TEW13 Raw vs. Nitro III - Where We're Going, We Don't Need Rhodes

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > TEW13 Raw vs. Nitro III - Where We're Going, We Don't Need Rhodes

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Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

I was a former booker for WWF*, I will take up the challenge of restoring glory to ECW!

Legit I was going to start a ECW TEW 2013 thread in the near future with a buddy, me and him came up with what we thought was a pretty sweet idea for an angle.

*I never turned up to the meetings, I sat at home and collected paychecks :v:

EDIT: I live in Britland but that shouldn't pose a problem.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 18:55 on Sep 12, 2014

# ¿ Sep 12, 2014 18:47

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:43

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

ECW also have a VERY interesting roster, excited to see what those lads will do with them.

After doing some brain storming I can say I'm very excited at the basically everything we've come up with so far.

And well, well, well... we get to write Gertner promos :smuggo:

# ¿ Sep 12, 2014 23:10

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Sanguinia posted:

You should hire Tugboat and have Gertner manage him as the Vanilla-Flavored Seaman.

loving dirt sheets leaking our year long storyline :argh:

# ¿ Sep 12, 2014 23:37

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

ECW bookers, assemble in the IRC chat :frogsiren:

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 23:29 on Oct 17, 2014

# ¿ Sep 14, 2014 21:16

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Bah gawd awful luck on your part WWF.

Unless it's a work :tinfoil:

# ¿ Sep 21, 2014 10:07

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

I snagged a ticket for ECW at the Hammerstein Ballroom! So pumped up after seeing the show! Plus it was the big relaunch, I can't believe ECW's back on TV! We had some warm up matches to start us off: D'Lo Brown and Bobby Walker beat Flash Flanagan and Kid Kash. They were announced as Flash N' Kash. Guess a fancy name doesn't guarantee a win, unlike some places! Not too good of a match though.

Next up: Tommy Dreamer & Sandman beat up on PG-13. Sandman smashed a beer can and bled all over everything, Tommy Dreamer beat a guy with a stop sign. ECW is back! I love these guys, a solid match.

Super Nova took on Barrabas Jr. after that. They were smooth and worked well together, but neither one looked particularly good.

Last dark match was ECW champion Shane Douglas beating Lance Diamond. Typical showcase for Shane.

---

The real show kicks off with Paul E Dangerously coming to the ring to E-C-DUB and Thank You Paul E chants.

"Thanks to... popular demand... ECW! IS! BACK! Back on television, back from the dead, and in just five weeks, nationwide on pay-per-view!"

He cuts a passionate promo about how ECW is back to innovate in ways the "big two" could only dream of and show the world the limits of Extreme. But wait, he's cut off over the PA! Some guy makes his way to ringside... wait, it's Kurt Angle! The guy from the Olympics, holy poo poo! Kurt makes fun of the New York Rangers, puts himself over for a while, and then gets in Heyman's face. He tells Paul that he is going to get rid of all the chairs, the barbed wire, the tables... that since he is obviously the best wrestler in this company, he's going to remake ECW in HIS image. And he's going to start by reshaping Paul's face. Before Kurt can get his hands on Paul E, Billy Kidman rushes down the ramp and cheap shots Kurt, bringing him down long enough to let Heyman get away as the rest of the locker room empties into the ring. On his way back up the ramp, Kurt points at Kidman and says he's DEAD. This whole thing was amazing. Everyone ate it up. I've never seen anyone be able to match Paul E on the mic like Angle. This could be the start of something great.

---

Adam Copeland beat Chris Harris with a sick move I've never seen before. He had Harris down on the mat with one chair underneath his head, and flattened him with another chair strike. Dude definitely had more of an edge than he did in WWF (no pun intended) and I really want to see what they do with him. With his new character, I think he's a solid B+ player: A Badass Plus! Harris had to be carried out by the ring crew, he looked like he was dead! Too one-sided to be a good match though.

---

As Copeland makes his way backstage, ECW Champ Shane Douglas comes to the ring looking PISSED. He cuts a profanity-laden promo about how Kurt Angle is nothing but a little Olympic bitch, how his skills and medals mean nothing here, and someday soon Douglas is going to show Kurt what EXTREME is all about. Douglas was on fire here, great promo.

---

Kurt Angle beat Kidman - Kidman maked his way to the ring, Joey Styles said that Angle agreed to face him one-on-one tonight after what happened earlier. Angle mopped the floor with him, being sure to stick to his amateur holds and suplexes. The crowd was really vocal here, unhappy with Kurt's slow-paced, grinding style. Good heat.

---

Backstage, Paul E said that he was proud that guys like Shane are representing the tribe of Extreme, and that Kurt Angle may be a great athlete but that's not enough to cut it in ECW. He also said that next week there will be a TV Title #1 contender's match between D'Lo and Barrabas Jr. Paul with a mic is always great.

---

Back at ringside Al Snow and Brian Lawler were in the ring, both pacing round the ring waiting for their opponents. Then lights went out, some guys next to me started a "fire the lights guy" chant which died fast, crowd was mostly silent trying to figure out what was happening. Then from behind the entrance curtain a glass window was chucked out onto the entrance way.

The glass shattered!

The lights came back on, except now they were all blue filling the arena with blue light as The Blue Meanie and Mikey Whipwreck came out accompanied by Super Nova. Both Meanie and Super Nova were wearing leather vests over their regular gear with Meanie also wearing a bald cap that looked a bit too small for him, as well as drawing a cheesy fake beard on his face with marker pen. Mikey on the other hand was wearing a Van Halen shirt along with a lovely blonde wig he tied into a ponytail. Snow and Lawler both exited the ring as Meanie and Mikey entered, Mikey took to the middle of the ring and gave a bow to the audience. Meanie went off to one of the turnbuckles and attempted to climb it but he struggled for a while and just gave up, instead walking to each of the turnbuckles and then doing his shimmy.

Snow and Lawler both got back into the ring, they didn't know what the gently caress was going on here. Hell if I knew either! The match started with Mikey and Snow doing some quick paced back and forth action, they came to a standstill which got a round of applause from the audience. Mikey used this as another chance to take a bow, which led to Snow blindsiding him. Snow worked over Mikey really laying his fists and kicks into him likes he's got a chip on his shoulder, you could hear the sound go through the arena it was freaking sweet. Snow tagged in Lawler who started smacking Mikey around as well but that quickly got turned around when Whipwreck hit him with a nasty looking face breaker, he forced Brian's face right into his knee. Match ended with Whipwreck taking Lawler over to his and Meanie's corner and setting him up on the turnbuckle, landing the Whippersnapper on Lawler. Meanie then stormed into the ring looking incensed at Mikey, he was shaking his head about as he just rattled off insults.

"You silly billy going and stealing my move!? What is wrong with you!? Those two rapscallions knock you about the head so hard you forgot that's my move!? How dare you steal my move!"

Mikey was saying sorry whole time waving his hands telling him didn't mean to, he then crossed his heart promising he'll never steal his move again. Meanie got back into his corner with an annoyed look on his face and stretched his hand. Mikey tagged him in as Meanie climbed the turnbuckle and hits prone Lawler with a top rope Moonsault getting the win. This was insane, more of a spectacle than a match, but it was all right.

Al Snow stormed off backstage thrashing and screaming about like he'd just lost the world title, take a chill pill dude. Super Nova joins Mikey and Meanie in the ring as Meanie started to talk, laying on a thick texan accent.

"Now listen up you lovely bunch of rascals, all of you just saw a defining moment in the history of this sport... aw gumdrops a defining moment in the history of the entire goodness gracious world! Can I get a heck yes to that!?"

HECK YES went the crowd, we were all getting into it.

"Us three are some of the naughtiest sons of a guns to ever step inside the squared circle and we're throwing our lot in together! Tell them Mikey!" Meanie handed Mikey the mic as Mikey took some time to compose himself before speaking with a drawn out regal tone. "Well you se-" Then Meanie takes the mic back off him. "Yeah you told them what for their Mikey!" Mikey shrugs it off as Meanie continues.

"The fact of the matter is, we are the Blue Man Power Trip and we run this show... assuming that our plans correspond with the booking decisions of Paul E and Todd Gordon, AND THAT'S THE END OF THAT BECAUSE THE BLUE MEANIE SEZ SO!"

This was like the last match, it wasn't great but no one could look away from it, crazy!

Overall, I can't wait to see what ECW does now that they're back on the air, but there's just something off about the matches, like everyone's working too extreme with the cameras back on again, even guys that don't do it as well. Ratings are for nerds like that Metsler fartknocker but if I gotta rate the show it's an (E-)C-(DUB).

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 17:06 on Oct 14, 2014

# ¿ Sep 21, 2014 21:06

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

So Meanie is Austin, Whipwreck is HHH, and Nova is Pillman? Are they faces or heels?

Yes, yes, yes, and faces.

# ¿ Sep 21, 2014 21:40

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Skunkrocker posted:

Wait who the gently caress is Paul Heyman? Don't you mean Paul E. Dangerously?

Bleeding smart mark writers trying to get themselves over showing they know shoot names :v:

Adam Copeland was announced as Adam Copeland though.

Contacted the writer who edited it accordingly.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Sep 22, 2014

# ¿ Sep 21, 2014 23:56

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

ECW team, if you can pop into the IRC today that would be great :siren:

V Planning out the big URSUS push right? V

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 17:05 on Sep 26, 2014

# ¿ Sep 26, 2014 15:49

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

ECW team, if you could pop into the IRC today that would be great :siren:

# ¿ Oct 4, 2014 16:42

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Al Snow is one of our main eventers.

Check and mate big two :smuggo:

# ¿ Oct 4, 2014 20:11

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

After last week I had to see ECW again and did they deliver with this show! Got their early and saw some of the dark matches, we started with Al Snow beating Super Nova. Snow wrestled a more aggressive style than we saw before. Guy seemed a bit unhinged, wonder what they're doing with his character? Super Nova was acting really crazy in the ring too, but I liked it. Pretty good match though, probably should have been on TV.

Next up the Blue Man Power Trip (Meanie and Mikey) beat Vito LoGrasso and Bull Pain. I thought Bull Pain was that fat guy from Europe who did moonsaults? Man he sucked. Blue Man Power Trip made them look like idiots. I love Meanie and Whipwrecks' new characters.

Billy Kidman came out next, he was looking chipper even after his lose. That quickly changed when the TV Champion "Bulldozer" Brian Lee came out. Billy showed some heart like last week, but I guess heart isn't enough to beat a big guy like Brian Lee. He won with a nasty looking chokeslam, suck it 911!

Finally Shane Douglas beat Andrew Martin. Martin looked pretty huge out there with Douglas, kind of has a Kevin Nash look going for him with the long hair. Shane took him out pretty easily though, Martin was a bit green. I couldn't tell if they were booing Martin because he was a heel or because he had Kid Rock heat, but a drunk in front of me got kicked out of the ballroom for nailing him in the face with a thermos of booze. Don't think we'll see him for a while.

---

Paul E. came to the ring to open the show. "The gauntlet, as they say, has been thrown." He announced that the main event of ECW's first PPV event will be Shane Douglas vs. Kurt Angle for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. "What better way to introduce ourselves to the nation and to the world than to demonstrate that the tribe of Extreme can conquer any wrestler, amateur or professional, in our path?"

---

Joey Styles and Joel Gertner are on screen from the... whatever you call the crow's nest here at the Hammerstein. "We've got the best action, we've got the best wrestlers, we've got what you want, and you're ONLY going to find it here, in ECW. Joining me tonight on commentary, my good friend and yours--" Joel took the mic. "I'm here to stay... starting on the mic today... 'cause WHEN THE GIRLIES HEAR MY VOICE, THEY SPRAY." Joey gave Joel a look and continues. "...Joel Gertner. But before our first match of the night, we've got a very special message from someone that I think some of you will recognize." Green fields... sheep... bagpipes. A guy in a kilt walking up to the camera. It's Roddy Piper, and he looked pissed!

"E-C-DUB! E-C-DUB? Yeah, yeah, we all know what you guys chant, you're chanting it every day, every night, every match, when you're porking your fat little girlfriends in the back of your 1978 Honda that you work at 7-11 80 hours a week to pay for the oil and the gas because your toilet arena's only got 40 stalls and there's a homeless guy in the trough, and old man Gordon pays you once a century, yeah, think you're important cause you're on TV now, well I've got some news for YOU, you want your shot at the big time, well, you're gonna get what you wished for, and you better be careful of it!"

---

Adam Copeland beat MEN's Teioh. Adam Copeland beat him handily. He did that awesome chair move again, too. As soon as he flapjacked Teioh onto a chair, we knew it was coming and the guy next to me started up a CON-CHAIR-TO chant. He nailed him right in the head, 1-2-3. He's gonna kill a guy with that move someday I swear. Asked my friend who watched it on TV what he thought of Joey and Joel, he said they made a great team on commentary, although Gertner did leave halfway through the match.

---

Speaking of we cut to backstage and... "Well, well, well? Look who it is, the man who gets the downright dirty details... and all the sexy females. For the men out there who don't know me and for the pretty girls out there who want to blow me, I'll introduce myself. I am Joel, ECW has finally returned to prime time TV... so all the lovely women can tune in to see me... ladies so excited that they start to pee... AT THE THOUGHT OF MYSELF LICKING BETWEEN THEIR KNEES!... Gertner... Coming from outside the Blue Man Power Trip's dressing room, I'm here to find out the ins and outs of the threesome."

Gertner goes to enter the room and just barely manages to duck a sports bag that's thrown out the door. Gertner continues onwards as the look on his face turned to confusion, the camera turned into the room to show it absolutely wrecked! Lockers on the floor, wrestling gear thrown all about the place, there's a turned over couch, it's been tore down to pieces as Meanie and Mikey frantically searched around, they're obviously looking for something. Gertner went to ask them something but he got cut off by Meanie who picked up two magazines off the floor and handed one over to Gertner.

"Oh Gertner aren't you a sight for sore eyes, we need your help! He's gone! Vanished! Disappeared!"

"Wait, who's gone, Meanie?"

"Super Nova! He's dog gone, gone missing! We've looked everywhere for him! Oh golly gosh Nova, where the bleeding heck are you! Hey Mikey, you had any luck over there!?"

Mikey poked his head up from behind the couch and started to talk in that drawn out tone "Well Meanie I'm af-" Meanie cut him off, flailing his arms at him. "Stop yammering on and keep on looking!" Mikey shot back behind the couch, Meanie started to flick through the pages of the magazine until he gave Gertner a sour look. "Well aren't you going to help us, start looking!"

"Oh right yes of course!" Gertner started to flick through his own magazine scanning each page, not really sure what he's doing. "No I can't seem to find Nova... Meanie why'd you have to take to por-" Gertner cut himself off as he looked over to the corner of the room, the camera panned around to show Super Nova standing there rod stiff with a lampshade on his head.

