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ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
Also trade secrets or stuff people aren't supposed to know about, like unofficial policies

I worked at Sears for two months one summer and it was the loving worst. Managers and hr were cunts (one manager stepped down to work in sales for appliances cause he'd make more money)

All my co-workers hated me because they already had poo poo hours and instead of giving any one more hours they hired me. Not like anyone actually loving takes extra hours ever anyway.

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a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

i took a dump in the cash register

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
I tried to split a roll of nickels once and it exploded all over the ground.

Hayburner
Jan 29, 2005

hi

Parallax Scroll posted:

i took a dump in the cash register

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHnoxtfF5_4

CountButtula
Jan 5, 2014
Previous cashiers had left a my little pony so I arranged it from the till like it had hung itself

Also one of the alcoholics tried to buy two bottles of vodka at once and I initially said no then changed my mind because what the gently caress does it matter

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOm3ReuRZEQ

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
A guy wanted me to give him an envelope from the copy center at staples and he "told" on me when I refused cause it couldn't be ran through the register cause he was an rear end in a top hat

Then he turned in to a loving snitch too

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy
do you live in canada? do you know about the scanning code of practice? you should.


if something rings up at higher than the shelf or flyer price, you get it for either ten bucks off or free, whichever is less.

Cuniculous
Apr 23, 2007

kill people burn shit fuck school
Once I had a woman spit on me when I was a cashier.

She got arrested for assault.

It was pretty awesome.

The Walrus
Jul 9, 2002

by Fluffdaddy
I used to work as a manager in a big wal-mart sized retailer. the best parts were always catching shoplifters and seeing them cry. one guy was going on about his baby (he brought his baby with him) but the cart he walked out with had about twelve t-bone steaks, many tubes of pringles, and no baby food or diapers, lol.

it's always so easy to spot when someone is going to do a runner with their cart, too. you can tell by body language in two seconds. they shop differently - people change their buying habits 100% when they don't have financial considerations. it's the best time just watching them through the cameras for half an hour, then waiting for them them to make a break for it and just waiting there outside as they come out the door.

KennyLoggins
Dec 3, 2004
Welcome to the Danger Zone

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

I worked at Sears for two months one summer and it was the loving worst. Managers and hr were cunts (one manager stepped down to work in sales for appliances cause he'd make more money)

i worked at Sears® for like 2 years and i liked it. worked in merchandise pickup. scan the receipt and i bring your vacuum out. sometimes i'd even get cash tip :smug:.

i liked how Sears® was the best rental place in town cause SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK. every fall people would buy lawn vacs then return them a few weeks later.

KennyLoggins fucked around with this message at 21:04 on Sep 23, 2014

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
"Haha haha it must be free!"

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib

KennyLoggins posted:

i worked at Sears® for like 2 years and i liked it. worked in merchandise pickup. scan the receipt and i bring your vacuum out. sometimes i'd even get cash tip :smug:.

Sounds way better than $6.25 and 1% commission lol

KennyLoggins
Dec 3, 2004
Welcome to the Danger Zone

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

Sounds way better than $6.25 and 1% commission lol

I never ventured into that selling poo poo cause i don't like dealing with stupid bullshit like pushing SEARS HIGH INTEREST Credit Cards or HEY THIS poo poo MAY BREAK BUY THIS OVERPRICED SERVICE PLAN PLEASE I HAVE A QOUTA I NEED TO MEET!

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec
Employee refused to go check in the back for the product I wanted even though I demanded she do it. She even made up a lie about how it wouldn't be back there. I demanded to see the manager and he said the same thing. I told them I will no longer be giving them by business and the loss was their fault. I will never shop at Big Lots again.

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW
lets see once an old lady stopped pulled up her skirt and poo poo on the floor. Uh someone once knocked over a entire palette of pickles, but that was kinda awesome because i got to just waste my day cleaning that instead of doing any real work. Some one wrote on the mens room ceiling in poop.

