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Turfahurf posted:I work at a fast food restaurant and the Fatman of Youtube fame lives in my city and comes in pretty regularly. I've shown most of my coworkers his videos. HEEEEEEEEEEEY FOLKS FATMAN OVER HERE AND I'M GOING TO EAT A BUCKET OF LARD
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Oct 1, 2014 08:33
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 19:29 |
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who is this goony motherfucker
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Oct 1, 2014 08:36
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eat my meal but with a renewed boost of self esteem
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Oct 1, 2014 08:37
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I pull out a tiny, cheap .22 Short revolver (one with a rickety grip that likes to split apart if the screw loosens) and shove the barrel in the face of the nearest "lard-o". "GIVE ME YOUR FOOD!" I command him. "NOW!" The obese are an inherently weak and impotent people, so he instantly complies--but not without violently relieving himself in his pants. The smell of hot, salted potatoes mingles with the stench of runny poo poo forcing its way between sweaty, unwashed crotch folds. Using an arm, I drag and scoop all of his food into a trash bag that I have brought with me. And then I move on to the next customer. She's a beaut, too. Upon hearing the commotion, she ducked down into her tray and began shoveling food into her maw as quickly as possible. This is a survival mechanism of the obese--sort of a "might as well crash the plane into the mountain" effort. "OPEN YOUR MOUTH!" She resists, so I jam a salt shaker between her lips and twist; the top snaps off and several tablespoons of salt spill into her mouth. Even she instantly retches, spitting up half-chewed burgs and fries. Afterwards, she looses a heavy, mournful sound. But all of it goes into the trash bag: The food on the tray, the food that spilled on the table--even the food that came out of her mouth. All of it. I bound over the divider and drop down next to a gargantuan Asian man who is in the middle of singlehandedly defeating a 100-count of Chicken McNuggs. It's pretty clear that he's already lost himself in those nuggs--it probably even happened before number 25 or 30. He's got this solemn look and these glazed eyes as he stares into a giant golden-brown mound of them. He's in over his head. Should've started smaller. "Put the nuggs in the bag, Jackie Chan." I say it coolly, like some sort of James Dean or Fast Food Robin Hood. I'd backhand a soda machine and it would start back up. I'd ride a dirt bike over a swimming pool filled with fish fillets. Everybody would cheer and I'd celebrate by loving a chocolate frosty in the bathroom. He chokes on a nugg and the sound startles me; I yank on the trigger and a minuscule .22 short round--barely a pellet--blasts through his neck. "Oh my god!" I cry. The arterial blood oozes out like ketchup. He dies like a balloon very slowly losing air, while I lean over and scoop up the remainder of his nuggs. He reaches out and feebly grabs at my wrists and nuggs, and I slap his hands away. In all of the slow chaos, he finds a lone nugg and lifts it up to his mouth. I snatch it out of his fat fingers and throw it in the trash bag. No time for pity. No time for remorse. Every nugg counts in this post-recession world. Cream-of-Plenty fucked around with this message at 08:56 on Oct 1, 2014 |
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Oct 1, 2014 08:52
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as a vegetarian so i wouldnt be in any fast food restaurant tbh
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Oct 1, 2014 08:56
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I collect my senses and withdraw from my judgmental and ugly interpretation of my surroundings, feeling briefly ashamed that although I profess to be a kind soul I still experience these moments of blind hatred, where I fail to look upon my fellow humans with love and understanding. The feeling washes over me and through me and I know I must meditate more on compassion. Om.
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Oct 1, 2014 09:04
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9goats dead posted:as a vegetarian so i wouldnt be in any fast food restaurant tbh Is that because you're too weak to leave the house or???
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Oct 1, 2014 09:06
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Cream-of-Plenty posted:Is that because you're too weak to leave the house or??? i'll loving rape u B*tch...u REALLY dont want to gently caress w/ me.
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Oct 1, 2014 09:11
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I just find it amusing that doctors have determined that lard is one of the healthiest things a person can eat, and vegetarians have a diet that is almost 100% devoid of lard (except for some Indian taint sweat that is derived from beans or some other such crap and possesses trace elements of lard). Here are all of these vegetarian elitists, somehow attempting to look down at us while they sit in the grass and gnaw on reeds and fornicate with trees and pound dirt while writing misguided manifestos on how Pica is actually indicative of a healthy immune system and you can get all of your minerals and vitamins from sucking on pebbles. Idiot moron disphits.
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Oct 1, 2014 09:12
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Cream-of-Plenty posted:I just find it amusing that doctors have determined that lard is one of the healthiest things a person can eat, and vegetarians have a diet that is almost 100% devoid of lard (except for some Indian taint sweat that is derived from beans or some other such crap and possesses trace elements of lard). Here are all of these vegetarian elitists, somehow attempting to look down at us while they sit in the grass and gnaw on reeds and fornicate with trees and pound dirt while writing misguided manifestos on how Pica is actually indicative of a healthy immune system and you can get all of your minerals and vitamins from sucking on pebbles. i'm gay
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Oct 1, 2014 09:16
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>check inventory where are the ms paint pictures at? 