"Errr... Meanie, have you tried looking over there?" Gertner pointed over to the corner, Meanie and Mikey both looked over. "... Oh of course! There's a second exit out of this room! Thanks Gertner!" Meanie and Whipwreck ran over to exit out the second door, Super Nova wobbled slightly as they rush past him. Gertner still has no clue what's going on as Super Nova lifted one finger to his mouth and went "shhh". Gertner backed out the room and closed the door behind him, regaining some composure and turning back to the camera. "Valuable insight into the minds of the Blue Man Power Trip was gained today... I think?"

This was honestly a mess, some of it was funny but it felt like they were all trying to improv their lines? Just didn't work, try scripts next time boys!

---

So-called American hero Kurt Angle came out to the ring with a microphone in one hand, a 2x4 in the other hand, and Born in the USA blaring over the PA. "You know, when I agreed to come here, it was because I wanted to see what true professionals had to offer. I only had to see one show, the only professional show I had ever seen, and I knew that this was the home for me. I knew I could make this place my own. I've seen what you people can offer. Shane, you may be the king of your little mountain here, but you're nothing compared to me. I bet you can't even name the holds you use! I dominated and wrestled my way to a gold medal at the Olympic Games with a broken neck, and I did it with THESE" Kurt flexed his hands. "Do you think your secret weapons, your trash cans and your tables, that they're gonna stop me from keeping you down on the mat, dragging your fat rear end to the middle of the ring, and snapping your ankle in half like a twig?" Kurt put the microphone down in the ring, and then... holy gently caress, he just snapped that board in half with his bare hands! Kurt tossed the two pieces of wood down on the ring and picked up the mic. "If you think that, you've got another thing coming." He poses while being booed out of the building to close the promo. Angle looked great here.

---

D'Lo vs. Barabas Jr. ended in no contest. D'Lo had just layed out Barabas with a spinebuster and climbed the top rope to hit him was a frog splash when Brian Lee appeared out of nowhere. He darted straight for D'Lo and grabbed him by the throat, why didn't you just climb down you dumbass!? Holy poo poo though, Lee chokeslamed D'lo off the top rope and landed him down onto Barabas Jr.! Insane! Molineaux bolted during the carnage, no contest. Lee grabbed a mic and posed in the ring with his title.

"You two are some of the dumbest guys I've ever taken out! You two could have just walked away! You seriously think you could stand a chance against Prime Time!? The Bulldozer Brian Lee!? But no you two went and thought to yourselves you could go and muscle in on my turf, try to get yourselves a shot at the title. Ten months I've heard this title, and I ain't going to be dropping it to some Puerto Rican no body and the guy who hangs around with Bobby Walker! You two, or anyone else want to take this away from me?" He pats his ECW TV title belt around his shoulder. "You're in for a war." He threw the microphone down and struted to the back, leaving D'Lo and Barrabas down in the ring.

---

Al Snow was somewhere in the back. He's in a dimly-lit room and all we could see is him talking to someone, but the camera's close up to his face so we couldn't see who he's talking to. "Brian Lawler... last week, Brian Lawler, he ABANDONED me. Those Blue Freaks, look what they did to him. Look what they did to me! No, I can't believe it either! He left me. They ALL left me. Maybe my mind has left me. But you, you will never leave me, will you? Yeah, I knew you would feel that way. There's nobody else that I can trust here in ECW like I can trust you." He pauses and sighs. "You told me working for them would be a mistake. You told me they would never understand me. But YOU understand me... you always have..." The camera zooms out. He's talking to... a woman's mannequin head, cradling it in his arms, petting it. Weird stuff.

---

Time for our main event, it's Kurt Angle vs. Jimmy Del Ray!

Better match than last week, the ex-Heavenly Body proved slightly more challenging to the Olympic gold medallist. Del Ray at the start of the match even managed to send Angle packing to the outside, this got a cheer for Del Ray and a "You Suck" chant at Angle, he was fuming. Del Ray then started dancing in the ring, hip thrusting towards Angle and shaking his body, crowd started clapping and chanting "You've still got it!" Oh but this made Angle furious and he kicked it into high gear, it was basically a long drawn out squash match from that point onwards. Angle worked a slow methodical style where he destroyed Del Ray's legs, guy could barely stand by the end of the match. After toying with him for a while Angle finally slapped on the Ankle Lock and made him tap fast. Jimmy needed some help to walk to the back but Angle did a quick victory lap of the ring, running a few circles round Del Ray to rub it in. Dick.

Another great show from the greatest company in the world. I give it an (E-)C(-DUB).

Messing around with this slightly to see what reads better.

Also yes, we where one rank below both WWF and WCW this week :smuggo:

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 15:37 on Oct 13, 2014

# ¿ Oct 5, 2014 18:19

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Basic Chunnel posted:

I am currently in a shitstorm of exams and bed bug infestations and will have essentially no time for the next 2 days at least.

Bed Bugs vs Chikara Ants feud soon to hit WCW in the coming months.

# ¿ Oct 9, 2014 11:50

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

Alright guys, back from the show and ECW is still on a roll! Didn't catch all the dark matches this week, was doing Sandman proud and slamming down beers. The one match I did catch was Hardwork Bobby Walker against Kurt Angle. Don't think you need me to tell you how this one turned out. Bobby tried but Angle dominated him just like he's dominated everyone else, tapping in the middle to the ankle lock after a few minutes of mat wrestling.

---

Once again Paul E. came out to start the show. "We're just two weeks from our first pay-per-view..." He paused for the E-C-DUB chants. "...so, you people watching at home, make sure you contact your cable or satellite provider and tell them you want to see the BEST in professional wrestling. 'Cause when you do, you're gonna see the Pitbulls take on the team of Satoshi Kojima and Kensuke Sasaki to see who will be the number one contenders for the World Tag Team Championships!"

Suddenly Heyman got cut off.

At the top of the ramp is Bulldozer Brian Lee, he shoved a security guy in his yellow shirt aside! He's yelling and cursing up a storm at Paul E. all the way down the ramp. "I told you before, Paul! I want to take on a challenger of MY choosing, at MY time, at MY choosing, when I'M ready for him, at my... time!" Lee looked even more intimidating when you figure he's got about a foot on Paul, but he was stumbling over his words pretty bad so he just looked like a jackass.

Paul E. pointed an accusing finger at him as he comes down, cutting him off before he could gently caress up any longer. "That's not up to you, Brian! That's up to me! And thanks to you, we don't have a #1 contender! They may not be able to wrestle for weeks, so guess what? At Hardcore Rising, you're going to take on D'Lo Brown... and Barrabas Jr... in a THREE! WAY! DANCE!"

Brian Lee advanced towards Paul E. and Paul started talking immediately. "You lay one finger on me and you can kiss that title and your job goodbye. And that's not all. You've got a match tonight, Mister Bulldozer. A match against the Sandman." The crowd erupted around me. We knew we're gonna see a mauling tonight! "Better go get ready, it's the main event." Brian Lee storms off back up the ramp.

---

Shane Douglas took on Vito LoGrasso in our first match, if you can say that. He just beat the poo poo out of him for 10 minutes. Shane held a clinic on hardcore wrestling, he looked really, really pissed. The Franchise suplexed Vito through a table and mercifully finished him off with the Pittsburgh Plunge, 1-2-3.

As soon as Shane pinned Vito he motioned for a mic. "HEY! I know you're back there, Angle! This message is for you! I don't need to be able to tell you what a kimura lock is to do THIS to you!" He pointed his arm at the crimson masked Vito LoGrasso, still on the ground among the wreckage of a table after eating a brainbuster. "You're gonna be wearing a NECK BRACE, not a medal after I'm through with you! You know, you're right, Angle, I'm not an Olympic wrestler. I'm nothing you've ever seen before. I'm not afraid of you. Do you think you know pain? I KNOW pain! You don't get to be the Franchise unless know how to receive pain and you know how to inflict pain! And Angle, in two weeks, you're going to be in a WORLD of PAIN!" Everyone went nuts for this promo like nothing else I've seen since ECW came back other than Piper's first appearance.

---

After the match, Green Hills of Tyrol played. We get a bunch of clips of Piper and his famous antics in the WWF (courtesy Coliseum Video, of course), like his match against Mr. T, throwing coconuts at Jimmy Snuka, and bottling himself, set to the famous bagpipe music. At the end is Rowdy Roddy Piper himself, standing in front of a giant WWF flag and staring defiantly into the camera. Bad guy or not, the crowd loves them some Piper. The only guy who got a reaction that big all night was Shane Douglas just before.

---

Next up was the Pitbulls taking on Tommy Dreamer and Jimmy Del Ray. Dreamer was out first, he mingled with the crowd a bit, some dude offered him a drink which he took and gave to another guy, such a bro! Jimmy was out second with his foot and ankle all taped up, he was looking a bit shaky on his feet like he was struggling to stand, goddamn Angle is a douche bag. Then the Pitbulls came out, both with a dog collar and chain round their necks being led to the ring by Francine who is looking super hot! They were snarling and getting in the fans faces smack talking, looked like they were about to start a fight before Francine yanked on their chains and pulled them towards the ring. Also they where announced as Pitbull 1 and Pitbull A? Eh sure I guess.

Dreamer started the match wanting Del Ray to take it easy on his foot, but boy was he not up to the challenge. The Pitbulls ran roughshod through this match, whatever Dreamer tried to do the Pitbulls just over powered him. Pitbulls had some crazy moves with the dog chain as well, getting Dreamer into the corner and choking him out with it, both Pitbulls doing a running clothesline with the chain, it was nasty. After a long beat down Dreamer managed to pull something back after hitting Pitbull A with a DDT, he crawled over to his corner and tagged in Del Ray who began to kick the poo poo out of Pitbull A, even managing to nail him with a superkick! Sweet! Or maybe not so sweet as he grabbed his foot afterwards and started crying out in pain, moron hit him with his bad foot. Pitbull 1 used this chance to run in and tackle him down to the ground, Pitbull A by this point had recovered and took out Dreamer laying him outside the ring.

Pitbull 1 rolled Del Ray onto his stomach as Pitbull A climbed back into the ring, dog chain in hand. They both took a long length of the chain and wrapped it around Del Ray's throat, they then both took a leg and pull off a double STF on Jimmy while choking him with the chain! A friend of mine who was watching said that Francine told Styles that was called the STFU. Del Ray was choking, sputtering and had to tap, that didn't stop the Pitbulls though as they continued until he passed out. Man they are nasty S.O.B's.

---

Joel Gertner was outside Angle's dressing room. "I'm Joel, 'here with the Olympic gold medalist, I hope he's not too pissed, cause he's the ONLY MAN BETTER THAN ME WITH A FIST', Gertner. Coming to you from outside Kurt Angle's dressing room with an exclusive interview to respond to Shane Douglas' statement just now." Joel meekly knocked on the door.

Angle answered. "What do YOU want?"

Gertner replied, "I'm here for our scheduled interview, to, to see what your response to Shane Douglas is. Didn't they tell you?"

"Oh, that..." Angle nodded and motions for Joel. "Come in, come in. I'll answer all your questions."

Joel Gertner went into Angle's dressing room, but he slammed the door in the cameraman's face! Gertner screamed and there's crashing and breaking noises from behind the door. The cameraman ran away.

---

We're on screen with Styles. "I, uh, we'll get you an update on Joel Gertner's condition as soon as we can. But in the meantime, we've got a great match for you next week fans, a preview of the main event of Hardcore Rising! Six-man tag team action where Shane Douglas, D'Lo Brown, and Hardwork Bobby Walker will face off against Brian Lee, Barrabas Jr., and the Olympic hero himself, Kurt Angle! You're not gonna get action like that up north or down south! But right now, the Bulldozer, Brian Lee, is going to take on the Sandman!"

---

Brian Lee was in the ring while the lights dim and the familiar intro to "Enter Sandman" hits. The crowd went nuts as ECW favourite Sandman made his way to the ring... slowly. After a few minutes of drinking, smoking and debauchery, Sandman was finally in the ring and we're ready to begin. Gertner showed up on commentary about halfway through the match wearing a neck brace and sounding like he just drank a bottle of codeine cough syrup. Overall it was an okay match, but you know what they say: a 15 minute Sandman match is 10 minutes of entrance and 5 minutes of caning. Eventually Al Snow made his way to the ring, with that weird mannequin head, muttering things to it as he petted it. Both Sandman and Brian Lee kept glancing over at him, clearly confused as to what he was doing. Al made it clear enough when he jumped in the ring with a chair, nailing Sandman with it from behind! Lee used this distraction to grab Sandman by the throat and chokeslam him hard onto the mat, 1-2-3.

Brian lifted his title triumphantly in the air with a smug look on his face, he's happy with the win as he struted to the back. Al Snow however kept beating Sandman with the chair and eventually his own cane to end the show. Sandman was laid out face down and bleeding on the mat. Snow set Head down facing him and Sandman and said something about an offering. The show ended with him crawling over, turning over the Sandman, and rocking him back and forth like a baby while screaming about how he did this for "you". Sandman was totally out of it, but Al is just nuts. Purple Haze plays as Al stands tall to end the show.

Not as good as last week but man that Douglas promo made the show, gotta go with (E-)C-(-DUB).

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 17:03 on Oct 14, 2014

# ¿ Oct 12, 2014 20:58

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

I Before E posted:

Fucktrain has set up a table on the outside! Sid gets back in the ring, and surprises Taz with a kick to the midsection! Fucktrain puts Taz in the powerbomb position, swivels his pelvis, and lifts Taz up for a Big Sweaty Bomb into the table on the floor!

Sid finally reappearing after a long hiatus I see :v:

# ¿ Oct 18, 2014 01:13

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Senerio posted:

Chicken Neck on a Pole match between Roadblock and Kal Kirby ends prematurely when special referee Scotty Bollea hits his finisher, the Bollea Bomber clothesline, on both competitors and the unlucky chicken neck on the pole. When he tries to Bollea Bomber the chicken neck, he misses and falls to the floor before getting up, brushing himself off, and celebrating nonetheless. Somehow this was not the worst match I have ever seen on Shotgun Saturday Night.

What's the point of PPV's if you give this stuff away for free!?

# ¿ Oct 21, 2014 16:39

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

Last Hardcore TV before the PPV, I was so stoked to see the go home show. Had some drinks before the show again but I managed to catch the last two of the dark matches. The Pitbulls basically slaughtered Chris Chetti and Ricky Banderas. Not much to say except the Pitbulls looked like monsters.

Billy Kidman was out next, he still had some fire about him despite losing the past few weeks. That faded fast when Purple Haze hit and Al Snow came out. Snow got the win after hitting the Snow Plow. This was actually a pretty open match with both guys getting some offence in, plus it went the same length as the main and was just as good.

---

The main show opened with a pre-taped Piper's Pit. Roddy Piper was sitting on the right. On the left, in a chair, was a framed portrait... of Roddy Piper. "Today's guest is someone near and dear to all our hearts, especially my heart, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Now, at last, I know the answers and the questions, so I can change my questions first, so I don't even know the answers!

