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Blooming Brilliant
Jul 12, 2010

After that string of eliminations, I quickly googled to find out who Malice was.

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Stallion Cabana
Feb 14, 2012
1; Get into Grad School

2; Become better at playing Tabletop, both as a player and as a GM/ST/W/E

3; Get rid of this goddamn avatar.

I have watched this clip dozens of times and this was the first time I realized the ring was outdoors. I thought they were cutting to a completely different location of this dude just standing on a building for no reason.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

Pet Rock Band posted:

Yeah, that near-parody song was a big hit for several months. Wasn't this a little soon after 9/11?

one of the shows opens with Goldilocks singing a rock version of America the Beautiful to celebrate our invasion of Iraq

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!

oatgan posted:

one of the shows opens with Goldilocks singing a rock version of America the Beautiful to celebrate our invasion of Iraq

Followed by Duggan.

Thauros
Jan 29, 2003

Pet Rock Band posted:

Yeah, that near-parody song was a big hit for several months. Wasn't this a little soon after 9/11?

I'm still convinced he stole half the lyrics of that from an unreleased Dead Kennedys song somehow and just decided to sing it approvingly and non ironically.

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!

Thauros posted:

I'm still convinced he stole half the lyrics of that from an unreleased Dead Kennedys song somehow and just decided to sing it approvingly and non ironically.

It was an outtake from Jello Biafra's country album. (A real thing that is really good.)

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
NWA-TNA Pay Per View #1


PART 4

5. NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Gauntlet For The Gold - contd.
Jarrett and Malice team up to toss Apollo, but he skins the cat as Scott Hall comes out to a big reception. Everybody brawls sloppily until Apollo hits a fairly nice superkick on Malice. Can we call it a decentkick or an okaykick instead? Hall hits the Razor's Edge on Jeff and just leaves him on the canvas. Throw him out! Hall points to the back and waves Toby Keith to the ring. I was hoping we'd seen the last of him. He surprises everybody by hitting a pretty good vertical suplex on Jarrett, before he and Hall toss the heel out of the match.

Elimination #11: Jeff Jarrett (by Scott Hall and Toby Keith)

Toby Keith, a non-wrestler, having just helped eliminate the top heel in the company, leaves. Job done. Jarrett staggers to the back and Keith follows him menacingly up the ramp. I hope Jarrett conjures a guitar out of nowhere and blasts him with it, but I'm not holding my breath. Apollo and Hall take turns chopping Malice until "The Wildman" Chris Harris dashes to the ring to even the face/heel odds. He hits a nice Thesz press on Apollo and pounds away with lefts (unusual) until GANGREL RUSHES TO THE RING! WOO! Except they've called him "Vampire Warrior". I'm not sure he's an official entrant. He came out without a countdown, but Toby Keith came out at the end of a countdown and wasn't an active participant. Maybe they're making up for that now. Who loving knows?

I'll go ahead and assume Vampire Warrior is officially in this match and I desperately want him to win. Here comes "Dangerous" Devon Storm, aka Crowbar of WCW. I always used to mix him up with Kanyon for some reason, although I suspect Kanyon was way better. Storm and Harris have a chop battle in one corner (Storm's are better). Scott Hall sits himself on the top rope and watches the action for a while. Vampire Warrior looks at him and doesn't do anything - because they're both faces I think - but Hall jumps down and hits him when his back is turned. Don't trust da Bad Guy.

Next up is "The King of Old School" Steve Corino, a guy I've heard a lot about on the internet. I don't actually know too much about him. Tenay mentions that he's the only former NWA World Heavyweight champ in this match. He immediately seems a cut above everybody else, blasting Chris Harris with a yakuza kick in the corner. Apollo almost tosses Malice, but James Mitchell helps shove him back into the ring from the outside. Devon Storm busts out an okaykick on Scott Hall as Ken Shamrock makes his entrance. Right, we have a ring to clear. Let's see who wins this thing.

Shamrock stands in the middle of the ring and kicks out as people go past. He tries to jump-kick Malice's face off, but the big man catches him and slams him powerfully into the mat. Nice. Everyone settles into a boring brawl - isn't that supposed to happen in the midstages of a Rumble? This is nearly the end! Oh no, here comes the countdown again. I thought Shamrock was the last entrant, but apparently not. Here comes our actual 20th entrant, The New Racist Brian Christopher. Grandmaster ducks a wild right from Chris Harris and flings him over the top.

Elimination #12: Chris Harris (by Brian Christopher)

Devon Storm charges at Christopher and is backdropped over the top. Vampire Warrior proves himself to be equally stupid and does the exact same thing.

Elimination #13: Devon Storm (by Brian Christopher)

Elimination #14: Vampire Warrior (by Brian Christopher)

Yes, Grandmaster Sexay is clearing out this rumble. Not only that, he's doing it in really boring fashion! This continues as Corino misses a right hand and gets clotheslined to the floor.

Elimination 15: Steve Corino (by Brian Christopher)

Christopher dances into the middle of the ring and accidentally backs into Malice. He eats a huge chokeslam for his troubles and is left dazed on the canvas. The other four remaining men glare at each other across his carcass...until Shamrock boots Christopher in the spine and throws him out. Really weird spot - not sure what purpose it served.

Elimination #16: Brian Christopher (by Ken Shamrock)

We're down to our final four: Apollo, Malice, Hall, and Shamrock. What a dream team. New allies Apollo and Scott Hall beat Malice into the ropes. Hall encourages Apollo to charge Malice and clothesline him out, and the Puerto Rican foolishly accepts. He inevitably takes a huge backdrop to the floor, and we're down to our last three.

Elimination #17: Apollo (by Malice)

Shamrock seems to be staying out of harm's way, allowing everybody else to wear each other out. Scott Hall sets up Malice to powerbomb him out, but the bigger man lifts him into a backdrop and eliminates him as well. I don't think a single one of these eliminations has been particularly innovative or exciting.

Elimination #18: Scott Hall (by Malice)

So here we go. One of Ken Shamrock and Malice is set to join the great legacy of NWA champions. Remember that the final elimination will be contested under singles match rules - no eliminations over the top. Here comes Ricky Steamboat in his referee's shirt. Shamrock charges Malice and immediately takes a huge boot to the face. Malice gets a nearfall with a big sidewalk slam as "Shamrock" chants break out in the crowd. He lifts Ken for a big chokeslam, but Shamrock hits a great reversal and locks in the cross armbreaker. Malice reaches for the ropes but can't get there. He refuses to tap, and eventually James Mitchell pushes the rope closer for him to grab. The commentators don't get this across at all. They return to their feet and Shamrock catches a kick. Ankle Lock! Malice struggles and makes the ropes, but Ken drags him back to the middle of the ring without breaking the hold. Bullshit! James Mitchell is quite rightly going apeshit on the outside.

