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numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

garlich bread

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paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
roll save vs. heartburn

naem
May 29, 2011

Free Cheese posted:

Vampires don't like garlic

Copley Depot posted:

put omse garlics on your butthole to ward off vampires


butthole vampire a v good forums name

fuck. marry. t-rex
Jan 23, 2014

Lipstick Apathy
demi-glace garlich

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW



Even worse / better, they're the unbreaded

Berk Berkly
Apr 9, 2009

by zen death robot
Just eat all the garlic you need for a month and you'll be spiffy:

Warning, might get a little... sloppy at parts:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mQifo469g8

BLARGHLE
Oct 2, 2013

But I want something good
to die for
To make it beautiful to live.
Yams Fan
My hand seriously smells like garlic, and I'm really not sure why.

That's my garlic tip for the night!

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006

by XyloJW

BLARGHLE posted:

My hand seriously smells like garlic, and I'm really not sure why.

That's my garlic tip for the night!

lick it.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
Garlic and onions, man. Garlic and onions. Put them in everything, love them.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Cardiovorax posted:

Garlic and onions, man. Garlic and onions. Put them in everything, love them.

you have just put garlic and onions in a cake, and officially hosed Up. would you like your possessions identified

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

paranoid randroid posted:

you have just put garlic and onions in a cake, and officially hosed Up. would you like your possessions identified
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tarte_flamb%C3%A9e

:smuggo: Check and mate, bitch.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
thats not a cake, thats basically french pizza.

Maldoror
Oct 5, 2003

by R. Guyovich
Nap Ghost
You can use a truffle shaver to quickly slice your garlic into the thinnest possible slices. (Even thinner than Pauly did in Goodfellas.)

Just watch your fingers.

Guy Fleegman
Jul 8, 2009

by XyloJW

Yivgev posted:

put an entire clove of garlic up against your butthole. use a ram rod (or functional equivalent) to push the clove of garlic deep inside your butt. this will make you very powerful.

Do I leave the ram rod in?

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

paranoid randroid posted:

thats not a cake, thats basically french pizza.
It's Flammkuchen. It says cake right in the name. It's not my fault if you're too provincial for that sort of thing. :colbert:

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
urinal cakes also have "cake" in their name, that doesnt mean im gonna take one to a birthday party

Cuniculous
Apr 23, 2007

kill people burn shit fuck school
If you have a yeast infection, you can insert a few peeled cloves of garlic into your vagina to cure it.

hofnar
Dec 27, 2008

by sebmojo
Make sure your significant other eats some garlic too and you will not be able to smell each other's nasty breath



Alas Boobylon posted:

This is a really dumb idea but I will do it if I ever get cancer cause gentle caress chemo.

Yeah man gently caress chemo

loving chemo gently caress it

Yivgev
May 19, 2004

i brought my +1 ak-47

Guy Fleegman posted:

Do I leave the ram rod in?

DO NOT leave the ram rod in your butt hole.

DO leave the garlic in your butt hole.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

paranoid randroid posted:

urinal cakes also have "cake" in their name, that doesnt mean im gonna take one to a birthday party
Alright, that argument goes to you. Still a loving tasty cake, though. If meat pies can be pies, then onions can be cake. I stand to that.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i tried this at last thanksgiving and my family hasnt really spoken to me since then

reignonyourparade
Nov 15, 2012
Here's my garlic protip: after you dice your garlic smash it, it gets garlic juice out of the garlic chunks themselves so your only garlic taste isn't just the chunks of garlic themselves the garlic taste is in the whole meal.

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
eating garlic wards off animal disease.

planting garlic wards off plant disease.

garlic and raw allium is good for you in general.

garlic spray wards pests away. this works on plants and on mosquitoes.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

When roasted, garlic develops an almost sweet taste, and is loving incredible.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
The best garlic is pickled garlic. It's sweet and sour and pleasantly garlicky without being overpowering, it isn't spicy at all anymore. You can eat a whole jar of it if you want. Afterwards, farting in someone's general direction will make them unconscious within seven seconds, that's a bonus.

Artificial Idiocy
Jul 11, 2008
Slice the top (stem end) off a whole head of garlic just low down enough to slice the very tops off each clove inside. Then roast this head in an oven for maybe 45 minutes, or while you are cooking other things, at maybe 375F/190C ish. It can tolerate some margin either way on temperature and time.

