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A Loud Fart
Sep 9, 2011
Face down, booty up

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Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

A Loud Fart posted:

Face down, booty up

Missaworlwhy!

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007

by Lowtax

Germstore posted:

Missaworlwhy!

get that OUT of my face
Feb 10, 2007

absolutely. we would have trashy gutter sex because she is a trashy gutter goddess

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Dear Penthouse,

I never believed it would happen to me!

After winning back-stage tickets to a KE$HA concert from H.E.B., I got a once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet the starlet after she performed at a local middle school. She was worked up into quite a lather! The hot lights had caused her to sweat profusely, and the pyrotechnics gave her skin a strong chemical odor (like old fireworks).

It seems that the venue wasn't prepared to provide KE$HA with her usual amenities, but the superstar was only briefly perturbed by the news.

"Relax, I've got this," she said gruffly (but confidently) as she sat a defaced Jansport backpack on the couch and opened it up. Inside were several "handles" of bottom-shelf "Winner's Cup" Longs Drugstore Gin.

"But didn't Longs Drugs close down a long time ago?"

"Bought in bulk, baby." She held two handles up and cackled wickedly. Then she did something I had never seen, nor probably will ever see again: She bit down on the sealed cap to one of the bottles; it crunched and popped, and the entire twist-cap furniture came off. The way it all happened so nonchalantly, it was as if she had taken a bite of soft cheese with those broken, jagged yellow fangs of hers.

"Where we're going, we won't need caps," she grunted and began chugging.

After eliminating a handle-and-a-half of cheap gin, KE$HA let loose a long, wet burp that burned my eyes so badly I was momentarily blind--for several minutes, the room was pure poison. I thought about soldiers being deliberately exposed to CS Gas during basic training; about the Kurds who saw the SCUD missiles descend upon them like mechanical hawks; about the Jews who spent their final moments huddled in dirty "showers", far from home...and immediately I felt a connection with all of them. I clawed at the fumes and rubbed at my eyes with balled fists. The pain was overwhelming.

But then she took me by the wrist with those clammy hands of hers and said, "...and where we're going, we won't need to see with these fake meat-eyes of ours."

My head became heavy--blame it on alcohol intoxication absorbed through every one of my pores--the world became dream-like. "Jaden Smith writes that we won't be able to see what is real until our eyes become real," KE$HA said to me. "When will we realize that babies are the smartest people on earth, and trees are really blue?"

She pulled me into the fog, and I followed, and suddenly we were no longer in her dressing room. We were standing on top of a bridge that overlooked a dry riverbed hundreds of feet below. KE$HA had her arms out at her sides and she was walking on the handrail like it was a tightrope.

"When I die," she whispered, "then you will realize."

Luxily
Aug 11, 2012

Yeah, she would be fuckable. All of her sweat would be so intoxicating.

Pillow Clerk
Oct 18, 2008

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

a couple years ago i read a ke$ha interview where she referenced dostoevsky lmao

owns

Slap Happy
Apr 14, 2006

Zarcnest posted:

Yeah, she would be fuckable. All of her sweat would be so intoxicating.

literally, it would have alcohol in it

3 DONG HORSE
May 22, 2008

I'd like to thank Satan for everything he's done for this organization

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Dear Penthouse,

I never believed it would happen to me!

After winning back-stage tickets to a KE$HA concert from H.E.B., I got a once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet the starlet after she performed at a local middle school. She was worked up into quite a lather! The hot lights had caused her to sweat profusely, and the pyrotechnics gave her skin a strong chemical odor (like old fireworks).

It seems that the venue wasn't prepared to provide KE$HA with her usual amenities, but the superstar was only briefly perturbed by the news.

"Relax, I've got this," she said gruffly (but confidently) as she sat a defaced Jansport backpack on the couch and opened it up. Inside were several "handles" of bottom-shelf "Winner's Cup" Longs Drugstore Gin.

"But didn't Longs Drugs close down a long time ago?"