Now Roddy, you've been talking a lot of garbage about Barb Wire City. But, uh, can ya go into detail about what you don't like about it? Well, sure, Roddy. Philadelphia STINKS! And the worst part, you people all know it! You know it! And you love it anyway! You wallow in your own filth like the pigs you are, eating your cheesesteaks. You guys DO know that real civilization calls them HEROES, just like me!

Yeah, I know why you hate me! It's because I'm successful, and I'm rich, and you people all know, you KNOW, that you want to be just like me, Rowdy Roddy Piper. Well, I'm gonna give you the chance to get to know me juuuuuuuuuuust a little bit better. Your little hardcore garbage convention? Hardcore Rising? I'm gonna be there! I'm gonna drive my brand-new Jaguar right into the gate of your little party and eat all the hors d'oeuvres and puke on all the women just like a reeeeeal ECW fan! I just gotta see this catastrophe for myself! Course it's a long way from here to Philadelphia, so..."

Piper stood up and walked offscreen. The video cut to Piper getting into a brand-new Jaguar. "Better get goin' now, eh?" The tires squealed and he drove away.

---

After the promo we cut back to ringside for our opening match. First out was Flash N' Kash, Kid Kash and Flash Flanagan. Flanagan was announced as Flash Funk. Guess someone back stage was reading Prograps! Once they got in the ring the lights dimmed out, most of the fans caught on fast and started to chant "Power Trip!" From behind the entrance curtain as a fish bowl was chucked out.

The glass shattered!

The arena filled up with blue lights as the Blue Man Power Trip stomped down to the ring. The Blue Meanie and Mikey Whipwreck versus Flash N' Kash. Both teams beat the snot out each other, Whipwreck doing most of the work for the Power Trip. Whipwreck managed to hit the Whippersnapper on Kid Kash and tagged in Meanie, who climbed to the top rope to set up for his Moonsault but got knocked down to the mat when Flash ran in taking out both Meanie and Whipwreck. Nova burst into the ring and started fightin with Flash, they both toppled over to the outside. In all the confusion a recovered Kash got the schoolboy on Meanie, pulling on his tights getting him the quick win.

Kid Kash couldn't believe he got the win. Flash joined him in the ring and they were both ecstatic, jumping arounding and fisting the air. They flipped the birds and taunted the Power Trip as they headed back stage which got jeers from the fans. They both got mics and cut a promo.

"Now hold on, you people shouldn't be booing us! You should be worshipping the ground that we walk on, showing us some respect and what not. Why? Cause that group of cyan nutcases, the so called most defining people in the history of the entire goddamn world or whatever the hell they said... Well, we just whooped their asses!"

"That's right Kash, and you know what it pisses us off that we're clearly the most defining yadda yadda team in this business and we don't even got a chance at a number one contender's match at Hardcore Rising!"

"So we're going to prove to you that we can kick anyone's asses this weekend! We are offering a chance for anyone to step in the ring with us at Hardcore Rising and get their butts kicked! Maybe then y'all will finally see some sense."

This was like their match, garbage.

---

Next up was the Sandman taking on Bull Pain. Sandman's usual entrance took a while, but everyone was into it so you can't complain. By the time he finally got to the ring he was drenched in beer, sweat, and ready for a fight. He quickly took it to Bull Pain, beating him around the ring with his Signapore Cane, He tossed Bull outside and whipped him into the guard rail, taking the time to down another beer. Finally Sandman brought the match back to the ring and hit a White Russian leg sweep. 1-2-3 and that's that. Nothing special, just your usual Sandman brawl.

Sandman celebrated in the ring after his victory, holding his cane high in the air while he shotgunned a beer. Then he grabbed a microphone.

"Al Snow, last week you jumped me 'cause you knew you couldn't stand up to me and my Singapore cane one-on-one. You think you can beat the Sandman? I want your rear end in this ring, this week at Hardcore Rising! Or are you gonna be a little poo poo and avoid the beating that's coming to you?"

Al Snow's music hit and he came out cradling his creepy mannequin head. He very slowly walked out to the ring. He climbed up onto the apron and gave Sandman a dead-eyed stare. Sandman took a step toward him with the cane and he didn't even move. He looked deeply into the eyes of Head, seeming to be in conversation. Perfect moment for Sandman to take him out, but he just looked a bit creeped out or disgusted. Snow put Head back under his arm and said just two words, "I accept." Then he turned around and leaves.

Sandman just looked dumbfounded. He shook his head, shotgunned another beer and headed out through the crowd.

---

Cut to a backstage set with Francine and the Pitbulls. Francine had them by their dog chains as she started to talk, the Pitbulls snarled and leered at the camera throughout the segment.

"Hey there boys, it's the girl that's too much for any one man to handle. That's why I've got myself these two men to take care of me. 'Cause these two aren't any old men now, they're the man-beasts, the Pitbulls. You see, last week was just a taste of what my men were capable of, and surprise surprise Tommy and Jimmy weren't up for the challenge. Now at Hardcore Rising we take on Kensuke Sasaki and Satoshi Kojima. I'll speak real slow like so the two of you can understand me clearly.

If you two are dumb enough to show up this weekend, then I'm afraid my beasts here will send you both packing back to the land of the rising sun."

---

It was time for our main event, it's the ECW Champion Shane Douglas teaming up with the Tag Team Champions D'Lo Brown and Bobby Walker taking on Kurt Angle, Barabas Jr. and the TV Champion "Bulldozer" Brian Lee.

Walker and Angle started off with Angle dominating the first part of the match, weakening his legs and wearing him down with slow grapples and holds, crowd did not react well. Lee started shouting to get tagged in wanting a piece of the action but Angle just ignored him, Lee looked livid and just shouted more. Barabas Jr. went and sat next to Gertner and started shooting the poo poo on commentary, friend who was watching at home told me he said "Look at Lee, he looks like he's about to explode! Do you really think I want to be standing next to him, considering I'll be winning the belt off him this weekend!?"

Walker managed to break away from Angle and tagged in D'Lo who started taking it to Angle, even hitting him with a sweet sitout powerbomb. He climbed a turnbuckle to set up for his frog splash but got thrown down by Barabas Jr., bastard was biding his time. Angle then started to work over D'Lo, giving him the same slow painful treatment he gave Walker. Looked like it was going to be all over when Angle started lifting D'Lo up for the Angle Slam, but D'Lo swiftly reversed it into a spinebuster! D'Lo started to crawl over to his corner managing to make the tag to Douglas as Angle climbed back onto his feet.

The place started to go ballistic as Angle and Douglas stared down each other in their respective corners. The crowd started chanting "gently caress him up Douglas, gently caress him up!" They were both revving up, it looked like they were going to collide in the middle of the ring... until Brian Lee tagged himself in. Man the crowd started screaming at Lee, guy was a massive dick. Hell even Angle started screaming at Lee as the two of them started to argue, looked like they were about to have it off... until Barabas Jr. tagged himself in while those two were distracted. Dude, thought Lee and Angle looked angry before? They looked like they were ready to murder someone after that. Barabas Jr. darted straight for Douglas, only to run straight into a lariat and get slammed to the mat. D'Lo got tagged in as Shane and Walker went after Brian and Angle respectively, brawling with them long enough for D'Lo to climb to the top rope and hit the Lo Down on Barabas Jr., 1, 2, 3.

After the bell rang, Angle got right up in Douglas' face and they started talking mad trash at each other. They each looked like they wanted to kill each other. Jim Molineaux tried to keep them apart but he got violently shoved to the ground by Angle. Guys started running out from backstage, running to backstage, and eventually we had D'Lo, Bobby Walker, Kidman, Tommy Dreamer, Paul E., I think I even saw Tod Gordon come out. Douglas yelled "gently caress it!" and tried to take a swing at Angle, but D'Lo caught his arm before it made contact. They all held the two of them apart while Paul E. was yelling something about saving it for the weekend and eventually got Angle out through the crowd and Douglas to the back.

Looking good heading into the PPV, another (E-)C-(-DUB).

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 12:14 on Oct 23, 2014

# ¿ Oct 22, 2014 21:23

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

---

The Pitbulls take on the team of Kensuke Sasaki & Satoshi Kojima, winners become the number one contenders for the ECW Tag Team Championships!

ECW TV Champion "Bulldozer" Brian Lee defends his title against one half of the Tag Team Champions D'Lo Brown and Barabas Jr. in a three way dance!

Kid Kash & Flash Funk, Flash N' Kash have issued an open challenge for anyone to face them in tag competition! Who will answer their challenge?

The Sandman faces off against the demented Al Snow in a match that will be sure to please blood nuts and hardcore fans!

Wrestling legend "Rowdy" Roddy Piper will be making an appearance at the show, will the hot rod find that he's still the hot stuff in front of the ECW crowd?

The king of extreme, the ECW World Heavyweight Champion Shane Douglas defends his title and the cult of extreme against the olympic gold medalist Kurt Angle! Will hardcore wrestling die on this upcoming night? Or will the so-called savior of ECW have to be carried out with a broken freaking neck!?

---

Get in touch with your local on demand provider to view this event!

I Before E posted:

Can't wait to see what you dudes do with Piper. Love the way you've built him.

Credit where credit is due, Luigi30 writes and handles all of the Piper stuff and he's super great at it.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Oct 23, 2014

# ¿ Oct 23, 2014 11:22

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

I feel ashamed of myself for not getting David Schreck now, good job on the name :drac:

# ¿ Oct 24, 2014 01:07

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

ECW Hardcore Rising runs tonight! ECW Team! ASSEMBLE! :frogsiren:

# ¿ Oct 26, 2014 18:56

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

so i just gots back from hardcore rising and it was the best show i'd seen all this yea it had the best main event i had ever seen and i seen a ton of them with sandman who like the second best guy ever you all know who the best guy ever uis anyway the main was like better than anything i've seen in the hammerstein for the past few oh gently caress if i know one of the harris guy was main eventing not too long ago buit it was easier as good as that mr perfect booker t match at spirng stampegd along with that chamber thing they had what a stupid match and also it was better as that jericho and piper match at deadly oh my god i need to tell you all about piper i'm goin right up about the show later but it ruled ecw ecw ecw

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 23:09 on Oct 26, 2014

# ¿ Oct 26, 2014 23:07

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

Right folks, all sober now and boy did I have a good time at the Hammerstein. This was easily was of the best nights I've had with ECW delivering big! You may have guessed that I had a few drinks before, during, and after the show so only caught the last dark match. It was the team of Tommy Dreamer and Billy Kidman (think they where announced as the Dream Team once, what a stupid loving name) taking on PG-13. Guess they didn't have time for them on the main show. Tommy got the crowd going with his extreme offense while Kidman finally got to land a shooting star press and get the win after losing all month! This match was all right, very least nice to see Kidman win.

---

The PPV started proper then, over the PA system we heard Paul E. screech his lungs out yelling "WELCOME TO ECW'S FIRST PPV! HARDCORE RISING!" Crowd started to chant e-c-dub as our first match kicked off, a three way dance for the TV title! Reigning champion Brian Lee defending against one half of the tag team champions D'Lo Brown and Barabas Jr.

The match kicked off with Barabas Jr. sliding out of the ring and waiting around outside, like the cowardly bitch he is. D'Lo tried to take it to Brian Lee but the guy just overpowered him, threw him round like a rag doll. Lee nailed him with a nasty looking spinebuster and went for the cover... 1... 2... wham! Chair straight to the back of Lee from Barabas who started beating on him, guess he was waiting for a good time to stop being a bitch (you'll always be a bitch Barabas.)

Lee just shrugged off the chair shots and he looked pissed! He ripped the chair out of Barabas' hands and smacked him hard, leaving him out cold. Lee was feeling pretty confident, until he turned round and got double drop kicked by a recovered D'Lo and Bobby Walker. D'Lo climbed the turnbuckle as Walker tried to hold down Lee for the Lo Down. Brian Lee out muscled Walker, grabbed him by the throat, stood up, and tossed Walker at D'Lo sending both crashing down onto the mat.

Lee was standing tall surrounded by bodies still fuming man, looked like a crazy person! He lent down to pick up D'Lo and Barabas both by their throats and pull them both up to their feets. He finished it off by lifting the guys up and hitting a double chokeslam! What was more sick was that he chokeslammed the two of them onto Bobby Walker! He flipped off Walker and then pinned both the guys at the same time 1, 2, 3. "Bulldzoer" Brian Lee retained the TV Championship and man he did look like a Bulldozer, more like a Killdozer!

Lee wasn't finished though, he took the chair and started to wail on all three guys yelling "DON'T YOU EVER MESS WITH ME! I WON YOU HEAR ME! I WON!" Jim Molineaux tried to stop him but Lee just went straight for his throat, he was setting him up for a Prime Time Slam...

OH poo poo!

Lee stopped dead in his tracks as he let go of Molineaux, he stood in the middle of the ring chair at the ready. Natural Born Killaz was playing but we couldn't see New Jack anywhere... UNTIL HE CAME RUSHING PAST ME TO JUMP OVER THE GUARD RAIL, TRASH CAN FULL OF WEAPONS IN HAND! I WAS CLOSE TO NEW JACK! I MARKED OUT SO HARD BROS! Lee turned and was greeted with a trash can shot to the face, he staggered as New Jack just wailed on him with everything he had. Stop signs, baking trays, lunch boxes, a framed picture of the Blue Meanie as Razor Ramon! Finally he took the big man down as he then started to cut a promo.

"I said STOP, mothafuckaaaaa! You call that a gang war, what, cause you beat some rear end in a top hat who just came off a football field and a Puerto Rican? Hahaha, you poser motherfucker, there's only one gangsta in ECW and it's ME, New Jack! You already chased Mustafa out of here, but I'm a survivor! If there's any gang war in this goddamn company, I already won it! I'm keeping this belt! You want it back, you use your whatever the gently caress you said clause and come get it, you chickenshit pussy rear end in a top hat!" New Jack picked up Brian Lee's television title belt, dropped it in his dented trash can and made for the back.

---

Flash N' Kash came out to the ring, with microphones. Flash Funk starts talking. "Yo, yo, yo, hold on here. We're here, at ECW'S FIRST PAY PER VIEW EVENT, and look here Kash. You don't see anyone do you? No one had the balls to face us, accept our challenge!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Flash! I think that there has proven our point, gotten us some of that respect we so rightfully deserve! Hey Paul E! If you're watching in the back, I think we deserve our chance at becoming tag champs right now!" Ugh. This promo was painful.

Thankfully, things picked up when Jimmy Hart! Yes, Jimmy Hart came out! No Easy Way Out was playing over the PA. "Now just wait a minute you two, you say you're the best team out there? You're the number ones in the number one business out there! That you deserve a shot at the top dogs! Well let me tell you something folks, I'm not a man to disappoint the fans! You want a shot at being number one!? You've got it!" He finished and holy poo poo, Ken Shamrock and Shigeki Sato, the WWF Tag Team Champions came out! The crowd went ape poo poo, while Flash N' Kash looked like they both just shat their pants.