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Oct 1, 2014 09:20
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Is that fatman dude drunk or retarded?
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Oct 1, 2014 09:34
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Turfahurf posted:I work at a fast food restaurant and the Fatman of Youtube fame lives in my city and comes in pretty regularly. I've shown most of my coworkers his videos. http://youtu.be/zkKuvAJJ1O8?list=UU0qAHln41zYoC9OyzElAHVQ
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Oct 1, 2014 09:34
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/pizza
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Oct 1, 2014 09:39
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drilldo squirt posted:Is that fatman dude drunk or retarded? Based on my interactions with him I think he's autistic or something. Definitely not drunk or on drugs.
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Oct 1, 2014 09:40
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How stoned am I in this story? Because that will definitely affect my shame level.
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Oct 1, 2014 09:47
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WHOOAHOHAA FOLKS IM GOING TO EAT THIS WAREHOUSE PALLET OF TACOS
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Oct 1, 2014 10:25
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Buff Baby posted:who is this goony motherfucker every time i see the animation i imagine him saying, "ooh! delectable!"
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Oct 1, 2014 10:27
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BASF posted:Masturbate with the ketchup If this was a Mcdonalds I would def go with the Mcchicken sauce instead much better texture for your strokes.
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Oct 1, 2014 10:41
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Cream-of-Plenty posted:I pull out a tiny, cheap .22 Short revolver (one with a rickety grip that likes to split apart if the screw loosens) and shove the barrel in the face of the nearest "lard-o". Did anyone read this? seems a shame that someone put so much effort into something most people will just skip over?
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Oct 1, 2014 10:48
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hitchensgoespop posted:Did anyone read this? seems a shame that someone put so much effort into something most people will just skip over? i read it, it was good
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Oct 1, 2014 10:59
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Ask for it to go, go out to my car and shudder violently.
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Oct 1, 2014 11:14
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keep driving out of Louisiana
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Oct 1, 2014 11:19
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GO EAST
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Oct 1, 2014 11:32
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Loudly complain about my sub-par meal and start recording the situation with my iPhone and post a video about it later on my atheist YouTube channel.
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Oct 1, 2014 11:34
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Turfahurf posted:I work at a fast food restaurant and the Fatman of Youtube fame lives in my city and comes in pretty regularly. I've shown most of my coworkers his videos. aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww hell fuckin bitch rear end yea fokes....
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Oct 1, 2014 11:39
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obese people eat more food. therefore they have more experience with food. they still choose to eat here. seems pretty easy to me op.
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Oct 1, 2014 21:49
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BKPR posted:obese people eat more food. therefore they have more experience with food. they still choose to eat here. seems pretty easy to me op.
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Oct 1, 2014 21:59
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i order a litre of diet cola
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Oct 1, 2014 22:03
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What other customers? I'm completely overwhelmed by the hand-wringing anxiety of waiting for my "food."
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Oct 1, 2014 22:08
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a hole-y ghost posted:i too want to know Yeah, who is that fat disgustoid?
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Oct 1, 2014 22:18
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Command Ant posted:Put on my Slim Goodbody outfit and sing a song about eating right. I have only ever watched this while I was sitting in my house with a portable tv waiting out a tornado as a child and that was a v. traumatic experience and you just fuckin triggered me shitlord
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Oct 1, 2014 22:47
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peep oop
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Oct 1, 2014 22:59
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me irl:
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Oct 1, 2014 23:01
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BKPR posted:obese people eat more food. therefore they have more experience with food. they still choose to eat here. seems pretty easy to me op. idk in my experience most fat people just eat a lot of lovely food and actually have a crap palette not all, but most I've met. one lady I knew was super fat and literally only ate chicken nuggets, pizza, burgers with no lettuce or tomato or anything just the meat and the cheese and the bread, etc. Like a literal 8 year old. she never ate any 'rabbit food'
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Oct 2, 2014 00:57
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> Eat Big Mac.
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Oct 2, 2014 04:37
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start getting gay. time's a-wastin'
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Oct 2, 2014 05:11
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Outpost22 posted:>check inventory Let me help OP out a little. 
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Oct 2, 2014 17:50
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 19:29 |
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hitchensgoespop posted:Did anyone read this? seems a shame that someone put so much effort into something most people will just skip over? I enjoy cream's weird stories. I'd like to see one involving the cast of Friends where Ross gets tortured or something. I hate that loving show. "Very funny" my rear end.
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Oct 2, 2014 18:41
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