Neighbourhood Necromancer - Another fine CYOA from Choice of Games

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Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

What with two cool Choice of Games LPs going on right now, I was inspired to run a different game from the site. Since goons seem to be compelled to try for necromancy every time Life of a Wizard comes up, I figured a game where necromancy is the entire point would work pretty well.

Well, okay, it's not quite as good as some of Choice of Games's best works, but it's no Heroes Rise either. It's fairly short, pretty cheap, and tries for humor, which is better than certain other Choice of Games stories that think they're super serious. So, let's begin.

(Or, if you want to start at the second run, go here.)

(Or jump here to join Gutskutter Walpurge in tearing this game apart, in the final run.)

quote:

The street is thick with mangled cars and billowing smoke. All around, the cries of the dying form brief, unsettling harmonies with the moans of the shambling dead.

A red double-decker bus tilts over you at an alarming angle, tyres punctured, emergency exit door hanging open. Its driver lies slumped across the steering wheel, sightless eyes staring ahead to a junction he will never reach. The limbs of luckless passengers trail from broken windows.

A water main has ruptured. Its flow is tainted with blood; dark swirls in a new river head for the oblivion of black drains. Soon those drains will fill beyond capacity and the street will begin to flood with the remnants of dead.

You should run. The dead are here, all around you, their faces tinged a sickly blue. They seem lost, without direction. Yet others are approaching with an odd, red cast to their features. Their rage is concentrated on you.

Run!
See if anybody else needs help.
Use a wounded person to distract the attackers.
Try to find a tactical advantage.
Check nearby cars for a weapon.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 1%
Energy: 1%
Luck: 1%
Corruption: 0%
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

A quick note on stats: they work kinda weird compared to other Choice of Games titles. With the exceptions of Corruption and Humanity, they are very fluid, and taking certain choices could take you from an excellent Control stat to failing a Control check in just a few screens. It's not so important at the beginning, but it's something to keep in mind later.

Oblivion4568238 fucked around with this message at 00:56 on Feb 16, 2015

# ? Sep 10, 2014 00:35

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 21:39

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Use a wounded person to distract the attackers.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 01:13

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

Going to sleep now, let's just take that action and see what turns up later.

quote:

You stare down at the little grid of city blocks and the brightly-coloured plastic figures spread across it. It doesn't matter how much you use your imagination. Zombie Wars, the boardgame, sucks. Everything you want to do means rolling at least fifteen dice and adding them all up, and most of the time, the number you get means FAIL.

Robbie, however, is bobbing in his seat across the table. He thinks he is winning and also he has drunk too much cola. He stares at a handful of creased cards and bites his lip. He is a total dork but he is also your only actual friend at school.

Your blue zombies are scattered all over the street. Robbie's red zombies are pouring out from behind a wrecked bus. It's your move. What will you do?

Try to topple the bus onto the red zombies.
Overwhelm the lead zombies with sheer numbers.
Form a pincer movement around either side of the bus.
Whatever.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 1%
Energy: 1%
Luck: 1%
Corruption: 1% (+1)
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 07:44

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Like, whatever, man.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 07:48

John Lee: Mar 2, 2013; A time traveling adventure everyone can enjoy

who gives a poo poo

why am I reading this thread

why are you even playing this game

# ? Sep 10, 2014 08:05

NAME REDACTED: Dec 22, 2010

what is happened

# ? Sep 10, 2014 15:49

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

John Lee posted:

who gives a poo poo

why am I reading this thread

why are you even playing this game

I dunno what you're doing here pal, but I'm playing this pretty much solely for the hell of it.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 17:56

Lazaruise: Jan 25, 2009

I started playing this game but it kept crashing my phone so I'm interested it seeing where this goes.

Whatever

# ? Sep 10, 2014 18:21

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

Clearly enough votes for the one option.

quote:

You move the blue pieces around in random ways and hopefully leave them vulnerable. The sooner Robbie kills them all, the sooner you can get on with something more interesting.

Robbie moves to play a card, then snatches it back. Then he chooses another one but pulls it back at the last instant. He goes back to the original card. "Hmmm," he says.

This game seems to have been going on for a long time. You look out the window while you wait for Robbie to take his turn. He shuffles a couple of zombies around with no discernable plan.

Which card will you play now?

Spleen Strike.
Zombie Clothesline.
Dialogue of the Dead.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 6% (+5)
Energy: 11% (+10)
Luck: 26% (+25)
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 19:08

Pyroi: Aug 17, 2013; gay elf noises

Let's chat up the dead.

# ? Sep 10, 2014 21:47

Lazaruise: Jan 25, 2009

spleen is a funny word

# ? Sep 10, 2014 21:57

NAME REDACTED: Dec 22, 2010

Let's negotiate with the zombles.