"Bought in bulk, baby." She held two handles up and cackled wickedly. Then she did something I had never seen, nor probably will ever see again: She bit down on the sealed cap to one of the bottles; it crunched and popped, and the entire twist-cap furniture came off. The way it all happened so nonchalantly, it was as if she had taken a bite of soft cheese with those broken, jagged yellow fangs of hers.

"Where we're going, we won't need caps," she grunted and began chugging.

After eliminating a handle-and-a-half of cheap gin, KE$HA let loose a long, wet burp that burned my eyes so badly I was momentarily blind--for several minutes, the room was pure poison. I thought about soldiers being deliberately exposed to CS Gas during basic training; about the Kurds who saw the SCUD missiles descend upon them like mechanical hawks; about the Jews who spent their final moments huddled in dirty "showers", far from home...and immediately I felt a connection with all of them. I clawed at the fumes and rubbed at my eyes with balled fists. The pain was overwhelming.

But then she took me by the wrist with those clammy hands of hers and said, "...and where we're going, we won't need to see with these fake meat-eyes of ours."

My head became heavy--blame it on alcohol intoxication absorbed through every one of my pores--the world became dream-like. "Jaden Smith writes that we won't be able to see what is real until our eyes become real," KE$HA said to me. "When will we realize that babies are the smartest people on earth, and trees are really blue?"

She pulled me into the fog, and I followed, and suddenly we were no longer in her dressing room. We were standing on top of a bridge that overlooked a dry riverbed hundreds of feet below. KE$HA had her arms out at her sides and she was walking on the handrail like it was a tightrope.

"When I die," she whispered, "then you will realize."

art

would

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.
Sep 29, 2001

get drunk as poo poo do all kinds of dirty poo poo on her, hell yeah

The Bible
May 8, 2010

Hell yes.

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Clapping Larry
Yes, op.

PathAsc
Nov 15, 2011

Hail SS-18 Satan may he cleanse us with nuclear fire

PISS TAPE IS REAL

Cream-of-Plenty posted:

Dear Penthouse,

I never believed it would happen to me!

After winning back-stage tickets to a KE$HA concert from H.E.B., I got a once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet the starlet after she performed at a local middle school. She was worked up into quite a lather! The hot lights had caused her to sweat profusely, and the pyrotechnics gave her skin a strong chemical odor (like old fireworks).

It seems that the venue wasn't prepared to provide KE$HA with her usual amenities, but the superstar was only briefly perturbed by the news.

"Relax, I've got this," she said gruffly (but confidently) as she sat a defaced Jansport backpack on the couch and opened it up. Inside were several "handles" of bottom-shelf "Winner's Cup" Longs Drugstore Gin.

"But didn't Longs Drugs close down a long time ago?"

"Bought in bulk, baby." She held two handles up and cackled wickedly. Then she did something I had never seen, nor probably will ever see again: She bit down on the sealed cap to one of the bottles; it crunched and popped, and the entire twist-cap furniture came off. The way it all happened so nonchalantly, it was as if she had taken a bite of soft cheese with those broken, jagged yellow fangs of hers.

"Where we're going, we won't need caps," she grunted and began chugging.

After eliminating a handle-and-a-half of cheap gin, KE$HA let loose a long, wet burp that burned my eyes so badly I was momentarily blind--for several minutes, the room was pure poison. I thought about soldiers being deliberately exposed to CS Gas during basic training; about the Kurds who saw the SCUD missiles descend upon them like mechanical hawks; about the Jews who spent their final moments huddled in dirty "showers", far from home...and immediately I felt a connection with all of them. I clawed at the fumes and rubbed at my eyes with balled fists. The pain was overwhelming.

But then she took me by the wrist with those clammy hands of hers and said, "...and where we're going, we won't need to see with these fake meat-eyes of ours."

My head became heavy--blame it on alcohol intoxication absorbed through every one of my pores--the world became dream-like. "Jaden Smith writes that we won't be able to see what is real until our eyes become real," KE$HA said to me. "When will we realize that babies are the smartest people on earth, and trees are really blue?"

