Neighbourhood Necromancer - Another fine CYOA from Choice of Games

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Darth TNT: Sep 20, 2013

Use the lamp! That bone is freaky.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 07:38

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# ? Apr 16, 2024 16:21

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Use the bone.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:08

UrbicaMortis: Feb 16, 2012; Hmm, how shall I post today?

Jesus Christ, that's pretty brutal. Use the bone

# ? Sep 20, 2014 09:03

Fangz: Jul 5, 2007; Oh I see! This must be the Bad Opinion Zone!

Well, I guess we are orphans now.

Time to do the protagonist thing and use the bone.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 14:56

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

The door crashes in. You seize the weird artifact and turn, ready to club at the intruders' heads. As you lift it, the liquid inside gleams. Abruptly, you are swept by a deep sense of peace.

It is totally inappropriate. But the advancing figures have stopped in their tracks.

You hold out the glowing humerus in front of the intruder. He holds his position, neither coming closer nor backing away. The eerie light casts ugly shadows across his pock-marked face.

The stink of the grave. Grimy clothes. Decaying skin. A twisted poise and what seems suspiciously like a hunger for human flesh. A hundred films, graphic novels, TV series, and motivational smartphone apps for runners have briefed you for this moment. This guy is a zombie.

You experiment by waving the humerus from left to right in a slow, even arc. The zombie leans a little to follow its progress. Does it control him?

Try to turn him around.
Try to back him off.
Try to make him sit down.
Lower the bone for a moment to see what happens.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 64% (+1)
Energy: 36%
Luck: 53%
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 2%
Your activities have attracted some attention.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 17:54

Fangz: Jul 5, 2007; Oh I see! This must be the Bad Opinion Zone!

Lower the bone, for SCIENCE!

# ? Sep 20, 2014 18:22

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Lower the bone if it comes with an undo option, otherwise make him back off.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 18:24

Nyaa: Jan 7, 2010; Like, Nyaa.

Lower it

# ? Sep 20, 2014 18:46

Night10194: Feb 13, 2012; We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Back off!

# ? Sep 20, 2014 19:36

Odysseus S. Grant: Oct 12, 2011; Cats is the oldest and strongest emotion
of mankind

Bad zombie! Sit! Stay!

# ? Sep 20, 2014 20:59

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

Your heart pounds as you risk lowering your defences. Nothing happens. You raise the bone again and gesture to the other side of the room. He shuffles in that direction.

The reaction seems too complicated, too accurate for such a simple gesture. You look at the man and, without moving the bone at all, you imagine him raising his arm.

He raises it.

OK, so here is the situation. You are an orphan who�

Your musing is interrupted by a THUMP from downstairs.

quote:

The military? Can they have tracked the bone to your house? But that didn't sound like the front door.

You pad down the stairs. The noise is coming from the kitchen. Something is moving in there. Since the weird humerus also doubles as a night light, you shine its greenish glow into the room.

As you watch, the slats which cover the cellar entrance lift one by one and topple aside. A hand rises from the gap�a hand with no flesh. A skull crashes through the remaining slats, surveying the room through empty sockets. Bony arms pull an entire animated skeleton into the room. It turns to look at you, jaw hanging open in a cheerful grin. It raises one fleshless arm�and waves.

You resist the urge to wave back and try to control its arm with the bone. It moves!

A second skeleton climbs out of the cellar entrance. Wait, there were two bodies down there all this time?

quote:

OK, recap. You are an orphan who possesses a strange military occult artifact created from the upper arm of a presumably-deceased person. Through it, you have obtained the power to command the dead.

You spend the following hours sitting in the kitchen, staring at your cold, untouched bag of fish and chips. Greasy fat has built up around its base. The glass of the back door is broken, and small pieces of zombie are still impaled on the shards.

Every now and then, you lean back on the stool to look into the living room. The undead are standing there, inactive. The skeletons hang loose, relaxed, as if warming up for an exercise class. It is not clear what keeps their bones upright and together. The zombies sway, heads tilted back as if gargling a fine wine. They appear to be examining the ceiling.

The immediate problem is your dead parents upstairs. No doubt you will have a tearful moment about their demise at some point, but there is no sign of that moment yet. And, frankly, they weren't contributing to society in any obvious way. In the meantime, there's the question of decomposition and flies and maggots and all that stuff. Plus, the bone seems to bring things back to life. The last thing you want is your headless father stumbling around your bedroom at night, leaving intestine all over everything.

Phone the police and ask for help.
Bury them in the cellar.
Drive out of town and bury them somewhere remote.
Allow zombie nature to take its course.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 64%
Energy: 36%
Luck: 53%
Corruption: 1%
Humanity: 2%
Your activities have attracted some attention.

Your undead army consists of:
Skeletons: 2
Zombies: 2
and it has killed 2 people in total.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 06:18

Night10194: Feb 13, 2012; We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Bury them in the cellar Next to the bricked up chap and the wine.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 06:21

Sighence: Aug 26, 2009

My parents are zombies! the bestworst Goosebumps book.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 07:26

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Grow your undead army.

I have to wonder how the book railroads you into keeping the necromantic wand if you don't pick the "hell yes" options, but I will admit that using player incentive is a pretty good way to hide the rail tracks.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 07:45

Odysseus S. Grant: Oct 12, 2011; Cats is the oldest and strongest emotion
of mankind

Zombies gonna zomb.