Malice struggles again and is almost there...STEAMBOAT, GET THE gently caress OUT OF THE WAY! The ref is right in the way of his path to the ropes. He eventually moves and Malice grabs it to break the hold. Shamrock refuses to break the hold and keeps it on long after Steamboat's five count. Ricky continues counting!? JUST DQ HIM! 6...7...Steamboat physically pushes Shamrock off but doesn't disqualify him. Ken runs right into a big boot and gets set up for the chokeslam, but he fights it off and hits a belly-to-belly. 1...2...3! The NWA title is won...by a belly-to-belly suplex.

Winner and NEW NWA World Heavyweight Champion: Ken Shamrock 1/5 - Lots wrong with this match. First of all, who on earth came up with these names? A 12 year old? Justice, Malice, Slash. The rumble portion of the match was booked very lazily. The ring would fill up, they'd all brawl slowly, one guy would clear a few, and they'd all brawl slowly again. There were no big set piece moments. Finally, that last fall made Shamrock seem like a huge dick. I get that Malice cheated when Mitchell pushed the rope to him, but we've also got our big face refusing to break a hold and getting in the ref's face. Are they trying to make him an edgy anti-hero?

Shamrock celebrates with the belt and everyone's happy. BUT WAIT! Here comes Jarrett to inevitably have the last word. He bitches about Toby Keith's interference until Keith strides out onto the stage, accompanied by Jackie Fargo. Fargo garbles an announcement that next week Jarrett will face "their guy" Scott Hall. That'll put butts in seats.

Well there we have it. That's the show. Here are some unusual stats, atypical of the product TNA usually puts out.

Guitars Smashed: 0
Swerves: 0

But to make up for it...

Racist Incidents: Just so many

We saw several potential feuds established here. K-Krush vs Brian Christopher, Shamrock vs Malice (which I assume will continue), and Jarrett vs the Racist World Order.

quote:

Known rWo Members
Toby Keith
Brian Christopher
Two NASCAR Guys
Jackie Fargo
Scott Hall

A heinous and powerful mega-stable. Can our hero Jeff Jarrett bring them to justice? Find out next time on TNA #2: Electric Boogaloo.

Summary to follow.

JGKing fucked around with this message at 03:18 on Nov 3, 2014

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
NWA-TNA PAY PER VIEW #1 SUMMARY


Match Of The Night
AJ Styles, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvises - A massive indie spotfest, but an impressive one. Also, and perhaps more crucially, the only good match on the show.

Wrestler Of The Night
1. Jimmy Yang - Some of the poo poo he busted out in this match was outrageous. Potentially less talented in terms of psychology and storytelling, but hard to notice in such a spotty match anyway.
2. Low Ki - His distinct style really helped him to stand out. Excellent striking throughout - certainly left an impression.
3. Jerry Lynn - "You still got it." Never in doubt. He'd have been about 40 at this stage, but you can't tell. Some very impressive moves, including a perfect cradle piledriver.
4. AJ Styles - A short but sweet performance. Not much to do, but executed it all well. Makes me type fast to keep up with him, the bastard.
5. Sonny Siaki - A very dynamic big man. I'm certainly looking forward to seeing more from him.

Shouts out to Jorge Estrada; he probably deserved something, but was simply the least impressive in the six man tag. Steve Corino looks very good, but had a disappointingly short stint in the Gauntlet.

There are of course way too many PPVs to have my customary Wrestler of the Year contest, so I'll instead be splitting it up. There are 111 weekly shows, so I'll split it into ten contests of eleven shows each. The final tenth will have a bonus show to make up the numbers.

Wrestler Of The "1st Tenth" Standings
1. Jimmy Yang - 5
2. Low Ki - 4
3. Jerry Lynn - 3
4. AJ Styles - 2
5. Sonny Siaki - 1

NWA-TNA WEEKLY PAY PER VIEW #1: 3/10
Boooooo. An awful and boring show consisting of a hot opener, a midget match, two literal dicks going over a pair of legit talents, a boring rumble rip-off, and a forgettable tag match. My other TNA thread started with a similarly dreadful PPV, but I was at least optimistic considering the wealth of X Division talent they had at their disposal. Back in 2002 that talent pool seems about half the size, maybe less. Instead we've got a slew of big hoss guys with names like Malice and Slash, while the usual suspects like Hall and Jarrett are prowling around. There's a glimmer of hope for next week, considering the breakneck speed with which wrestlers enter and exit the company (you guys have warned me). We could have a few new show-stealing faces, who knows?

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


Slash was Wolfie D of PG-13, incidentally.

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
TNA #2: Electric Boogaloo - June 26th 2002 - Huntsville, Alabama


PART 1

The eagle-eyed among you may have realised that this isn't an official TNA poster. It's actually a cleverly doctored image taken from Break 2: Electric Boogaloo, but you can barely notice.

This show was apparently taped immediately after the last episode, so I assume the wrestlers will have changed clothes. I wonder if they made the audience change too.

Tenay, West and Ferrara recap last week's happenings. Mike Tenay really makes the most disturbing faces when he's listening to his broadcast partner talk. Doesn't matter who it is, he always looks really stimulated by their conversation. He announces that there'll be a round robin tournament tonight to crown the first ever X Division champion.

Jarrett comes to the ring and orders the Racist World Order out to face him. His match was supposed to be the main event, but he's such a hero he wants to kick Scott Hall's racist rear end right now. Toby Keith and Jackie Fargo accompany Hall out to the ring - booooo.

1. Jeff Jarrett vs Scott Hall
Tenay hypes this as a number one contender match to Shamrock's title. Hall begins by flicking his toothpick into Jarrett's face because he's da bad guy. Jeff takes Scotty down a couple of times and paintbrushes his head, Kurt Angle style. Hall fights back with some right hands and an overhead slam, which Don West sells as the best loving thing he's ever seen on commentary. Jeff is clotheslined out of the ring and Toby Keith advances menacingly. Jarrett backs away (stupid booking) and Jackie Fargo pushes him back into the ring. He places Hall's head over the middle rope and drops a leg over the back of his neck - a very Steve Austin-esque move. West's blatant face-cheering is really annoying me. Jarrett clamps on a sleeper and drags Scott to the canvas, which angers West because he's not rasslin' him. Ferrara counters and says that he's wearing him down - a perfectly valid tactic.

Hall powers out and puts on a sleeper of his own but it's countered into a back suplex. No complaints from West about Scott's use of a sleeper by the way. Hall hits a bunch of clotheslines and gets a near fall. West screams that he got him even though he clearly kicked out. This is not making me sympathise with the babyface at all. Say what you want about JR's biased commentary, he was usually very good at maintaining a logical base to his arguments. West is just raving like an idiot. Hall sets up for the Razor's Edge, but K-Krush is on the apron! He pulls Jarrett to safety and gets clocked with a Jackie Fargo right hand for his troubles.

