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Pretty solid warning up front: There are going to be things covered in this series which get vile, I'll mark any particularly bad posts when we get to them, but you oughta know going in. So when Mors Rattus did that Xanth readalong ages back, somehow I stuck my big fat foot in my mouth and said I'd take care of a fantasy series that was unabashedly worse if he ever finished. Come to find out someone mentions to me the other day "So he finished, where's your poo poo, man?" And now we're here. Terry Goodkind is a bald old objectivist who took fantasy tropes and turned demonizing your enemies into a new art entirely for a few books, before going into outright crazytown. The Sword of Truth series starts freaky and ends dark. Even funnier: when he tried applying his brand of hack fantasy coating over political screed writing to modern day fiction, people rejected it so hard he fled right back to the characters whose story he had just cleanly wrapped up, for nobody wanted anything else from him other than his vile little world. I kind of want to save some of the details, because it really does come out of left field and I want first-timers to see the shock everyone else does, but man. MAN. You're in for some poo poo. There were a bunch of books and I think he's threatening to make more, so let's see how long this takes me and if I can lap the bastard. Links to posts will go here later. Wizard's First Rule starts in the next post. C'mon. You can see the cover from here, just scroll down some. Stone of Tears begins in this post. Blood of the Fold shows up in this post. Temple of the Winds reveals itself in this post. Soul of the Fire flares up in this post. Faith of the Fallen carves out a niche in this post. The Pillars of Creation exists in a single post. Naked Empire strips away the veil in this post. Chainfire burns anew in this post. claw game handjob fucked around with this message at 10:22 on Jul 6, 2019 |
# ? Oct 1, 2014 02:11 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 02:22 |
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Wizard's First Rule is the first novel in the series, despite there being a few prequels now, and so I'm starting there because the other stuff spoils things we learn for the first time here. (Also, I haven't read one of those yet and the other is terribly boring.) It begins with a vine and an ominous forest, because like so many other protagonists, Richard Cypher (our hero) is a ranger. quote:Having spent most his life in the woods, Richard knew all the plants—if not by name, by sight. From when Richard was very small, his friend Zedd had taken him along, hunting for special herbs. He had shown Richard which ones to look for, where they grew and why, and put names to everything they saw. Many times they just talked, the old man always treating him as an equal, asking as much as he answered. Zedd had sparked Richard's hunger to learn, to know. You see, Richard is hunting for a very particular plant. His father has recently been murdered, and in his cabin was a sample of some strange plant, sealed in a jar. While Richard's brother does what any sane individual would do and leaves the detective work to the authorities, Richard decides he is Batman, and figures that he has found a clue nobody else noticed, rather than some weird thing Dad picked up while on a trading expedition. Not kidding, by the way: quote:This vine, though, he had seen only once before, and it wasn't in the woods. He had found a sprig of it at his father's house, in the blue clay jar Richard had made when he was a boy. His father had been a trader and had traveled often, looking for the chance exotic or rare item. People of means had often sought him out, interested in what he might have turned up. It seemed to be the looking, more than the finding, that he had liked, as he had always been happy to part with his latest discovery so he could be off after the next. Eventually, in a forest you're not supposed to go anywhere near which is on "the boundary", he finds the vine itself, and good news! It's just as wicked as he hopes for. quote:He thought again of his father's death. The vine had been there. Now the vine was killing this tree; it couldn't be anything good. Though he couldn't do anything for his father, he didn't have to let the vine preside over another death. Gripping it firmly, he pulled, and with powerful muscles ripped the sinewy tendrils away from the tree. In the first of many punchably-homespun sayings, an unidentified (red?) flying object above him reminds Richard that "Trouble sires three children", and he decides to head home ASAP. Along the path, he muses on his brother, Michael. While Richard's been dicking around in the woods for years, Michael actually got a real job, and is going to become the ruler of the Westlands that they all live in. Thinking of the celebration, seeing a woman across a lake he passes snaps him out of his reverie. Four men appear to be pursuing her. (Insert half a chapter of tracker talk here I'm going to snip for your convenience, and then he finally gets ahead of her.) quote:Richard approached and stopped three strides away so as not to appear a threat. She stood straight and still, her arms at her side. Her eyebrows had the graceful arch of a raptor's wings in flight. Her green eyes came unafraid to his. The connection was so intense that it threatened to drain his sense of self. He felt that he had always known her, that she had always been a part of him, that her needs were his needs. She held him with her gaze as surely as a grip of iron would, searching his eyes as if searching his soul, seeking an answer to something. I am here to help you, he said in his mind. He meant it more than any thought he had ever had. I am honestly unsure if I should chalk that dialogue up to Goodkind or Richard being goony, but let's call it Richard for now. All your friends are old dudes, man, maybe your ladykiller skills are a bit lacking. Another half-chapter of tracking ensues as he keeps them away from the four men (a number that makes her nervous), and they are totally home free! Until they are not. quote:In the trail ahead, that only a moment earlier had been empty, stood two of the men. Richard was bigger than most men; these men were much bigger than he. Their dark green hooded cloaks shaded their faces but couldn't conceal their heavily muscled