So it was the Legion of Violence versus Flash N' Kash. Man, was this one-sided. Kid Kash got some good offense on against them, taking them to the outside and bashing Sato into the guardrail, but the match quickly turned sour for him. There's not much else to write about here, unless you just want me to type "Shamrock and Sato beat the crap out of them" like twenty times. Ken Shamrock used his cage fighting skills to turn Flash Funk into a pretzel and got him to tap pretty fast. For what was basically a squash, this was actually a good match. Shamrock was the standout.

---

After they left the arena, Roddy Piper's music hit. Like the Sheik of old, and honking the horn the whole time, he came into the Hammerstein driving his brand-new Jaguar! The place just went nuts. He got out, leaving his car on the entrance ramp as he headed for the ring. "You wanted me! You got me! I'm Rowdy Roddy Piper, and I think you all STINK!" The crowd was going nuts still. I guess they felt honored to be yelled at by someone as distinguished as Piper. "You know, you people wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for... your hero... Terry Funk! But where is he now? UP! NORTH! Just like me and ANYONE ELSE with sense, 'cause they know this place is a GARBAGE PIT! Oh, no, not the Hammerstein. I'm talking about the SMELL wafting up along the Delaware from Philadelphia! Terry Funk knows that! That's why he isn't here! Terry Funk, he doesn't just stay Up North, no, he's gotta be worshipped. Yeah, just like a rock band who hasn't put out a good album since 1977, he's still big in Japan! That's the only place they're still gonna kiss his FAT, WRINKLY, DECREPIT, OOOOOOOOOOLD--"

--but then from the audience, someone in a trenchcoat hopped the rail! He broke past security, got to the ring, threw off his coat, and suddenly he had a baseball bat! But not just any baseball bat, a barbed wire baseball bat! OH MY GOD! IT'S TERRY FUNK! He brandished the bat threateningly at Piper and Piper backed away like he didn't want any of it. Terry Funk basks in the adulation of the crowd as the returning hero and former savior of the company in the mid '90s. He hopped out of the ring, going over to Piper's Jaguar with the barbed wire bat. He points the bat at the car. Piper was frantic, going 'No! No!' but it's too late - Funk took an exaggerated swing and he broke the windshield with the barbed wire bat! The bat broke, the barbed wire end rolling over the car and up the entrance ramp. Piper was flipping his poo poo in the ring! He climbed out of the ring and started jawing at Terry Funk. Funk reared up... and planted one of his famous punch combinations right on his cheek. Piper went down like a sack of potatoes. Funk shook his head like Piper wasn't even worth it. He picked up the shaft of the barbed wire bat and held it high in the air. Someone handed him a microphone. "I couldn't sit here and let Roddy Piper talk like that about the company that gave me back my career. Thank you all." Then he headed for the back. Piper was just staring at his car. He threw his hands up and got some security to push his car back up the ramp. The crowd loved Piper, but they loved Funk even more.

---

Next up was our number one contender's match for the Tag Team Championships. The Pitbulls taking on the team of Kensuke Sasaki and Satoshi Kojima. Pitbulls were out first being led to the ring with Francine, Pitbull A took some fan's beer as he walked past and drank it as they waited for their opponents. Out came Kensuke and Satoshi who got a restrained round of applause from the crowd, they got into the Japanese crowd mind set shockingly fast.

The Pitbulls didn't though. After Pitbull A throw his beer can at Satoshi nailing him straight in the forehead they both rushed out of the ring and started brawling outside, the ref called for the match to start anyway. Dudes, saying this match for four guys beating the everloving hell out of each other would be an understatement. Even better with the quiet crowd you heard every single hit through the arena, it was something else. That's mostly what the match was, couple of guys headed into the ring ever so often and scored some sweet hits on each other and tried for a pinfall, swap out for the next dudes.

The fighting eventually did head back into the ring where the Pitbulls started to get the upper hand using that dog chain and some distractions from Francine. Kensuke and Satoshi where giving back as good as they got though, pulling off all these sick rear end moves I'd never seen before! I think I should start watching some NJPW and AJPW, all the newsgroups tell me to. Satoshi was about to nail Pitbull 1 with this crazy looking over the shoulder piledriver thing until Francine ran in and low blowed him, giving enough time for Pitbull A to nail him with the chain. Both Pitbulls ran over and took out Kensuke and then set up Satoshi for the STFU. Man they were pulling on his neck hard with the chain, dude had to tap out. The Pitbulls are your number one tag contenders. Man all these men brought their game tonight, this was the second best match on the card!

After they got the tap out, Pitbulls kept beating on Satoshi! Francine was just pointing and laughing at the scene while Pitbull 1 went and held Kensuke Sasaki back. Pitbull A picked up Satoshi, climbed up to the top rope, and landed the Superbomb! Satoshi was totally laid out. Francine and the Pitbulls left up the ramp while EMTs came out to tend to Satoshi Kojima. I think that's the last we're gonna see of him for a while.

---

After Satoshi got carried to the back, we move onto our next match Sandman taking on Al Snow! Sandman came out first, a Singapore cane in one hand and a six-pack in the other. By the time he made it to the ring we had sung along to all of "Enter Sandman" and he had polished off 5 of the beers. As soon as he popped #6 the lights went out... when they came back on, Snow was in the ring and had laid out Sandman! No idea what happened there, it was creepy. Sandman staggered to his feet and told the ref to ring the fuckin bell! It was a fun brawl, Snow took control early but Sandman fought back. They used all sorts of weapons outside the ring, inside the ring, in the crowd.

Finally they got back in the ring, Sandman took over. He grabbed Head and taunted Al with it, which apparently was a mistake cause Al went crazy on him. Ignoring all the abuse he took earlier, Snow became a man possessed and laid Sandman out, choking and biting him like an animal. He paused only to check on the Head, which apparently reminded him to win the match because he then went for a Snow Plow and the pinfall. 1-2-3 and it was over. A fun war between these two, built slowly and peaked nicely.

---

Joey Styles is in the ring before the main event. "Kurt Angle has taken ECW by storm since he showed up last month, with his intense style and his undisputable wrestling skill. And very soon, we'll know what the future of this company is. Will it lay with the Franchise, the icon of Extreme, the very man who began the revolution of Extreme in 1994, Shane Douglas, or will it lay with the three-time NCAA Division I All-American, 1996 Olympic gold medalist in freestyle wrestling, and..." Joey looked disgusted in a way that only he can. "...hero to millions, Kurt Angle?"

A short video played featuring clips of Douglas' victories and Angle's victories while parts of Douglas' infamous promo at the 1994 NWA title tournament played in the background. "...in the tradition of Lou Thesz, in the tradition of Jack Brisco of the Brisco Brothers, of Dory Funk, Jr., of Terry Funk, the man who will never die... The Franchise, Shane Douglas, is the man who ignites the new flame of the sport of professional wrestling!"

The video concluded with Kurt Angle looking intensely into the camera, holding his gold medal in the air while Douglas' promo ended. "So tonight, let the new era begin: the era of the sport of professional wrestling, the era of The Franchise, the era of the ECW."

The opening snare drum of Born in the USA hit. Red, white, and blue lights shine around the Ballroom. Kurt Angle stepped out from backstage and onto the entrance ramp to an intense chorus of boos, wearing his gold medal and in an American flag singlet. Slowly he made his way out to the ring. He climbed into the ring and spun around posing, while the crowd started up a "gently caress you Angle!" chant. He seemed to feed off of all the hate flung his way, along with some of the trash.

His music stopped and the chords of Perfect Strangers started up. Douglas stomped toward the ring with purpose, wearing his belt around his waist, to enormous cheers. This one was going to get bad and fast.

"This match is one fall, with no time limit, for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, the champion, from Pittsburgh, at a height of 6 feet 1 inch, weighing in at two hundred and forty four pounds, he is The Franchise, Shane Douglas!" yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

"And his challenger, from Pittsburgh, at a height of 6 feet even, weighing in at two hundred and forty five pounds, he is the Olympic Gold Medalist, Kurt Angle!" booooooooooooo gently caress you An-gle, gently caress you An-gle

ECW World Heavyweight Champion Shane Douglas versus Kurt Angle.

Angle and Douglas went at it as soon as the bell rang, trying to pound each other into dirt. Douglas's strikes seemed more powerful, but Angle was worming out of any of the moves he was trying to do. And then it happened, Angle got behind Douglas, and he sent him flying across the ring with a release German suplex! Douglas rolled out of the ring to recover. He grabbed a chair from ringside. Angle was leaning over the ropes, screaming at him to get back in the ring and fight fair. Douglas responded by hitting him right in the head with the steel chair! He throws the chair into the ring.

While Angle's stunned, Douglas got a table out from under the ring and set it up in the ring. It stayed there quite a while as Douglas could never quite get him through that table. Many times Angle had him set up perfectly for a suplex through the table before turning away and sending him onto the mat, making the crowd angrier as the match went on.

Shane Douglas isn't stupid though, and Angle got too predictable with that. What is never allowed in amateur wrestling, but is allowed in street fights? When Angle was setting Douglas up for the third German in front of the table, Douglas kicked and gave Angle a low blow, right in front of the ref! That let him quickly pull off a switch and deliver his own belly-to-belly sending the crowd crazy! Missed the table though, he didn't want to take too long doing it so he didn't have time to readjust I guess.

Douglas went to stomp Angle, but Angle grabbed Douglas' leg and went right for the ankle lock! Douglas was screaming! Angle was cranking it and cranking it, but Douglas still managed to squirm his way around, kicking Angle into the ropes. Angle was fully in control though, he bounced back and got Douglas set for the Angle Slam! But Angle was right next to the table! Seeing the table there he hesitated, letting Douglas reverse it! With all his strength, Douglas screamed and got Angle up for a vertical suplex the other way, putting him down onto the mat! Angle just completely threw this match away!

Douglas was stumbling, in enormous pain from his ankle. He still managed to drag the prone Angle over to the table, getting him up on top of it. Douglas put Angle's head between his legs! He gets Angle's body up! Douglas' knees collapse and he piledrives Angle right through the table! Both men are in a heap! Douglas crawls out from under the wreckage and covers Angle with one arm. 1, 2, 3, it's over! Douglas retains the title! Angle had it won, but his hesitation in being "extreme" in throwing Douglas through the table completely cost him this match.

Douglas and Angle were both broken on the mat. The referee helps Douglas stand up, raising his arm and giving him his title belt. Douglas nearly collapses down as soon as the ref lets him go though. Angle still hasn't moved. EMTs come out and tend to Angle, while Douglas refuses help and limps out on his own to cheers.

What a show! Hardcore rose to the occasion tonight! New Jack! Funk! Legion of Violence! That main event! Easily as good as some of the big two's main events! Going to give this show a (E-)C+(-DUB)!

Fun game, guess why we picked D'Lo Brown and Barabas Jr. to be Brian Lee's first opponents. Winner will get a mention in our next write up*.

*Can not guarantee winner will get a mention in our next write up.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 13:36 on Jan 24, 2015

# ¿ Oct 31, 2014 02:29

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Luigi Thirty posted:

You probably want the games thread unless you're another WCW time traveler.

As we discussed yesterday it is well known that in this universe time and dimensional travel is well established.

# ¿ Oct 31, 2014 22:40

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

KungFu Grip posted:

Nation of Domination vs Los Borriquas vs DOA, Gang Wars. When do the LOD/Ahmed Johnson references show up?

The part of LOD/Ahmed Johnson will be played by New Jack, didn't you read the show :v:

Luigi Thirty posted:

I mean, uh, ECW Hardcore TV will be up soon.

To be exact it will be posted today, it would have been posted yesterday but I decided to watch RAW instead of finishing the write up. Blame Rusev :ussr:

Also I believe I was the guy who suggested the music idea on our booking team but it's a team effort when it comes to selecting music for our extremists. I was also a former WWF booker but I never actually did anything.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2014 15:05

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

Sup dudes! Time for more of the best company ever! E C DUB! Lot of stuff happened on this show so let's get on with it. Managed to catch three dark matches this week, although I apparently missed this super hot chick just before I got there, bummer.

First one was a bit strange, Billy Kidman taking on Terry Funk? Funk won with a piledriver, it was an okay match although it looks like Kidman is back to losing.

Next we had Brian Lee facing Super Nova. Lee didn't have his title belt with him, as you can guess he looked rather sour about it. Shouldn't have messed with my boy Lee! Again another okay match with Lee picking up the win with a Prime Time Slam.

Finally we had Shane Douglas against Brian Lawler. Douglas had his ankle taped up, Angle must have done some serious damage to it and Lawler took full advantage of it during this match. Douglas made a comeback though and won with a Pittsburgh Plunge. Like the other dark matches, it was fine.

---

The main show opened with Kurt Angle coming down the ramp after Douglas kicked his rear end last Sunday. The guy next to me was singing "AAAAAN-GLE YOU loving SUUUUCK" to the tune of Born in the USA, but nobody was really catching on with that. His ribs were taped up, too. "Shut up! You people all know that if Douglas hadn't tried to make me stoop to his level, I would have killed him! I don't need to play anyone's way but mine. I followed the rules when I won... my gold medal (boooooo)... because I have integrity. Shane Douglas, all you proved last night was that you don't have any. I mean, I don't blame you, I was dominating you! You had to do what you did, because you know that if you fought the right way, there was no way you could beat me! I am the greatest _wrestler_ in the world today, and--"

No Easy Way Out started up! Ken Shamrock came out with Jimmy Hart! The announcers were hyping him up as the ultimate fighter, a master of every martial art out there, one of the toughest men in the world. Shamrock hopped into the ring, taking the microphone out of Kurt's hand. "I've had it with your whining, Angle! A real fighter knows how to use the rules to his advantage. You won't even throw a guy into a table in a match where it's legal! You're tough, I'll give you that, but they don't call me the World's Most Dangerous Man for nothing and I'm not afraid of you, Angle. If you're done whining about people not playing fair, you want to prove how tough you are against... real competition? Me and Jimmy Hart, we came up with an idea back in the dressing room. You and me, at Barb Wire City. Not in a match, but a FIGHT!" Oh poo poo, are they really going to fight? A "UFC" chant was going for a while, too. I mean as long as it's not a half-hour bullshit draw like that one I read about. The ECW crowd is bloodthirsty and a brutal brawl's right up our alley.

Angle got right up in Ken's face, furious and dropping the facade. "Do you want to see, right here, right now? I don't need a ref! Just make a move, Ken! Come on! You make--"

"I hate to interrupt..." Paul E. had appeared at the top of the ramp at some point! "But, Mister Angle, shouldn't you be getting ready for your match against Kensuke Sasaki tonight?"

Angle backed away from Shamrock hearing Paul E. He pointed out his taped ribs.

