:29 |
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be born into a family surviving off your country's nepotist work culture and graduate in what you love with absolutely no debt whatsoever and excellent job prospects in your family's company
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:31 |
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leave your door open and jack it loudly so that everyone knows you're a cool guy without any prudish hangups if someone walks by make sure to ask if they want to join you
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:32 |
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If your college dorm's shower drains are clogged with cum and on occasion there is poop smeared on the wall, relax, and enjoy the college experience.
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:33 |
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become a brony and STD's will never be a problem in your immediate future
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:33 |
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Costello Jello posted:If your college dorm's shower drains are clogged with cum and on occasion there is poop smeared on the wall, relax, and enjoy the college experience. alternatively, dettol or bleach remember mixing bleach with ammonia makes the drug all cool freshers use don't loving do this, for real
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:34 |
join a fraternity.. if you can't do that join any other group. super easy way to make friends. also talk to people in your classes - for some reason this seems to escape most goons.
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:35 |
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that door open is only half the game, three things should be visible with door open: SNES w/ Secret of Mana cart + 2 controllers MArs Volta 'Francis the Mute' poster Acoustic Guitar
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:35 |
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Laughing at the idea that this forum attracts college freshmen who aren't deranged ex military types who are going to school after 6 years in the desert and a divorce.
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:36 |
also a great way to impress girls is with your hacky sack skills. maybe get a group together on the quad and have a friend playing some phish songs on the guitar.
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:37 |
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Hey dudes i heard someone with a fake on this floor got a 30 of natty light. COLLEGE RULES!!!
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:37 |
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aegof posted:people will never be as
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:37 |
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smoke pcp and devour your roommate
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:38 |
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dont go to class much, gently caress a lot, string it out as long as possible, take out a shitload of loans (free money) and do drugs
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:39 |
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don't join any clubs, they are worhtless lol
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:41 |
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serious advice here. talk to your classmates and become not weird. take any invite to go out instead of staying in jerking off and play league of legends. get drunk, have fun also drink your water before going to bed after going out and the sage advice my mom told me as i left for college. "if you never listen to anything i ever have to say at least listen to this. watch her swallow the pill"
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:41 |
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join vemma and start selling verve while trying to recruit your friends into a MLM as they slowly become alienated by your guillible rear end
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:42 |
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# ? Mar 19, 2024 10:30 |
make sure to put extra money into your university meal plan - $14 per meal is a great deal for a student on the go
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# ? Aug 30, 2014 00:42 |