UFC 178 - Go get some Dominick Cuh-RUZ! - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > UFC 178 - Go get some Dominick Cuh-RUZ!

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MagicCube: May 25, 2004

That would have been the best ending to any fight ever.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:19

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:36

Marching Powder: Mar 8, 2008; stop the fucking fight, cornerman, your dude is fucking done and is about to be killed.

joe is having a ball

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:19

Dangersim: Sep 4, 2011; He expended too much energy and got tired

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

this is wild

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:19

JuanGoat: Nov 6, 2009

Bluedeanie posted:

I'm really enjoying them burying Kongo on air as an intentional nutshotter

"We're not going to name names-"
"-Crocop vs Cheick Kongo"

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:20

Lloyd Boner: Oct 11, 2009; Yes officer, my name is Victoria Sonnen...berg

Manny starting to look like matyushenko

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:20

CRISPYBABY: Dec 15, 2007; by Reene

Was that loving Byrd staring intently at them there?

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:20

DoombatINC: Apr 20, 2003; Here's the thing, I'm a feminist.

Let's revisit some classic nutshots

"Seanbaby posted:

Early in his career, Gary Goodridge listed his fighting style as "Arm Wrestling." To give you an idea of what kind of fighting strategy a master of Arm Wrestling employs, Gary went into this matchup complaining that this pussy organization didn't allow his two favorite moves: biting and eye-gouging. I mean, in arm wrestling, an eye gouge is how you say thank you, maybe and six names of soup. Anyway, as you can imagine, if your opponent's Plan A was poking your eyes out and they outlaw that, his backup plan is your balls. And oh my God was Gary Goodridge's backup plan your balls.

The fight started without a hint of the groin damage to come. Within seconds of the starting bell, both fighters ended up on the mat for 10 impotent yet exhausting minutes. What happened next will certainly flag this article as inappropriate by your office's content filter, so at this point I'm just typing about balls to myself. Again.

Gary was under The Pedro in butterfly guard and suddenly his entire offensive strategy centered around The Pedro's dong. Gary snaked his foot into his opponent's tiny trunks. He was wiggling his foot, sometimes feet around in there, switching between massages and attacks. Sometimes he was just trying to pull the trunks completely off, because at this point why not? Make no mistake, fight fans: Inside The Pedro's cup, a second and better championship bout was taking place between Penis and Foot. The crowd booed as Gary's toes wiggled out from under The Pedro's briefs which read "The Pedro" on the butt. It was a celebrity footjob that the executives at Tinactin wish they would have thought of first. This fight inspired a torta shop in The Pedro's home town of Rio de Janeiro to name a sandwich after him. It's a hot dog and a human foot served in a salty cup. Sorry.

Like all romances, the love affair between Gary's foot and The Pedro's balls ended badly. After they stood up, Gary threw a blatant field goal kick into The Pedro's crotch like a rape victim in a self-defense book. Then he reached into The Pedro's trunks and used his battered dong as a handle to throw him to the ground. And it didn't stop. Ever. Gary punched it. He squeezed it. He told the cops it fell down the stairs. Within five minutes, Gary Goodridge was finding more uses for a human dick than I did during two years of puberty. And I grew up on a farm.

In the era in which this fight took place, turning a man's junk into cube steak was technically allowed in MMA rules. The referee practically had a nervous breakdown as he struggled against his instincts to stop this inhuman basket strangling. There was so much testicle damage being done that 20 years in the future, The Pedro's son was shrieking at his own hand while he faded from existence. The crowd booed and whistled and sometimes threw garbage because no one could agree on the proper social etiquette for watching a man legally kill a penis. But legal or not, exploiting the delicate nature of genitals is no way for a gentleman to win a fight.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:20

Bubba Smith: Sep 27, 2004; Is tonight the greatest moment in Dominick Cruz's life?

No.

The greatest moment in my life was realizing that I didn't need a belt to be happy.

attackmole posted:

Was that loving Byrd staring intently at them there?

she looks like she's never seen a fight before

...you know...

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:21

MagicCube: May 25, 2004

attackmole posted:

Was that loving Byrd staring intently at them there?