Paul E. shook his head. "Oh, a tough guy like you, that's no problem, right? You wrestled on Raw just this past Monday! And now you've got a match against Shamrock in... just three short weeks!" The crowd went nuts, another pay-per-view show already!? "You'll have plenty of time to recover. Don't worry, I'll get the paperwork for your match against Ken Shamrock finalized. Wouldn't want to... have to forfeit a fight on a technicality, would you?"

Angle looked pissed, Shamrock was laughing. "And if you beat Ken Shamrock I might just grant you a second chance at Shane Douglas. It wouldn't be... fair, to not let someone as dominant in the ring as our Olympic Hero try again, would it? It's the American way. Lord knows you'll need three or four more tries before it gets pounded into your thick skull that _you_can't_beat_Extreme_, and who am I to stand in the way of a man who wants to die in the ring for my entertainment?"

---

The first match of the main show was my man New Jack vs. Bull Pain. That big-rear end biker looking dude didn't stand a CHANCE against New Jack. Natural Born Killaz started over the PA and I was cheering for him the whole time! New Jack dumped his weapons (and the TV title belt) in the ring and kicked his rear end up and down the arena, took him outside and beat him with pie tins, trash cans, but most of all the TV title! It was awesome! I guess Bull Pain got in some offense too but gently caress him, New Jack rules. New Jack was about to go for the pin when the music skipped, what the hell? Everyone was booing and then a guy pointed over to the sound booth. It was Brian Lee, with his arm around the sound guy's neck! He lifted him up and chokeslammed the poor guy right onto the concrete! Lee messed with the sound equipment and Natural Born Killaz stopped, then he threw the CD into the crowd like a frisbee and was like "Oh, this yours?" New Jack was PIIIIIISSED! So pissed that Bull Pain tried to sneak in a quick roll up, jackass couldn't get the pin and in return got a chairshot straight to the face. He pinned Bull Pain, 1, 2, 3.

As soon as the bell rang, the other big-rear end biker looking dude Brian Lee came running from the sound booth toward the ring with a 2x4! My boy New Jack slid out the other side grabbing his belt from the trash. New Jack slipped and Lee caught up with him by a ring post. He swung the 2x4 at New Jack's head, New Jack ducked it and the plank broke over the ring post, sending sawdust everywhere! Brian Lee put it down to rub his eyes out giving New Jack a change to smack in straight in the skull with the title belt! Afterwards New Jack made his was out through the crowd. The ring crew threw his weapons back into his trashcan and carried it backstage. Lee recovered and went running after him through the fan. Yeah, he totally spared Bulldozer 'cause his weapons were all in the ring from kicking Bull Pain's rear end.

---

It took a few minutes but they got the sound stuff working again. Perfect Strangers started up and Shane Douglas came down the ramp. His ankle was still taped up and he didn't look like he was moving around very easily. Man, Angle and Douglas destroyed each other on Sunday. I guess Douglas got the worst of it, but he was proudly wearing his shiny title belt around his waist. Someone near me started up a FRAN-CHISE chant that kept going for a while. It's a celebration!

"The Franchise has reigned supreme once again! Last weekend, I proved to the world on our first pay-per-view in history that I am the best. I've been the ECW champion for over a year! You can't just come in here off the street from the Olympics or the football field and expect to beat me! This is EXTREME Championship Wrestling! If you're not gonna do everything you can to beat the guy in the ring with you, you better get the hell out of this company and this industry. You don't belong here." The crowd cheered at that statement.

But then Terry Funk's music hit and he came down the ramp, too! Douglas looked surprised but listened to what he had to say. "Shane Douglas, I respect you. When I came into ECW in 1994, it was to bring legitimacy to this fledgling organization. My name was attached to its legacy forever. I'm proud that people like you, people like Tommy Dreamer, that you're carrying on the tradition of extreme wrestling. But then I moved on. I'm with the Dubya Dubya F now, but don't think I'm here on behalf of Vince or anyone else up north. I'm here for myself.

"You call yourself The Franchise, but beating a fool like Kurt Angle and the kind of competition you've had over the past year doesn't mean that you can take on _any_ comer. I've held championships worldwide. I'm a living legend, but I'm not getting any younger. Before I leave this organization, probably for the last time, I want you to prove to me that you have what it takes to lead it into the future with a little tradition of old cowboys. I challenge you, Shane Douglas, to a Texas Death Match at Barb Wire City. One of us is gonna beat the other one so bad they get pinned _and_ they can't beat the ten count. If I win, your title and the legacy of Extreme goes with me, wherever I go, until I pass it on to someone else." (Some drunk next to me tried to start up a Cactus Jack chant but he got shut up.) "And if I lose, I will officially retire from ECW. My job'll be done here."

Douglas couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Maybe you didn't hear what I said, Shane." Funk pushed Shane to the ground! Shane went down holding the taped-up ankle that Angle had in the ankle lock so much last week! Funk shook his head. "I wouldn't challenge you like this if I didn't think you'd take me seriously. You've got 'til this time next week to accept." He walked away.

---

Coming out next was... ugh. PG-13. JC-Ice was rapping if you could call it that (I call it crap) while Wolfie D was just going "YO YO YO" over the mic, man these guys blow. No Easy Way Out then started to play over the PA and I'd never been more happy to see two massive gently caress off men before. PG-13 on the other hand looked scared shitless. Legion of Violence defeated PG-13. Man I'm trying to remember if PG-13 got anything in but I just remember Shamrock beating the two of them like it was nothing! Dude pulled off a Hurricanrana during the match, didn't know the guy could do those. He got the win with the ankle lock on JC-Ice, this was actually as good as their PPV match. Angle versus Shamrock is going to be insane!

---

Before the main event, there was a quick video recapping the upcoming tag team championship match with Paul E.'s narration. "Next week, four men will step into the ring for the ultimate prize, the ECW Tag Team Championships. Have D'Lo Brown and Bobby "Hardwork" Walker grown complacent without a title defense in so long? Will the sheer brutality of the Pitbulls and their sadistic manager Francine overcome their will to win? Will someone be leaving this match on a stretcher... or in a body bag? See it next week, only on ECW Hardcore TV! Don't get the MSG Network? How are you watching this!? Call your cable or satellite provider and tell them that you want what's HOT in professional wrestling!" My friend watching at home said there was an ad for WWF In Your House coming to the area in a couple weeks too, but who the hell's gonna go to that poo poo? E C DUB E C DUB!

---

The main was Kurt Angle vs Kensuke Sasaki. Aside from the Pitbulls match, I never heard of the Japanese dude with a mullet but the guy next to me said he killed a bunch of guys he trained with in Japan with his suplexes cause he thought they weren't working hard enough! Maybe that's why he came to America. Angle came out first to boos, taped ribs showing through his American flag singlet. Sasaki came out last to some good cheers, I guess everyone else knew the guy from NJPW. Angle and Sasaki got into it pretty well. Sasaki was working the injured ribs with stretches and suplexes with impact, but Angle would clearly have been the superior wrestler if he was 100%.

Sasaki had Angle in the corner and was chopping him relentlessly! Sasaki backed up and went for the running splash to cap it off, but Angle quickly moved out of the way. He grabbed Sasaki from behind and went for one German suplex, rolled through and landed a second, kept his grip but something gave out when he went for #3, forcing him to let Sasaki go. Sasaki quickly recovered his momentum and grabbed Angle's legs, he tried to put him into... I dunno honestly, some kind of KungFu Grip!? If he had gotten it locked in that would be the end of Angle! Angle was wriggling out of it as Sasaki fought to get it, his ribs obviously killing him, but he made it to the ropes and forced the break as the crowd booed relentlessly.

Angle was out by the ropes, looked like he had spent everything trying to get out of that grip. Sasaki took a quick breather before he went to attempt to lock in that grip again, but that crafty bastard Angle was just faking. He rolled on through and got hold on Ssaki's ankle. Sasaki tried to climb over to the ropes but Angle being the dick he is, kicked Sasaki straight in the dick! Ouch! He went down fast and Angle got the full ankle lock applied, wasn't long after that Sasaki tapped. Angle wasn't done though, he was still going. Guy wasn't letting go of that ankle, he wanted to rip it clean off. Officials from the back had to run out and tear Angle off Sasaki who was rolling around in pain. Before the show ended Angle looked straight at the camera and started taunting Shamrock. "I'M THE BEST! THE GREATEST! WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS MAN SHAMROCK!? I'M GOING TO SNAP YOUR ANKLE CLEAN OFF!"

Man only three weeks away from our next PPV and two big matches already!? ECW going all out! Giving this show a (E-)C(-DUB)!

# ¿ Nov 4, 2014 17:40

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

triplexpac posted:

Yep I'm ex-WWF and ex-WCW, and now I'm going to bring ECW to the top I swear to god. Now that I don't have to deal with the politics and the backstabbing I can let all my great ideas flow.

Now we just have to deal with the daily pressure of worrying if New Jack attacks someone or we run out of money.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2014 19:52

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Kurrant posted:

What's this about robots?

Robocop just became a free agent, the bidding war starts soon.

EDIT: New Hardcore TV on the previous page.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 22:20 on Nov 4, 2014

# ¿ Nov 4, 2014 20:41

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

THE FLOODGATES ARE OPEN!

karateman@prograps.com posted:

How's it going everybody, I was in Charlotte, NC for the big ECW TV taping this week and I've got the official show report for Prograps. First show they've run outside the Tri-State area for a while. I had pretty low expectations out of their reputation for hardcore garbage wrestling, but I had to say it was one of the more enjoyable shows I've seen lately.

So we started off with Terry Funk. He got a mixed reaction from the fans given he's antagonizing Shane Douglas, but they were still into him. "Shane Douglas, today is the day that you decide whether or not you believe you can defend the legacy of ECW in the squared circle. You've had a week, and I've had no response from you. I expected more from you, Shane. Do you even care about your legacy or the legacy of ECW? I mean, if you're a coward, just say so and I'll move on."

And then Tommy Dreamer ran down the entrance ramp. "Funk, you gonna sit there and talk about Shane Douglas like that? I ain't gonna let ya. You know where Shane's been? THE HOSPITAL after you shoved him down and messed his ankle back up. He told me to tell you that, and I quote, that he's gonna wrap that lasso round your neck and shove your spurs right up ya cowboy rear end!"

Funk was restrained. "That's great, Dreamer, but you know, I'm gonna need a drat answer from his mouth before the end of the show." Funk pointed an arm at Dreamer. "But I'm not gonna stand for your disrespect, either, you little bastard."

Dreamer nodded. "Oh, you started the disrespect. You wanna go, Funk? I'm the innovator of violence! We can go _hardcore_, in this ring, tonight. I'll go with anyone, any time."

"You wanna end up a bloody mess in the ring tonight, Tommy, I'm not gonna stop you." Funk grinned and headed up the ramp, shoving past Dreamer as he went. Guess he got what he wanted. "See you in the main event." This promo was pretty good.

---

We got a short New Jack/Brian Lee feud recap video between that segment and the first match. Please tell me why I should care about these two, at all? It started with New Jack's return during the three-way dance last month, running out with the TV title. We saw New Jack carrying the belt into bars around Philly, dudes congratulating him, telling him how great he is, made him seem like a big deal. Then we saw Brian Lee destroying people in the ring, chokeslamming them, throwing them at other guys.

There was some Paul E. narration. "It's been only a few short weeks since New Jack stole the ECW Television Title belt from the Bulldozer Brian Lee in the chaos following a Three Way Dance. New Jack said that he deserved it far more than the Bulldozer did, hoping to provoke him into giving him a title shot. Brian Lee has been on a rampage ever since, destroying every wrestler in his path. New Jack isn't like the other wrestlers that he's conquered, he's insane! But insanity doesn't give you the sheer strength and determination of the Bulldozer. It's the psychopathic New Jack versus the powerful Brian Lee in two weeks for the TV Title, at ECW Barb Wire City!"

---

Finally we get to our first match of the night. The Legion of Violence came out first to No Easy Way Out, led by Jimmy Hart and his famous megaphone. When their music stopped, the lights turned blue. I had no clue what was going on. Someone chucked a flower vase out from behind the curtain.

The glass shattered.

The Blue Man Power Trip made their way to the ring. Looks like it's the Blue Meanie and Mikey Whipwreck against the Legion of Violence, Ken Shamrock and Shigeki Sato. Meanie climbed up on the ropes giving the double thumbs up to cheers while Mikey Whipwreck spat a fine mist of Crystal Pepsi up in the air from the apron. Super Nova (with a yellow-colored mop on his head) was getting everyone pumped at ringside. Well, good luck boys.

Legion of Violence versus Blue Man Power Trip.

Mikey Whipwreck and Shamrock were in the ring first. Mikey stuck his hand out for Shamrock to shake. Shamrock took his hand... and squeezed... and squeezed... until Mikey Whipwreck was howling. Shamrock yanked and gave him a quick clothesline and went for the immediate pin, but only got 2.

It went on like that for a while until it was Sato was in the ring with Meanie. Sato was running the ropes when Super Nova "accidentally" grabbed his foot at ringside, sending him to the ground head-first. Meanie picked Sato up for a scoop slam, parading him around the ring and setting him down in the middle. Meanie climbed up and tried to finish him with a Moonsault. But Sato rolled out of the way, and Meanie crashed to the ground. Shigeki Sato then got Meanie locked into the crossface and he tapped fast for the victory.

This match was... okay, I guess. It was fun, at least. Shamrock and Sato were great, Meanie and Whipwreck not so much.

---

Perfect Strangers was on the PA... What the hell? It's Shane Douglas, Dreamer said he was in the hospital? He's on crutches, his whole left leg taped up to the knee. Joel Gertner rushed down to ringside with a microphone since Shane couldn't hold one himself. "Well, well, well, if it isn't The Franchise, fresh from the hospital. I hope your NAKED SPONGE BATHS were comfortable." Thanks Gertner... I never want to think about Shane Douglas naked again. Minus. Five. Stars.

"Joel, Tommy Dreamer called me and told me Funk wanted my answer in person. Funk, you get your rear end out here NOW." Terry Funk came down the ramp to stand on the other side of Gertner. "Terry Funk, I am NOT a coward and I won't stand here and let you spew garbage like that at me, or at my fans here in Charlotte, North Carolina! These people are sick of 50-year-old DICKS who don't care about anything but their own careers (he got a few boos for that one) and I don't care if I've got two legs or no legs, I will defend what I've accomplished at ECW. You've got a match!"

"Well, you've got more balls than I thought, Shane. I'll be proud to take that legacy from you in two weeks." Funk, satisfied, turned around to head up the ramp.

"But uh, Terry, I've got something for you..." Douglas threw down one of his crutches and swung the other one at Funk! Funk heard the commotion and ducked it, turning around, but Douglas had a crutch and Funk had no weapon. It was all a ruse!

Douglas was limping a little, but he could stand just fine. "At Barb Wire City, you better believe I'm not gonna miss! You better watch your rear end, Funk, 'cause The Franchise ALWAYS rises to the challenge!" He held the crutch triumphant while Funk smiled and headed backstage, saying "You nasty son of a bitch, I don't expect anything less outta you."