Brian Christopher appears out of nowhere (I think he came through the crowd) and chases Krush around the ring, probably attempting to carry out a hate crime. The referee is distracted by this while Jarrett sets up Hall for the Stroke, but here comes Toby Keith with a low blow. The pair slam Jarrett face-first into the mat. It's not really a move, just a hard shove to the canvas. Hall covers and the ref slides in. 1...2...oh right. That puts him away. Okay. To make matters worse, Keith didn't even try to hide from the ref. He actually stood right over Jarrett as Hall made the cover.

Winner: Scott Hall 0.5/5 - I know I joked last time that the babyface group seem like heelish dickheads, but they actually do! They made Jeff Jarrett seem like a sympathetic underdog. The Racist World Order is real. The match itself was lethargic and pretty boring, and I've also deducted half a point for that weak finish.

Hall shakes Keith's hand with an incredibly grateful expression on his face. Why are they selling this country singer as a big badass? Jarrett nearly poo poo himself when Keith confronted him outside the ring towards the start of the bout.

Dancing girls. They're smiling more this time. Must be rWo fans. Disgusting.

Some cheesy blaxploitation music hits and an incredibly obese man makes his way to the ring. He looks like Apollo Creed if he completely went off the rails after Rocky 2 (which would actually have made Rocky 3 and 4 much more entertaining). He's led by his valet, the Brown Eyed Girl, which in any other promotion would probably be the most racist thing I've heard so far. It barely registers here.

Oh! It turns out this is Cheex, the guy who almost ruined episode #1 before it had started (by accidentally snapping a ring rope). His opponent got a jobber entrance - he's already in the ring. When did he get there!? He must be some kind of teleporter - interesting gimmick.

2. Frank Parker vs Cheex
Parker looks like if you go on create-a-wrestler mode and leave everything on default. He's white, bald, and kinda mean looking. In other words, he'd be perfect for the Racist World Order. Frank tries several clotheslines and can't knock Cheex down. Cheex's rump makes Rikishi look like Avril Lavigne. He's also potentially the slowest man I've ever seen. That's not an exaggeration. He knocks Parker down in the corner and hits a running rear end-shot to the face, but it seems to be in slow motion. It's almost a stink face it's so slow.

OH WAIT IT'S THAT GIRL AGAIN! Ryan Shamrock, or whatever her TNA name is. She extracted money from one of the referees last episode, and now she's harassing Jeremy Borash at ringside. Cheex performs the slowest Irish whip ever and blocks a sunset flip by sitting down heavily on Parker's chest. 1...2...Cheex gets up? Oh, he wasn't making a cover, he was just THAT SLOW TO GET UP. The ref shouldn't feel bad, it fooled me as well. He hits the Ultimate Warrior splash and gets the three. One of the worst matches I've ever seen.

Winner: Cheex DUD/5 - Poor Frank Parker might actually be a competent wrestler, but there's no way to tell with Cheex in there. His slowness cannot be exaggerated. I hope TNA see sense and don't invite him back, but they'll probably push him to the moon. At least we know he won't be joining the Racist World Order. (Or will he? Swerve.)

Ryan Shamrock finally gets her cash from Borash, but he isn't happy about handing it over. Meanwhile Cheex and Brown Eyed Girl dance in the ring. Well, she dances. He just sort of exists.

Tenay announces that next week we'll have Jarrett and K-Krush vs Scott Hall and Brian Christopher. We need a name for Jarrett and Krush's anti-racism league. Any suggestions?

JGKing fucked around with this message at 23:33 on Sep 16, 2014

Genetic Toaster
Jun 5, 2011

please update the racist World order roster with everyone involved in a racist angle in future shows tia

Xerzes
May 16, 2012


Cheex never comes back. Frank Parker went on to have a violent world in NWA:MS.

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!

Genetic Toaster posted:

please update the racist World order roster with everyone involved in a racist angle in future shows tia

Oh I plan to.

try the new taco place
Jan 4, 2004

hey mister... can u play drums while I sing and play plastic guitar???
Cheex died on his way back to his home planet

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
TNA #2: Electric Boogaloo


PART 2

Next up we've got another matchup from the big company-spanning feud, the nWo vs WCW the Racist World Order vs Team Absolute Justice. It's a working title. K-Krush comes down to the ring and does his angry black man thing. Christopher dances out accompanied by the two NASCAR guys. drat rWo, always utilizing strength in numbers. They walk very awkwardly behind him as he dances down the ramp - it's painful to watch.

3. K-Krush vs Brian Christopher
Krush starts off by punching Christopher a lot in the face. Solid strategy, I think we can all agree. Lawler Jr fights back with a bulldog, but tries to repeat the move and gets crotched in the turnbuckles. Krush shows off his athleticism, backflipping out of range of a Christopher attack and spin-kicking his head off. Awesome stuff. Christopher gets smacked around some more but he begins to Hulk up. Weird. They never let him do that in the WWF, and with good reason because it sucks. He downs Krush with an enziguri before hitting a big stunner. He climbs up on the top rope and mimicks Austin's "hell yeah" taunt thing. What on earth is he doing!? What's next, the DX crotch chop?

Krush regains control and heads to the apron. The two NASCAR guys get up either side of him and lift the middle rope into his crotch. Booooo. The referee sees all this and does gently caress all, probably because he's secretly racist as well. Krush collapses to the canvas, helpfully in perfect range for Christopher to hit his legdrop from the top rope. That's all she wrote.

Winner: Brian Christopher 1.5/5 - Decent wrestling by the boys in the ring, but that finish was stupid as gently caress. The NASCAR guys looked stiff and awkward, and it came across as quite heelish. Krush didn't resort to any cheating at all and the babyfaces still screwed him over. The best match on the show so far, but that's not saying much.

So that's a clean sweep for the rWo over Jarrett and Krush, but our heroes will have a chance to redeem themselves next week in tag team action. Let's hope they do.

The two NASCAR drivers join Christopher in the ring and gloat over Krush's prone body, very much like the real nWo would. I'm waiting for them to spraypaint a racial slur on his back, but they don't actually do anything. They just celebrate a little bit.

More dancing girls. They're dancing a lot more urgently than usual. One looks downright angry, like that warehouse scene in Footloose. Shut up, it's a great film.

Borash gets in the ring and introduces the Lingerie Battle Royal.

4. Miss TNA Lingerie Battle Royal
You can go back to part 2 of the first show if you want to see my list of entrants in this match, but I doubt it's really necessary. It's basically Francine from ECW, the future Mickie James, and a bunch of other women. Francine brawled with the other ECW girl last week and ripped her top off. None of the other girls did anything. One isn't even in the wrestling business, she's a Baltimore Ravens cheerleader. From a non-kayfabe perspective,this probably increases her chances if anything.

This isn't over-the-top elimination rules. It's essentially a big bra and panties match. All the girls are wearing baggy white t-shirts and long white pants (I bet the rWo are loving this backstage), and have to eliminate one another by ripping them off. The bell rings and that's exactly what happens. Ferrara and West unleash an utter torrent of seedy comments - it's like Lawler on cocaine. Sasha gets eliminated, prompting Ferrara to say "Sasha's out and I am UP" which isn't something I really needed to know. The Ravens Cheerleader gets eliminated which blows my prediction out of the water. Three girls gang up on Francine and rip most of her clothing off; Tenay says she's on the verge of elimination and Ferrara says he's on the verge of something else.