She takes her job very seriously and is committed to accurate scoring.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:21

Dangersim: Sep 4, 2011; He expended too much energy and got tired

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

This is an extremely funny fight

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:21

ch3cooh: Jun 26, 2006

I wish Joe would describe clean nut shots as "right on the love button"

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:22

Food Court Druid: Jul 17, 2007; Boredom is always counter-revolutionary. Always.

Manny just landed a phantom liver kick

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:22

PaganGoatPants: Jan 18, 2012; TODAY WAS THE SPECIAL SALE DAY!; Grimey Drawer

what was that?

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:22

Triticum Guzzler: Jun 16, 2002

Dangersim posted:

This is an extremely funny fight

it is simply delightful

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:23

Mogador: Nov 4, 2007

Manny!

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:23

Bioshuffle: Feb 10, 2011; No good deed goes unpunished

So much for Joe Rogan's expertise

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:23

henkman: Oct 8, 2008

my man manny

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:23

Lloyd Boner: Oct 11, 2009; Yes officer, my name is Victoria Sonnen...berg

Goddammit Cody

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:23

MagicCube: May 25, 2004

AH DANGIT

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:23

Triticum Guzzler: Jun 16, 2002

definitely too high on the neck

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

Dangersim: Sep 4, 2011; He expended too much energy and got tired

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

"I'm the new generation of fighter" gets tapped by manny gambuyrn

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

PaganGoatPants: Jan 18, 2012; TODAY WAS THE SPECIAL SALE DAY!; Grimey Drawer

OH MY!!!!!

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

K8.0: Feb 26, 2004; Her Majesty's 56th Regiment of Foot

Get hosed Manny haters.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

Marching Powder: Mar 8, 2008; stop the fucking fight, cornerman, your dude is fucking done and is about to be killed.

hahaha manvil owns

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

DoombatINC: Apr 20, 2003; Here's the thing, I'm a feminist.

Strong contender for fight of the night

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

PaganGoatPants: Jan 18, 2012; TODAY WAS THE SPECIAL SALE DAY!; Grimey Drawer

That was a good fight. This is a good day.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

Bluedeanie: Jul 20, 2008; It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?

Manny got ragdolled two divisions below where he started, he's gonna welcome back McDonald and get wrecked.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:24

ch3cooh: Jun 26, 2006

Foty

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:25

Food Court Druid: Jul 17, 2007; Boredom is always counter-revolutionary. Always.

Manny has been buried on the prelims so much that he could win 5 more fights and still no one would take him seriously

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:25

Bubba Smith: Sep 27, 2004; Is tonight the greatest moment in Dominick Cruz's life?

No.

The greatest moment in my life was realizing that I didn't need a belt to be happy.

Gamburyan vs Renan Barao next, yeah

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:25

Dangersim: Sep 4, 2011; He expended too much energy and got tired

I'M NOT SURPRISED MOTHERFUCKERS

Manny...owns?

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:26

Bluedeanie: Jul 20, 2008; It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?

Lmao who cares

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:26

henkman: Oct 8, 2008

Hell I'd watch Gamburyan/Caraway

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:26

Grandmaster.flv: Jun 24, 2011

honda looking honda sized

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:26

Triticum Guzzler: Jun 16, 2002

this is one of the great fight stories of all time

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:26

Bioshuffle: Feb 10, 2011; No good deed goes unpunished

Can't stop laughing at the dude in the background :what:

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:27

MagicCube: May 25, 2004

I'm all about first fight on the prelims call-outs. Let's get some more bum fights please.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:27

PaganGoatPants: Jan 18, 2012; TODAY WAS THE SPECIAL SALE DAY!; Grimey Drawer

Oh hello Ronda.

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:27

canti32: Apr 27, 2008; Fearless in Devotion, Rising to Promotion,
Rising to the ranks of mighty heroes, Fighting foes in every land,

History only tells a story, We are to see your glory,
Stand aside the Reds are coming,
WREXHAM IS THE NAME

"Don't be scared homie"-Miesha Tate, last night

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:27

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 22:36

Grandmaster.flv: Jun 24, 2011

don't be scared :lol:

# ? Sep 28, 2014 00:27

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > UFC 178 - Go get some Dominick Cuh-RUZ!

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