The Satanic Temple just released a book for kids

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > The Satanic Temple just released a book for kids

Talas: Aug 27, 2005

Now the godless atheists won't be able to keep religion out of school!... oh wait.

quote:

The Satanic Temple has responded to an Orange County, Florida decision to disseminate religious materials in public school by creating complementary materials that espouse the philosophy and practice of Satanism.

Last month, a Florida judge ruled that if the Orange County school district allowed Christian groups to disseminate Bibles and Christian-oriented religious materials in its schools, it would also have to allow atheist groups to do the same.

Here's the full book, no photoshop needed:

http://thesatanictemple.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Activity_Book.pdf

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:51

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# ? Apr 28, 2024 07:28

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

Do whatever you want!

Just don't invoke the first gate unless you know that your poo poo will be ruined if you don't assemble the symbols correctly, and you know.

The rest of the information is gunna be in the book I guess??? Lavey in pastel colours maybe?

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:55

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

hail satan

also cutest cerberus ever

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:56

The Skeleton King: Jul 16, 2011; Right now undead are at the top of my shit list. Undead are complete fuckers. Those geists are fuckers. Necromancers are fuckers. Necrosavants are big time fuckers. Skeletons aren't too bad except when they bleed everyone in the company. Zombos are at least not too bad.

Damned satanist kids an their square heads.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:57

OMFG FURRY: Jul 10, 2006; [snarky comment]

here come a poo poo load of posts from people who don't understand the church of satan!!!

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:57

Mr.Tophat: Apr 7, 2007; You clearly don't understand joke development

OMFG FURRY posted:

here come a poo poo load of posts from people who don't understand the church of satan!!!

Have you even gotten to the fourth gate bro?

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:58

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Samuel L. ACKSYN posted:

also cutest cerberus ever

baphomet

hail baby satan

# ? Sep 17, 2014 04:58

Spacedad: Sep 11, 2001; We go play orbital catch around the curvature of the earth, son.

What if your religion is Rock N Roll.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:02

big black turnout: Jan 13, 2009; Fallen Rib

adorable and a good idea

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:03

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

satanists are christiasts iyrtai if you really think about it

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:04

naem: May 29, 2011

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:05

Samuel L. ACKSYN: Feb 29, 2008

Cardiovorax posted:

baphomet

i mean in the book, cerberus is in there dude

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:05

phybersyko: Dec 8, 2003; When hell is full, the dead will walk the Earth.

It's a bit shy of the 666 pages this needs to be. Perhaps a guide to building a sacrificial altar?

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:09

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Like its a surprise attention whores have kids occasionally

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:11

EXTREME INSERTION: Jun 4, 2011; by LadyAmbien

The prosperity gospel aka Christianity as practiced by a good portion of America is actually stealth satanism

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:13

naem: May 29, 2011

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

The prosperity gospel aka Christianity as practiced by a good portion of America is actually stealth satanism

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:22

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

darkness reigns

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:25

Future Mrs Booger: Jan 18, 2012

This book is truly the work of Satan. On the very first page they are graphing quadratics. That is way too advanced for kids who are still giving apples to their teachers and learning 2x2=4. Very reminiscent of the first Men in Black where Will Smith shoots the cut-out of the girl carrying advanced maths textbooks because they are too advanced for her age.

Something is up, and surely it is not holy.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:27

naem: May 29, 2011

A reminder that according to the bible this is what angels actually look like, the good guys are just as terrifying

Don't look at the last one directly or you'll combust

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:28

ashgromnies: Jun 19, 2004

Mr.Tophat posted:

Do whatever you want!

Just don't invoke the first gate unless you know that your poo poo will be ruined if you don't assemble the symbols correctly, and you know.

The rest of the information is gunna be in the book I guess??? Lavey in pastel colours maybe?

these guys aren't laveyan satanists, they're general millenial liberal atheists that embrace satan for the absurdity.

the different satanic temples are all feuding now because these guys have been getting so much press, and the older ones are like "wahh these guys aren't actually satanists" but whatever these guys are funny i like them and laveyan satanism is just objectivism so gently caress that anyways http://www.metrotimes.com/Blogs/archives/2014/09/16/rival-satanic-factions-feud-in-detroit

hail satan.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:30

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

i live near their first branch in detroit and i think i'm gonna join them.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:31

tyler: Jun 2, 2014

Hail Satan.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:31

ashgromnies: Jun 19, 2004

Christmas Miracle posted:

i live near their first branch in detroit and i think i'm gonna join them.

did you stop at their table at dally in the alley

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:32

DoctorStrangelove: Jun 7, 2012; IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!

Am I correct in my assessment that Satanism is just Ayn Rand bullshit but with an extra dosage of NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD!?

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:32

ashgromnies: Jun 19, 2004

DoctorStrangelove posted:

Am I correct in my assessment that Satanism is just Ayn Rand bullshit but with an extra dosage of NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD!?

it's more complicated than that, read a thread before posting in it, thanks

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:33

Future Mrs Booger: Jan 18, 2012

ashgromnies posted:

these guys aren't laveyan satanists, they're general millenial liberal atheists that embrace satan for the absurdity.

the different satanic temples are all feuding now because these guys have been getting so much press, and the older ones are like "wahh these guys aren't actually satanists" but whatever these guys are funny i like them and laveyan satanism is just objectivism so gently caress that anyways http://www.metrotimes.com/Blogs/archives/2014/09/16/rival-satanic-factions-feud-in-detroit

hail satan.

I unironically love this. Like truly.

Here we have a bunch of dudes who started anti-religions using Satanic imagery to get people's goats, but then fight each other like a real religion. Will we be seeing the first Satanic Holy War in 2014 or 2015. I kinda hope so.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:33

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

naem posted:

Don't look at the last one directly or you'll combust

ah poo poo he put the text below what i wasnt supposed to look at looks like this is the end for me *poof*

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:33

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

ashgromnies posted:

did you stop at their table at dally in the alley

no, i have a friend who did. we didn't make it to the dally this year but he had literature from their table lol

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:33

Rodatose: Jul 8, 2008; corn, corn, corn

Christmas Miracle posted:

i live near their first branch in detroit and i think i'm gonna join them.

you really think you're ready to join The Dark Carnival?

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:33

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:35

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

no that's icp which is a different religious group entirely

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:35

America Inc.: Nov 22, 2013; I plan to live forever, of course, but barring that I'd settle for a couple thousand years. Even 500 would be pretty nice.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:35

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

satan is p cool i guess but tbh most satanists are like wiccans or pagans they're a bunch of fat lesbians/nerds trying to be interesting instead of doing something typical like worshipining jesus/allah

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:36

Shadoer: Aug 31, 2011; Zoe Quinn is one of many women targeted by the Gamergate harassment campaign.

Support a feminist today!

Ok this thing is brilliant.

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:36

naem: May 29, 2011

DoctorStrangelove posted:

Am I correct in my assessment that Satanism is just Ayn Rand bullshit but with an extra dosage of NO YOU SHUT THE gently caress UP DAD!?

this exactly plus some naive and incorrectly performed sort of pagan idolatry, which isn't actually related at all it's just spooky

Again the good guys are just as spooky

# ? Sep 17, 2014 05:37