Pimpcasso
Mar 13, 2002

VOLS BITCH
i went to buy something and they didnt have it gently caress the world

roboshit
Apr 4, 2009

ok how about instead of ironic posting ill tell a story of a weird thing that happened when i worked retail

i worked in the backroom which meant my job was mostly driving forklifts and pushing boxes around. one day i see a customer peeking at me thru the double door window so i go see what's up.

he's this really creepy, greasy, really stereotypically looking goon guy, obese, lovely hair, wearing glasses, pretty much your typical goon manchild stereotype yeah. he has a big garbage bag with him and he awkwardly asks, "i have a bunch of video tapes here, do you think i can throw them out back here?"

i of course say no and tell him to throw that poo poo out in a garbage can up front. it has to have been child porn or snuff films or something. or maybe i was being recorded as some kind of youtube prank or something. idk. thats my story.

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW
i work retail and it's pretty awesome get paid 16.50 a hour, i deal with 5-no customers a day, full healthcare for 7 bucks a week 4 weeks paid vacation and pension.

All the customers i deal with are pretty chill since i just have to write what they want down on a cake order form. I also got good coworkers and good managers.

Puppy Galaxy
Aug 1, 2004

:agesilaus: me
:btroll: customer

:agesilaus: hello, how may i help you today?

:btroll: B'SCUSE ME. WHERE DO YALL KEEP YALL PUSSY PRODUCTS

:agesilaus: do you mean feminine hygiene products? they are in isle 5.

:btroll: I SAID PUSSY PRODUCTS YOU WHITE MOTHERFUCKER

:agesilaus: ma'am, i am going to have to ask you to leave

:btroll: THAT'S RACIST, I SWEAR TO GOD

:agesilaus: i disagree. your race has nothing to do with you being an rear end in a top hat. i suggest you watch chris rock's routine about black people. and regarding god; i suggest you read some richard dawkins, that is, if you're even literate. now get the gently caress out of the cvs before i call the cops. ron paul 2012.

:btroll: leaves

customers applaud

Puppy Galaxy
Aug 1, 2004

roboshit posted:

ok how about instead of ironic posting ill tell a story of a weird thing that happened when i worked retail

i worked in the backroom which meant my job was mostly driving forklifts and pushing boxes around. one day i see a customer peeking at me thru the double door window so i go see what's up.

he's this really creepy, greasy, really stereotypically looking goon guy, obese, lovely hair, wearing glasses, pretty much your typical goon manchild stereotype yeah. he has a big garbage bag with him and he awkwardly asks, "i have a bunch of video tapes here, do you think i can throw them out back here?"

i of course say no and tell him to throw that poo poo out in a garbage can up front. it has to have been child porn or snuff films or something. or maybe i was being recorded as some kind of youtube prank or something. idk. thats my story.

im not gonna say this was worse than a shitpost but it definitely wasn't better

a creepy colon
Oct 28, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
one time i worked in retail but then i remembered i never did actually. ttyl

a star war betamax
Sep 17, 2011

by Lowtax
Gary’s Answer
once i went into a sears to buy a rake and it took lke 10 minutes before i found an employee so i can say that my experiences with retail have been utterly wretched

Cuniculous
Apr 23, 2007

kill people burn shit fuck school
A couple hosed so hard in the handicapped bathroom that the sink broke off the wall. The best part was they actually told the person at the service desk instead of slinking off in shame.

a creepy colon
Oct 28, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Cuniculous posted:

A couple hosed so hard in the handicapped bathroom that the sink broke off the wall. The best part was they actually told the person at the service desk instead of slinking off in shame.

that seems p cool of them actually and not shameful

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW

Cuniculous posted:

A couple hosed so hard in the handicapped bathroom that the sink broke off the wall. The best part was they actually told the person at the service desk instead of slinking off in shame.

years ago we made a new 16 year old hire clean frosted poo poo out of the mens room on his second day.

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
anybody at best buy can give you a 9% discount without approval or flagging. the only exception is when something actually goes below cost (such as an xbox or a very good sale on a TV). sometimes you can get away with even more, such as with 95% marked up cables and cell phone cases, especially store brand (rocketfish,e tc)

I did it all the time if I even remotely liked you. I wouldn't even tell them most of the time. I sold tv's back when an average 50" LCD or plasma could easily run you 2 grand or more. that was a long time ago now but anytime I go into best buy I notice that the POS system looks literally exactly the same

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
I was working J.C Penny during black friday. Our system was down so we had to make people sign paper receipts when they used credit cards like cavemen. Little by little our pens were taken away by absent minded customers.


