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SirDan3k
Jan 6, 2001

Trust me, you are taking this a lot more seriously then I am.

Effectronica posted:

lol matthew 1:25 outright says they hosed

Nuh-uh.

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Effectronica
May 31, 2011
Fallen Rib

"But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus."

SirDan3k
Jan 6, 2001

Trust me, you are taking this a lot more seriously then I am.

Effectronica posted:

"But he did not consummate their marriage until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus."

la-la-la-la I can't hear you sex is bad la-la-la-la

Unbelievably Fat Man
Jun 1, 2000

Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.


j-dawg also had a brother named james/ how can your science un-prove that??

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

a beautiful, soft meat sack
Clapping Larry
In my opinion it's God willing something to be and it happened.

Lufiron
Nov 24, 2005
in the words of the virgin mary, "cum again?"

Seizure Meat
Jul 23, 2008

by Smythe
this is a better miracle

Kanthulhu
Apr 8, 2009
NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!


(Dany shits in a field)
There were other supposed virgin births before Jesus'. It's not a novel idea. Actually, nothing Jesus does is that surprising: being born from a virgin, coming back to life after death, being born under a magical star, all that was common beliefs of other religions that Christianity incorporated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAVjl_WSBdY

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
It was midichlorians, OP

Drunkboxer
Jun 30, 2007

Kanthulhu posted:

There were other supposed virgin births before Jesus'. It's not a novel idea. Actually, nothing Jesus does is that surprising: being born from a virgin, coming back to life after death, being born under a magical star, all that was common beliefs of other religions that Christianity incorporated.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAVjl_WSBdY

I was pretty surprised when he hosed up that fig tree because figs were out of season

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
is the OP trying to say that jesus was a woman

Drunkboxer
Jun 30, 2007

1gnoirents posted:

is the OP trying to say that jesus was a woman

I think it's pretty presumptuous to assume that the son/daughter of god limited his/herself to the gender binary

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)

Drunkboxer posted:

I think it's pretty presumptuous to assume that the son/daughter of god limited his/herself to the gender binary

God*

Machai
Feb 21, 2013

Joe was a closeted gay and Mary got fed up with him not sexing her up so she went elsewhere and then said it was God so no one could question it. The end.

Drunkboxer
Jun 30, 2007
perhaps she just sat on the wrong toilet seat

lilljonas
May 6, 2007

We got crabs? We got crabs!

Drunkboxer posted:

I was pretty surprised when he hosed up that fig tree because figs were out of season

Yeah that stuff was hosed up, man. Like, hate figs much, Jesus? Chill!

fuck off Batman
Oct 14, 2013

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!


Wasn't Mary like 14 years old when that old perv YHWH knocked her up?

Abandon
Nov 23, 2006
it's not relevant that it isn't scientifically plausible
it's not a problem that the concept had appeared before, given that christ is a prophecy fulfiller

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup
Pillbug
You know if I was raped and my culture would blame it on me and have me outcast to defend for myself for the rest of my life, I would make up poo poo that it was God that did it too.

Joeseph was the ultimate cuck.

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy
Zeus came down from mount Olympus incarnate as a giant goose and raped the thirteen year old Mary and his magic godseed created Jesus otherwise known as Hercules to the ancient Sumerians

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
it's when I gently caress your mom and she pregnant and then I leave town and whoops no father!

BONE DOG
Jun 7, 2009

by Fluffdaddy

Alan Smithee posted:

it's when I gently caress your mom and she pregnant and then I leave town and whoops no father!

...dad?

Mycroft Holmes
Mar 26, 2010

by Azathoth
Someone get that catholic nutjob in here. I want to hear his take on this.

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
Zöe of Arimathea

Sassafrasquatch
May 7, 2007

Volume posted:

So I recall reading a while ago that since women are XX and men are XY it's theoretically possible that one X chromosome has all the information you need for reproduction. So what if like, an egg got some kind of mutation, multiplied and emerged in it self to make two sets of chromosomes and pop out a baby with out sex?

If this is true, Jesus was an XX and thus a woman.

Jesus had secret tits.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

1gnoirents posted:

is the OP trying to say that jesus was a woman

I'm not saying Jesus was a woman because I'm not saying this actually happened. I'm just asking if the possibility is out there for something like this to occur with a virgin birth.

Now, I know that two eggs won't merge together to make a baby. The sperm is made to penetrate the eggs and get those chromosomes in there. But let's say we have a doctor/scientist take two eggs out, take the chromosomes out of one egg and puts them into another.

Is there a reason those sets of chromosomes can't make the whole chromosome set themselves and make a baby?

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!
Grimey Drawer
Have y'all seen that new show where some lady has an immaculate conception

I think it has "virgin" in the title

Hey guys have you heard? Heaven is for real

Future Mrs Booger
Jan 18, 2012

lilljonas posted:

Yeah that stuff was hosed up, man. Like, hate figs much, Jesus? Chill!

God hates figs!

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
the bible is make believe, OP


hth

ChuckHead
Jun 24, 2004

2000 years Assholes.

Volume posted:

Now, I know that two eggs won't merge together to make a baby. The sperm is made to penetrate the eggs and get those chromosomes in there. But let's say we have a doctor/scientist take two eggs out, take the chromosomes out of one egg and puts them into another.

Is there a reason those sets of chromosomes can't make the whole chromosome set themselves and make a baby?

All these loving questions. Dude just let it go.

Who Is Paul Blart
Oct 22, 2010
See the man pees in the woman's peehole then she poops out a babby

mystery at hog island
Aug 16, 2003
Captain of Outer Space
TRIGGER WARNING FACEBOOK STORY okay so before i defriended everyone i went to hs with this dude joined a "group" (this was roughly 2006 so groups were still a thing) called "the virgin surgeons" and it was about deflowering women. This was all before my ~feminist awakening~ but i still thought it was creepy

this same guy also beat the poo poo out of this dude who keyed his car in hs

smh

The Gay Bean
Apr 19, 2004
When I was young I always just assumed since Jesus was supposedly the son of God that God just came down to earth and hosed Mary. Every horror movie incorporates some demon impregnating an earth chick and giving birth to a monstrosity, so why can't the Bible?

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Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

*winks*

*leaves through window to get cigarettes*

*you are in bed crying into your spiderman sheets*

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