bulk. Richard's mind raced, trying to conceive of how the men could have gotten ahead of them. I just love this mental image, by the way. "Whoops, we turned around and two dudes were there. Oh poo poo, we turned around again and two more ROPED IN FROM THE SKY." This is after going on about how they're "clearly in the open" for ages, making the sudden appearances even weirder. Luckily, now that other people have entered the novel, things can finally happen, including MAGIC: quote:She gave a slight nod as she settled her hand lightly on his forearm. "Keep between them, don't let them all come at me at once," she whispered. "And be sure you aren't touching me when they come." Her hand tightened on his arm and her eyes held his, waiting for confirmation that he understood her instructions. He didn't understand her reasons but gave a small nod of agreement. "May the good spirits be with us," she said. She let her hands drop to her sides, turning to the two behind them, her face dead calm, devoid of emotion. Richard kicks one of the four off the cliff, as another rushes towards him. The third flies over the edge from behind him, sliced open by ???, and right before the leader can finish Richard off, the fourth guy just runs in, guts him, and carries both of their bodies into the abyss. Kinda loving weird, but okay. Our heroes then introduce themselves for the first time. quote:She leaned her head back against the rock, rolling it to the side, toward him. "I don't even know your name. I wanted to ask before, but I was afraid to talk." She vaguely indicated the drop-off. "I was so frightened of them…. I didn't want them to find us." When he learns she hasn't eaten for two days, he offers to take her to his brother's banquet, but she refuses, claiming the less people who know about her, the safer she is. Reasonable. More trail talk leads to the revelation that the group following her was a "Quad", groups trained to kill... something she refuses to say, and the end of chapter 2/this post: quote:He looked hard into her eyes, expecting the truth this time. "Kahlan, where did the quad come from?" Wizard's First Rule is 2/49 chapters complete, and next time it's going to get... uh... silly.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 02:11 |
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I will now proceed to picture the protagonist with a gaping, bloody wound on his hand for the entire novel. I hope this never gets resolved.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 03:54 |
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That's it, kids. It all goes downhill from here.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 03:56 |
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Sounds like a lot of nothing happened in those two chapters. Why do character development when we can focus on wilderness travel?
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:07 |
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The second book has, somewhere in the first few chapters, the clumsiest exposition I've ever read anywhere, so it will be entertaining to get to that point, if we survive the first book (which was so awful I don't remember anything about it).
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:08 |
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CaptainRat posted:The second book has, somewhere in the first few chapters, the clumsiest exposition I've ever read anywhere, so it will be entertaining to get to that point, if we survive the first book (which was so awful I don't remember anything about it).
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:19 |
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Is this the one with the bondage priestesses? These awful series blur.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:20 |
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"Bondage priestesses" is a descriptor that could broadly apply to several different organisations in this series, so, probably.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:22 |
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Bieeardo posted:Is this the one with the bondage priestesses? These awful series blur. Just you wait until we get to the last third.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:22 |
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That's what I thought. A friend, who'd probably be reading Twilight now, and I dare not think about her opinion of Fifty Shades, recommended them when they were coming out in hardback. I think she was in it for the lovely BDSM.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:27 |
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We will get to the bondage priestesses by the end of the novel. I really think a lot of people forget what this first book contains, because while it's not as DISGUSTING as later novels, there is a whole lot of "what the christ were you thinking".Libertad! posted:Sounds like a lot of nothing happened in those two chapters. Why do character development when we can focus on wilderness travel? In re-reading this I'm actually amazed, because later novels have chapters as short as three pages long that consist of one conversation THAT CONTINUES IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. At least in this one some things happen, even if in verbose fashion.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:30 |
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Oh, this is going to be wonderful. I got through all but the last two books (before the next one came out) and this is just bad. I can't wait to see how this goes! I am getting vague remembrances of what happens in this, and I am thinking of maybe reading along with you. I have them all right here on my bookshelf and could easily do it, but I think I like my sanity too much.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 04:41 |
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Oh man, libertarians vs not-mongols, the series! I read through the whole thing when the last trilogy came out and I went from rather liking it (hey, I started reading it in 5th grade and didn't know better) to deciding I'd probably never pick it up again. I think literally every other page of the last trilogy was Richard proselytizing. I've never been the type to pay really close attention to what I'm reading so I'm looking forward to the ripping-apart-in-detail to come!