Francine does indeed get eliminated, and appears to be wearing a bra several cup sizes too small. What was she thinking!? She has a tantrum at the foot of the ramp while we're down to the final four inside the ring. Ferrara leaves his commentary post to console her and helps her to her feet, but cops a feel of her boob as he does so. She acts surprised, kneels down in front of him and removes his belt. Ferrara's all like "awww yeahhh", as if he's legitimately going to get a blowjob on Pay Per View. Predictably, Francine instead uses the belt to whip the gently caress out of him. Back in the ring we're down to the last two: Elektra and some blonde I forgot the name of. The blonde wins and that's it. Luckily Borash announces her as the winner, so I can write her name in the description.

Winner and NEW Miss TNA: Taylor Vaughn DUD/5 - An absolute waste of time. Some of the girls were hot and that's awesome and everything, but I don't watch wrestling for hot girls. I prefer traditional wrestling shows. I want to see scantily-clad men press their sweat-glazed bodies close while pretending to hate each other, and shame on TNA for failing to provide enough of that.

Francine charges the ring and strips Taylor down because she's a sore loser. She whips her with Ferrara's belt a little bit and leaves.

Dancing girls. Phew, I hadn't seen a half-naked woman for two seconds and I was starting to worry.

Goldilocks is backstage with Apollo. He's doing that thing muscular guys can do where they make their pecs jiggle, but he's only doing it on one side and at really weird intervals. It looks involuntary. She asks him a question but they're interrupted by a prissy diva and her bland-looking wrestler. I don't know their names. The diva lady is rude to Goldilocks and claims that she should be interviewing her client instead. He stands in the back looking generic. Goldilocks handles the situation very calmly and isn't intimidated at all - she just cuts the interview and they go back to the arena. Wow. I'm not sold on that heel and his manager at all. It's hard to be scared of someone when they're getting rebuffed by phrases such as "if you have a problem take it up with the management", which is a line Goldilocks genuinely said in a very measured, deadpan voice. Awful segment.

Tenay reveals the pair of heels to be David Young and his valet Bobcat. She was apparently one of Godfather's hoes back in 1999 and even got attacked by Viscera, thus immediately making her one of the biggest stars on the TNA roster.

Dancing girls. It's been girl overload these past few segments. We've got the pay-off of that interview segment up next.

5. Apollo vs David Young
Young's another create-a-wrestler on default guy, but instead of a bald head his creator has opted for the receding hairline. Apollo dominates the early stages and this looks like it could be a squash to get the hoss babyface over. We cut briefly to Bobcat parading in front of the fans. Several reach out to try and grope her - it's a loving wrestling show guys. Apollo hits a belly-to-belly and Young bails to the outside for a breather, but the Puerto Rican vaults over the top. It would look cool, but we cut away at exactly the wrong moment to see Bobcat preening, so we miss the entire spot. This is why Kevin Dunn has a job despite being universally hated.

I'm trying to follow the action in the ring but there are way too many cuts to Bobcat. She's flirting with Borash now and starts to unbutton his shirt. Young is distracted by this and gets rolled up for two. Apollo hits a springboard DDT but Young fights back with a spinebuster. Tenay says that it's his finishing move. Really? He's no Arn Anderson. Young should go for the cover, but again is distracted by Bobcat flirting with Borash. Young tries to get her attention with a moonsault but Apollo rolls out of the way. They return to their feet and the babyface hits Young with some sweet torso music. He hits some kind of fireman's carry slam and that's good for the three count.

Winner: Apollo 1/5 - So very bland, but at least the right guy went over. Bobcat's gimmick was more annoying than entertaining. Apollo probably deserves a better feud.

Bobcat gets in the ring and Young is all like "why the gently caress weren't you looking out for me?". She ignores him and dances around the ring to precisely no heat.

JGKing fucked around with this message at 15:33 on Sep 17, 2014

The Monkey Man
Jun 10, 2012

HERD U WERE TALKIN SHIT
I'm pretty sure that this article is about Cheex:

http://ww2.roanoke.com//news/roanoke%5C27972.html

quote:

Thunder storms back
Former wrestler Mike Staples, called Rolling Thunder, is reclaiming his life following surgery.

By Jen McCaffery

Rolling Thunder is back - minus more than 140 pounds.

The professional wrestler, whose real name is Mike Staples, underwent gastric bypass surgery in April. Before Staples went in for surgery, he tipped the scales at 614 pounds.

"It's a depressing thing to be that big," said Staples, a 40-year-old Roanoke resident. "You would get tired of your back hurting, your knees hurting, all this medication."

In 2001, Staples announced that a match against wrestler Vader at the Salem Civic Center - part of the North American Wrestling Association's Legends Tour - would be his last. He still managed drop kicks and power slams despite weighing more than 400 pounds. But even then, his health was a concern.

In 2003, he wrestled again in a pay-per-view match in Alabama. But even then, he was considering gastric bypass surgery.

The surgery restricts the amount of food a person can eat by reducing the size of the stomach. Patients must be morbidly obese to qualify for the surgery. Gastric bypass has been controversial because of the side effects some patients have experienced.

Some 171,000 people in the United States will have the surgery in 2005, said Georgeann Mallory, executive director of the American Society for Bariatric Surgery, which is based in Florida.

Staples' doctor considered him a "walking time bomb," and recommended the surgery, Staples said.

"I knew the chances I was taking," he said. "There's a lot more things I still want to do in life."

The father of two wanted a better lifestyle. Staples also thought he might want to get back into wrestling. He decided to go ahead with the surgery.

On April 25, doctors at University of Virginia Medical Center performed the procedure, using surgical staples to reduce the size of his stomach, then connecting that with his small intestine. The surgery reduced Staples' stomach to the size of an egg, he said.

But by the middle of the week after surgery, the line of staples burst. Fluid traveled up to his heart and Staples went into respiratory arrest, he said. His doctor told him he wasn't sure if he was going to make it. But Staples had another operation to repair the staples.

Six weeks later, he was back at his full-time job as a dispatcher for RADAR, a nonprofit transportation service. His family, friends and co-workers were very supportive during his recovery, he said.

With his smaller stomach, Staples said he is able to eat just a certain amount and be happy with it. He got back into the gym at Breckinridge Middle School on July 5. He has been going three times a week, using the treadmill and weights.

Life has been different as he has dropped weight. Coming down the steps at church one day, he lost his pants because the waistband was so loose. And he no longer has to use the Internet to find clothes that fit.

Staples said he would like to lose at least 100 more pounds and get down to a goal weight of between 340 and 350 pounds. (He's 5 feet 11 inches tall.) For a time while he was still wrestling, Staples stayed away from performing moves such as drop kicks; he thought he might injure himself because of his weight.

Now he's looking to get back to them.