When you take it out, either let it cool a bit or put on an oven mitt with fingers. Squeeze the other end and roasted garlic paste will ooze out the cut end. Use for anything you want to taste good.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
Garilic fuckin owns and I love cookign with it

It smells absolutely delicious when you cook it too

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.
I read the thread title as "garlic pop tart" and was overcome with a variety of conflicting emotions

Booties
Apr 4, 2006

forever and ever
smh if you can't finely mince 20 cloves of garlic in <30 seconds.

bitmap
Aug 8, 2006

good garlic tips hustle here voted 5 (he said unironically)

Free Cheese
Sep 16, 2005
Come on, it's free
Buglord
The garlich king works for papa johns

Lets Pickle
Jul 9, 2007

Toast + Butter + italian seasonings + chopped up garlic. You're Welcome.

ashpanash
Apr 9, 2008

I can see when you are lying.

BLARGHLE posted:

My hand seriously smells like garlic, and I'm really not sure why.

Rinse your hands while rubbing them on some stainless steel. Forget about the dumb "stainless steel soaps" they sell, just use a spatula or a pan or the back of your knife or something.

The science behind this is actually kind of dubious and not proven, but it seems to work for me.

Shnag
Dec 8, 2010

"I'll be whatever I wanna do!"
I know a goon is probably going to tell me to kill myself, then impatiently wait for me to do so, for asking this, but why is using a garlic press bad? I usually cut the ends of the garlic clove off to remove the skin more easily, then remove the core if its too big. Then I put it in a garlic press and crush it over what ever meat I am using. It makes ground hamburger taste much better, and great on top of any roast.

Is the press bad because its lazy, or does crushing the whole peeled clove suck if you aren't squeezing out the juice before using it?

Booties
Apr 4, 2006

forever and ever

Shnag posted:

I know a goon is probably going to tell me to kill myself, then impatiently wait for me to do so, for asking this, but why is using a garlic press bad? I usually cut the ends of the garlic clove off to remove the skin more easily, then remove the core if its too big. Then I put it in a garlic press and crush it over what ever meat I am using. It makes ground hamburger taste much better, and great on top of any roast.

Is the press bad because its lazy, or does crushing the whole peeled clove suck if you aren't squeezing out the juice before using it?

Because kill yourself.


Nah, poo poo just aint manly. Only one tool in the kitchen, and that took is a sharp knife.

Bonzo
Mar 11, 2004

Just like Mama used to make it!
Another good thing about garlic is garlic scapes. Stir fry them or make a pesto.

ashpanash
Apr 9, 2008

I can see when you are lying.

Shnag posted:

Is the press bad because its lazy, or does crushing the whole peeled clove suck if you aren't squeezing out the juice before using it?

It's more that it's wasteful. Using the press pulverizes the meat of the bulb, exposing far more of the volatile compounds to air, at which point they quickly leech off into the atmosphere instead of staying behind to be released into your food via cooking or into your mouth via biting.

If you have to use a press, try to cover the clove in oil first - the oil should catch most of the volatiles. Then cook that poo poo - don't leave it around unless you like botulism.

brick cow
Oct 22, 2008

Shnag posted:

I know a goon is probably going to tell me to kill myself, then impatiently wait for me to do so, for asking this, but why is using a garlic press bad? I usually cut the ends of the garlic clove off to remove the skin more easily, then remove the core if its too big. Then I put it in a garlic press and crush it over what ever meat I am using. It makes ground hamburger taste much better, and great on top of any roast.

Is the press bad because its lazy, or does crushing the whole peeled clove suck if you aren't squeezing out the juice before using it?

Short answer: they destroy the flavor, they're a pain in the rear end to clean and you lose about half of the garlic volume. If you like garlic you want to treat it right. Read this : http://www.examiner.com/article/a-garlic-press-is-it-a-good-idea

then go kill yourself

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Tip your server in cloves of garlic to look like a classy gentleman ;)

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Wooten
Oct 4, 2004

I was once with a girl who went on a diet that involved eating foods that had a gently caress ton of garlic in them. Within a couple days she smelled so bad I couldn't go near her. Eventually I told her that it would be impossible to have sex with her until she quit the diet and she chose my dick over garlic. And I like garlic.

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