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 05:22 |
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I'm also really looking forward to this. I couldn't keep going after book 5 or 6, but I love excerpts and reviews of this kind of poo poo. I recall that I liked the first book well enough. As said, it's largely pretty standard fantasy. As soon as you hit the meat of the second book, though, drat. Thanks for hurting yourself for our entertainment.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 05:24 |
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Does this have a talking... dinosaur that loving "luves" Richard Cypher: Our Hero(tm)? I remember some read-through/mockery of this series that brought it up And apparently Goodkind pillages quite a few plot-points from the Wheel of Time (but with more bondage), of all things. Could this possibly be on par with GOR! for the "so lovely it's funny" awards?
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 06:30 |
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Well. Libertarians writing fiction in order to 'prove' their loopy theories of government? Why, that's not at all how their political movement was born in the first place! This will be fun.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 06:34 |
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DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:We will get to the bondage priestesses by the end of the novel. I really think a lot of people forget what this first book contains, because while it's not as DISGUSTING as later novels, there is a whole lot of "what the christ were you thinking". Yeah I had completely forgot about the book beyond it being blandly generic fantasy, until the mention of bondage priestesses and then it all came back....
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 06:54 |
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I think that stuff in the first book feels less shocking on a first read, because it seems like just a one-off "the villain is so evil you guys." Then you read more of the series with dawning horror that hosed up poo poo like that is not-so-slowly taking over. The extended "prison" sequence with Kahlan in I think Blood of the Fold really hammered it home for me.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 08:02 |
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You say that, but there's a very, very lengthy bit in this one that is completely asinine and ridiculous, all at once.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 12:01 |
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I just can't get past that stupid name. It's like something I would have come up with in high school.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 12:48 |
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The main characters name would fit better in a cyberpunk novel: Dick Cypher, hacker-detective extraordinare.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 13:46 |
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Don't want to spoil anything, but I hope we touch upon the awkward cheese moment that's coming up. I started to read the book a while back but quickly lost interest very early on and never went back. For some reason that little bit of cheese dialogue has stuck with me through the years. It's just....really bad writing.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 14:16 |
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Oh boy... Here it goes. We get Zedd soon, right? And the most Cunning Plan Ever by the first of many evil government officials:Banning fire. Yeah, that's a logical plot point that would fly in a pre-industrial civilization.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 14:33 |
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Was this the one that they made a rather mental tv series out of?
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 14:38 |
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The hero's surname is really Cypher? As in, according to the dictionary, "a person or thing of no importance, esp. a person who does the bidding of others and seems to have no will of their own"? I already knew a bit about Goodkind from The Book Barn and that he's a raving objectivist bell-end (also the EVIL CHICKEN), but I've never read any of his books, so I'm looking forward to how this thread progresses.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 14:43 |
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I'm still mad at my friends from college who talked me into reading these. After I started, they told me that the first three were great but then it went downhill for a bit but the latest one was great again! And I'm sitting there going, the first three were awful slogs and they're the good part? Looking back, I'm not sure I had great friends in college.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 15:48 |
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Is this the series with the heroic murder of peaceful protestors for JUSTICE or am I mixing it up with some other terrible fantasy?Payndz posted:The hero's surname is really Cypher? As in, according to the dictionary, "a person or thing of no importance, esp. a person who does the bidding of others and seems to have no will of their own"? It might be cipher in the sense of "cipher for the audience", like a character who translates the world for the audience/is an audience insert. Which is still pretty lame and clashes a little with the setting. I'd expect someone named Dick Cypher to be hacking mainframes with Hiro Protagonist, not picking herbs with Elana Shadowild of Elvenwood.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 16:38 |
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If there's one thing I love more than poorly written nerd escapist fantasy, it's poorly written nerd escapist fantasy with political overtones. Sign me up!