Promoters contact Staples from time to time to try to get him back into the ring. But he keeps himself busy at work and coaching recreational league football with the YMCA.

What would get him back in the ring? He thinks money and a match for a good cause might do it.

"It's a good chance I'm going to go back - in good shape and better health," Staples said.

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
TNA #2: Electric Boogaloo


PART 3

This PPV shows it's age as Tenay invites "those of you who have access to the internet" to visit the TNA website.

Joel "I'm a licker not a biter, and for a girl with me it's gonna be an all-nighter, I'm a lover not a fighter, but I never need a writer" Gertner is in the ring. I don't get that last part. He introduces Lenny and Bruce, The Rainbow Express. That's the stereotypically gay tag team from last week. Gertner launches into a very fair and progressive promo about how we should respect those with alternative lifestyles and view them only on the mertis of their wrestling ability. The only problem is that it's a heel promo.

They're scheduled to face The Dupps. Their music hits but nobody comes out. We cut backstage where the boys are refusing to wrestle the Rainbow Express. Because they're gay. The camera pans slightly across to reveal James Storm and Chris Harris entering the building. Storm teamed with Psicosis last week and lost to The Johnsons. Harris was briefly in the Gauntlet match but was eliminated by Brian Christopher. An executive runs up and begs them to get in the ring and take the Dupps' place. They agree and set off to get changed into their wrestling gear, but the suit says there's no time. They'll have to go out in their street clothes.

6. The Rainbow Express vs Chris Harris and James Storm
The boys sprint down to the ring and luckily appear to be wearing matching jeans. It's almost as if this was planned. Harris takes Bruce out of the ring with a clothesline while Storm goes to work on Lenny, but the Cowboy falls victim to a lethargic tornado DDT. Tenay hypes next week's tag team tournament, explaining that Harris and Storm are usually rivals, but are willing to team up here to potentially gain a spot in the tourney. Lenny tags in Bruce by kissing him on the hand, which angers Don West a lot. Ferrara defends the heels by explaining that they can do what they want. I sense an expansion of the rWo into a homophobic division.

The referee turns a blind eye to the Rainbow Express' double-teaming of Storm. West claims that they shouldn't get special rules just because they're special people. Ferrara counters, claiming that they aren't looking to be regarded as special people at all - they are who they are. I've never known a face/heel dynamic be quite so flagrantly backward before. The Express exchange quick tags (each with a kiss on the hand) before Lenny locks Storm in the Walls of Jericho, which Tenay calls the Tigertamer. Are you loving serious!? Harris gets the hot tag and swings the momentum back in the faces' favour. Storm takes Bruce outside and slams him face-first into the apron ("he won't be kissing anyone with those lips") while Harris hits Lenny with a backslide for two. Bruce gets back in and tries to interfere, but Harris sends Lenny into him. The pair collide, sending the legal man backwards into a schoolboy rollup for three.

Winners: Chris Harris and James Storm 1/5 - Sloppy and short, but I enjoyed the idea of Harris and Storm teaming up on a whim. Makes them seem like good fightin' faces.

Storm and Harris are shocked that they won. They hug it out at the foot of the ramp and the referee raises their hands. N'awww. :)

Ricky Steamboat is in the ring and asks everybody if they've had a good time tonight. I certainly haven't, but everybody else cheers. Maybe it's because every single match has ended in a face victory. Steamboat brings new NWA Champion Ken Shamrock down to the ring. Ricky lists off the great NWA champs Shamrock will join in history (and includes himself). Kenny promises to defend the title with pride and honour. He says that he's been all over the world. Here are the places he lists as proof that he has indeed been all over the world.

"Japan. All over the United States. Puerto Rico."

That's some pretty extensive travelling there Ken. Shamrock congratulates himself on becoming the champion to cheers, but he's cut off by Father James Mitchell who has an announcement. He claims to be on a mission from God - not the crowd's god, but his God. He means Satan you guys. He wants to make sure that his organisation controls the NWA Championship, so issues Shamrock a challenge. He dares him to face one of his Disciples of the New Church and put his belt on the line next week. Mitchell brings Slash out onto the stage with him. Shamrock laughs and says he'll happily put the belt on the line right now, but as he's talking Malice slides into the ring from behind. Chokeslam! He beats on the champ until a host of refs and security men come out to break it up. Mitchell laughs and his stable leave. He's a good talker - he probably deserves a better group of wrestlers.

It's time now for the round robin X Division tournament. I'm not sure how this is going to work, because all four guys come down to the ring. We've got AJ Styles, Psicosis, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn. The first two square off and the others take a seat at ringside.

7. TNA X-Division Championship: AJ Styles vs Psicosis vs Low Ki vs Jerry Lynn
Tenay actually explains that this is a double elimination tournament, not round robin (which they DEFINITELY said last week). You have to lose twice to be knocked out, and the matches continue until one man remains. Styles and Psicosis begin with flippy poo poo, and AJ hits perhaps the first genuinely super superkick in this thread so far. Psicosis regains control and hits a lovely guillotine legdrop for two. He goes for a hurricanrana, but AJ catches him and hits the Styles Clash! 1...2...3. One loss for Psicosis.

Low Ki wastes no time and charges into the ring, hitting Styles with kick after kick. WHAT THE gently caress!? AJ kips up into a hurricanrana! I've never seen that before! Ki hits a wicked jumping roundhouse and perches Styles on the top rope. He locks him in some sort of outrageous chokehold and rolls him back down onto the canvas, and Styles just about snags a rope. Low Ki boots him in the face and goes for a corcscrew off the top, but AJ moves. Low Ki rolls out of a crash landing but gets caught with a German suplex. AJ rolls through back to his feet and crushes Ki with an inverted facebuster. That's three. These guys are next level.

Jerry Lynn runs straight into the ring and blasts AJ with a cradle piledriver! 1...2...3! AJ, Psicosis and Low Ki now all have one loss each. Lynn vs Psicosis is next.

The Mexican blindsides Lynn with a missile dropkick to the back of the head! Most of my sentences are now ending with exclamation marks! The pair exchange momentum for a while until Lynn hits a top-rope facebuster for two. Jerry gets flipped to the outside and Psicosis flies with a somersault plancha! West's semen is currently all over the announce table. A spinning leg lariat (thanks Tenay) from the top rope fetches a two count for Psicosis, but his next trip up top is met with a missile dropkick to the gut as he leaps. Cradle piledriver! 1...2...3. Psicosis is out.

Low Ki goes to work with his kicks and chops. He sets up Lynn on the top rope and goes for a headscissors, but Jerry rolls through for a two count. Lynn eats a few hard kicks to the chest but isn't fazed - he asks for more, ducks one, and hits a big enziguri of his own. Lynn hits an axe kick from the apron when Ki sticks his head through the ropes to butt him. Very unique spot. Lynn goes for a cradle piledriver...reversed into an armbar...reversed again into a powerbomb! It only gets two. Cradle piledriver gets the three though. Low Ki is out.