---

D'Lo and Walker came to the ring first, ECW tag titles around their waists. I hate it when the champs come out first, what happened to tradition?

The Pitbulls music hit, and they pounced out to the ring led by Francine holding their chains. The champs looked confident as the Pitbulls stared them down, the ring announcer saying that this match is for the titles.

The Pitbulls versus D'Lo Brown & Bobby Walker for the ECW Tag Team Championships.

Pitbulls came out of this looking like beasts. They tossed D'Lo and Walker around, barely giving them time to breathe. Francine was loving it at ringside, talking smack to the Pitbulls opponents. Pitbull A worked over D'Lo for a while, he finally made a hot tag to Walker but then both Pitbulls cut him off. Walker eventually tagged D'Lo back in but he had no better luck the second time around.

The finish came when Francine tossed Pitbull A a chain, which he used to lay out D'Lo and toss him out of the ring. That left Walker alone to deal with a Superbomb that smashed the back of his head into the mat. Both Pitbulls then locked in the STFU getting the tap out. The Pitbulls stood triumphant with Francine holding both of the tag titles, a huge grin on her face. Was pleasantly surprised by this match, enjoyable.

---

Joey Styles was backstage with Kurt Angle. (He explained that Gertner got a restraining order against Angle after their last "interview".) "Kurt Angle, you've been challenged by Ken Shamrock, who they call the World's Most Dangerous Man, to not just a wrestling match, but a fight! There's some people who say that you're too much of a, well, a good guy, a guy who's not willing to break the rules that you need to in order to win a fight like that. What do you have to say to those people?"

"What those people need to know is that I don't need to break the rules to keep you down and snap your arm in half, or keep you in the ankle lock until you can never walk again. I can't let my fans down by playing at the level of the so-called competition here in ECW. This place is a wasteland of talent! You have no idea how long I've wanted to go up against someone like Ken Shamrock in a fight like this.

"There's no pinfalls when you fight, only submissions, and I am the master of the mat! If you break the rules and you get disqualified, you're only proving you don't have what it takes to beat me, the greatest wrestler on the planet, fair and square, and you'll have to live with that for the rest of your life.

"Do you really know what you're getting into, Shamrock? I don't care if you're the King of Pancrase, I don't care if you're the Ultimate Fighter, I don't care if you've got a black belt in Brazilian Body Waxing, none of that means ANYTHING in my world. I've been training my whole life for this moment and there's only two ways this thing's gotta end, one way _OR ANOTHER_!" Angle stormed off back into his dressing room, slamming the door (clearly labeled 'NO PRESS!!!') in Joey's face.

---

It was time for the main event, Terry Funk versus Tommy Dreamer.

Funk and Dreamer have a pretty good history in ECW, working together and working against each other, so I had good hopes for this match. I was right up in the front row so I could see and hear everything. Funk was out first, looking fired up, wearing a black headband and a Funk U T-shirt. Then it was Dreamer, walking to the ring to face his old mentor. There's weapons all around the ring: canes, baseball bats, tables, and you know ECW fans have got some poo poo too.

The bell rang and Funk and Dreamer were staring each other down. Funk put his hands out, inviting Dreamer to a test of strength. Funk and Dreamer locked hands... Dreamer started to push Funk back... but quickly Funk was overpowering the larger Dreamer. Funk pushed him all the way to the ground before he let his hands go and just started beating the poo poo out of him with forearms. He was yelling the whole time, "Bleed, you son of a bitch! Stay down you fat sack of poo poo!"

Dreamer finally shoved Funk off him and started pounding him too. This was vicious, Funk was bleeding already. He was screaming "That all you got you New York gently caress!?" Dreamer whipped Funk into the turnbuckle with fury and he fell to his knees. That gave Dreamer time to get outside and set up one of the folding tables at ringside. He saw Funk getting up and just left it there, grabbing a chair instead. Funk rushed him as he was getting in the ring, pounding him and kicking him until he dropped the chair.

Funk picked Dreamer up shouting "Get up! Get the gently caress up!" He whipped him across the ring, throwing the chair at his head when he recoiled off the far ropes with a sickening bang. Dreamer was down for the count. Funk dragged him over near the turnbuckle, wanting to end this match now. Funk climbed the turnbuckle, going go for the rolling moonsault while yelling "Just die you piece of poo poo!" Dreamer managed to get up and shove the ropes, sending Funk down onto the turnbuckle crotch-first. These ECW folks are inhuman.

Dreamer climbed up onto the turnbuckle with Funk, getting him in place for a superplex! He lifted Funk up... and Funk crashed to the mat. 1, 2, kick out. Funk kicked out "More! I want more, you human trash disposal!" Dreamer and Funk were both bloody messes by now. Dreamer picked Funk up, putting him onto his shoulders for the Death Valley Driver... but Funk wriggled out of it and pushed Dreamer across the ring. When Dreamer came back, Funk tossed him over the top rope with a back body drop and sent him falling right onto the table at ringside. The table exploded and so did Dreamer, poor guy, bet he got paid a sandwich for that. But wait, who's that... it's Al Snow? Al Snow came out from under the ring amd grabbed Dreamer, dragging him around the guardrail, pounding his head into the unforgiving steel. Snow tossed Dreamer back into the ring for Funk to finish off "_FUNK!_ _YOU!_" and Funk gave him a nasty piledriver. 1, 2, 3, Terry Funk beats Tommy Dreamer with a little "assistance" from Al Snow. Funk looked absolutely vicious and I've got to respect Dreamer for the beating he took.

I thought the show was okay. Not quite up to the standards of the Big Two, but good for ECW and certainly entertaining. I give it a C.

You good folks reading be sure to catch up with Prograps, being you the latest in all wrestling realted news.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 00:27 on Nov 12, 2014

# ¿ Nov 12, 2014 00:23

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

ECW Team, really want to nail some things out, ASSEMBLE! :frogsiren:

# ¿ Nov 22, 2014 01:41

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

What's up people, NewJack420 back from South Carolina and bringing you the write ups for the best wrestling promotion on the planet. Barb Wire City hit it out of the park, so awesome to see this show back in the Hammerstein! We started with Shigeki Sato's music started up... but Terry Funk came out instead? "Cut this poo poo! Cut their music! I got somethin' to say!" He climbed up into the ring.

"I just wanna get this out of the way. I respect Shane Douglas and I know he respects me. But Shane, there's something you have to know. When I came to this place in the beginning, you and everyone else here were nothing. It took years, but I built it up. Nobody cared who Tommy Cairo or whoever was, they cared about people like me. You said you were a champion in the tradition of me, Shane? You weren't fit to clean my drat shoes in 1994 and you're barely fit to do that today. Without me, you're gonna go back to being nothing.

"That's why I am going to win that title and take it out of this company. Maybe I'll take it to another little wrestling organization and make that in my image, too. But you need to know this: I may be 53 years old, and I may not be able to do what I did in 1993, but you're in for one hell of a fight tonight Shane. Carry on with your show." He threw the mic down and headed back up the ramp.

So the opener was the Shigeki Sato, representing WWF (with Jimmy Hart yelling on his megaphone as always), against MEN'S Teioh, representing M-Pro. The two Japanese junior heavyweights started with a lock-up, the heavier Sato taking advantage and shoving Teioh to the ground. Teioh got to the outside to recover, but Sato wouldn't give him the opportunity as he hit him with a fantastic suicide dive and they both crashed into the guardrail!

They both got up quickly, Teioh now taking the advantage with an inverted atomic drop on the concrete! He whipped Sato across the outside and tried to follow up with a running splash, but Sato just moved and Teioh ate the guardrail. Sato threw Teioh back into the ring... and followed up with the double underhook facebuster! 1, 2, no! Teioh kicked out! Teioh kicked Sato, made it to his feet, and followed up with more kicks. He punished Sato by getting him in a double underhook of his own, but kept the hold to try for a submission! Sato made it to the ropes, forcing the break.

They brawled some more, Sato taking advantage by whipping Teioh into the ropes, then landing a tornado DDT! Sato pulled Teioh up, landing a powerbomb. He went to the top rope to go for the diving senton... and it connected! 1, 2, 3, Shigeki Sato wins the international exhibition.

Match was okay, but suffered from us not really knowing who they were. Kind of dragged the whole PPV down in hindsight.

---

Joey Styles was backstage in front of the big ECW sign. "Joey Styles here with the man who will take on the Olympic Hero Kurt Angle later tonight, Ken Shamrock and the Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart. Kurt Angle has been on a tear since losing his title match to Shane Douglas last month, but Ken Shamrock has also proved unbeatable since his first appearance in ECW. Jimmy Hart, what makes you think your client can beat a man who's not just a great wrestler, but one with a gold medal in wrestling?"

Jimmy laughed. "You folks are looking at a machine! Ken Shamrock is an example of the ultimate fighter, a man who can take on any comer and bring it to them in their own style. Kurt Angle, there's nothing you can do that Ken here can't do right back! You think you can take on a man this strong, this athletic? You can't!"

"Now, I get paid the big bucks to find the weaknesses my charges can exploit. You wanna know Kurt Angle's biggest problem? He's overconfident! But you know what it says in the Good Book, pride goeth before the fall. Ken here's gonna rock that smug Angle just like Ali and Foreman, Kid and Razor, Rocky and Thunderlips. He's gonna give Angle no choice but to tell everyone 'I Quit!' Just because you got them gold medals don't mean you got the skills to take down a man like Ken Shamrock."

---

Time for Brian Lee vs. New Jack! Brian Lee came out first. The guys up in the front row were getting all their poo poo ready. I saw frying pans, pie tins, turkey cookers, everything you needed for a good hardcore match. Some guy had a loving car door over by the corner. And then Natural Born Killaz started up and here comes New Jack down the aisle! Must be his own fan, because he had got his trash can with him! He was wearing the TV title belt over his shoulder, which he refused to hand over to the ref.

The bell rang and New Jack took a swing at Lee with the title belt! It whiffed and the ref managed to grab it away from New Jack. They brawled their way to the ropes, Lee flipping New Jack over the top rope with a clothesline. But you don't want to do that! A fan handed New Jack a little toaster with a long cord and he swung it like a mace. Lee was yelling at him from the ring, not willing to go down there. The power cord eventually broke and the toaster flew into the concrete.

They proceeded to spend the next few minutes beating each other over the head with unconventional weapons. Frying pans, glass bottles, dollar store toys, all kinds of poo poo. It was your typical garbage match until New Jack got a Nintendo broken over his head. Lee whipped him into the guardrail, over by the guy with the car door. Lee set the door on the ground and tried to DDT New Jack onto it... but New Jack reversed it into a vertical suplex, breaking the window! Holy poo poo!

Brian Lee hit his head on the door frame and he's down! He's down and out! New Jack spotted a set of metal stairs over by the rigging equipment and set them down by the stack of tables helpfully already set up in front of a balcony. New Jack hefted the three hundred pound Brian Lee over his back and quickly deposited him on top of the two tables before his back gave out. Lee's still not moving! New Jack ran over and climbed up the maintenance ladder to the balcony, gotta be 20 or 25 feet high.

Holy poo poo, he's not going to jump off that is he!? He grabbed a folding chair from security up on the balcony... but Brian Lee started to stir, he's taken too long setting this up! New Jack didn't care. He stuck the chair under his arm, stood on the rail... and leaped!

The tables exploded, New Jack's in a heap surrounded by debris... but Brian Lee rolled off and fell to the concrete before New Jack landed! The referee starts the ten-count. 1! 2! 3! Lee made it to one knee, New Jack's out. 4! 5! 6! Lee gets a hand to a railing. 7! 8! Brian Lee's knees buckled... 9! He's up! Lee's up! New Jack's just beginning to wake up! Brian Lee dragged New Jack toward the ring, stumbling the whole way. He threw New Jack into the ring and covered him, 1, 2, 3.

This match owned balls, that New Jack leap was crazy sick!

---

After that was-- no, wait, the lights went out after they left. All the lights except for a single spotlight pointed at the top of the entrance ramp. And then Careless Whisper started playing over the PA? This super hot blonde woman barely wearing anything came down the ramp, but I've never seen her before. The guy next to me's jaw was agape as he just said "It's... It's..."

"Some of you might know me," she said as she reached the ring. It's AVN's 1996 Best New Starlet Jenna Jameson! The crowd was going nuts like I've never seen before. "And I've got a very special surprise for you all." She was dancing to Careless Whisper, using one of the turnbuckles! "Next week, I want you all to meet one of my very, veeeery good friends. His Money Shot... and his Big Package... are going to make him just as popular in the ring as he is on camera. We're putting the Hardcore in Hardcore TV. If I were you, I wouldn't miss it." She climbed out of the ring and back up the ramp as the song ended.

---

Next up we had Tommy Dreamer taking on Al Snow!

The demented Al Snow made his entrance, slowly walking to the ring dead-eyed carrying Head above him with no music playing, it was pretty creepy. He was followed by Tommy Dreamer carrying the Sandman's cane with him as he ran at the ring, drawing first blood by viciously caning Al Snow. Head ended up on the ground, which only enraged him! The caning just seemed to make him stronger! Al Snow kicked Tommy mid-swing, making him drop the cane, and gave him a snap DDT.

Now Al Snow had the Singapore cane, and he beat Tommy mercilessly with it. But Tommy wasn't a slouch either, and he fought through the pain to give Al Snow a DDT of his own to the crowd's delight! He went for the cover, but Al threw him off. They went into some chain wrestling, Al working Tommy's shoulders so he couldn't get him up for the Death Valley Driver. Dreamer eventually got out of it and went to the outside.

Al Snow climbed out of the ring and charged right at Dreamer, but he ran right into a thrown chair and went down! Tommy yelled as he picked up Al Snow... and gave him a fallaway slam onto the concrete, that seemed to take a lot out of him! He tried to get him up for a Death Valley Driver, but Al Snow managed to get down and push Dreamer into the guardrail, then give him a sick clothesline into the guardrail!

Tommy Dreamer was out of it, and Al Snow continued to take advantage outside, by throwing him into the steps, throwing him into the guardrail, just brutalizing him. Snow then threw him back into the ring and went for the pin, but Dreamer had just enough to kick out at 2.

The crowd was fully behind Dreamer as always, but he just couldn't get much of anything in against Snow. Al Snow raised Head up above his head and got a rousing chorus of boos. Once again, Tommy Dreamer got up and took advantage of Al Snow's obsession with Head and gave him a shoulder tackle from behind! He quickly got Al Snow up for the Death Valley Driver... and landed it! But will it be enough? 1... 2... NO! 2.9! Tommy Dreamer can't believe it! He stood up, reared back... and punted Head out of the ring! The crowd went "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH" for like, a whole minute.

