kevin smith made a movie where justin long gets turned into a walrus

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > kevin smith made a movie where justin long gets turned into a walrus

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bunky: Aug 29, 2004

and dont anyone loving say that his wife is hot because shes a new jersey 6 at best

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 20:16

Mystery Steve: Nov 9, 2006; Fun Shoe

Snootchie bootchies.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:24

Dandywalken: Feb 11, 2014

PUGGERNAUT posted:

he stole the drat idea from a king of the hill episode!!!! operation infinite walrus

quoted for "TOOTH"

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:24

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:25

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Remember that scene in clerks 2 where Randall is owning a lord of the rings nerd, and The Lord of the rings nerd stands there quietly while Jeff Anderson mimes walking back and forth for like 4 minutes, and then the nerd was owned so hard he threw up? owned. Star Wars forever. talk about owned, owned. funny stuff,

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:29

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

He gonna eat that dog.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:30

Jesus Christ: Jun 1, 2000; mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

Neurosis posted:

Nurge posted:
Uh oh, someone didn't read the rule about not making threads about fat people.

lol i had no idea this is a rule that is really stupid

for real dude, I made a decently successful thread about fat people falling down a week or two ago and some lardass moderator gassed it because he was probably one of the fatties in the pictures falling down.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:35

bunky: Aug 29, 2004

Jesus Christ posted:

for real dude, I made a decently successful thread about fat people falling down a week or two ago and some lardass moderator gassed it because he was probably one of the fatties in the pictures falling down.

i dont think that ever happened. not the gassing, just you making a moderately successful thread

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:42

3 DONG HORSE: May 22, 2008; I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

Lol, he's right. From rules thread:

" -anyone from now on who makes a thread about fat people is getting increasingly probated"

Wth. Idgi. Is it a bandwidth saving measure so SA's tubes dont clog?

back on topic.. @midnight had Kevin Smith and Justin Long on together recently. It was probably the worst episode of any comedy show I've ever seen. They are okay separately but they combine into a blackhole of jokes

3 DONG HORSE fucked around with this message at 08:46 on Sep 20, 2014

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:43

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

Hitlers Gay Secret posted:

He gonna eat that dog.

it's like when you tie a carrot to the end of a stick to make a horse run

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:49

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

kind of want to see him and gaben make out

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:50

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

old dog child posted:

Lol, he's right. From rules thread:

" -anyone from now on who makes a thread about fat people is getting increasingly probated"

Wth. Idgi. Is it a bandwidth saving measure so SA's tubes dont clog?

probably sparks arguments because fat people are bad and gently caress up a lot in comedic ways, but also there are a lot of fat people here to be angry about that fact

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:50

Jesus Christ: Jun 1, 2000; mods if you can make this my avatar I will gladly pay 10bux to the coffers

bunky posted:

i dont think that ever happened. not the gassing, just you making a moderately successful thread

10 pages before getting gassed by some lardass mod is pretty successful for my posting history

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3661544&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:56

luncheon meat: Oct 11, 2007; Brendan Jones, 42, Bendigo

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

He's wearing that oilers jumper bc he has to oil himself up to squeeze into that car

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:57

bunky: Aug 29, 2004

Jesus Christ posted:

10 pages before getting gassed by some lardass mod is pretty successful for my posting history

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3661544&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

congrats

# ? Sep 20, 2014 08:57

Eindyin: Mar 23, 2004; #1 Son

luncheon meat posted:

Oh and what role is his ugly wife who he thinks is hot just because she hosed him for his money playing in this movie?

I read this and guessed "oh god she's Dante's mrs from Clerks II isn't she" and I was right. Great description!