AJ is in and we're down to the final two. Does he have to pin Lynn twice since Jerry hasn't lost a fall yet? I doubt it, but that seems unfair. Discus clothesline immediately gets two, as does a spinning heel kick. Lynn reverses a Styles Clash into a hurricanrana, probably because AJ shouted "STYLES CLASH!" as he set up for it. AJ does a double kick into a backflip off Lynn's chest, because that's just sort of the poo poo he can do. This is the sort of wrestling match the 10 year old me would book in my head. HELLACIOUS tornado DDT from Lynn gets two. So does a running sitout powerbomb from the corner. AJ is apparently made of rubber. He blocks a move and turns it into the Styles Clash for three! OH MY GOD! They've actually remembered the rule about two falls for an elimination! Sorry for underestimating you TNA!

Steamboat is in to act as the ref for the final fall. He did this last week too - is it some sort of fetish? They trade a shitload of near falls and pinning reversals, although it comes across as overly planned. A double clothesline puts both men down for a little rest. Lynn rolls to the apron and stuns AJ over the top rope when he comes near. Styles gets rammed headfirst into the crowd barrier at a stupidly fast pace - it looked painful. AJ backflips off the apron and catches Lynn in an inverted neckbreaker onto the mats. Ferrara compares this to great matches throughout history. It's really good but it's not quite up there. Back in the ring, Lynn hangs AJ out to dry over the top rope and hits him with a rope-assisted DDT. He goes for a vertebreaker (love that move) but AJ rolls out and goes for a hurricanrana...REVERSED INTO A HUGE FACEBUSTER! 1...2...NO!?

Okay I think I know who's going to win now. That would have surely been the finish if Lynn was going over. AJ reverses another piledriver attempt into a fireman's carry somehow. He drops Lynn's neck across his knee but this also gets two. These nearfalls are getting silly. Last week Ken Shamrock won the NWA title with a belly-to-belly suplex. Brainbuster by Lynn. Of course it only gets two. A sleeper hold is reversed into a jawbreaker, but Jerry regains control and hits a superpelx for yet another two. Only the commentators bit on the near fall. AJ's up top now and hits a ridiculous corkscrew thing. Not even sure what that was, but it gets him the win.

Winner and NEW TNA X-Division Champion: AJ Styles 4/5 - The ability of these four guys is unreal, but this was prevented from getting to a higher level by the drawn out nature of the ending (and the ludicrous number of nearfalls). It was spotty as hell, but I enjoyed it anyway. Potentially innovative at the time.[/u][/b]

Confetti rains down. Not good confetti - poo poo confetti. Streamers explode into the ring as Styles celebrates with the new belt. The commentators sign off by hyping the tag team championship tournament next week. Other matches include Shamrock vs Malice and the rWo vs Team Absolute Justice.

Sorry for the length of the update. This was supposed to be split into four parts, but I was fooled by the length of that last match. Quick question - are The Dupps and Don West up for inclusion into the rWo? They exhibited some textbook narrow-minded behaviour, but homophobia and racism are obviously two very different disciplines.

Summary to follow.

Gyro Zeppeli
Jul 19, 2012

sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge

Could just make it the bWo: Bigotry World Order.

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
TNA#2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO SUMMARY


Match Of The Night
AJ Styles vs Psicosis vs Low Ki vs Jerry Lynn - Would have been match of the night on most cards anyway, but there was really no competition here. Everything else was pretty dreadful.

Wrestler Of The Night
1. AJ Styles - The best of a good bunch in the main event.
2. Jerry Lynn - Struggled slightly to keep up with AJ, but really not as much as his age would lead you to expect. Fantastic.
3. Low Ki - I sort of wish he'd stayed in the match longer. His slightly different style is great.
4. Psicosis - Eliminated first, but still had enough time to wow everybody with some great moves.
5. Brian Christopher - Wrestled competently, I guess?

K-Krush could also have been in here, but Christopher did very slightly more in their match. Nobody else on the card deserved to be anywhere near the top five.

Wrestler Of The "1st Tenth" Standings
1. Jerry Lynn - 7
Low Ki - 7
AJ Styles - 7

2. Jimmy Yang - 5

3. Psicosis - 2

4. Sonny Siaki - 1
Brian Christopher - 1

So the first rWo member cracks the standings. Could this be the start of an almighty takeover? Almost certainly not.

TNA #2: Electric Boogaloo - 3/10
Whereas the first event was mainly poor with some okay stuff, this event was mainly dreadful with some great stuff. Therefore they work out about the same. The main event was great but just about everything else utterly failed to deliver. It was appalling for the most part, especially the Lingerie Battle Royal and the unfortunate debut of Cheex. It's also worth noting that every single match ended with a face victory (although admittedly there were no heels in the main event). The only heel victory was Malice's beatdown of Shamrock, and that'll no doubt be avenged next time.

Guitars Smashed: 0
Swerves: 0

And it was still a diabolical show.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




E: beaten like an uppity black homosexual.

Just rename them the Bigot World order. I'm sure sexism will happen soon enough too.

Also, is the X division gonna be the only good part of these PPVs?

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

Junpei Hyde posted:

Just rename the Bigot World order. I'm sure sexism will happen soon enough too.

Also, is the X division gonna be the only good part of these PPVs?

No sometimes the x division is also bad. Goldi is great because she hates the show.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




oatgan posted:

No sometimes the x division is also bad. Goldi is great because she hates the show.

I've only really heard of TNA stuff in passing. I'm still semi convinced JGKing is making this up. I can't fathom a product this awful/offensive.

bobkatt013
Oct 8, 2006

You’re telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

Junpei Hyde posted:

I've only really heard of TNA stuff in passing. I'm still semi convinced JGKing is making this up. I can't fathom a product this awful/offensive.

He has not seen anything yet. AJ + chainsaw + homophobic slurs is in the future.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013




bobkatt013 posted:

He has not seen anything yet. AJ + chainsaw + homophobic slurs is in the future.

What. AJ's the heel right?

bobkatt013
Oct 8, 2006

You’re telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

Junpei Hyde posted:

What. AJ's the heel right?

No. Wait until you meet the stable SEX

SlothBear
Jan 25, 2009

As bad as this is, it gets worse. Stop while you still can.

OldTennisCourt
Sep 11, 2011

by VideoGames
Will we ever see a PPV rating above 5? Stay tuned!

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
Bigotry World Order it is.

quote:

Known Bigotry World Order Members

bWo Hollywhite
Toby Keith
Brian Christopher
Two NASCAR Guys
Scott Hall
Jackie Fargo

bWo Straightpac
Stan Dupp
Bo Dupp
Don West

Junpei - Sadly I'm not making any of it up. Luckily the storylines haven't yet developed enough to become convoluted, but I'm sure it won't take long.
oatgan - She does!