# ? Sep 11, 2014 22:49

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

And there's the tiebreaker!

quote:

Robbie frowns as you play this card. "We're supposed to play a whole minigame now where the zombies moan at each other," he says. "Actually, I meant to take that card out because it looks kind of boring."

You agree to skip it and take a +1 to your next attack instead. Robbie looks relieved.

Robbie checks a few rules and then sacrifices one piece by having the others tear it apart. This gives him a huge bonus.

A second wave of his zombies approaches from the other direction. You are surrounded. What will you do?

Split your forces and fight on two fronts.
Attempt to eliminate Robbie's original zombies before the new wave arrives.
Try to form an acrobatic pyramid out of your zombies and thus win on style points alone.
Rage quit.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 11% (+5)
Energy: 16% (+5)
Luck: 51% (+25)
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

# ? Sep 11, 2014 22:54

Sighence: Aug 26, 2009

Zombie pyramid is clearly the only real choice here.

# ? Sep 11, 2014 23:05

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

Acrobatic pyramid for the zombie cheerleader win!

edit: I can't help feeling that we're a bit on the inhuman side for a boy playing a board-game with his friend...

# ? Sep 11, 2014 23:05

Anticheese: Feb 13, 2008; $60,000,000 sexbot

zombie pyramid. How could we vote for anything else?

# ? Sep 11, 2014 23:12

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

Pyramid!

# ? Sep 11, 2014 23:26

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

You recall Robbie talking about some optional rules for winning conditions and reach for the rulebook. "What do you need that for?" he hisses. You maintain an enigmatic front as you consult the table for acrobatic stunts.

The pyramid requires you to roll over twenty-five but below thirty-two on ten dice. You go for it. It takes two turns but you manage to get fourteen out of fifteen zombies into your pyramid. However, during this period, Robbie commandeers an ice-cream van. His zombie drives it very slowly through your base layer and collapses the pyramid. You score zero style points.

You have lost this game of Zombie Wars.

quote:

Robbie does an embarrassing victory dance which involves a double fist pump and some rolling of hips. You stare at him until he stops.

"Let's play one more game before you leave," he says, turning to his shelves. "I've got a new one called Corridor Clangers. I haven't really read the rules though."

You need to get out of here right now. What approach will you take?

Admit you've had enough gaming for the afternoon.
Claim your dinner is earlier than usual today.
Attempt to suggest that Robbie's victory dance has hurt your feelings.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 36% (+25)
Energy: 26% (+10)
Luck: 61% (+10)
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

# ? Sep 12, 2014 02:53

Sally Forth: Oct 16, 2012

Those hip thrusts were hurtful and very triggering for us, Robbie, we are literally shaking right now.

Sally Forth fucked around with this message at 12:36 on Sep 12, 2014

# ? Sep 12, 2014 12:11

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

We're not going to play with hurtful, sore losers.

# ? Sep 12, 2014 14:42

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

You make a point of not responding to his conversation and put on your jacket with a series of sullen jerks. Robbie sticks out his bottom lip.

You leave Robbie's house and tramp away down the street. These occasional nerd sessions are the price of his friendship. It's not so bad though. Your last best friend used to wait until you'd left your bedroom and then he'd draw a penis inside one of your favourite books.

There just aren't that many fun people in a small town like�what's your town called?

Bradford.
Paisley.
Sunderland.
Stoke-on-Trent.
Dundee.
Basingstoke.
Something else.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 51% (+15)
Energy: 26%
Luck: 61%
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

The very next dialogue is choosing whether our character is a boy or a girl, so it will be included in this update.

quote:

Right. And are you a boy or a girl?

A boy.
A girl.

# ? Sep 13, 2014 05:57

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

We are a boy from Stoke-on-Trent.

# ? Sep 13, 2014 06:19

Rogue0071: Dec 8, 2009; Grey Hunter's next target.

A girl from Sunderland.

# ? Sep 13, 2014 06:50

Anticheese: Feb 13, 2008; $60,000,000 sexbot

Automatic Slim posted:

We are a ~~boy~~ girl from Stoke-on-Trent.

# ? Sep 13, 2014 07:33

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

We're from Basingstoke, a hell-hole I know far too well. Basingstoke is such an irredeemable piece of poo poo, even Gilbert and Sullivan took the piss out of it in one of their Operettas.

# ? Sep 13, 2014 11:51

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Ghostwoods posted:

We're from Basingstoke, a hell-hole I know far too well. Basingstoke is such an irredeemable piece of poo poo, even Gilbert and Sullivan took the piss out of it in one of their Operettas.

Yes, and a girl too.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 02:03

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

There was a clear lead for being a girl, but a tie for our town being Basingstoke or Stoke-on-Trent. Since that's more of a cosmetic choice, I've taken the liberty of making a compromise.

quote:

There just aren't that many fun people in a small town like Basingstoke-on-Trent.