She pulled me into the fog, and I followed, and suddenly we were no longer in her dressing room. We were standing on top of a bridge that overlooked a dry riverbed hundreds of feet below. KE$HA had her arms out at her sides and she was walking on the handrail like it was a tightrope.

"When I die," she whispered, "then you will realize."

I sang this in my head to the tune of the "Dear Penthouse" song that was on Bob and Tom years ago

Mermaid Autopsy
Jun 9, 2001

this could've been you, goons http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/28/kesha-blind-date-nice-normal-guy-crazy-beautiful-life-video_n_4354213.html

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
I am Ke$ha OP

TheIllestVillain
Dec 27, 2011

Sal, Wyoming's not a country

A Loud Fart posted:

Face down, booty up

pancakes you mean

VideoTapir
Oct 18, 2005

He'll tire eventually.
I'm loving ke$ha right now.

Not Nipsy Russell
Oct 6, 2004

Failure is always an option.

Drifter posted:

She keeps her music in there, too.




:stare: EAT THE WORM. :stare:

SulfurMonoxideCute
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die
🐵❌💀

TheIllestVillain posted:

pancakes you mean



Everybody: man, woman, or anything in between, please do squats.

Haptical Sales Slut
Mar 15, 2010

Age 18 to 49

A Loud Fart posted:

Face down, booty up

Propaganda Hour
Aug 25, 2008



after editing wikipedia as a joke for 16 years, i ve convinced myself that homer simpson's japanese name translates to the "The beer goblin"
I'd be picking glitter out of my pubes for weeks.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
If anyone would have celeb undies on iCloud id thought it'd be her

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



Propaganda Hour posted:

I'd be picking glitter out of my pubes for weeks.

You misspelled crabs.



Would.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

TheIllestVillain posted:

pancakes you mean



white people are tragedy

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



I'd still dump my syrup on those pancakes

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Clapping Larry
I'd still gently caress her tbqh.

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Clapping Larry

vyst posted:

I'd still dump my syrup on those pancakes

Yeah dude I'd have sex with her still also.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

TheIllestVillain posted:

pancakes you mean



Better than 80% of all women her age, and?

ElectricSheep
Jan 14, 2006

she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

Darth123123 posted:

If anyone would have celeb undies on iCloud id thought it'd be her

she's had nudes out already I thought

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012
hello 911 i was hooking up with ke$ha and she stabbed me with some kind of ovipositor that came out of her chest. now i cant stop eating raw meat and i keep having these terrifying visions of planets overrun by some kind of endless howling mass of flesh

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

hello 911 i was hooking up with ke$ha and she stabbed me with some kind of ovipositor that came out of her chest. now i cant stop eating raw meat and i keep having these terrifying visions of planets overrun by some kind of endless howling mass of flesh

keep going

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

hello 911 i was hooking up with ke$ha and she stabbed me with some kind of ovipositor that came out of her chest. now i cant stop eating raw meat and i keep having these terrifying visions of planets overrun by some kind of endless howling mass of flesh

I'm sure you'll be a fine mother.

Dr. Carwash
Sep 16, 2006

Senpai...

Darth123123 posted:

Better than 80% of all women her age, and?

lol maybe in bumfuck montana or something

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

CHIEFS

BITCH



Picnic Princess posted:

Everybody: man, woman, or anything in between, please do squats.

I. M. Gei
Jun 26, 2005

CHIEFS

BITCH



also would

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Dr. Carwash posted:

lol maybe in bumfuck montana or something

Or an anime pillow

chickie nugs for brekkie
May 17, 2010

Darth123123 posted:

Or an anime pillow

Please move out of whatever shithole you live in and experience the wider world of assess.

Professor Shark
May 22, 2012

m@yb

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

C.P.A.N. posted:

Please move out of whatever shithole you live in and experience the wider world of assess.

a/s/l?

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Harime Nui
Apr 15, 2008

The New Insincerity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8GfWJKyPVc

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