Al Snow became a man possessed after seeing what Tommy did to his Head! He pounded Tommy with vicious strikes, whipped him across the ring and nailed him with a spinebuster, it was murder! Dreamer just couldn't keep up with Al Snow's offense! He gave a mighty yell and hefted Dreamer up for the Snow Plow brainbuster, landing it with a crash! Then, with the crowd going crazy, he landed the brainbuster again! 1, 2, 3, someone call an ambulance!

I thought it was a good match. I guess you don't mess with Head!

Al Snow just kept attacking Dreamer even after the bell! He kicked Tommy's back and got him into the Dragon Sleeper! Tommy Dreamer was screaming! But here comes his partner, Billy Kidman! He dropkicked Al Snow right off of Tommy Dreamer, then landed a spectacular standing shooting star press! While Al was down, he revived Dreamer and helped him out of the ring and up the ramp. Al Snow chased them up the ramp like a madman, and the match was over.

---

And now the grudge match of the century: Kurt Angle against Ken Shamrock! Shamrock came out first in his trunks with Jimmy Hart dressed up like a cornerman. Then it was Kurt Angle, who came out alone. The crowd was singing along to Born in the USA, "AAAAN-GLE YOU loving SUCK!" and he was soaking it in, doing his little dance where he spins in the middle of the ring.

The referee announced the rules of the match as agreed to by both competitors: The match can only end by submission or referee stoppage. Throwing your opponent over the ropes is a disqualification. A 5-count will be enforced if a contender leaves the ring.

They circled each other in the ring, neither one taking the first blow. It was a long feeling out process. Angle moved in first, but the quicker Shamrock was able to avoid him and got a waistlock on him. Shamrock surprisingly lifted Angle and slammed him to the ground, maintaining control by getting Angle into a headlock, which Angle reversed into a hammerlock of his own. Shamrock used his free arm to start punching Angle, for which Angle tossed him across the ring!

Shamrock scrambled to his feet, quickly avoiding a tackle from Angle. He got hold of Angle and landed a belly-to-back suplex on him! Shamrock maintained control, moving to try to lock Angle into an armbreaker! Angle got a headscissors on Shamrock, and kept him from locking it in. Angle then got into a dominant position on Shamrock, keeping him down on the mat. Shamrock was able to get out of it, but Kurt was starting to wear him down.

Angle got off and took Shamrock to the corner, rolling outside. The referee started the 5 count. He wrapped Shamrock's leg around the ring post and tossed it around the corner! Shamrock yelled! He ran back inside before the 5 count. The referee told him off, but couldn't do anything because technically he was following the rules! Jimmy Hart was giving the ref the business for letting Angle do that, but stopped once he realized he was distracting the ref, who was telling off Angle from trying it again.

Angle picked Shamrock up and gave him a release German suplex across the ring! He's just throwing Shamrock around. He tried to pick the ankle, but Shamrock was able to kick him into the ropes. Shamrock got up again, catching Angle and delivering a belly-to-belly suplex! He quickly moved to try to get Angle into the armbreaker again! They struggled, but he wasn't able to get it locked in before Angle was able to start choking him with his legs once more and he had to let it go.

Angle continued working on Shamrock's legs with holds to make the ankle lock more effective, Shamrock working on Angle's arm to reduce the ankle lock's effectiveness. The two of them were huffing, being worn the hell down by their submission holds. Shamrock, frustrated that Angle just won't give up, and he just can't get into position conventionally, went to whip him across the ring for one more belly-to-belly... but Angle reversed it and landed a powerful Angle Slam, leaving Shamrock down in the middle of the ring! Angle picked the ankle! They struggled, Shamrock trying to kick Angle off, but the damage done to his legs over the course of the match didn't let him.

Angle's got it! He had the ankle lock locked in! Angle had him in the middle of the ring! Shamrock clawed his way toward the ropes, refusing to submit! He almost made it, his finger touching the rope... but Angle pulled him back to the middle! Shamrock still refused to give up, though, and started slowly crawling his way back to the ropes again. Angle wouldn't have it though! He pulled Shamrock back again and grapevined the leg, putting all his weight into tweaking that ankle! Unable to drag Angle's full weight across the ring, Shamrock had no choice but to tap out before his career was ruined. The ref had to physically pull Angle off of Shamrock! Kurt Angle beats Ken Shamrock by submission with the ankle lock.

Kurt Angle was jubilant after his victory, at least as jubilant as he could be after sustaining all that punishment. "Ken Shamrock, you're a worthy opponent! And I know you did your best, but I guess it's just drat true that there's nobody that can take on a man like me. None of your skills are worth what it took for me to win this here! And I got my win with the integrity that I stand for." He held up the gold medal he received from the referee. Integrity? He won because he pushed the rules to the drat limit!

"I know you gotta go back up north now, but, still, everyone should know how good of a fighter you are. You're a little old for the Olympics, I know, but maybe you can try to get, what's it called, UFC? You can get them to start giving out medals, too. Nice try." Angle limped backstage.

---

Then we got a short video hyping up Terry Funk and Shane Douglas. Highlights of Funk's ECW career, highlights of Shane Douglas' career. Once again, they used clips of Shane Douglas invoking Funk's name in 1994 and throwing down the NWA title. "ECW launched the revolution of extreme with the help of both Shane Douglas and Terry Funk. But that was years ago. Is it time for Funk to step aside for good? Or will Shane Douglas fall before the might of the legendary spinning toe hold or moonsault? Find out tonight."

It's time for the main event, the Texas Death Match, Title vs. ECW career! To win, you had to pin your opponent AND have them unable to beat a 10 count after the pinfall. Terry Funk made his way into the ring. The fans are supposed to hate him, but they couldn't help but cheer him because they're probably never gonna see him again. Then Perfect Strangers hit and here comes Shane Douglas! He's ready for a war. He gives the title belt to the referee and off we go.

They started off with a lock-up and went into working hammerlocks and other basic holds. Shane started off well, but the experienced Funk got the advantage and was working Shane's arm good. Shane got away before too long but Funk hit him right away with an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline. He went for the pin, but Shane kicked out at 1. The Funker laughed and taunted Douglas ("You ain't poo poo!") but that just gave him time to recover. Funk's delay before going for the spinning toe hold let Douglas kick him away before he could get into position.

The match then turned into a brawl, with Funk's strikes seeming to have more of an effect than Douglas'. Funk backed him into the ropes and sent him over with a clothesline, but Douglas caught him with his leg and Funk went crashing to the ground too! Douglas recovered first and sent Funk flying into the steel steps! Douglas grabbed a steel chair from ringside and pounded Funk's back with it. He went for another swing but Funk moved! The swing was so hard the chair bounced off the turnbuckle and hit Shane right in the head, knocking him down.

Now Funk had the advantage again. He grabbed the chair and started beating Shane with it! Funk grabbed Shane's leg, putting it up on the guardrail and gave his knee a few shots from the chair! Then he picked Shane up and threw him back into the ring, where he got up limping. Terry Funk climbed into the ring, but Shane managed to hit him with a forearm, grabbed him and fell on his rear end for one of the worst DDTs I've ever seen. Shane could barely stand, let alone land the Pittsburgh Plunge!

Funk rolled out of the ring, grabbing a table which he put into the ring. Shane was still down. Funk set the table up on one end in the corner opposite Shane. The Funker stood Shane up, trying to whip him into the table across the ring but Shane stumbled and fell before he got there. Terry Funk taunted him once again ("Can't even stand up long enough for me to beat you, huh Shane?") and went for the pin. 1, 2, 3! The referee got to the count of 6 before Shane was able to get back to his feet using the ropes.

Terry Funk pointed and laughed at Shane ("Just stay down you loving idiot!") but Douglas managed to catch him off guard with forearms. Even if he could barely stand, he was tough enough to fight through it! He gave Funk a scoop slam, then collapsed to a knee. Funk got up and tried to whip him into the corner with the table once again... but Shane reversed it and sent Funk into the table! The table split in half and Funk was down in the corner. Shane picked the lighter Funk up with a mighty yell and gorilla pressed him onto the mat! He got down on top of Funk and got the pin.

Douglas scrambled to a rope to stand up and the referee started the count. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Funk got up, but it looked like there truly was a limit to what a 53-year-old guy can take, even Terry Funk, because he was wearing down, too. Douglas took advantage of this by shoving the stunned Funk's head between his legs... and got him up for a piledriver! Another pin and an 8 count this time. What's it going to take?

Funk was down on the ground, Shane barely on his feet above him. Funk kicked Douglas and he fell to the ground. Funk got up just enough to get Shane into the spinning toe hold! He can't win like that, but what does it matter? Funk spun it... and spun it forever! But he was getting weak enough that Shane's flailing made him slip, and Shane kicked him off into the ropes, but couldn't capitalize on it. Funk went to the top rope, turning backwards for his powerful moonsault! He posed there for a minute, doing the Randy Savage finger point. Funk leaped... but Shane just managed to get his knees up! Oh my God!

Shane slowly stood up while Funk was doubled over. He got Funk into the abdominal stretch, working the injured ribs, then tossed him backwards for some kind of ugly slam. Douglas used the last of his strength to lift Funk up vertically. He said something to Funk I couldn't make out, and he slammmed him to the ground with a vicious Pittsburgh Plunge! Douglas's legs finally gave out and he fell to the ground on top of Funk, getting the pinfall. He rolled off and got to his knees with the help of the ropes. The referee counted... 7, 8, 9, 10! That's it! Funk's ECW career is over!

This match was the best thing I've seen from ECW all year! The action was good and the crowd was into it more than anything else. If Prograps doesn't give that at least a B-, I'm going to be so pissed.

Terry Funk was going out on his back like a true veteran. That match was everything we expected and they completely burned the house down. There was applause, cheers, E-C-DUB chants, Thank You Terry and Please Don't Go chants for what seemed like forever. After a few minutes, Shane Douglas, who could barely stand, still helped Terry Funk to his feet and gave his longtime rival a respectful handshake and a hug that only made the crowd louder, for what is surely the 53-year-old Funk's last appearance in ECW.

I really want to say that this show was the best thing ECW has ever done, but being honest that opening match kind of dragged the show down. Still with that said, show was an amazing (E-)C+(DUB). Now then I'm going to catch some shut eye, going to that WWF PPV tomorrow. Wouldn't normally but I ain't missing the chance to see ECW dudes tear the house down, laters!

Also these are here for Happy to put in the OP.

WWF PPV's
IYH 15: DEADLY GAMES

WCW PPV's
SPRING STAMPEDE '97
SLAMBOREE

ECW PPV's
HARDCORE RISING
BARB WIRE CITY

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 23:04 on Nov 29, 2014

# ¿ Nov 29, 2014 22:59

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Great ppv wwf team, we over at ecw have been eagerly waiting for it.

EDIT: Happy posted a thing.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 13:27 on Dec 4, 2014

# ¿ Dec 4, 2014 13:01

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

I Before E posted:

And yeah, like I said earlier, Abrasive Obelisk was carrying a good chunk of the match writing duties, and now that he's taken his leave, we're spread thin on that front.

Spoiler, he's now part of team ECW.

We hijack your main events, we hijack your writers E-C-DUB!

# ¿ Dec 4, 2014 23:14

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Senerio posted:

Well we have plans for Janetty. You wouldn't be able to use the Skunkrocker gimmick anyway.

You've denied us WCW Cruiserweight Wrestler I Before E :colbert:

# ¿ Dec 6, 2014 15:22

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Sanguinia posted:

Clearly we need to go get Chuck Polumbo and debut him as Naruto Orton, Cowboy Bob's Half-Italian Quarter-Japanese illegitimate son.

You've missed the 420.

How did you also miss the RVD joke?

# ¿ Dec 6, 2014 19:56

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Luigi Thirty posted:

Naruto Orton, Sign Guy Orton, Little Spike Orton

I told you about spoiling our main event heel stable :argh:

# ¿ Dec 6, 2014 20:35

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Happyman posted:

Yes, that's Kazuchika Okada. Since the WWF won the Year 1 popularity poll, they got to sign any worker they wanted from the future. Also, they got to send WCW a worker from the future, and they are forced to push him no matter his skill level. He should be debuting on TV pretty soon...

We wheren't actually kidding about this universe having time travel where we?

# ¿ Dec 7, 2014 23:51

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Sanguinia posted:

Due to Space Time warping a few weeks back when Happy lost part of the save file, the steps we took to resign Manabu never happened and we lost his contract. To compensate us for this mistake, Happy allowed us to sign a Japanese free agent in his place. As luck would have it, Kensuke Sasaki was on the market after leaving NJPW, and we knew we had to pounce.

Which got me legit pissed because we were going to sign him and we had main event plans for him.

But it's cool, he can go job to The Shark in WCW's midcard.

# ¿ Dec 8, 2014 18:58

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

NewJack420 posted:

Holy poo poo.

That's all I gotta say... well that ain't true, but holy poo poo! ECW delivered on WWF's turf, Barb Wire City was kick rear end and their follow up show was off the chain! Drove out to philly to see it, I wasn't going to miss this. Strange that they where running the ECW Arena again but it doesn't matter (apart from the gas money I had to fork out).

When I got to my seat (back in the ECW Arena, not the Hammerstein for a change?) everyone around me was chanting "EDGE! EDGE! EDGE!" Man, last week he didn't seem like much of a star, but now he's all anyone's talking about. That new song on MTV, Bittersweet Symphony, started up on the PA. Fog machines blew on the ramp, and through the fog came Adam Copeland himself! Arms in the air, soaking in the cheers of the crowd. Now that we've seen what he can do it's like this guy and his huge jaw just knows how to be a megastar.

He came down the ramp like a triumphant emperor, sliding into the ring and climbing up onto the turnbuckles to keep the cheering going. "Don't use that name, 'cause I won't let what those guys up north did define who I am! I am Adam Copeland! And I _AM_ here for you!" Everyone was still going nuts!

"Last Sunday, I went WAYYYYY up north, with our tag champions The Pitbulls, "American Hero" Kurt Angle, and the Television Champion Brian Lee. Doesn't matter who won, because we did exactly what we wanted to do: We showed them exactly what we think of them! You know and I know that people like me, we're the future of professional wrestling."

"Now, I just want to finish my statement from before, when I was so rudely interrupted by a certain Canadian. As I was saying: If you want to see something other than 40-year-old drug-addled bodybuilding rejects with balls the size of raisins jerking each other off on television every Monday night to feed a demented millionaire's sexual frustrations... you've come to the right place. I'm never going back to that purple lump on my balls up north that they call--"

"Excuse me, Mr. Copeland..." Paul E. Dangerously was at the top of the ramp, and he didn't look happy! "If you'd like to close that business-ruining mouth of yours for just five minutes, I'd like to make an announcement about the status of the ECW World Heavyweight Championship that does, in fact, directly concern you." Booooooo. Adam Copeland wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Mr. Copeland, you have no idea how many business dealings of mine you destroyed in New York with that stunt of yours. I've got the MSG Network breathing down my neck, the Hammerstein wants nothing to do with me anymore! Future of wrestling, huh? What, you want a title shot? You think you _deserve_ an ECW title shot? You're lucky I don't fire you on the spot! But let me restrain my anger with your careless actions for the moment and get to the point."