The walk home from Robbie's house is kind of scary, especially when it's getting dark. He lives near The Base. The fence is three times your height, and razor wire runs along the top. You have to walk past a long stretch to get back to the town centre. There are trees in the way but occasionally you catch a glimpse of a low building. Yellow light gleams in the windows. It seems to get brighter, then dimmer.

Your father said it was an army base where they send soldiers to train. But you're not so sure. When the wind blows in just the right direction, you can hear some strange noises coming out of there.

quote:

You shiver as you leave The Base behind and make it to the town centre. It's quite dark now. The shops are closed and the streets are empty. Noise blares from the pub and the kebab shop. It stops you hearing the tell-tale voices ahead until it's almost too late. The Kendall kids come around the corner.

Denzil, Mikey and Sean don't pick on you, in particular. They pick on nearly everybody. When you were eight, they stole your shoe and pushed it down the drain. When you were ten, they threw you into the canal. At twelve, you stood up to them like it says in the books and they cut off your ponytail with a knife.

You don't think they've seen you yet. But they definitely will, within seconds.

Walk boldly past them.
Sprint down a side street.
Hide down the back of the chemist.

No change in stats.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 07:21

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Run like hell.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 07:48

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

Run like hell.

Yep

# ? Sep 14, 2014 10:42

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

Hide down the back of the chemist.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 12:27

chiefnewo: May 21, 2007

~~Boldly~~ Cheese it down the side street

# ? Sep 14, 2014 12:32

Ripley: Jan 21, 2007

Leg it down a side street before they see you.

# ? Sep 14, 2014 12:41

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

There's no point in enduring that long moment of dread where they decide whether or not to beat you up. You tear across the road in front of the Kendall kids and run for it, using all the energy you've stored up by sitting down for the entire afternoon eating snacks and playing board games.

You get a good head start but the Kendall kids thunder after you. One of them giggles. "Run, piggy, run!" Your foot snags on something and you go down hard. Before you can get up, three long, black shadows fall across you.

quote:

Mikey drags you over to the wall and presses you up against it. His face presses close to yours and his breath stinks. "I thought we told you the last time. This is our territory and you can't come here without paying the toll. Denzil, check her."

You struggle as Denzil searches your pockets for money. You try to kick him but Mikey blocks the movement easily. "Can't find nothing," Denzil says.

"Tsk tsk," Mikey says. "Guess it's into the bin with you." He drags you over to a large green collection bin. Black plastic bags of rubbish are piled inside, amid six months of sludge.

"Just a minute." Sean grins. He slips out a knife. Your heart jumps but he reaches into the bin and slices open all the bags he can reach. Rotten food spills out of the holes, its stench filling your nose. Then Denzil grabs your legs and they chuck you into the bin. The lid clangs down and you are left alone in the dark, slipping on filth, as their laughter recedes.

It takes you a long time to get the lid open.

quote:

You reach the end of your street and head home. All you want to do is kick off your shoes and relax for the evening. At the door, you sniff for the first delicious hint of what your dinner will be tonight. Unfortuantely, all you can smell is the lingering stink of the bin they dumped you in.

Your father is sitting in front of the TV with a beer, watching a football game. His feet are up on a stool. He scratches himself. Your mother has the laptop open on the dining table. She is playing one of the internet bingo games they advertise during inferior soap operas.

By the way, what's your name?

Cheryl.
Nicola.
Sarah.
Kimberley.
Nadine.
Something else.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 51%
Energy: 26%
Luck: 55% (-6)
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 0%
You are as anonymous as a necromancer could hope to be.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 05:41

Lazaruise: Jan 25, 2009

~~Nicola~~
chaged see below

Lazaruise fucked around with this message at 07:24 on Sep 15, 2014

# ? Sep 15, 2014 06:35

John Lee: Mar 2, 2013; A time traveling adventure everyone can enjoy

Gotta go with Nadine. It's classy.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 06:40

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

So we got binned by three bullies just after the opening? I say we name the character Bastienne in honor of The Neverending Story.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 06:52

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Candi the Necromancer.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 06:53

Lazaruise: Jan 25, 2009

Bobbin Threadbare posted:

So we got binned by three bullies just after the opening? I say we name the character Bastienne in honor of The Neverending Story.

This is perfect.

Bastienne

# ? Sep 15, 2014 07:24

chiefnewo: May 21, 2007

Bastienne

Thirded.

# ? Sep 15, 2014 10:36

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 21:39

Rockopolis: Dec 21, 2012; I MAKE FUN OF QUEER STORYGAMES BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY LIFE THAN MAKE OTHER PEOPLE CRY

I can't understand these kinds of games, and not getting it bugs me almost as much as me being weird

Nicola :science:

# ? Sep 15, 2014 12:41

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Neighbourhood Necromancer - Another fine CYOA from Choice of Games

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