# ? Sep 20, 2014 09:15

Clitch: Feb 26, 2002; I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus

Code Jockey posted:

kind of want to see him and gaben make out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hin-DIVIeqE

# ? Sep 20, 2014 09:16

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

I hate Kevin Smith, to be honest.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:06

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

this movie could've been good.

michael parks is amazing in it.

but johnny depp loving ruins it with his dumb over acting character schtick. he's like the grandfather from the princess bride, mixed with jerry lewis, mixed with poo poo. wasn't a good movie.

the walrus suit was also over lit for some reason, and a lot fo the editing was weird. not the worst movie ever, but dissapointing. even for what it is.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:13

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

luncheon meat posted:

Really though what is that picture?

that is really the walrus suit.

and him and michael parks have a walrus fight scene to tusk by fleetwood mac

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:14

Neurosis: Jun 10, 2003; Fallen Rib

Jesus Christ posted:

for real dude, I made a decently successful thread about fat people falling down a week or two ago and some lardass moderator gassed it because he was probably one of the fatties in the pictures falling down.

it seems any thread that goes long enough inevitably runs into a gas here without anything against the rules happening but because some people don't like it it is pretty dumb

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:14

Cubone: May 26, 2011; Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

CelticPredator posted:

johnny depp

wait what really

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:18

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

yep.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:21

CelticPredator: Oct 11, 2013; 🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

i'll describe the whole movie for you gbs, because I love you.

and i'll be extra nice to put in spoilers for those who don't want to know.

so justin long is an rear end in a top hat podcaster who hangs out with haley joel osmet(aka i see dead people) as they bullshit and make fun of weird people. their podcast is called the "not see party" because i see dead people does not see what justin long talks about. many jokes about nazis in the film. Anyway, their first video, and the first scene of the film, is a "video" of a kid who's using a sword and ends up chopping his leg off. sounds kinda funny right? wrong. the effect is so loving lovely it ruins the scene entirely. it looks like a cartoon. not even close to being anywhere near realistic looking. anyway. justin wants to go visit this kid in canada, and does so. turns out he killed himself, and now justin has nothing to share on his next show.

so he pisses in a bar and finds an ad about an old man with stories who needs someone to live with him. justin decides this is it. he goes up tot he creepy house, and acts like a dick while the great and loving fantastic michael parks talks about his life and all that. it's all good stuff. but it's contrasted by justin saying things like "holy gently caress christ." and "that's nuts bro". anyway, he drinks this tea which was drugged and passes out.

oh and its shown that i see dead people is cucking justin's girlfriend. but it's ok because justin is cucking on her. cucks all around!

parks off screen cuts off justin's leg, and tells him he's going to turn him into a walrus who saved his life, and who he loved for six months a long time ago. justin calls i see dead people and his girlfriend for help when he gets a chance, and so they go looking for him.

somewhere justin becomes a fat walrus made of human skin and he does walrusy things. also, it turns out he's not the first walrus man that's existed. thats when i see dead people and girlfriend meet johnny depp and he mugs the camera so hard you want to punch him in the face. it's a 8 minute scene of johnny depp being weird and talking about dead post walrus man bodies found, and it completely deludes everything the movie bulit up to, or is building up too. then he tells a story how he met michael parks once and it's a 5 minute scene of michael parks and johnny depp acting like mentally challenged people and it goes on for loving ever. it doesn't stop. until it does, and you believe it's been hours.

depp and crew go to track down michael parks.

anyway, later parks dresses up in a walrus human skin suit too, and wants to fight justinrus because he always wished he gave the real walrus a fighting chance years ago. the tusk song plays over this scene. and it's about as silly as you can imagine two fat rubber suits flopping around and trying to fight can be. anyway, justirus kills parks, and becomes full walrus. i see dead people, girlfriend and johnny depp find justinrus, and it fades to black.

cut to a year later, justinrus is now in an animal shelter and is fed fish every year or so by i see dead people and girlfriend.

written and directed by kevin smith. well shot though. not the worst movie, like I said. but just, tonally off.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 10:46

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

its like guy fierre hosed paula deen and they fed their child nothing but butter and cream freige.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:05