We eventually had only one pen in our four person register fortress. Some nice lady reached into her purse and pulled out a poo poo load of pens to give to us.

In my sleep deprived mind at the end of my 12 hour shift after I had opened the store all I could think to do was clap. My co-worker started clapping along as well.

I suppose some black friday customers in line thought a Christmas miracle had just happened and the whole line started clapping. About 50 people gave this woman a standing ovation for giving us pens.

And that's my retail/successfully-started-a-slow-clap story.

King of Internet
Nov 16, 2013

High King Internet of Internet
Well im gonna get fired but gently caress them anyway

Idiot Kicker
Jun 13, 2007
One time in GBS I claimed to be the former CEO of Gottschalks just for the gently caress of it

Tagnik
Nov 6, 2009
I worked at pac sun for a month to meet hot women. I then realized you can't really hook up with customers and the employees sucked. I hated folding clothes and trying to sell shoes to people. I met one girl who i almost hooked up with her room mate. Then she punched me at a party. It was when i realized whiskey was a mans drink. Then i went to lunch and never came back. But dammit, I still fold clothes that way.

MY BF LESLIE SAID
Jun 9, 2006

by Lowtax
I worked at a michaels and my coworker would gently caress the yarn, cum in the yarn, wipe his lovely rear end with the yarn, and blow his nose with the yarn.

a creepy colon
Oct 28, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

MY BF LESLIE SAID posted:

I worked at a michaels and my coworker would gently caress the yarn, cum in the yarn, wipe his lovely rear end with the yarn, and blow his nose with the yarn.

:eek:

resting mitch face
Apr 9, 2005

5) I hear you.
I work for online retailer and some dude ordered a personalized coffee mug and he put dickbutt on it. then I had to explain what dickbutt is to my horrifed (and amused) coworkers.

which one of yall ordered the dickbutt mug?

Baiku
Oct 25, 2011

Old people who chat you up because they're lonely and know you can't just walk away from them.

White women who do this too.

Tweet Me Balls
Apr 14, 2009

i worked at a pier one imports and they had what are called "flex shifts" where you're scheduled, but might not work (and not get paid as a result), which is apparently legal because the free market demands it so that its possible to sell wooden tiki masks made in china to geriatric cat ladies

also any retail job where you have to try to open lines of credit. hey you know what would go great with that six pack of mikes hard and box of condoms? debt

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
If you're going to a high end grocery store thats known for having a lovely coupon system (like randalls/safeway) if your coupon matches your item and dont give you a utterly ridiculous discount (like paying 10$ for 6 bottles of really nice wine), they'll run it through and if they don't ask for a manager, who will run it through.

Edgar
Sep 9, 2005

Oh my heck!
Oh heavens!
Oh my lord!
OH Sweet meats!
Wedge Regret
people demand me to look in the back to find out of stock items. I just go back there and take a 10 minute break.

Topographic Nap
Apr 22, 2007

Anytime food stamp payouts fell on a Friday we had a manager who called it Black Friday and he got fired for taking it too far. He used the ad software to make a fake ad for Black Friday sales ad featuring malt liquor, Swisher sweets, watermelons, pregnancy tests, Magnum condoms, scratch off lottery tickets, Newports, pictures of Buckwheat and the Zippidy Doo Dah guy etc.

It didn't help that he was a 65 year old, 5 foot tall asian with a bowl cut and half his staff was black.

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ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

SpicyMeatSandwich posted:

Anytime food stamp payouts fell on a Friday we had a manager who called it Black Friday and he got fired for taking it too far. He used the ad software to make a fake ad for Black Friday sales ad featuring malt liquor, Swisher sweets, watermelons, pregnancy tests, Magnum condoms, scratch off lottery tickets, Newports, pictures of Buckwheat and the Zippidy Doo Dah guy etc.

It didn't help that he was a 65 year old, 5 foot tall asian with a bowl cut and half his staff was black.
Can you even buy most of those things with food stamps?

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