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008
There's already a bWo and it doesn't deserve to be lumped in with this mess. :colbert:

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
TNA #3: Senior Year - July 3rd 2002 - Nashville, Tennessee


PART 1

Fireworks rain spew out from all areas of the arena as Tenay informs us it's the eve of Independence Day. I think we could get Bigotry on a whole different level tonight.

Tenay introduces us to Jim Miller, the NWA president. His name flashes up on the bottom of the screen and it's actually Jim Wilson. Great work TNA. Wilson presents Tenay with a trophy, symbolising TNA's welcome into the NWA family. It's one of those big professional wrestling trophies with the easily breakable middle section. I wonder if it'll survive the night. Wilson also explains that he's been on a tour of Japan and met a big wrestler by the name of Omori. He books a title match between Omori and the NWA Champion for next week. There's no mentioning of Omori's credentials as a wrestler or any of his backstory. He's literally described as "a big Japanese guy" who Wilson happened to meet.

1. NWA World Tag Team Championship Qualifying Match: Chris Harris and James Storm vs The Johnsons
Oh wow, the Johnsons are actually back. Mortimer Plumtree leads his charges to the ring and pre-emptively declares them the winners of tonight's tournament. Harris and Storm are now best buds after their makeshift tag team debut last week, which is nice. The Johnsons win the early exchange over Harris and quickly take care of Storm as well, busting out a patented double team move I'll call "loving throwing their opponent into the air with little regard for their safety". Storm becomes the face in peril for a while (and does a good job of it) before fighting back with an atomic drop and some sweet chest music. Hot tag to Harris - here he comes.

He clears the ring and leaps at one Johnson with a crossbody, but gets caught in mid air. Missile dropkick from Storm! He kicks Harris into a cover and that's enough for three. Big pop for the boys.

Winners: Chris Harris and James Storm 1.5/5 - Storm looked good, Harris looked okay, the Johnsons need to get out of the company pretty fast. The finish was good though.

Plumtree berates his team and shoves them in the chest. The Johnsons aren't happy. One picks him up and seems to be preparing a chokeslam, but instead sets him on his feet and pushes him over instead. Why? I suspect Plumtree might have sandbagged on the jump. The Johnsons leave and Plumtree hobbles after them apologising.

Well that didn't last long. We're two episodes in and already the stable is broken up. Face turn for The Johnsons? I hope not.

Scott Hall is out to cut a promo. He says "hey yo" and literally nothing else, because Jarrett's music immediately cuts him off. Shortest promo ever! Jarrett does not gently caress around when interrupting people. "Hey yo my rear end" he begins, before calling Hall a bitch. Scott tells him to bring his rear end down to the ring and fight him right now. Jeff is on his way, but NWA President Jim Wilson steps into the aisle to stop him. Tenay gets his name wrong again, or maybe the sign did earlier. A google search reveals that Tenay was right, but the graphic was wrong. I'm really sorry Mike, I'll never doubt you again. Miller tells Jarrett he'll fight Hall according to schedule, not right now. Jeff respects his wishes and backs off...but here comes K-Krush out of the crowd to blindside Scott! Hall immediately gains control and sets up for the Razor's Edge, but Krush slips out and eats a suplex instead. He gets clotheslined out of the ring and Hall stands tall. Worst ambush ever.

The dancing girls are back.

Goldilocks is backstage in the locker room where Storm and Young have been attacked. Storm is bleeding very heavily but we have no idea why. Goldilocks tries to find out but security ushers her away.

2. Anthony Ingram vs Monty Brown
Ingram is a local boy and gets the jobber entrance, so it's not looking good for him. If you haven't heard of Monty Brown he's a muscular angry black man. They'll make him a heel in no time. He seems to be a bit of a tweener right now as he grabs a mic and announces that he wants Shamrock's title. Brown decimates Ingram with various suplexes before looking directly into a ringside camera and saying "Alpha Bomb". Well that's one way to get your finisher over. It's good for three as well.

Winner: Monty Brown 1/5 - A very short squash. Did it's job and got Brown over as a threat, but this is something you'd expect on free TV. I guess that's the drawback of doing weekly PPVs.

Dancing girls. The prettiest one gets the least camera time. Never mind.

Tenay throws us backstage to Goldilocks and NWA President Jim Miller, but instead we just get Goldilocks chatting to some security guards. She says she can't find Miller anywhere, but none of the security guys have seen him either. He asks a passing tag team (who I don't recognise) but they haven't seen him either. She apologises and says she was hoping to bring us an interview. Why? We've already had an interview with him and he got involved in the Jarrett/Hall segment. What more could he possibly have to say? Puppet the Psycho Dwarf comes out of nowhere and demands she interview him. He's the midget from episode one, the one who didn't fight. He's angry about this (although he seemed fine with it at the time - I assumed he was promoting the fight between the other two). He calls out Gary Coleman and Mini-Me, vowing not to leave tonight until he kicks some midget rear end. Does he realise he's a midget as well? He's talking like he hates them.

Borash introduces The Rainbow Express and Joel Gertner to the ring. Goldilocks is backstage with their opponents. This is very disorientating.

Buff Bagwell is teaming with Apollo. He brags about how he's a six time World Tag Team champ with five different partners, a record he plans to improve to six and seven. He hypes Apollo as the second best man in the company (behind himself) and cuts the Puerto Rican off because nobody will understand his accent. Flirting with racism there Buff, but we'll let it slide. Apollo doesn't look happy at being regarded number two, but they head to the ring anyway.

What kind of recapper would I be if I didn't find out who those five different partners were. Here we go.

2 Cold Scorpio
The Patriot (twice)
Scotty Riggs
Rick Steiner
Shane Douglas

Pick your favourite, guys.

3. NWA World Tag Team Championship Qualifying Match: The Rainbow Express vs Buff Bagwell and Apollo
Lenny and Bruce delay the start of the match to hug it out. Bruce gains control of the early going because Bagwell showboats between each move and leaves himself open to attack. Lenny gets the tag (via a kiss on the hand) and shoves his palm in Buff's face. Buff isn't impressed and pokes him in the eyes as Alicia (Ryan Shamrock) comes down to the ring. Who's she going to extract money from this time? And when on earth are we going to get an answer to this storyline? This time it's Ed Ferrara and he hands over the cash without protest or explanation. Meanwhile Apollo is kicking rear end inside the ring and drops Bruce with a sitout powerbomb. Lenny hits a few chops to the chest before stopping to admire Apollo's pecs! Hahaha that's great. It gets a lot of heat from the crowd though. Apollo responds with some hard chops of his own and a powerslam. Gertner grabs his foot from outside the ring and Bruce hits a stunner into the top rope. Nice spot. Tornado DDT by Lenny gets a two count.

A full nelson slam tips the momentum back in Apollo's favour after a couple of double team spots from the Rainbow Express. Bagwell gets the hot tag and cleans house. He somehow botches a crossbody to take Lenny out of the ring, what an idiot. Apollo hits an incredibly good superkick on Bruce and hits some sort of TKO slam, but Lenny comes back in to knock him out of the ring from behind. Bagwell hits his Blockbuster on Bruce but stops to pose again, turning right into a superkick from Lenny (not anywhere near as good as Apollo's). It gets the three.