"Last week at Barb Wire City, in the magnificent Hammerstein Ballroom (which you will all be seeing much less of, by the way, after what Mr. Copeland did over the weekend), The Franchise Shane Douglas ended the ECW career of the illustrious Terry Funk in a fantastic Texas Death Match, which you can all see on ECW Home Video for only $19.99. Unfortunately, Shane Douglas' knee was badly injured in that match, and he will be unable to compete for some time.

"Therefore, we will be holding a tournament this month to find a #1 contender for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship, a tournament like nobody has ever seen before, and you're taking part in it, Mr. Copeland. We're starting it off tonight, with a Reverse Battle Royal! Twenty men start outside the ring, and all you have to do to advance to the next stage of the tournament is be one of the first five people to get into the ring! Those five competitors will then have a standard battle royal to seed themselves for the next phase. Easy, isn't it?

"After that, the top five will be competing in a sort of gauntlet over the next few weeks. The #5 will have to beat the #4, with the winner facing the #3, and so on. There's... just one, small, tiny thing left to talk about."

Born in the USA played over the PA... and Kurt Angle was standing next to Paul E! "Kurt Angle will not be appearing in the reverse battle royal. After... delicate negotiations... it has been determined that the winner of the gauntlet will face Kurt Angle for the #1 contendership at our next pay-per-view!" Angle was beaming like he's already won the title, Paul E. looked afraid of him. "So, if you win the reverse battle royale, and if you win the gauntlet, you're still going to have to go through Kurt Angle to get your title shot. And I think we've all seen what Kurt Angle is capable of." Paul E. laughed as he headed backstage with Kurt Angle.

"Oh, wait." Paul E. stopped and turned back around. "If you ever use those three letters, and you know what they are, on my television program, you're fired on the spot."

---

Now here's a guy we don't see too often, it's Lance Diamond. I don't know too much about him other than I heard he could have been a professional baseball player but he decided to be a wrestler instead. It's going to be Lance Diamond against Billy Kidman.

Lance Diamond started out strong against the much smaller Kidman, throwing him around like a rag doll with suplexes and tosses... until Kidman managed to wriggle his way out of one and nail him in the face with a drop kick! Now Kidman was unleashing a flurry of offense against Diamond. He got behind Diamond and dropkicked him over the top rope and onto the floor. Diamond got up just in time to see Kidman flying over the top rope and land a crossbody right on top of him!

Lance Diamond tossed the tiny Kidman off of him. He got up and broke up Kidman's offense with a kick to the stomach and grabbed Kidman, pulling him into powerbomb position! He got Kidman up but Kidman reversed it into a huracanrana, sending Diamond head-first into the ring post! Kidman shoved Diamond into the ring, but he caught the referee with his leg and knocked him down. Someone took this opportunity to jump the rail! It's Al Snow!

Al Snow was beating down Billy Kidman! He picked Kidman up and gave him a brainbuster on the concrete! He's out! Snow tosssed Kidman into the ring. Diamond was aware enough to make the cover, and the referee groggily counted 1, 2, 3. Diamond rolled out of the ring and stumbled up the ramp, while Al Snow got into the ring and continued the beatdown!

Al Snow beat Billy Kidman down to the mat once more. Just like he did with his partner Tommy Dreamer, Snow kicked Kidman's back and got him into the Dragon Sleeper! But look at that, out from under the ring came Tommy Dreamer! He was waiting to trap Al Snow!

Dreamer pulled Al Snow off of Kidman and tossed him away with a fallaway slam. Kidman was too beat up to follow it up himself, so Dreamer picked up the temporarily stunned Snow into a fireman's carry... and gave him a Death Valley Driver! He was laid out, giving Dreamer time to help Kidman out of the ring. Dreamer turned around when he was out of the ring to make sure Snow was down... but he just sat up like nothing was wrong! Dreamer picked up the injured Kidman and carried him up the ramp before Snow could regain his bearings.

---

The lights in the arena all turned blue... we all knew what that meant! Someone threw a piggy bank out from the curtain.

The porcelain broke!

The Blue Man Power Trip came through the curtain. The Blue Meanie rushed to the ring to give the double thumbs up on the turnbuckle with a mic in one hand. Super Nova's signature mullet was bleached blonde with a gallon of hairspray in it as he carried a giant plastic crayon to the ring. Mikey Whipwreck was looking a bit cagey as he spat blue colored water up in the air.

"Now, you good people might be asking, why's Nova got a big crayon? Cause we're gonna write ourselves in the history books! Who writes the history books? The winners, that's who!" Nova threw the crayon down and... I don't know, either was disorienting it with a gator roll or dry humping it, I couldn't tell. He, uh, held it down and Mikey gave it an elbow drop. "And we're winners! All three of us are in that reverse battle royal tonight, and we know you guys have got our backs. The three of us, we're unstoppable! Little Mikey Whipwreck started off in the ring crew and now he's a former ECW champion! Everyone knows for sure that he's gonna be in the top 5 of that battle royal tonight! Maybe we'll all be in the top 3! Can I get a heck yes?" Heck yes!

"That's why, on behalf of Mikey Whipwreck, the Blue Man Power Trip challenges anyone who thinks they can take his spot in the battle royal to a match!" Mikey looked at Meanie like 'What?' but Meanie was reassuring him. "You can take anyone, Mikey! And we'll be here to back you up, but don't tell anyone (ssssh)." Meanie didn't notice he said that into the mic, apparently. "So if anyone back there has the CAJONES to come out here, you better get ready for the toughest match of your whole danged life!"

Looks like someone was answering his challenge because the lights went out again, except for one spotlight pointed at the ramp.

"Hello... ladies!"

A guy was up at the top of the ramp with Jenna Jameson! He had long hair, and he was wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist? Is he going to wrestle in that? Jenna Jameson had a microphone. "You'll take on anyone, you said? Well, let me introduce my good friend to ECW. I met him on a shoot down on Cozumel, and he's one of the toughest... and hottest... guys I've ever met, but don't tell my boyfriend I told you that. He's Val Venis and he's ready to take you on for that spot."

Meanie clapped Mikey on the back and was hyping him up in the corner. "We're ready for you! Bring it on!"

Val Venis versus Mikey Whipwreck.

Val Venis brought it right to Mikey Whipwreck, forgoing the traditional collar-and-elbow to start out with forearms and elbows that knocked Mikey right back into the corner! Meanie and Nova were helpfully cheering Mikey on, but that didn't count for much as the charismatic Venis hopped onto the middle rope and let the crowd count out ten punches in the corner followed by a swinging neckbreaker! Mikey was down and Venis went for the cover, but he kicked out at 2!

Val went quickly back on the attack, going to work on Mikey Whipwreck with some powerful mat holds that you don't see very often (I asked around and they said he's worked all over the world) that had Mikey howling and the crowd fully behind him. Mikey managed to make it to the ropes and outside to force Venis to give him a rest. Val started posing in the ring. Jenna tossed him a chair and he started doing some dancing with Jenna on the chair while Mikey and the Power Trip were conversing outside.

The Power Trip broke their huddle, Meanie yelling something to Val Venis to get his attention. Val totally ignored him, then Meanie started doing crotch chops at Jenna! Val Venis yelled at Meanie, getting into it with him from the ropes and threatening him with the chair. Meanwhile, Mikey Whipwreck was sneaking up on him! Jenna yelled for Val as Mikey springboarded onto the top rope from the apron and flew at Val Venis!

Val turned around just in time, catching Mikey Whipwreck and planting him with a sick spinning spinebuster! (The announcers called it the Ron Pollenator.) Val grabbed Mikey's legs and wrapped them up, falling into a reverse figure four! Mikey had no choice but to tap out. The action was good, but Jenna and Val weren't doing much in the way of heeling together.

---

At last, it's time for the glorious clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks: The Reverse Battle Royal! Once five people have entered the ring, they are officially bound for glory. They participate in a 5-man battle royal where the order of eliminations determines the seeding in the gauntlet matches coming up this month.

I'm pretty sure just about everyone in the ECW roster was in this thing. My boy New Jack took part (got to listen to his theme, sweet!), even guys I've never seen before and couldn't even tell you their names, even some ECW debuts. I couldn't keep up with much of the action, but I think I got all the important spots. There was one new guy you'll get to know though: An awesome Japanese wrestler named Masato Tanaka.

The bell rang and the chaos began! A massive brawl erupted as the almost the ECW roster was trying to make it into that ring! Sandman had a beer in one hand and his cane in the other hand as he tried to shove past the Pitbulls with Francine cheering them on. Billy Kidman hopped onto the guardrail and tried to leap past everyone but got caught and planted by Al Snow! The Blue Meanie was trying to enforce order while Super Nova was trying to push him toward the ring like a bulldozer.

Brian Lee was focusing in on Adam Copeland from the very start. Lee didn't so much want to get in as keep Copeland out! It was like a football line, Lee's massive physique keeping the middleweight Adam Copeland out of the ring any way possible. Everyone was staying clear of the two of them, letting them battle it out. Lee backed Copeland up against the guardrail, then went for the running clothesline to send him over into the crowd! Copeland scrambled to his feet as Lee stepped over the guardrail... and the furious Copeland charged and speared him right through the guardrail section! Oh my God! The two of them were totally laid out and there was no way either one was going to make it into that ring.

New Jack figured out a good way to get in though. He had come prepared with a chair wrapped in barbed wire! He was just swinging it wildly to clear his drat path! He nailed D'Lo with it, he nailed Jimmy Del Ray with it! Nobody would go loving near that psycho. New Jack was the first one into the ring.

Francine tossed her chain into the ring and holy poo poo, Pitbull A flapjacked Sandman! Sandman crashed to the concrete, beer flying everywhere. Pitbull #1 held Sandman down while Pitbull A jumped into the ring and grabbed the chain. Pitbull #1 jumped to his feet, gave Sandman a double foot stomp, and followed Pitbull A into the ring, so the Pitbulls are the second and third entrants in the Match Beyond! Sandman spent the rest of the battle royal trying to get to his feet.

Following that mess, Flash N' Kash had found a weak spot and were about to climb into the ring, having made it past PG-13 and Sandman in the carnage... but Tanaka ran up behind them and laid them out with a DOUBLE LARIATTO! Tanaka springboarded himself into the ring, making him the next one in the Match Beyond!

Tommy Dreamer was about to get into the ring, but he saw Al Snow still beating down Billy Kidman. He got down and rushed back to help Kidman! He gave Al Snow a clothesline. Al Snow was still messed up from earlier and so Kidman and Dreamer were beating him down handily. Dreamer hefted the down and out Al Snow onto his shoulders. Kidman climbed onto the guardrail, fans holding it steady. Kidman leaped at Al Snow and landed a nasty Doomsday Device! But Kidman grabbed his shoulder when he landed! He waved off Dreamer, telling him to get into the ring and secure his place. Dreamer told Kidman to get away from Snow and got into the ring just after Masato Tanaka.

And now: The Match Beyond! A five-way battle royal between the Pitbulls, Masato Tanaka, Tommy Dreamer, and New Jack. New Jack was still armed with his barbed wire chair and was swinging it at everybody. Dreamer ducked it, Tanaka leaped out of the way and gave New Jack a LARIATTO to disarm him. Dreamer got New Jack onto his shoulders but Pitbull A knocked him down before he could reach the ropes.

The Pitbulls were working together pretty well. Pitbull 1 was choking Dreamer with the chain, seeing the frequent main eventer as the biggest threat in the gauntlet. Dreamer, beat up from tangling with Al Snow twice earlier, was the first one thrown out as he just couldn't stand up to the Pitbulls' double teaming.

New Jack shook Tanaka's hand, deciding to work together against the Pitbulls. If they got them out, they could fight over #1 and #2, after all. New Jack picked up the barbed wire chair again and swung it at Pitbull A! He ducked it and backed right into Tanaka, who gave the massive Pitbull some kind of awesome belly-to-back suplex powerbomb thing (announced as the DANGAN BOMB)! Pitbull #1 was enraged, charging at New Jack. New Jack tossed the chair to Tanaka before eating a shoulder tackle. Pitbull #1 forced New Jack to the top rope while Tanaka brawled with Pitbull A. Pitbull #1 gave New Jack a sick Superbomb off the top! He picked up New Jack and threw him out like an old newspaper, making him the #4 seed.

It was down to just the Pitbulls and their chain vs. Tanaka and a barbed-wire chair! The Pitbulls circled around Tanaka like, well, pit bulls. Pitbull #1 rushed him and ate a chairshot. Pitbull A snuck up behind him and was choking him with the chain! Tanaka struggled, then whacked him right in the head with a blind chairshot, but lost his grip and the chair went flying. Tanaka got away from the Pitbulls and came off the ropes, flying at Pitbull A and planting him with a tornado DDT! Pitbull #1 ran right at Tanaka, but Tanaka used his speed to jump out of the way and hold the top rope so the dumb brute ran right out of the ring and into the #3 seeding!

Finally, only Pitbull A and Masato Tanaka remained. Pitbull A was 6'2 and easily 250 pounds of "natural" muscle, Tanaka probably isn't even 6' or 200 pounds so he was at a pretty good disadvantage. He'd lost the chair out of the ring but Pitbull A had also lost the chain. Despite the size disadvantage, Tanaka still offered Pitbull A a lockup. Tanaka was deceptively strong and fast, managing to get the huge Pitbull to the mat! Not just that, but into a surfboard hold too! You don't see that too often against a guy that huge!

He released it and Pitbull A started giving him strong forearm shots and elbows once he got up to get him off balance. Pitbull A caught him off guard and got him up for a vertical suplex... WHICH TANAKA REVERSED INTO A FANTASTIC STUNNER! I've never seen that before! Pitbull A was down and in pain! Tanaka picked the giant Pitbull up onto his shoulders and threw him out of the ring like he's Andre! Masato Tanaka is your #1 seed and Pitbull A is your #2 seed!

Man that match was the best kind of insanity, it ruled! The whole show ruled! ECW rules! Giving this show a (E-)C(DUB)!

I strongly suggest you listen to the loop of Natural Born Killaz for the entire main just to complete the experience.

Blooming Brilliant fucked around with this message at 01:07 on Dec 9, 2014

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 01:05

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

KungFu Grip posted:

Should have been https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icTCUtoQRDA

ECW is the only company that actively doesn't try to abuse the rip in the space time continuum so we only use songs that have already been released by that point in game...

We just managed to get a copy of Bittersweet Symphony a couple of weeks early :v:

# ¿ Dec 9, 2014 16:16

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 14:43

Blooming Brilliant: Jul 12, 2010

Since we are all doing music now I would like to thank WWF for doing it originally in the Royal Rumble. Enjoyed it so much then that ECW decided to copy it.

# ¿ Dec 13, 2014 02:36

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > TEW13 Raw vs. Nitro III - Where We're Going, We Don't Need Rhodes

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