Stick Figure Mafia: Dec 11, 2004

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

at least violent j knows he's a joke

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:08

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

The human chumleypede

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:08

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

old dog child posted:

Lol, he's right. From rules thread:

" -anyone from now on who makes a thread about fat people is getting increasingly probated"

Wth. Idgi. Is it a bandwidth saving measure so SA's tubes dont clog?

i think that the mods are slowely chanigng gbs back to the way it was before

i won't miss the n********R *f*g stuff, but the INane INsane stuff I will

god bless

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:38

Queen Gnome: Jul 30, 2006; Her Lawnliness

oh gently caress I read the script for this thing :psyduck:

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:47

Professor Shark: May 22, 2012

CelticPredator posted:

i'll describe the whole movie for you gbs, because I love you.

and i'll be extra nice to put in spoilers for those who don't want to know.

so justin long is an rear end in a top hat podcaster who hangs out with haley joel osmet(aka i see dead people) as they bullshit and make fun of weird people. their podcast is called the "not see party" because i see dead people does not see what justin long talks about. many jokes about nazis in the film. Anyway, their first video, and the first scene of the film, is a "video" of a kid who's using a sword and ends up chopping his leg off. sounds kinda funny right? wrong. the effect is so loving lovely it ruins the scene entirely. it looks like a cartoon. not even close to being anywhere near realistic looking. anyway. justin wants to go visit this kid in canada, and does so. turns out he killed himself, and now justin has nothing to share on his next show.

so he pisses in a bar and finds an ad about an old man with stories who needs someone to live with him. justin decides this is it. he goes up tot he creepy house, and acts like a dick while the great and loving fantastic michael parks talks about his life and all that. it's all good stuff. but it's contrasted by justin saying things like "holy gently caress christ." and "that's nuts bro". anyway, he drinks this tea which was drugged and passes out.

oh and its shown that i see dead people is cucking justin's girlfriend. but it's ok because justin is cucking on her. cucks all around!

parks off screen cuts off justin's leg, and tells him he's going to turn him into a walrus who saved his life, and who he loved for six months a long time ago. justin calls i see dead people and his girlfriend for help when he gets a chance, and so they go looking for him.

somewhere justin becomes a fat walrus made of human skin and he does walrusy things. also, it turns out he's not the first walrus man that's existed. thats when i see dead people and girlfriend meet johnny depp and he mugs the camera so hard you want to punch him in the face. it's a 8 minute scene of johnny depp being weird and talking about dead post walrus man bodies found, and it completely deludes everything the movie bulit up to, or is building up too. then he tells a story how he met michael parks once and it's a 5 minute scene of michael parks and johnny depp acting like mentally challenged people and it goes on for loving ever. it doesn't stop. until it does, and you believe it's been hours.

depp and crew go to track down michael parks.

anyway, later parks dresses up in a walrus human skin suit too, and wants to fight justinrus because he always wished he gave the real walrus a fighting chance years ago. the tusk song plays over this scene. and it's about as silly as you can imagine two fat rubber suits flopping around and trying to fight can be. anyway, justirus kills parks, and becomes full walrus. i see dead people, girlfriend and johnny depp find justinrus, and it fades to black.

cut to a year later, justinrus is now in an animal shelter and is fed fish every year or so by i see dead people and girlfriend.

written and directed by kevin smith. well shot though. not the worst movie, like I said. but just, tonally off.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:53

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

PUGGERNAUT posted:

fifteen bucks little man, put that poo poo in my hand

i hated how much i heard this in middle school, it was quoted tirelessly like it was 'i'm rick james, bitch' for a while.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:53

jarjarbinksfan621: Mar 4, 2012

bunky posted:

and dont anyone loving say that his wife is hot because shes a new jersey 6 at best

you'd probably think she's relatively hot irl. eliza dushku and shannon elizabeth would be like literal jizz in your pants hot irl, of course she looks lousy next to them onscreen.

# ? Sep 20, 2014 11:57