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brick cow
Oct 22, 2008
I have been having sex and/or masturbating approximately on average twice a day for 28 years.

The average amount of ejaculate for a male human weighs in at 0.16907 ounces.

I'm a fat rear end right now weighing in at about 230 lbs.

I have ejaculated somewhere in the realm of 7556 lbs of ejaculate.

That is 32.852~ times more than my body weight.

There is almost 33x of me in used tissues, drains, and dirty socks than is the actual me.

Thanks for listening.

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Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

brick cow posted:

I have been having sex


nope

quote:

masturbating approximately on average twice a day for 28 years.

yup

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

nice, thanks

bunky
Aug 29, 2004

your math sucks and so do you

MOOBS!
Dec 10, 2013


owned by a guy with a bowtie and skin flaking off his elbows

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

when you die you will have to watch all the possible lives of every one of the sperm that you wasted into a sock or a tissue one after the other and you dont get any popcorn.......

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008
I hate popcorn, so I kinda win?

Tonsured
Jan 14, 2005

I came across mention of a Gnostic codex called The Unreal God and the Aspects of His Nonexistent Universe, an idea which reduced me to helpless laughter. What kind of person would write about something that he knows doesn't exist, and how can something that doesn't exist have aspects?

lonesomedwarf posted:

when you die you will have to watch all the possible lives of every one of the sperm that you wasted into a sock or a tissue one after the other and you dont get any popcorn.......

This is why I always jerk off over my morning omelet, so I can say at least I made the effort.

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008

Tonsured posted:

This is why I always jerk off over my morning omelet, so I can say at least I made the effort.

Who jerks it only in the morning? This post is a lie.

a gay lion named Tangiers
Jul 30, 2013
all these years i have worried about the size of my micropenis when in fact i should have been worrying about whether or not i could fill a 0.16907 oz. spoon with my cum

thabk you op

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008

devin2 posted:

all these years i have worried about the size of my micropenis when in fact i should have been worrying about whether or not i could fill a 0.16907 oz. spoon with my cum

thabk you op

no prob :respek:

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
Shouldn't you account for the loss of volume upon second release in a 24 hour period??

Future Mrs Booger
Jan 18, 2012
I think your math is off. More like 200ish lbs imo. Either way, please start "Wank the Weight Away". It could be the new Weight Watchers.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Haters Goin Bake posted:

I think your math is off. More like 200ish lbs imo. Either way, please start "Wank the Weight Away". It could be the new Weight Watchers.

cum watchers.

ShaqDiesel
Mar 21, 2013
Local goon discovers one weird trick for weight loss.

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time
I jerk off into potting soil. If I'm draining my life force I may as well get homunculi out of it.

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

Germstore posted:

I jerk off into potting soil. If I'm draining my life force I may as well get homunculi out of it.

that gets you homocumuli not homnunculi.

You need a philosopher stone for homunculi and semen.

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.

Haters Goin Bake posted:

I think your math is off. More like 200ish lbs imo. Either way, please start "Wank the Weight Away". It could be the new Weight Watchers.

Yeah I get the same value.

Oh my god I can't believe calculated someone's jizz

cult_hero
Jul 10, 2001

Haters Goin Bake posted:

I think your math is off. More like 200ish lbs imo. Either way, please start "Wank the Weight Away". It could be the new Weight Watchers.

Nah bro, every time you ejaculate that's a little protein going somewhere other than into bulking. Celibacy is the only true Alpha Male way.

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Glasgow Kiss posted:

Yeah I get the same value.

Oh my god I can't believe calculated someone's jizz

Now calculate the approximate number of sperms that is (is it 200 million in each ejaculation or something?)

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002

lonesomedwarf posted:

when you die you will have to watch all the possible lives of every one of the sperm that you wasted into a sock or a tissue one after the other and you dont get any popcorn.......

This already happened and all of our lives and hopes and dreams are nothing but the phantasmal spunk-dreams of men long since dead. HTH

Lamebot
Sep 8, 2005

ロボ顔菌~♡
Gee Whiz! Thanks Professor, now I'm jerking off with MATH! *smiles towards camera with a steely gaze*

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend
Who jerks off twice a day?

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
goddamn gbs been lovely the last few days

get ur poo poo together gibbis

CAPT. Rainbowbeard
Apr 5, 2012

My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.
Lipstick Apathy
R-Randal XKCD? Is that you?

Don't worry, you'll find someone who isn't physically repulsed by your constant mathings.

(you won't though)

TontoCorazon
Aug 18, 2007


Meth or math? I need to know like right now

Mega64
May 23, 2008

I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.
Now imagine how fat you'd be if you never ejaculated.

Raineko
Mar 12, 2012

Frackie Robinson posted:

Who jerks off twice a day?

wait u don't?

Lol

etalian
Mar 20, 2006



Lamebot
Sep 8, 2005

ロボ顔菌~♡

Mega64 posted:

Now imagine how fat you'd be if you never ejaculated.

Imagine all those meals you could cut out of your shopping budget if you'd only recycle your cum.

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008

Frackie Robinson posted:

Who jerks off twice a day?



....

also

Haters Goin Bake posted:

I think your math is off. More like 200ish lbs imo. Either way, please start "Wank the Weight Away". It could be the new Weight Watchers.

28(years)*365(days)*2(twice)/16(ounces in a pound)/230(pounds of fat rear end me about)=32.8523559832

Nanomashoes
Aug 18, 2012

that may be the average amount, but you'll be ejaculating much less because of your constant masturbation. i think your numbers are off, OP. try measuring your daily amount of ejaculate and recalculating.

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
Only twice a day lol fukken amateur hour

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

brick cow posted:

....

also


28(years)*365(days)*2(twice)/16(ounces in a pound)/230(pounds of fat rear end me about)=32.8523559832

You forgot to multiply by .17. Your equation assumes an ounce of ejaculate. Edit. And you hosed up somewhere else as well, because you'd only get 5.6x your body weight even with your incorrect formula.

Germstore fucked around with this message at 21:41 on Sep 20, 2014

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008

Nation posted:

Only twice a day lol fukken amateur hour

IT'S AN AVERAGE!

e:

Germstore posted:

You forgot to multiply by .17. Your equation assumes an ounce of ejaculate. Edit. And you hosed up somewhere else as well, because you'd only get 5.6x your body weight.

Dammit, that makes it much less impressive

brick cow fucked around with this message at 21:41 on Sep 20, 2014

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
and im still not impressed

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW
you should spend less time jerking off and more time studying op

Smugworth
Apr 18, 2003

look i know you think this thread is like strange and weird and kind of ironicly funny

but it's abnormal to make a thread like this

seek help

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008
naw, i went to college for 9 years and i'm not a doctor

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Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW
for a 2 year degree? how did you spend 7 years jacking off? thats amazing

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