The bone returned to our desk when we hid it in the drawer, my guess is that the same thing would have happened if we ignored it or threw it out the window.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 08:55

Fangz: Jul 5, 2007; Oh I see! This must be the Bad Opinion Zone!

Call the police! Like what our teacher would tell us to do!

# ? Sep 21, 2014 10:51

Darth TNT: Sep 20, 2013

Hello police, I think my parents are dead. They fell down the stairs.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 11:23

puddincup: Oct 31, 2013

Allow zombie nature to take its course.

If we bury them in the cellar they are going to come back anyway.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 12:10

Nyaa: Jan 7, 2010; Like, Nyaa.

Bury and raise them as skeleton later.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 14:21

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Bury the lede, why don't you zombie newspapermen?

# ? Sep 21, 2014 18:14

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

Might as well inform you, zombie nature taking its course is not letting our parents come back from the dead, it's... rather different. Rather messier. Besides, they were a bit too torn apart to be effective minions, wouldn't you say? Change votes as you feel necessary.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 18:50

Lord_Ventnor: Mar 30, 2010; The Worldwide Deadly Gangster Communist President

Use the zombies.

I mean, you might as well, right?

# ? Sep 21, 2014 20:45

Pimpmust: Oct 1, 2008

Why do I get the feeling this will quickly wander into some sort of gory Z-list horror movie thing?

And what's up with those kids stabbing and murdering an adult soldier :psyduck:

# ? Sep 21, 2014 20:52

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Pimpmust posted:

Why do I get the feeling this will quickly wander into some sort of gory Z-list horror movie thing?

And what's up with those kids stabbing and murdering an adult soldier

I believe question A answers question B. Gore is more important here than sense.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 20:54

NAME REDACTED: Dec 22, 2010

Pimpmust posted:

And what's up with those kids stabbing and murdering an adult soldier

Welcome to Britain.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 21:07

Sighence: Aug 26, 2009

Oblivion4568238 posted:

Might as well inform you, zombie nature taking its course is not letting our parents come back from the dead, it's... rather different. Rather messier. Besides, they were a bit too torn apart to be effective minions, wouldn't you say? Change votes as you feel necessary.

...oh. In that case I'm a sucker for a good Poe reference. Pop them in the cellar.

# ? Sep 21, 2014 21:11

puddincup: Oct 31, 2013

I change my answer to Put them in the cellar

Parents are super lame anyway.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 04:10

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

Crime stories are full of people who think they can get away with burying bodies in remote places, only to have them dug up by friendly dogs and used in evidence during murder trials. Under the house is safer.

You spend an unsettling few hours wrapping your parents in bin bags and dragging them down the stairs. The cellar is damp, full of spiderwebs, and you can't stand up straight. But the earth is soft and you dig a big enough hole for both bodies.

As you reach for the first bag, it begins to wriggle.

Oh great.

Bury it anyway.
Try to use the bone to suppress its movement.
Hit it with your shovel.

No change in stats.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 04:26

Nyaa: Jan 7, 2010; Like, Nyaa.

Hit it with your shovel. "STAY DEAD, DADDY!"

# ? Sep 22, 2014 04:30

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Nyaa posted:

Hit it with your shovel. "STAY DEAD, DADDY!"

I was going to say use the bone, but yeah, the shovel is funnier.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 04:50

Night10194: Feb 13, 2012; We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

Nyaa posted:

Hit it with your shovel. "STAY DEAD, DADDY!"

The best response.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 05:43

Automatic Slim: Jul 1, 2007

Nyaa posted:

Hit it with your shovel. "STAY DEAD, DADDY!"

Not all problems can be solved with magic.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 05:47

Pimpmust: Oct 1, 2008

Shovel Time: No Daddy, No!

The main character is very cavalier about the living dead inviting themselves to her home for a party.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 05:53

Darth TNT: Sep 20, 2013

Pimpmust posted:

Shovel Time: No Daddy, No!

The main character is very cavalier about the living dead inviting themselves to her home for a party.

Yes, the main character is funny.

Shovels are good for more than just digging.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 07:34

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

quote:

You batter the crawling bag with all of your energy. It flails around like a giant black worm. Eventually, something seems to burst inside and the bag lies still. You go on to bury it, but you feel distinctly queasy afterward.

quote:

That's it. Your parents' bodies have been safely disposed of. You are going to have to grow up quickly and start a new life. Whatever that might be.

You stare at the undead for a bit. There are little pieces of zombie soaking into the carpet. The skeletons are fiddling with the mantelpiece. They're like pets. You're going to have to take them outside sometimes to stop them getting cranky. Maybe you should start with a walk around the block.

Stride down the street with an obvious undead bodyguard.
Go cautiously, with the undead disguised.
Keep them inside until you have a reason to take them out.

Stats posted:

A successful necromancer must manage an array of vital character statistics.

Control: 64%
Energy: 39% (+3)
Luck: 53%
Corruption: 2% (+1)
Humanity: 2%
Your activities have attracted some attention.

Your undead army consists of:
Skeletons: 2
Zombies: 2
and it has killed 2 people in total.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 08:35

Darth TNT: Sep 20, 2013

Disguise them! We need new parents! One of them could be our long lost twin and the last can crawl around like a pet. No one will suspect a thing.

# ? Sep 22, 2014 08:50