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What do I do?
Kill house mate.
Kill Mr. Bendy
Move out.
Kill yourself.
Murder your famil.
View Results
 
  • Locked thread
Chris Awful
Oct 2, 2005

Tell your friends they don't have to be scared or hungry anymore comrades.
Once upon a while ago, I heard some sexy noises coming from my roommates room. I thought to myself, is she doing the nasty? To confirm what my ears were hearing, I concocted an innocent plan. I would sneak in her room and look through her drawers while she was away. What I found was the fairest dildo of them all. Big, firm, and bendy.

I had to have the big; bendy dildo inside me... but I couldn't. This is the personal dildo of my housemate; there is no way I could violate her privacy and her trust. At some point I stopped thinking and let my hormones take over. Next thing I know I am on my bed with Mr. Bendy slithering in and out of me while massaging my prostate. I told myself, only this time. This is the last time. After Big Ben hosed me to orgasm, I felt very guilty for letting my prostate control me. I vowed never use my roommate dildo again.

I have vowed to stop using Mr. bendy many time since, but my dick gets so thick and hard when I think about Mr. Bendy that I can't control myself. One of these days my housemate is going to arrive home early and I will surely die.

What do I do?

Chris Awful fucked around with this message at 13:15 on Sep 18, 2014

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lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

le'ts live together

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

find out what mr bendys real name is

Cuniculous
Apr 23, 2007

kill people burn shit fuck school
You're going to give her a UTI

oh dope
Nov 2, 2006

No guilt, it feeds in plain sight
you were a dear and cleaned it, right?

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

i don't have a personal stake in this OP so my advice is likely to be unhelpful

Chris Awful
Oct 2, 2005

Tell your friends they don't have to be scared or hungry anymore comrades.

scalded schlong posted:

i don't have a personal stake in this OP so my advice is likely to be unhelpful

As one would expect from a person with a scaled schlong.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here
Ask her if she will use mr bendy on you.

Marta Velasquez
Mar 9, 2013

Good thing I was feeling suicidal this morning...
Fallen Rib
Steal Mr. Bendy. When she asks you where her dildo is, point to your dick.

script kitty
Jan 2, 2005

GOTTA GO CATTES
i once encountered my roommate plus one of his lovers with one of my dildos shoved up one of their asses, and the other was feeding CAT5 cable into his urethra

it's just what happens in a boys house

pixelbaron
Mar 18, 2009

~ Notice me, Shempai! ~

script kitty posted:

i once encountered my roommate plus one of his lovers with one of my dildos shoved up one of their asses, and the other was feeding CAT5 cable into his urethra

it's just what happens in a boys house

#justboythings

Egoist
Aug 19, 2010

Love myself today
Let you go today
Lipstick Apathy

lonesomedwarf posted:

find out what mr bendys real name is

Begby
Apr 7, 2005

Light saber? Check. Black boots? Check. Codpiece? Check. He's more machine than kid now.
Many moons ago there was a goldmined thread on these here forums where some goon went to his ex-girlfriends house to get some old video tapes and he found her new boyfriend their with her dildo up his rear end while sucking his own dick. I seem to recall that he was wearing her panties too, but maybe I made that part up in a dream or something.

Beware OP, that could be you.....

I am Toni Lippi
Aug 16, 2004
Can't stop or won't stop?

Gum
Mar 9, 2008

oho, a rapist
time to try this puppy out
im 90% sure that if you sat her down and explained what you were doing then she would be totally cool with it, you should do that

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

just buy the same model dildo from somewhere else OP, swap it, and steal mr bendy

e: you can swap it back and forth repeatedly

Fat Jesus
Jul 13, 2011

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2023


Gum posted:

im 90% sure that if you sat her down and explained what you were doing then she would be totally cool with it, you should do that

women are understanding

Wild T
Dec 15, 2008

The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.
Is 'housemate' code for your mother?

Radical and BADical!
Jun 27, 2010

by Lowtax
Fun Shoe

lonesomedwarf posted:

find out what mr bendys real name is

Schlongberger Bendyson, Esq.

fuccboi
Jan 5, 2004

by zen death robot

lonesomedwarf posted:

find out what mr bendys real name is

bendymans true name cant be spoken by mortal tongue

Gaunab
Feb 13, 2012
LUFTHANSA YOU FUCKING DICKWEASEL
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Baxter
Sep 13, 2000
Your housemate is going to arrive home early one day and you will surely die.

embrace your fate

Saga
Aug 17, 2009

scalded schlong posted:

just buy the same model dildo from somewhere else OP, swap it, and steal mr bendy

e: you can swap it back and forth repeatedly

This is the best idea. Post a pic op so we can help you id it using our collective rear end dildo knowledge.

Moola
Aug 16, 2006
didnt vote because i cant choose between kill yourself and kill famil

Moola
Aug 16, 2006
which is honestly a problem I face every day of my life tbh

Outpost22
Oct 11, 2012

RIP Screamy You were too good for this world.

Wild T posted:

Is 'housemate' code for your mother?

oh poo poo the plot thickens

Nog
May 15, 2006

king solomon once faced this same situation

he threatened to cut the dildo in half so each roommate could have part. the dildo's true owner begged him not to, but the spiteful fake owner said go ahead.

we can all learn from that story

Cosmik Slop
Oct 9, 2007

What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?


Commit suicide by letting your housemate catch you with Señor Bendy

matrocious
Feb 7, 2011

Cuniculous posted:

You're going to give her a UTI

butt isn't that what she deserves?

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
dildo insurance sucker

Marta Velasquez
Mar 9, 2013

Good thing I was feeling suicidal this morning...
Fallen Rib

ripped0ff posted:

king solomon once faced this same situation

he threatened to cut the dildo in half so each roommate could have part. the dildo's true owner begged him not to, but the spiteful fake owner said go ahead.

we can all learn from that story

Didn't they compromise on buying a double-ended bendy that they could both share?

de_dust
Jan 21, 2009

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.
not gonna lie OP I'm a bit turned on

MeaningOfLife
Nov 30, 2001

:staredog: <(I can tell you that it is NOT '42'.)
Just ask her to gently caress you in the butt with a strap on.

Francis Baconator
Jul 11, 2008

Thanks for the avatar man!
would be hotter if the op was a chick

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
dildos work best on men because of the prostate


its scientifically proven that the intensity of a mans orgasm at least triples if he can properly stimulate the prostate

Vastarien
Dec 20, 2012

Where I live is nightmare, thus a certain nonchalance.



Buglord
Chris, this is your roommate. Please stop putting my dildo in your butt. It's gross. Also, you'll want to get checked for anal warts.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012
lol she probably has a rly bad uti now

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp

MeaningOfLife posted:

Just ask her to gently caress you in the butt with a strap on.

OP you should confess to your roommate and then ask her to gently caress you with a strap-on. She'll probably be super in to it. Just make sure you got a nice strap-on that stimulates the clitoris sufficientyl.

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp

Zzulu posted:

dildos work best on men because of the prostate


its scientifically proven that the intensity of a mans orgasm at least triples if he can properly stimulate the prostate

This is true, and if you don't let your partner finger your rear end in a top hat while they're sucking your dick, you're a stupid human being and deserve to be single, which you eventually will be.

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Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
"I don't like things going up my butt. It feels uncomfortable." - a whiny, prissy, little bitch

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