Winners: The Rainbow Express 2/5 - Decent tag team action, Buff's botch notwithstanding. Good heeling by the Rainbow boys and an impressive display from Apollo.

Gertner and the Express leave victoriously, leaving Apollo and Bagwell in the ring. Apollo looks disappointed in Bagwell for his constant showboating and leaves. Buff sits on the apron and Ferrara seizes the initiative to interview him. Bagwell drops the Buff gimmick and demands that everyone refer to him by his real name: Marcus. He says that he came back from a broken neck and nobody gave a poo poo, and that he's a six time tag champ who just got beaten by two gay guys. NEW ORDER MEMBER! GET HIM IN THE ORDER! He says that being Buff ruined his whole career and that he wants to go home. He gives Ferrara his hat and storms out.

Homophobia aside this was quite a good promo. I felt a little bit of sympathy for Bagwell, although that wasn't shared by the crowd. They serenade him with a chorus of "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" as he leaves.

Gaz-L
Jan 28, 2009
Storm & Harris (soon to be America's Most Wanted) teaming up was one of the rare cases where TNA lucked into a good thing early on.

And AJ's twisting moonsault is called the Spiral Tap.

zetamind2000
Nov 6, 2007

I'm an alien.

C. Everett Koop posted:

There's already a bWo and it doesn't deserve to be lumped in with this mess. :colbert:

New name: White World Order

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!

RZApublican posted:

New name: White World Order

Yes.

SlothBear
Jan 25, 2009

Watching young Chris Harris you can almost see the brilliance that would one day be Braden Walker.

dsriggs
May 28, 2012

MONEY FALLS...

...FROM THE SKY...

...WHENEVER HE POSTS!

quote:

"And when on earth are we going to get an answer to this storyline?" Let's watch TNA's Weekly PPVs.

Fixed for accuracy.

JGKing
Dec 26, 2012

What has happened to this company?!
TNA #3: Senior Year


PART 2

Shamrock comes out and he's angry that Monty Brown wants a title shot after just one match in the NWA. He's getting "what" chants throughout his promo - I guess this is about the time Austin brought them into fashion.

Mitchell interrupts from the back row of the arena. He's miles away, lit by a spotlight as the rest of the building is plunged into darkness. He says Shamrock doesn't need to worry about Monty Brown. He just needs to worry about Malice. The lights come back on and Malice is standing over Shamrock on the ramp. He's blindsided him again. EMTs run out and fix a brace around Ken's neck. How did they know his neck was hurt so quickly?

We go to Goldilocks backstage trying to get word on Storm and Harris' condition. She tries to interview a backstage suit (apparently the vice president), but he's extremely busy. Shamrock's hurt, he's down a tag team, and president Jim Miller is nowhere to be seen. Jerry Lynn offers to find a partner and replace the injured faces in the tournament, but the VP is too busy to listen to him and tells him to go away.

Puppet The Psycho Dwarf comes down to the ring with a kendo stick. He grabs the microphone and says "GIMME THAT MICROPHONE!" into it. Um, you already have the microphone. He issues a challenge to any midget, and it's answered by a relatively tall midget called Todd Stone answers the call. He's 4'9" apparently.

4. Midget Match: Puppet vs Todd Stone
Puppet wails on Stone with the kendo stick and hits him with a trashcan. He sticks the can over his head and wails away with the stick, before hitting a suplex and then an F5 type move onto the can. There we go.

Winner: Puppet 0.5/5 - A hardcore midget squash match. What more do you want?

I think I've realised why Puppet has such a beef with midgets despite being one. I don't think he's a midget at all - I think he's a dwarf. I'm really not sure, but I'm certain there's a difference between the two. Puppet grabs his kendo stick and smacks the ref and Borash. Don West is going crazy - he loves it. Puppet walks past the announce table and West extends a hand, exclaiming "way to go little guy!". He gets a few kendo stick shots as well. Good.

Goldilocks is backstage with Shamrock and the EMTs. They don't know his condition right now and are unable to say if he'll be able to wrestle, although Ken is bravely trying to get to his feet. Goldilocks has had a shitload of segments tonight and hasn't been able to find out any information at all in any of them.

Francine makes her entrance and Ferrara still has the hots for her despite her beating him up last week with his own belt.

5. Francine vs Taylor Vaughn
Vaughn is introduces as Miss TNA following on from her win last week. Francine removes Ferrara's belt from her kneepad and goes to town on Taylor until the ref snatches it from her. Vaughn rips it out of his grasp and whips Francine right back. The ref tries to get the belt from her and she turns on him! He calls for the bell. Francine wins by DQ.

Winner: Francine DUD/5 - Pointless filler. Also, why didn't Francine get disqualified for using the belt first?

Vaughn leaves angrily. Ferrara gets in the ring and helps Francine to her feet, raising her arm and declaring her the winner. I think he's supposed to accidentally grope her boob, but Francine very clearly moves it into position. It makes her subsequent beatdown of him seem nonsensical.

We go over to Borash who's making a special announcement. He gets shoved by Francine as she storms to the back and he sells it brilliantly. Great facial expressions. Borash introduces Hermie Sadler to the stage, one of the two NASCAR dudes. The more awkward one, I might add. He's brought his pit crew along with him and they stand pointlessly behind him. He thanks the crowd for making him and the other NASCAR guy welcome, but is interrupted by K-Krush. A team of security guys immediately come out and stand behind him. Krush cuts a great heel promo telling Sadler that nobody cares about NASCAR and daring him to do something about it. Man he deserves to be in a better feud than this. Of course he does. Sadler thinks for a moment...and tackles Krush to the ground! His pit crew drag him off while the security team hold Krush back as well. Krush says he's too busy to deal with Sadler tonight due to his main event match, but he challenges him next week. Sadler agrees. That'll be a match for the ages.

An impressive number of pointless segments in a row here. I'm struggling to choose a picture for the top of the post, so I've settled for a Tenay face which sums up my reaction to this part of the show.

ZenVulgarity
Oct 9, 2012

I made the hat by transforming my zen

You dumb fucker.

Please don't commit suicide by the end.

Bigass Moth
Mar 6, 2004

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.
:boom:
he knows...
Really looking forward to the first time a non flippy guy wins the X title and your reaction, especially if you don't know who or when it is.

IF YA SMELLL WHAT THE SIAK IS COOKIN

BENGHAZI 2
Oct 13, 2007

by Cyrano4747

MassRafTer posted:

It was an outtake from Jello Biafra's country album. (A real thing that is really good.)

I now know this exists and I need it. What's it called?

edit is it the one with Mojo Nixon

BENGHAZI 2 fucked around with this message at 03:40 on Sep 18, 2014

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MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

BAEST MODE!!!

Literally The Worst posted:

I now know this exists and I need it. What's it called?

edit is it the one with Mojo Nixon

Yes.

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