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 17:52 |
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Thanks for doing this; I aged out of fantasy novels before I ever got around to these, but I've heard a lot of vague and terrible things.Terry Goodkind posted:Her green eyes came unafraid to his. The connection was so intense that it threatened to drain his sense of self. He felt that he had always known her, that she had always been a part of him, that her needs were his needs. She held him with her gaze as surely as a grip of iron would, searching his eyes as if searching his soul, seeking an answer to something. I am here to help you, he said in his mind. He meant it more than any thought he had ever had. This is so terrible. It took me a couple paragraphs to realize that this wasn't her ensorcelling him with her gaze, which is exactly what it sounds like.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:00 |
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Bendigeidfran posted:Is this the series with the heroic murder of peaceful protestors for JUSTICE or am I mixing it up with some other terrible fantasy? Yes, but I honestly don't get the vitriolic hate for the concept. Hero: My friend is in THAT TOWER, likely about to be sat on a stake, anus first. Crowd: That sucks. Hero: Imma go save them. Crowd: Yay! Hero: And kill the bad guy, that he might not continue impailing people, anus first, on large wooden stakes. Crowd: Wat. Hero: So, get out of the way. Crowd: No! Violence is wrong! Hero: Well, unprovoked violence certainly is. The violence I'M about to perpetrate, however, is just. Crowd: ALL VIOLENCE IS WRONG! Hero: Look, you're now actively helping this guy torture and kill people. Crowd: PASSIVE RESISTANCE AGAINST THE AGGRESSOR! Hero: No, look. You're not passively resisting anything. You are actively assisting a very bad guy to stakerape people. Crowd: MAKE LOVE NOT WAR Hero: Move, or Imma kill you, then kill the other guy, and save my buddies. Crowd: FLOWER POWER Hero: Ok, then. ORGY OF VIOLENCE Don't get me wrong, there's a fuckton of questionable philosophy, political allegory, and unveiled (not thinly veiled) mockery of the Clintons in this series. But yeah, slaying a crowd of people who are actively keeping you from preventing your buddy from having a wooden stake jammed up his anus is justified.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:00 |
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Yeah, no need to get upset about a guy clearing a field of straw men.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:14 |
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oh no. Also DICK CYPHER sounds like a Megaten porn name.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:37 |
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TheCenturion posted:Yes, but I honestly don't get the vitriolic hate for the concept. So... what you're saying is that is acceptable to portray butchering a crowd of pacifists "armed only with their hatred for moral clarity" as a good thing, so long as you create a really contrived imperative to do so and also go out of your way to make sure the readers understand that these are evil pacifists? After earlier in this same book you had your main character rant in excrutiating detail about how actually pacifism is inherently evil because it allows evil to exist? You can't separate this situation from the political allegory -- the scene you are describing is literally political allegory. The narrator actually describes the protesters as "evil's guardians" without a trace of irony.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:47 |
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PeterWeller posted:Yeah, no need to get upset about a guy clearing a field of straw men. Exactly. Get upset about him abjuring to a hut in the mountains and sulking for a year while a war goes on. Or about the entirety of Faith of the Fallen, which reads more like a guy doing a 90s RPG fetch quest chain.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:47 |
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The best part is that even with you guys going through so many obviously bad scenes like this, there's plenty more to come. I'm putting the finishing touches on the next chapters now.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:48 |
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Actually, now that I think about it, SoT is what you'd get if Ayn Rand played D&D for a few years, binge-read tvtropes.org, then wrote a fantasy series.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:50 |
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Josef bugman posted:Was this the one that they made a rather mental tv series out of? Yes, it was like if you took Hercules and Xena and stripped out all the self awareness.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:57 |
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I will actually defend S2 of Legend of the Seeker, and I was going to address that between books, but the basic gist is they covered... mmm, roughly this novel's worth of plot, from memory, and then went "Okay, we have a cast of characters who could do SO MANY MORE INTERESTING THINGS".
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 19:58 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 02:22 |
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DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:I will actually defend S2 of Legend of the Seeker, and I was going to address that between books, but the basic gist is they covered... mmm, roughly this novel's worth of plot, from memory, and then went "Okay, we have a cast of characters who could do SO MANY MORE INTERESTING THINGS". And the actress who played Cara filled out that leather suit REAL NICE.
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# ? Oct 1, 2014 20:06 |