Josef K. Sourdust posted:

"That flying contraption's a fool's errand, Davram. Ain't no man on this Earth what can fly. That's God's will, there, men ain't meant for flyin', sure'n fish aren't meant for walkin'," they told my father.

They were wrong.

I was ten years old when my father, always an eccentric, truly descended into his obsession with his flying machine. To the untrained eye, it looked like nothing so much as a rooster costume connected to shoulder-mounted gyros with an enormous propeller beanie, stuck on a unicycle base. Impractical, improbable, and certainly not airworthy. But he swore by his machine-suit. He swore it would fly, that he would be the first man in the Darkstar clan to taste the high wind.

But that dream compelled his every waking moment. It drove my mother away, it alienated my my elder brother and sisterlings. It riled old Confessor Toomba to distraction. There were grumblings of excommunication, violent reprisal, tortured redemption.

I still remember the last time I spoke to my father, walking into the old shack where he kept that damned thing, bringing him some bearded muttonbread and orange juicings. "Father - " I began, and stopped as he turned to face me, wild-eyed and unshaven, his suspend shirt and jackoveralls pulled into his wiry frame by sweat and wear.

"I have it, my boy. I have it. At last, I HAVE IT!" he screamed, baritone and tight with excitement. "THIS MACHINE WILL FLY! MAN - WILL - FLY!"

"B-but Father," I stammered, dropping the plate in shock, "Confessor Toomba - "

"There is no God, my son! There is only MAN, WIND, EARTH, GROWING PLANTS, THE LIGHT OF THE SOLAR DISC, THE WILL OF TRIUMPH, GLARM!" he interrupted, strapping the suit around him, then rushed past me before I could manage any more words to face his blasphemy.

He spun out the barn, past the house, down the road to town, whirling on that unicycle.

And then -- And then, he flew.

Before the awestruck eyes of the village copse, clad in their eventide warings, his suit parted with the dark, brown earth, and he soared upward. He rotated his outstretched arms in swift, tiny circles. The autogyros fluttered around him, spinning wildly, swift strokes in the air. Great sails unfurled from his armpits and his crotch, fanned out behind him. And he took flight.

And he roared, "I AM A COOL, FLYING HUMAN MAN, MOTHERFUCKEEEEEEEERS! CHECK THIS SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

That was the last anyone ever saw my father. He soared up and out, level to the earth, farther and farther away. He was gone.

Kajeesus posted:

hosed up if true

no they will not posted:

Shut the gently caress up

Winston Churchill posted:

We would have no problem with Russians if they weren't white. After all, do we not rejoice when there's a massacre in Ghana?

Ephemeron posted:

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

way to run a joke into the ground

no they will not posted:

Shut the gently caress up

Darth123123 posted:

Goons People run everything beyond funny

osef k sotuasdfj posted:

i am gay

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

Oh, for gently caress's sake... here we go again.

Your "guess" is completely wrong. Just because animals can't talk doesn't mean they can't give consent. Animals have teeth, claws and can give audible warnings (growling, hissing, etc.) to voice their opposition to a sex act being performed on them. Also, many animals are quite intelligent and have a much faster neurodevelopmental rate than humans, reaching mental adulthood at extremely young ages by human standards. Finally, many animals are fully grown at much younger ages than humans, so they're physically prepared for sex at younger ages.

Comparing animals to children is absolutely ridiculous, and in some ways even insulting to animals. Please do your homework before adopting a stance on an issue you got from a blatantly-conservative source.

Aaron Burr posted:

Because the Republican party is full of rich dudes named "Fred" and whenever anybody mentions 'gay rights' the Freds think back to that spring afternoon in the Choate locker room when the freshman with the floppy hair and the blue eyes slipped a hand under the Freds' towel and gave the Freds a little smirk and said "just relax" and for just one minute everything was glorious and after that the Freds went on to jobs they hated and wives, ditto, and after twenty years they saw in the paper where the blue-eyed freshman was an ACLU attorney dying of AIDS who became free in all the ways the Freds couldn't and nothing, nothing, nothing pisses the Freds off like reminding them of that beautiful spring day at Choate.

RandomFerret posted:

No, Moslems don't believe that Jesus was the messiah.

Think of it like a movie. The Torah is the first one, and the New Testament is the sequel. Then the Qu'ran comes out, and it retcons the last one like it never happened. There's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore, and the messiah hasn't shown up yet.

Jews like the first movie but ignored the sequels, Christians think you need to watch the first two, but the third movie doesn't count, Moslems think the third one was the best, and Mormons liked the second one so much they started writing fanfiction that doesn't fit with ANY of the series canon.

A PRIZED MULE! posted:

HAHA one time this guy called for pizzas and got mad because we didn't deliver (pick up only). after five minutes of arguing and him being all gansta out of no where he goes BITCH I'M GONNA MISS 'MARTIN'!!!!! poo poo!!!!. i was so fed up with arguing that without even thinking i returned with WELL I HAVE TO WORK WHILE "MARTIN" IS ON AND I'M NOWHERE NEAR A TV SO I'M MISSING IT TOO HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!?

there was an awkward silence for a minute then then he calmly said 'that's true i'm sorry man listen can you make my pizzas so that they are ready when Martin is over and then i'll pick them up afterwards?' i said sure no problem and left it at that.

40 minutes or so later the guy walks in and he was HUGE! like muscle huge. but he was soft spoken and when i rang him up he reached into his gym bag and said 'i'm sorry about yelling before' and handed me a VHS tape HE ACTUALLY TAPED "MARTIN" FOR ME AND GAVE IT TO ME. i almost wanted to cry and give him a hug it was so beautiful.

he really loved his martin show.

Igiari posted:

Nature's all "welp humans, see that moon? Yeah, it's like, hundreds of thousands of miles away. And even if you were patient enough to go that far, you can't get out of your atmosphere. And even if you could, there's no air. And if you somehow manage to evolve to the point where you no longer need to breathe (good luck!) there's gently caress all there", and we're all "gently caress you and the horse you rode in on, we're gonna build a rocket powerful enough to get out of the atmosphere, fast enough to get us there in a week, make snazzy spacesuits with tons of air, and when we get to the moon, we're gonna play golf, just because we loving can.”

ol qwerty bastard posted:

Tea Partiers are anti-government because they are old and racist; libertarians are anti-government because they are young and clueless. In theory they could ally with each other but they can't ever interact since Teabaggers don't understand the internet and libertarians don't understand "going outside".

Coffee And Pie posted:

If you have to sign a letter with "Not racist," you're probably racist. Normal people don't have that problem, you'll never see a note like "Bob- Be sure to buy milk, we're almost out. Not racist, Jim."

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

I'm not saying slavery in America was a good thing, I'm just saying it gave negros a sense of purpose that they just don't have anymore.

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

Fine! Yes, I admit it! I had sex with my mother, is that so wrong?!

Zamboni_Rodeo posted:

GAINING WEIGHT... posted:

"pee poo butt fart" said the guy

Smythe posted:

listen i understand that la has some baggage amonst especially computer janitors: its vapid, its bro culture, its got no good subway, its into bling. its a culutral dead zone. its where good things go to die - but guess what: its really big

Thingyman posted:

GAINING WEIGHT... posted:

"pee poo butt fart" said the guy

GAINING WEIGHT... posted:

"pee poo butt fart" said the guy